Do you flirt or get flirted with? With who, or by who? (1 Viewer)

[cpwill]

Or you can just do what a friend of mine does. He has a balding spot in the crown area, and he just grew his hair long, pulls it back in a tail at the nape of his neck, and slaps a black cowboy hat on. Excellent effect! :lol:

I've grown a beard since getting out, but I'm not sure I'm ready for the Full Hippy :lol: Also I do professional presentation for work. = no cowboy hats allowed.

 

[lizzie]

I've grown a beard since getting out, but I'm not sure I'm ready for the Full Hippy :lol:

Oh no, he's not hippy at all. No peace, flowers and love there. Cowboy all the way. :lol:

 

[cpwill]

Oh no, he's not hippy at all. No peace, flowers and love there. Cowboy all the way. :lol:

yeah, but walking around all day with no hat, but long hair, and a balding spot? I'm not giving up the beard - I just don't see that working well.

 

[Gathomas88]

Bad idea. Dates that include friends are not "dates" and can not help you in any way

In my experience, people aren't really "dating" these days at all. :shrug:

Don't get me wrong. I'd love to just take this chick out to dinner and a movie and be done with it, but every time I've tried to set something like that up, it's sort blown up in my face. As a matter of fact, just about every couple I'm aware of didn't "date," but just sort of casually "hung out" at first - usually in the company of other friends - to see if they liked each other, and then they moved on from there.

Given that she's foreign, though... I'm not really sure if she'd have different expectations in that regard.

 

[lizzie]

yeah, but walking around all day with no hat, but long hair, and a balding spot? I'm not giving up the beard - I just don't see that working well.

I've never seen him without a hat, so I can't comment there, but on him, it works vey well. Beards are good.

 

[sangha]

In my experience, people aren't really "dating" these days at all. :shrug:

Don't get me wrong. I'd love to just take this chick out to dinner and a movie and be done with it, but every time I've tried to set something like that up, it's sort blown up in my face. As a matter of fact, just about every couple I'm aware of didn't "date," but just sort of casually "hung out" at first - usually in the company of other friends - to see if they liked each other, and then they moved on from there.

Given that she's foreign though... I'm not really sure if she'd have different expectations in that regard.

You're getting older. Hangin' out isn't the way to go. Neither is the dinner and a movie thing.

Take her for coffee and hang out for a bit and show off your personality. See if there's anything there for you. If you're interested after that, take her on an actual date, but do something interesting. Dinner and movie is boring, cliche, and will cost you. Do something that's actually interesting. Something you want to do but you wouldn't ask your friends to do with you.

Third date for me was having them over to my place and making them dinner. Guaranteed but that won't work with your situation. I'd suggest showing up at her door with a bag of groceries, but that would just look a little stalker-ish, so I say if your 2nd date goes well, at the end of the night just pull her behind a dumpster and bang her

She's Israeli. She might like it. :shrug:

 

[SmokeAndMirrors]

In my experience, people aren't really "dating" these days at all. :shrug:

Don't get me wrong. I'd love to just take this chick out to dinner and a movie and be done with it, but every time I've tried to set something like that up, it's sort blown up in my face. As a matter of fact, just about every couple I'm aware of didn't "date," but just sort of casually "hung out" at first - usually in the company of other friends - to see if they liked each other, and then they moved on from there.

Given that she's foreign, though... I'm not really sure if she'd have different expectations in that regard.

I've never heard of that in my life, except before the age of 15 when our parents required it, or if you happen to meet the person while out with friends.

Yes, dating is less formal. Yes, I've gotten into relationships primarily by "hanging out" -- do you want to "do something," like get coffee, go to a thing they think I'd like, or whatever.

But with a bunch of people?

If it were me, and a guy said, "want to hang out with me and a group of other people," I'd take that as "not very interested," and assume he's just looking for connections, or perhaps trying to hook me up with a friend. If I eventually found out he was actually interested in me, I'd be very confused. A guy who's interested wants to spend one-on-one time getting to know you, not in the constant distraction of group dynamics.

 

[Gathomas88]

You're getting older. Hangin' out isn't the way to go. Neither is the dinner and a movie thing.

Take her for coffee and hang out for a bit and show off your personality. See if there's anything there for you. If you're interested after that, take her on an actual date, but do something interesting. Dinner and movie is boring, cliche, and will cost you. Do something that's actually interesting. Something you want to do but you wouldn't ask your friends to do with you.

Third date for me was having them over to my place and making them dinner. Guaranteed but that won't work with your situation. I'd suggest showing up at her door with a bag of groceries, but that would just look a little stalker-ish, so I say if your 2nd date goes well, at the end of the night just pull her behind a dumpster and bang her

She's Israeli. She might like it. :shrug:

You, good sir, are either insane, ingenious, or both. :lol:

For the record though, she's all of 22, so she might not be expecting all that much in the first place. :lamo

 

[sangha]

You, good sir, are either insane, ingenious, or both. :lol:

Do not dismiss the power of spontanaeity and passion

Or dumpsters.

For the record though, she's all of 22, so she might not be expecting all that much in the first place. :lamo

Then you have nothing to worry about when you drop your pants

 

[Gathomas88]

Do not dismiss the power of spontanaeity and passion

Or dumpsters.

Then you have nothing to worry about when you drop your pants

Damn. The one time being circumcised actually counted for something too. :lol:

 

[Gathomas88]

I've never heard of that in my life, except before the age of 15 when our parents required it, or if you happen to meet the person while out with friends.

Yes, dating is less formal. Yes, I've gotten into relationships primarily by "hanging out" -- do you want to "do something," like get coffee, go to a thing they think I'd like, or whatever.

But with a bunch of people?

If it were me, and a guy said, "want to hang out with me and a group of other people," I'd take that as "not very interested," and assume he's just looking for connections, or perhaps trying to hook me up with a friend. If I eventually found out he was actually interested in me, I'd be very confused. A guy who's interested wants to spend one-on-one time getting to know you, not in the constant distraction of group dynamics.

To be fair, that's generally established by what actually happens in the course of hanging out, and also how the invitation is phrased.

"I'm going to be at X downtown for New Years, would you like to join me?" carries somewhat different connotations than "Hey, my friends and I are going to be at X for New Years, you should join us!" regardless of whether said friends happen to be there when she arrives or not. After all, if it comes to that, you can just split off from the friends in question and hang out together anyway.

I could also suggest that she bring some of her own single friends, which could carry more of a "group date" kind vibe.

 

[German guy]

I'm more in the parent-to-parent flirt situation now. When I'm out with my 10 months old daughter, you wouldn't imagine how many people address... first her, then me. And then tell you all kind of stuff. Especially when they have a kid too. Maybe even invite you to baby parties and so on. Or older people who suddenly become enchanted potential grandparents. Even that Schwarzenegger-sailor-guy with all these tattoos... I'd never imagined he had such a soft voice.

You just have to be aware of the intrusive touchy older ladies. No matter if the baby cries when seeing a strange person, they just *have* to touch it. Maybe I should teach her to bite.

 

[lizzie]

so I say if your 2nd date goes well, at the end of the night just pull her behind a dumpster and bang her

My gawd, things have certainly changed since I was in the dating scene! :lamo

 

[justabubba]

My gawd, things have certainly changed since I was in the dating scene! :lamo

really!






now they're waiting til the second date

 

[Gathomas88]

My gawd, things have certainly changed since I was in the dating scene! :lamo

Hence why I'm not terribly keen on being involved in it at the moment. :lol:

Once I get a decent paying job and my own place, that'll make things a lot easier. The complications of planning around that, however, are simply migraine inducing. lol

 

[SmokeAndMirrors]

To be fair, that's generally established by what happens in the course of hanging out, and also how the invitation is phrased.

"I'm going to be at X downtown for New Years, would you like to join me?" carries somewhat different connotations than "Hey, my friends and I are going to be at X for New Years, you should join us!" regardless of whether said friends happen to be there when she arrives or not. After all, if it comes to that, you can just split off from the friends in question and hang out together anyway.

I could also suggest that she bring some of her own single friends, which could carry more of a "group date" kind vibe.

True. But not a drastically better one. I'd read that as "frat boys," personally. The intention is to party, probably in a noisy place where good conversation is nearly impossible, and get really drunk. On top of that, you are doing it during an event where there is kissing expected at midnight. That seems like a really obvious attempt to point things in a physical direction -- whether you mean it that way or not. Women notice those things. I certainly would. That's fine if you want a casual thing. That's not a good message if you want to date.

If a guy is actually interested in a relationship, the typical thing I get asked is to do something quieter where talking, or at least meaningful interaction of some sort, is the order of the day.

What you're describing here is what I would expect out of a 19-year-old looking for an FWB.

 

[lizzie]

really!






now they're waiting til the second date

Not exactly what I meant, but I bet you knew that.

 

[lizzie]

Hence why I'm not terribly keen on being involved in it at the moment. :lol:

Once I get a decent paying job and my own place, that'll make things a lot easier. The complications of planning around that, however, are simply migraine inducing. lol

Hell man, it's hard enough when you're my age, and have a good job, and your own place. :lol:

 

[Gathomas88]

True. But not a drastically better one. I'd read that as "frat boys," personally. The intention is to party, probably in a noisy place where good conversation is nearly impossible, and get really drunk. On top of that, you are doing it during an event where there is kissing expected at midnight. That seems like a really obvious attempt to point things in a physical direction -- whether you mean it that way or not. Women notice those things. I certainly would. That's fine if you want a casual thing. That's not a good message if you want to date.

If a guy is actually interested in a relationship, the typical thing I get asked is to do something quieter where talking, or at least meaningful interaction of some sort, is the order of the day.

What you're describing here is what I would expect out of a 19-year-old looking for an FWB.

I know people who ultimately wound up married going the route I described. :shrug:

In any case, it's frankly kind of an awkward situation all the way around. New Years would be the most convenient time, and the best time to "strike while the iron is hot," so to speak. Though... Yes, admittedly, it's not really the most intimate setting.

Then again, however, I'm not even really sure if that's what she's even looking for at this point. It'd just be a sort of timely ice breaker and meet and greet more than anything else.

I'm also not really sure what kind of "intimate" setting would even be workable in the first place.

I'm sure as Hell not bringing her home any time soon. :lol:

I also live a pretty fair distance away from where I work, and I've got no idea where she lives, which means that I really don't know where a good "neutral" place to meet would be.

The best option would be to simply take her to lunch or coffee at the Mall on her break or something. However, I can't, as guards technically aren't allowed to take their breaks in sight of the public. We have to do it in an office in the back.

Ugh. I sort of feel like I need some more information to make this workable. lol

 

[justabubba]

I know people who ultimately wound up married going the route I described. :shrug:

It's frankly kind of an awkward situation all the way around. New Years would be the most convenient time, and the best time to "strike while the iron is hot," so to speak. Though... Yes, admittedly, it's not really the most intimate setting.

Then again, however, I'm not even really sure if that's what she's even looking for at this point. It'd just be a sort of timely ice breaker and meet and greet more than anything else.

I'm also not really sure what kind of intimate setting would even be workable in the first place.

I'm sure as Hell not bringing her home any time soon. :lol:

I also live a pretty fair distance away from where I work, and I've got no idea where she lives, which means that I really have no idea where a good "neutral" place to meet would be.

The best option would be to simply take her to lunch or coffee at the Mall on her break or something. However, I can't, as guards technically aren't allowed to take their breaks in sight of the public. We have to do it in an office in the back.

Ugh. I sort of feel like I need some more information to make this workable. lol

there you go, thinking with the wrong head

 

[Gathomas88]

there you go, thinking with the wrong head

The INTJ mantra: "Will it work?" :lol:

 

[SmokeAndMirrors]

I know people who ultimately wound up married going the route I described. :shrug:

In any case, it's frankly kind of an awkward situation all the way around. New Years would be the most convenient time, and the best time to "strike while the iron is hot," so to speak. Though... Yes, admittedly, it's not really the most intimate setting.

Then again, however, I'm not even really sure if that's what she's even looking for at this point. It'd just be a sort of timely ice breaker and meet and greet more than anything else.

I'm also not really sure what kind of "intimate" setting would even be workable in the first place.

I'm sure as Hell not bringing her home any time soon. :lol:

I also live a pretty fair distance away from where I work, and I've got no idea where she lives, which means that I really don't know where a good "neutral" place to meet would be.

The best option would be to simply take her to lunch or coffee at the Mall on her break or something. However, I can't, as guards technically aren't allowed to take their breaks in sight of the public. We have to do it in an office in the back.

Ugh. I sort of feel like I need some more information to make this workable. lol

So the problem is that you are afraid to invite her to something where it's obvious that the only thing on offer is you, and the only intention is to spend time with her. You feel a need to disguise it under the guise of doing something else, or not really caring if she shows up because you're going either way. That way, you don't run the risk of rejection.

Well, get over it. You'll never be in a relationship if you're trying to hide your interest in people. You are sending the message that you either aren't serious, or you're hardly interested and "she'll do" for your New Year's kiss.

And before you complain to me that it's hard for men, I have asked men out too. The worst thing that happens is they say no. You'll live.

I have been rejected, and I have also screwed up and put myself way out on the line to save a good thing -- and had it pay off. Trust me, the latter is infinitely harder. It's easier if you don't put yourself in a bad position to start with. You don't win if you refuse to play.

You don't need to know where she lives or any of that nonsense. Here, Gathomas: "Hey, I'd love to talk to you more, but we keep getting cut short. Could I get your number? Maybe we could hang out sometime." Smile. Be ****ing nice. None of that "3 days" bull****. Call her within 32 hours. Then, you can figure out logistics like time and what places work, and get a feel for what, if anything, she's looking for.

If you want to be in a relationship, you have to let the person you're interested in know that you're interested in them -- not just that they'd make some nice arm candy when the ball drops and you need a smooch. Let go of your need to protect your ego. Relationships aren't about your ego. You will be vulnerable a lot, so you better get used to it.

You are making this sound more complicated than it is. It is not that complicated. You need some way to establish contact and planning. That's all.

Skip New Years. Convey your interest in just her, with only you on offer.

 

[sangha]

So the problem is that you are afraid to invite her to something where it's obvious that the only thing on offer is you, and the only intention is to spend time with her. You feel a need to disguise it under the guise of doing something else, or not really caring if she shows up because you're going either way, because that way it means you don't run the risk of rejection.

Well, get over it. You'll never be in a relationship if you're trying to hide your interest in people. You are sending the message that you either aren't serious, or you're hardly interested and "she'll do" for your New Year's kiss.

*This*

 

[Gathomas88]

So the problem is that you are afraid to invite her to something where it's obvious that the only thing on offer is you, and the only intention is to spend time with her. You feel a need to disguise it under the guise of doing something else, or not really caring if she shows up because you're going either way, because that way it means you don't run the risk of rejection.

Well, get over it. You'll never be in a relationship if you're trying to hide your interest in people. You are sending the message that you either aren't serious, or you're hardly interested and "she'll do" for your New Year's kiss.

And before you complain to me that it's hard for men, I have asked men out too. The worst thing that happens is they say no. You'll live.

I have been rejected, and I have also screwed up and put myself way out on the line to save a good thing -- and had it pay off. Trust me, the latter is infinitely harder. It's easier if you don't put yourself in a bad position to start with. You don't win if you refuse to play.

You don't need to know where she lives or any of that nonsense. Here, Gathomas: "Hey, I'd love to talk to you more, but we keep getting cut short. Could I get your number? Maybe we could hang out sometime." Smile. Be ****ing nice. None of that "3 days" bull****. Call her within 32 hours. Then, you can figure out logistics like time and what places work, and get a feel for what, if anything, she's looking for.

If you want to be in a relationship, you have to let the person you're interested in know that you're interested in them -- not just that they'd make some nice arm candy when the ball drops and you need a smooch. Let go of your need to protect your ego. Relationships aren't about your ego. You will be vulnerable a lot, so you better get used to it.

You are making this sound more complicated than it is. It is not that complicated. You need some way to establish contact and planning. That's all.

Skip New Years. Convey your interest in just her, with only you on offer.

The issue at hand isn't being rejected. It's coming up with an approach that doesn't come off like a complete farce from the word go.

You wouldn't go into a job interview wearing a T-shirt, without having bathed in three days, and start off with a line like "Sup dude! How's it hanging?!" If you would, you'd frankly be better off just staying at home.

It is the same principle here.

Yes. Obviously, my first order of business is getting her number, and preferably her Facebook, so that we can communicate.

Again, my only really concern is keeping things somewhat timely. New Years is already a week away, and the stand might not even be in the Mall past Christmas.

There is something of a limited window at play here.

Yes. I am also somewhat wary of being too direct. Why? Because every time I have been that earnest in the past, it has generally wound up blowing up in my face.

In my experience, most people seem to prefer something more "casual" to start off with, and "coming on too strong" is usually a fatal error.

 

[justabubba]

The INTJ mantra: "Will it work?" :lol:

are you a muso?
only 2.1% of the population are INTJ's
but on a musician site i am active on, a large number identify as INTJ's


and as an INTP, i DO understand the reluctance to move forward with a relationship until everything is in place