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How can you tell if a girl likes you?

repeter

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Title says it all.

Recently, I've been asking myself whether several girls at my school like me. One flat out told me she does, another stops talking whenever I'm around, and stares at me whenever I look away. The one I'm confused about is this girl who I have 3 classes with. In 1 class, even though she sits right behind me, she ignores me. In the next class, the talks to me, and then in the last class, she wants me to tutor her.

Sometimes I think she likes me, than at other times, I think she hates me.
 

Goshin

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Title says it all.

Recently, I've been asking myself whether several girls at my school like me. One flat out told me she does, another stops talking whenever I'm around, and stares at me whenever I look away. The one I'm confused about is this girl who I have 3 classes with. In 1 class, even though she sits right behind me, she ignores me. In the next class, the talks to me, and then in the last class, she wants me to tutor her.

Sometimes I think she likes me, than at other times, I think she hates me.

The first two like you.


The third has personality disorders. :mrgreen:

Two in the hand is worth one in the bush... no, don't take that wrong! :)


You could always just ask her flat out. Of course, she might lie, if her desire is actually to use and then discard you.

Seriously though, inconsistent behavior always worries me.
 

repeter

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You could always just ask her flat out. Of course, she might lie, if her desire is actually to use and then discard you.

Seriously though, inconsistent behavior always worries me.
If I ask her, will that imply that I like her? Because I'd rather not lead her on, and end up hurting her.

How else can I go about determining whether she likes me or not?
 

Goshin

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If I ask her, will that imply that I like her? Because I'd rather not lead her on, and end up hurting her.

How else can I go about determining whether she likes me or not?

If you don't like her, why do you care if she does or not? Just treat her like a sister and forget it JMO.


Her behavior seems inconsistent. As I said, I usually take that as a warning flag: "Stay away!"
 

Goshin

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If you really do want to know, try this:


Look at her closely and say "you've got something on your eyelid, let me get it."

Put your face about a foot from hers. Stare directly into her eyes.

If she flinches away, she probably doesn't like you. (this is assuming you aren't sticking your finger in her eyeball at the time, lol).

If she sits very still and permits this, that's a good sign. If she stares directly at you and her pupils dilate, that's even better.
 

digsbe

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You can't tell. There is no formula or sign that definitively proves that she likes you. The only way to truly know is to ask her out. You can pick up hints from behaviors, but the only way to be certain is to ask. People aren't formulas that we can decode.
 

repeter

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If you don't like her, why do you care if she does or not? Just treat her like a sister and forget it JMO.


Her behavior seems inconsistent. As I said, I usually take that as a warning flag: "Stay away!"
I think the inconsistencies may be a misunderstanding on my part.

I shuold probably explain why I care at all what she thinks. Last year, I had a class with her, and we were talking in a group of friends, and I made some remark about how its ridiculous how some people don't know where Maine was (a general remark), and I think she thought I was talking about her. After that, she totally shut down, and put head down. Afterwards, I talked to her friend to find out what happened, and it turns out she started crying. I explained I didn't mean it against her, and I think she's intelligent and all that.

I asked her friend and her sister about it, and she has a huge insecurity about her intelligence, and the way I act is pretty arrogant, as in I criticize people, around me. I honestly do it because I want them to do better, and shes on the mock trial team, where we have to criticize each other. A few weeks ago, I was talking to her, and she told me was afraid of what I thought of her, and I realized that what she goes for, at times, is my approval.

I'm also helping her with mock trial, and she really wants me to help her too, but I'm concerned I could do something tactless again and hurt her. That feeling really doesn't sit well with me, and shes honestly a really nice girl, so I'm trying to about this sensitively.

My goals are to provide a healthy amount of criticism for her on mock trial so she understands what she needs to do, without hurting her. I also want to make her more independent, and not care about other people's approval or whatever.
 

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Date older women. They know what they want and have absolutely no problem telling you.

You can also sidestep a lot of the games and bullcrap that goes along with dating in the teens.
 

Goshin

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I think the inconsistencies may be a misunderstanding on my part.

I shuold probably explain why I care at all what she thinks. Last year, I had a class with her, and we were talking in a group of friends, and I made some remark about how its ridiculous how some people don't know where Maine was (a general remark), and I think she thought I was talking about her. After that, she totally shut down, and put head down. Afterwards, I talked to her friend to find out what happened, and it turns out she started crying. I explained I didn't mean it against her, and I think she's intelligent and all that.

I asked her friend and her sister about it, and she has a huge insecurity about her intelligence, and the way I act is pretty arrogant, as in I criticize people, around me. I honestly do it because I want them to do better, and shes on the mock trial team, where we have to criticize each other. A few weeks ago, I was talking to her, and she told me was afraid of what I thought of her, and I realized that what she goes for, at times, is my approval.

I'm also helping her with mock trial, and she really wants me to help her too, but I'm concerned I could do something tactless again and hurt her. That feeling really doesn't sit well with me, and shes honestly a really nice girl, so I'm trying to about this sensitively.

My goals are to provide a healthy amount of criticism for her on mock trial so she understands what she needs to do, without hurting her. I also want to make her more independent, and not care about other people's approval or whatever.

Well, bud, you could start off by being a bit more tactful and diplomatic in how you dish out criticism, I suppose. You know, I don't know of anyone who is overly fond of being criticized, especially not in any way that could be construed as mockery or general denigration. Women tend to be much more sensitive about this sort of thing, and teenager more so than older persons. Women often take hurtful words to heart in a way that men just don't understand.

The first thing you need to do is define what your intrest in this girl is. If you have no intrest in her as a girlfriend, you need to be careful not to send the wrong signals. If you just want to be friends, then you need to adjust your manner so as not to give offense, even if you think she's overly sensistive. If you don't really care that much, well then what does it matter.

I can't really tell from what you've said whether she "likes" you or not. She does seem to take your criticism personally, but that doesn't necessarily mean anything one way or another.

Ask her best friend.
 

RightinNYC

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I think the inconsistencies may be a misunderstanding on my part.

I shuold probably explain why I care at all what she thinks. Last year, I had a class with her, and we were talking in a group of friends, and I made some remark about how its ridiculous how some people don't know where Maine was (a general remark), and I think she thought I was talking about her. After that, she totally shut down, and put head down. Afterwards, I talked to her friend to find out what happened, and it turns out she started crying. I explained I didn't mean it against her, and I think she's intelligent and all that.

I asked her friend and her sister about it, and she has a huge insecurity about her intelligence, and the way I act is pretty arrogant, as in I criticize people, around me. I honestly do it because I want them to do better, and shes on the mock trial team, where we have to criticize each other. A few weeks ago, I was talking to her, and she told me was afraid of what I thought of her, and I realized that what she goes for, at times, is my approval.

I'm also helping her with mock trial, and she really wants me to help her too, but I'm concerned I could do something tactless again and hurt her. That feeling really doesn't sit well with me, and shes honestly a really nice girl, so I'm trying to about this sensitively.

My goals are to provide a healthy amount of criticism for her on mock trial so she understands what she needs to do, without hurting her. I also want to make her more independent, and not care about other people's approval or whatever.
It's not your job (or your position) to try to teach this girl how to be more independent or how to stop caring about other people's approval. If her friend and sister are telling you that you act too arrogant, then acting like its your job is absolutely the worst thing you could do.
 

repeter

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Well, bud, you could start off by being a bit more tactful and diplomatic in how you dish out criticism, I suppose. You know, I don't know of anyone who is overly fond of being criticized, especially not in any way that could be construed as mockery or general denigration. Women tend to be much more sensitive about this sort of thing, and teenager more so than older persons. Women often take hurtful words to heart in a way that men just don't understand.
Yeah, I tend to assume people can handle criticism objectively...and I know how stupid that is, but its hard stop to stop doing it, especially when I feel people really need some advice.

The first thing you need to do is define what your intrest in this girl is. If you have no intrest in her as a girlfriend, you need to be careful not to send the wrong signals. If you just want to be friends, then you need to adjust your manner so as not to give offense, even if you think she's overly sensistive. If you don't really care that much, well then what does it matter.
About this...I don't really know where I stand on my feelings for her. I feel pretty protective of her at times, probably because I hurt her before and I don't want to see her in pain again. At other times, I can't stand her, but when I really think about it, it might be because I'm jealous of the people she's hanging out with...so I guess I might like her but I'm not sure.

I can't really tell from what you've said whether she "likes" you or not. She does seem to take your criticism personally, but that doesn't necessarily mean anything one way or another.

Ask her best friend.
If I did that, wouldn't it imply that I like her? I need some time to think before I want to do something like that
 

repeter

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It's not your job (or your position) to try to teach this girl how to be more independent or how to stop caring about other people's approval. If her friend and sister are telling you that you act too arrogant, then acting like its your job is absolutely the worst thing you could do.
I know its not my place, but at the same time, she asked me to tutor her, and I have to (to a reasonable degree) criticize her, moreso with mock trial. I've been trying to be more sensitive with criticism and I'm also giving her more positive feedback.

Around certain people, I just feel really protective, and she's become one of those people.
 

RightinNYC

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I know its not my place, but at the same time, she asked me to tutor her, and I have to (to a reasonable degree) criticize her, moreso with mock trial. I've been trying to be more sensitive with criticism and I'm also giving her more positive feedback.

Around certain people, I just feel really protective, and she's become one of those people.
If your protectiveness is manifesting itself in a form that causes her to cry and causes her family and friends to tell you that you're acting arrogant, you should reevaluate your methods of protecting people.
 

Goshin

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Yeah, I tend to assume people can handle criticism objectively...and I know how stupid that is, but its hard stop to stop doing it, especially when I feel people really need some advice.



About this...I don't really know where I stand on my feelings for her. I feel pretty protective of her at times, probably because I hurt her before and I don't want to see her in pain again. At other times, I can't stand her, but when I really think about it, it might be because I'm jealous of the people she's hanging out with...so I guess I might like her but I'm not sure.



If I did that, wouldn't it imply that I like her? I need some time to think before I want to do something like that

If you don't know how you feel about her, or what kind of relationship you want with her, then it is very hard for anyone to give you any useful advice on the matter.

It can be hard to seperate out feelings of protectiveness and concern from feelings of... well, something more. But, you need to figure it out. You have to "know yourself" before you know what to do.
 

repeter

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If your protectiveness is manifesting itself in a form that causes her to cry and causes her family and friends to tell you that you're acting arrogant, you should reevaluate your methods of protecting people.
That was before I started feeling protective. Now I'm going about things like I'm walking among nitro-glycerin filled eggs.
 

repeter

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If you don't know how you feel about her, or what kind of relationship you want with her, then it is very hard for anyone to give you any useful advice on the matter.

It can be hard to seperate out feelings of protectiveness and concern from feelings of... well, something more. But, you need to figure it out. You have to "know yourself" before you know what to do.
Since its harder for me to figure out, what advice would you give if I wanted to go out with her?
 

Goshin

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Since its harder for me to figure out, what advice would you give if I wanted to go out with her?

Well, if you can't get any firm signals out of her, and if you don't want to ask her directly, the usual course of action is to ask her best friend. Now, the aforementioned best friend will usually repeat anything you say to her, so that might or might not be a downside.
 

repeter

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Well, if you can't get any firm signals out of her, and if you don't want to ask her directly, the usual course of action is to ask her best friend. Now, the aforementioned best friend will usually repeat anything you say to her, so that might or might not be a downside.
I think it might be worth it to ask her best friend. The not-knowing of it all is the worst part.
 

TheGirlNextDoor

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Get wasted and leave each a long, rambling voicemail describing your feelings. Wait to see which calls back.
That always works. :lol:
 
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