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Do you care what people think of you

sawyerloggingon

sawyerloggingon

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Another thread got me thinking about this. Do you care what people in here think of you? To me this is so anonymous and impersonal that I can't even fathom being embarrassed or proud or whatever but some people seem to act like this is real life. Now as for real life. I don't care what people think of me there either, I can't be embarrassed, or shamed or for that matter praise doesn't puff me up either. I read a book years ago by Eckhart Tolle that went into this in depth and pointed out that when you let other peoples praise or derision effect the way you feel about yourself you have just handed complete strangers on Hell of alot of power. It was like a light bulb went on, I thought holy crap, this guys right, it changed my life.
 
Although correspondence on a message board/forum such as this is still relatively impersonal compared to real life, I act like everyone else who posts here is a real, living and breathing human being sitting behind that computer screen. To that extent, I pretty much behave on this forum as I do in real life. I do have friends on this forum, some of whom I've gotten to know pretty well online even though we'll probably never meet face-to-face, and so yes in a way I DO care what people think of me on this forum because for the most part I treat the social interactions here much as I would in real life. If I think you're an asshole or that you're full of **** I'll call you out for it. If I like you, I'll let that be known as well. I don't treat people on this forum as if they are complete strangers because for many of them our interactions are quite personal and I know a lot about them as people, even though this is an online forum.
 
I don't give half a damn what anyone thinks of me. Anyone.

There are no exceptions in this statement, not even family or friends.
 
sawyerloggingon said:
Another thread got me thinking about this. Do you care what people in here think of you? To me this is so anonymous and impersonal that I can't even fathom being embarrassed or proud or whatever but some people seem to act like this is real life. Now as for real life. I don't care what people think of me there either, I can't be embarrassed, or shamed or for that matter praise doesn't puff me up either. I read a book years ago by Eckhart Tolle that went into this in depth and pointed out that when you let other peoples praise or derision effect the way you feel about yourself you have just handed complete strangers on Hell of alot of power. It was like a light bulb went on, I thought holy crap, this guys right, it changed my life.
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When I'm being myself and trying being fair and even-minded (in my own mind), then -- I say, yes, it matters what the general consensus about me is -- even on a message board. In real life I care what the people I love think about me. Your explanation reminds me of someone I know who says, "Hey!!! I just tell it like it is...don't like it? Tough ****." He's an asshole.

I'd say, "No offense," but I know you won't take any. ;)
 
It is simple balance of mind over matter; if I don't mind, then it doesn't matter. ;-)
 
I care very deeply, the slightest negative comment sends me into a spiral of depression.
 
Not really. Every now and then, I'll reign in what I really want to say, but for the most part, I live for myself, my family and my God. Everybody else can like me or not, but it won't fluff my skirt up one bit either way.

I used to not be this way. I used to be a pleaser, and tried to keep everybody happy and on an even keel. I've had so much trouble with my family, though, that it's made me extremely cynical, and now I just don't care.
 
Well it depends, if someone just wants to tear you down, I agree with you, you shouldn't give them the power of caring what they say. On the other hand, sometimes you need your friends to tell you things you might not want to hear.
 
I try to treat this as the real world and I do care, not so much how I'm thought of, but how I'm treated.

I deliberately avoid personal attacks in any form. I see that on here and it makes me cringe. Old guy ways I suppose. I'm careful to post challenges in a respectful and polite form. Anyone who is disrespectful to me without cause goes to ignore (only 3 on there).

I enjoy listening to people giving interesting and intelligent opinions and ideas. I try to participate if I have something useful to say, a thought out opinion or a silly comment that I for some reason think is entertaining.
 
X Factor said:
Well it depends, if someone just wants to tear you down, I agree with you, you shouldn't give them the power of caring what they say. On the other hand, sometimes you need your friends to tell you things you might not want to hear.
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I think the easiest way to put it for me is that I care deeply about what people I care about and respect think of me. If I don't respect you, then you can **** off and I don't really give a **** what you say.
 
i don't care about what others think of me so much that it makes me compromise my principles, but i would be lying if i said i don't care what anyone thinks of me. whenever anyone tells me that they don't give a **** what people think of them, i realize that they are telling me that at least partially because they want me to think of them as free and fiercely independent. they are presenting an idealized version of themselves to stand out and impress me, which means that they at least partially care what i think of them.

given that we're social mammals, most of us care about how others perceive us. i don't see that as a problem in and of itself. it becomes a problem when one gives too much weight to the perception of others, however.
 
Everybody... let me be clear... EVERYBODY... without exception, cares what other people think of them to some degree or another. Anyone who claims otherwise is a liar.

There will be varying degrees of caring, and surely some will get all involved in pleasing people, while others are only concerned that others bow to them, and every possibility in between, but no one single person doesn't not care.
 
radcen said:
Everybody... let me be clear... EVERYBODY... without exception, cares what other people think of them to some degree or another. Anyone who claims otherwise is a liar.

There will be varying degrees of caring, and surely some will get all involved in pleasing people, while others are only concerned that others bow to them, and every possibility in between, but no one single person doesn't not care.
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I agree, though we can probably make exceptions for psychopaths and the like.
 
Helix said:
i don't care about what others think of me so much that it makes me compromise my principles, but i would be lying if i said i don't care what anyone thinks of me. whenever anyone tells me that they don't give a **** what people think of them, i realize that they are telling me that at least partially because they want me to think of them as free and fiercely independent. they are presenting an idealized version of themselves to stand out and impress me, which means that they at least partially care what i think of them.

given that we're social mammals, most of us care about how others perceive us. i don't see that as a problem in and of itself. it becomes a problem when one gives too much weight to the perception of others, however.
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Very well said.
 
Nope, don't care in the least.
 
sawyerloggingon said:
Another thread got me thinking about this. Do you care what people in here think of you? To me this is so anonymous and impersonal that I can't even fathom being embarrassed or proud or whatever but some people seem to act like this is real life. Now as for real life. I don't care what people think of me there either, I can't be embarrassed, or shamed or for that matter praise doesn't puff me up either. I read a book years ago by Eckhart Tolle that went into this in depth and pointed out that when you let other peoples praise or derision effect the way you feel about yourself you have just handed complete strangers on Hell of alot of power. It was like a light bulb went on, I thought holy crap, this guys right, it changed my life.
Click to expand...

Most people - no - don't care on average.

But my family - I care a lot what they think of me. So much so that I've cultivated a glossy photo life for their enjoyment . . . which has caused me a lot of problems, apparently.

It's not suppose to cause problems damnit - it's suppose to prevent them :roll: FAIL
 
This is actually a very deep question, deep in the sense that it has many many layers, different answers and scenarios.


as far as real life is concerned

In general, no I dont care because I have no reason too

but also If I had a choice Id prefer if people thought I was nice, well mannered and polite but I dont care.

Now this is for people that I just generally interact with.

But what makes the question interesting is my answer changes on who they are, how I care about them, how I know them, how they know me, if I respect them and WHY they may think bad or good of me.

My mom is a great parent IMO so what she thinks of me "in general" matters
If my mom sexual abused me and abandon me then my answer would change quite quickly
Now what if my mom didnt like that I have black, white, gay, republican etc etc friends, again it would go right back to not caring about that particular subject and what she thought. :shrug:

so there is no real answer every scenario would be different. It would vary.

If a person decided not to like me because, I dont know I have gay friends and support equal gay rights then LMAO of course I wouldnt care one bit.

If a person I thought was really nice didnt like me I would care some, Id wonder why and would wonder if I wronged them some how but again I wouldnt care enough to lose any sleep lol

If a person that I thought was a rude jackass didnt like me, again no impact at all, in fact it might make me happy.

I dont consider this real life but there maybe a handful here that dont like me and i LIKE that they dont because they are the exact type of people I would guess that wouldnt like me in this situation. By them not liking me it helps me know Im posting properly :)
 
To me it does matter, in as much as, for the time I am at DP I am here to enjoy people, exchange ideas, share my experiences and have a sense of community. In order to do that there must be mutual respect for one another otherwise there will never be any healthy or quality communication. I have met people in person who I met online; some have been friends for years. Even having had such a positive experience on the internet, the virtual world has the same hucksters, clowns and fools that I would meet in person the only difference is in a forum they provide the entertainment and in the real world they could have an adverse effect on someone.

Whether in real life or the virtual world “To thine own self be true” is what I live by and I have a whole set of principals and ethics by which I am guided. I also know that while I may not be for everyone I meet, not every person I meet will be for me either. It is more important to have and give respect than it is to be popular. It is respecting our differences, our individual opinions, each one's ideas, placing our common welfare as members of a forum first rather than spouting some emotional diatribe that may be regretted later; placing principals before personalities. Each moment I spend on DP I cannot spend anywhere else, so I to make my time count; I dialog with those that I feel value my thoughts and opinions.

One key element is it does not mater the venue whether in person, online, in a correspondence or telephonically I treat people with respect and expect to be treated the same in return.
 
Some interesting responses and a few made a good point. I should have differentiated between people you love and care about and total strangers. Many people drive cars and build houses to impress people they don't even know which is the height of foolishness. Some answered my question about in here specifically and I really do find that fascinating. Some of you actually care what others in here think of you and your opinions. Maybe it's just me but I look at this as opinions expressed by nameless faceless people on my computer screen and I can't for the life of me understand why anyone in here would care about anyone else on a personal level. I said in another thread I think it may be a generational thing and as I am semi old maybe I just don't completely get this new computer generated social life. When I push the like button it doesn't mean I like you, it means I like what you said or it made me laugh. I think that's why I get in so much trouble in here with the mods, I offend people because they care what I think which to me is stupid. Now I'm off to kayak a river that's in flood stage and will probably die. My stupid friend talked me into this. I hope libs in here don't hope I drown, it would hurt my feelings terribly! :lol:
 
There are some people here that I feel I've connected with and I definitely value their opinions. Since I am also a staff member, the opinions of the mods are important to me, especially since I enjoy my responsibilities here and would like to keep them.
 
People can go suck an egg if they don't like me. *smiles sweetly*
 
There are many people here I like and respect. Yes, it matters what they think of me. There are also uncountable trolls, hacks and general all-around dip****s on this forum. No, it doesn't matter what they think of me.

For the most part, I behave in here as I behave in real life. I try to treat people the way I'd like to be treated, unless they go out of their way to be beligerent, obnoxious and aggressive. Otherwise, I prefer being civil.
 
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Gipper said:
I don't give half a damn what anyone thinks of me. Anyone.

There are no exceptions in this statement, not even family or friends.
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I think I am conservative/libertarian on this issue. I don't give much of a **** about what people think of me - and that goes especially for offline. I'm just an honest mother****er.
 
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