Who's raising your kids?

[Boo Radley]

Key phrase: "We managed."

I didn't have any help, but I did too. Only five weeks in my kids' entire lives that I entrusted them to others. (Kindercare was great, and a few times I had an evening work commitment that required me to drop my kids at a commercial drop-in babysitting place.)
Other than than, no pre-school, babysitting, anything. I was there. That was my commitment.

I'm merely reporting what we did and what choice we made. I have made no judgement of any kind concerning what other did. Hell, when I was a kid, I was left at home to care for my syblings fro age ten on. Not sure that workedout well, but it is what was done, and largely out of neccesity. I'd be very slow to judge others outside of something clearly risky for the children.

 

[Alyssa]

I'm merely reporting what we did and what choice we made. I have made no judgement of any kind concerning what other did. Hell, when I was a kid, I was left at home to care for my syblings fro age ten on. Not sure that workedout well, but it is what was done, and largely out of neccesity. I'd be very slow to judge others outside of something clearly risky for the children.

I was a latch key kid, as well. No siblings until I was 13.

 

[Boo Radley]

I was a latch key kid, as well. No siblings until I was 13.

I had two brothers and a sister. They didn't quite see the experience as I did.

 

[nota bene]

I'm merely reporting what we did and what choice we made. I have made no judgement of any kind concerning what other did. Hell, when I was a kid, I was left at home to care for my syblings fro age ten on. Not sure that workedout well, but it is what was done, and largely out of neccesity. I'd be very slow to judge others outside of something clearly risky for the children.

Neither have I made a judgment. Not sure why you wanted to qualify your previous post.

 

[Boo Radley]

Neither have I made a judgment. Not sure why you wanted to qualify your previous post.

Seemed like I needed to. If not, no harm no foul.

 

[roguenuke]

I'm merely reporting what we did and what choice we made. I have made no judgement of any kind concerning what other did. Hell, when I was a kid, I was left at home to care for my syblings fro age ten on. Not sure that workedout well, but it is what was done, and largely out of neccesity. I'd be very slow to judge others outside of something clearly risky for the children.

I was the oldest of six and most of my teens I was built-in babysitter for my parents, when my grandmother wasn't living with us anyway. Sometimes it was more if my aunt needed her youngest four watched (generally though that was my 2-year older cousin and I watching them all together) or my other aunt needed her two watched or if that older cousin needed her three watched. My father woke me up before he left in the mornings and I was responsible for getting up my other siblings to go to school. My mother was either sleeping or working and grandma didn't get up that early normally or she was saying her prayers (she said 4 hours of prayers every morning without speaking a word til they were done). Heck, my youngest brother had hearing problems from the day he was born, which caused problems with his learning to talk. All the adults turned to me because I was the first one to learn how to translate what he was saying. There was no way we could afford daycare, even with both parents working.

 

[Boo Radley]

I was the oldest of six and most of my teens I was built-in babysitter for my parents, when my grandmother wasn't living with us anyway. Sometimes it was more if my aunt needed her youngest four watched (generally though that was my 2-year older cousin and I watching them all together) or my other aunt needed her two watched or if that older cousin needed her three watched. My father woke me up before he left in the mornings and I was responsible for getting up my other siblings to go to school. My mother was either sleeping or working and grandma didn't get up that early normally or she was saying her prayers (she said 4 hours of prayers every morning without speaking a word til they were done). Heck, my youngest brother had hearing problems from the day he was born, which caused problems with his learning to talk. All the adults turned to me because I was the first one to learn how to translate what he was saying. There was no way we could afford daycare, even with both parents working.

The burdens of the oldest. I had a brother with a learning disability and blind in one eye. As a teenager though, he was bigger than me. No one has ever hit me harder. When I didn't fall, it scared the hell out of him and he never tried that again. The thing was, I couldn't even see him. I was knocked silly. The only point to that was they all thought I was a little too bossy. They may have been right.

 

[tessaesque]

Sales. yeah, if you're good at it, or even just decent, you can make a living on it. Is 40K a good salary in Texas? I'm not familiar with that economy. What is the average house, with, say, 1/4 acre of land, in a not terrible neighborhood? In CT, 40K a year probably still qualifies you for food stamps, if you have kids. I don't say that to sound offensive, I say that to give an idea of just how different things are in different states. I think the major screw for me and the wife are student loan debts.

Yeah, east coast cost of living is ridiculous in comparison to what you can get in Texas and directly north (Indiana, Michigan, Kansas, etc). Here, 40k is livable. Housing prices range dramatically in DFW because we have a LOT of wealth in Dallas and Fort Worth. We've become a secondary hub for television and movie production, we have a World Trade Center, etc.

Our house is 1,600 sq. ft, 3-bed, 2-bath with 2-living areas and a garage. We have .31 acre of land, which is more than enough for us. Current county appraised value for our home is $126k, but we paid significantly less for it because the market's still fragile.

Texas also usually runs about $0.10 lower on average for gas than the other states, we have relatively cheap food prices since we're so close to Mexico and are capable of growing a lot of stuff locally, and because we have a ton of cattle land, chicken farms, and even a few pork producers. We're also close to the GULF, which provides a good flow of decent seafood.

As for other differences: Student loan debt I can understand. I never took out a loan for school (I've been taking my sweet ass time getting a degree and paying out of pocket or utilizing grants). Boyfriend had a loan for the 1 year he completed before taking ill, but he paid it off pretty quickly.
I don't know how CT does it, but I know VA has a personal property tax on items like vehicles and the like. I'm sure CT also has state and maybe even county/city taxes.
Texas doesn't have an income tax.
There are no county taxes deducted from our checks, either.
We pay income tax and pay roll taxes.
We pay $50-80 a year to re-register our vehicles.
We pay $35-40 a year for vehicle emissions/safety inspections.
We pay property taxes (ours are $2450 a year) on homes. We pay sales taxes ($0.0825 on the dollar in most areas of the state).

For what it's worth, I was a latchkey kid. My dad worked 12+ hours a day doing construction in Texas heat, and when he got home he usually had the energy to eat and shower before passing out. My mother usually worked a standard 8 hour day. From the age of 7 on I was pretty much on my own before and after school. I taught myself to cook, I did chores around the house, I kept myself entertained by reading a crap load of books.

My mother did a LOT of crap that screwed up our relationship, but working damn sure wasn't one of them, and my father is my hero. The sun shines for him, as far as I'm concerned. So if you're feeling guilt because you're not able to provide more time for them right now, don't despair too much. They'll end up remembering more the time you spent together, and less the time they spent away, I promise. Just make the times together as good as they can be.

 

[Alyssa]

I was the oldest of six and most of my teens I was built-in babysitter for my parents, when my grandmother wasn't living with us anyway. Sometimes it was more if my aunt needed her youngest four watched (generally though that was my 2-year older cousin and I watching them all together) or my other aunt needed her two watched or if that older cousin needed her three watched. My father woke me up before he left in the mornings and I was responsible for getting up my other siblings to go to school. My mother was either sleeping or working and grandma didn't get up that early normally or she was saying her prayers (she said 4 hours of prayers every morning without speaking a word til they were done). Heck, my youngest brother had hearing problems from the day he was born, which caused problems with his learning to talk. All the adults turned to me because I was the first one to learn how to translate what he was saying. There was no way we could afford daycare, even with both parents working.

It's unfair how the oldest gets stuck babysitting their younger siblings, but that's life. I got stuck with it, and my younger sister (my dad's girl friend's oldest daughter) stuck watching her two younger brothers plus her cousins. At 12, she was watching five or more kids at a time for hours.

 

[roguenuke]

It's unfair how the oldest gets stuck babysitting their younger siblings, but that's life. I got stuck with it, and my younger sister (my dad's girl friend's oldest daughter) stuck watching her two younger brothers plus her cousins. At 12, she was watching five or more kids at a time for hours.

Eh, I really didn't mind most of the time. I didn't have much of a social life anyway.

 

[Aberration]

Both my parents worked growing up. My mom multiple jobs, so never really saw her. And my did would kick us out if it was nice, and if it wasn't he didn't want us around anyways. No one really watched us. No one got hurt too bad.

My wife has the pleasure of not being 'employed'. I would only say it aint work if I was looking to get her feathers up. She went to school and has a degree, we just didn't want someone lower on the evolutionary ladder to look after our kids. We don't really approve of the behavior that appears to be acceptable by a lot of adults we see. Once they both are at school full time she will probably pick up a job to get the mortgage paid off sooner.

 

[KevinKohler]

I'm not really feeling that guilty, simply because I am doing nothing wrong, only what is necessary. Fact is, without me working 60 or more hours, or without my wife working her 45-50, we would sink like the Titanic. I LIKE having a yard for my children to enjoy, albeit a small one. I feel that is every bit as required for a child's upbringing as a present parent, though, to be honest, not by much. No, not guilt. Anger. I'm pissed off that it seems to me that we should have to choose...be a great parent, but always lack the finances to really afford the things your kids want or need, or be just an OK parent, as long as they don't want for much.


Shouldn't we expect, want for more, not just for ourselves, but for out children? Do we not see something wrong with the this choice that most parents must make? Job or kids? I work from 7am till 10pm, 6 days a week. No one, EVER, will ever convince me that I don't do what it takes...you wanna question me, fine, then try it out for yourself for a month or so, and get back to me on how you feel it went. But WHY should I, or any other human, have to work like that, just to get by, just to have enough, never MORE than enough? Why should a parent have to abandon their kids with the bathwater, in order to make sure there is a bath in the first place?


Just seems wrong to me.

 

[Aberration]

I'm not really feeling that guilty, simply because I am doing nothing wrong, only what is necessary. Fact is, without me working 60 or more hours, or without my wife working her 45-50, we would sink like the Titanic. I LIKE having a yard for my children to enjoy, albeit a small one. I feel that is every bit as required for a child's upbringing as a present parent, though, to be honest, not by much. No, not guilt. Anger. I'm pissed off that it seems to me that we should have to choose...be a great parent, but always lack the finances to really afford the things your kids want or need, or be just an OK parent, as long as they don't want for much.


Shouldn't we expect, want for more, not just for ourselves, but for out children? Do we not see something wrong with the this choice that most parents must make? Job or kids? I work from 7am till 10pm, 6 days a week. No one, EVER, will ever convince me that I don't do what it takes...you wanna question me, fine, then try it out for yourself for a month or so, and get back to me on how you feel it went. But WHY should I, or any other human, have to work like that, just to get by, just to have enough, never MORE than enough? Why should a parent have to abandon their kids with the bathwater, in order to make sure there is a bath in the first place?


Just seems wrong to me.

There is another option. Wait until you can afford them. Win.

 

[KevinKohler]

There is another option. Wait until you can afford them. Win.

Which is never, due to the ever increasing cost of living, and the ever decreasing value of the dollar.

That's like saying, "Hey, don't go into debt to buy a house, just save up for it!" By the time you have 200K saved up for a house, that house costs 450K.

 

[Aberration]

Which is never, due to the ever increasing cost of living, and the ever decreasing value of the dollar.

That's like saying, "Hey, don't go into debt to buy a house, just save up for it!" By the time you have 200K saved up for a house, that house costs 450K.

Hey man if you need to conjure barriers then go for it. There is a reason we try to educate kids on the use of contraception.

 

[Harry Guerrilla]

I'm not really feeling that guilty, simply because I am doing nothing wrong, only what is necessary. Fact is, without me working 60 or more hours, or without my wife working her 45-50, we would sink like the Titanic. I LIKE having a yard for my children to enjoy, albeit a small one. I feel that is every bit as required for a child's upbringing as a present parent, though, to be honest, not by much. No, not guilt. Anger. I'm pissed off that it seems to me that we should have to choose...be a great parent, but always lack the finances to really afford the things your kids want or need, or be just an OK parent, as long as they don't want for much.


Shouldn't we expect, want for more, not just for ourselves, but for out children? Do we not see something wrong with the this choice that most parents must make? Job or kids? I work from 7am till 10pm, 6 days a week. No one, EVER, will ever convince me that I don't do what it takes...you wanna question me, fine, then try it out for yourself for a month or so, and get back to me on how you feel it went. But WHY should I, or any other human, have to work like that, just to get by, just to have enough, never MORE than enough? Why should a parent have to abandon their kids with the bathwater, in order to make sure there is a bath in the first place?


Just seems wrong to me.

Honestly man, not being a jerk but, most people work, as much as they do, because they want more than enough.
That in and of itself isn't bad, but it comes with trade offs, as you already know.

 

[KevinKohler]

Hey man if you need to conjure barriers then go for it. There is a reason we try to educate kids on the use of contraception.

I'm 31, bud. When, in your expert opinion, should I be having kids? Got a timeline, or a base salary number? Are children a luxury only more well off people can enjoy, in your opinion?

 

[tessaesque]

I'm 31, bud. When, in your expert opinion, should I be having kids? Got a timeline, or a base salary number? Are children a luxury only more well off people can enjoy, in your opinion?

Touchy subject for me. People in abject poverty have no reason having children. You should be able to financially provide for their basic needs. If you can't, you've got not reason having them.

Not implying that YOU, specifically, shouldn't have them. Wanted to make that clear.

 

[Alyssa]

I'm 31, bud. When, in your expert opinion, should I be having kids? Got a timeline, or a base salary number? Are children a luxury only more well off people can enjoy, in your opinion?

Which is never, due to the ever increasing cost of living, and the ever decreasing value of the dollar.

That's like saying, "Hey, don't go into debt to buy a house, just save up for it!" By the time you have 200K saved up for a house, that house costs 450K.

Kids are expensive by themselves. Having kids insures that one will continue to slide down deeper into despair and poverty. It is about priorities. If you want genetically healthy children, start in your twenties. But do realize that you have chosen a difficult path. One of many trials and tribulations. If you want an easier path, you must wait longer until the odds of conceiving a Downs baby becomes a real possibility. And maybe you'll be raising a 16 year old in your 60s or 70s. :shrug:

That's just how it is.