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Lying

CanadaJohn said:
If someone asks me a question about themselves, I almost never lie. If someone asks me a question about myself, I almost never lie. If someone asks me a question about another person, I almost never respond unless it isn't "personal".

This was not always easy ground to walk - however, as I've gotten older, one of the benefits of age is you're more readily excused for being honest. Can't wait until I reach that incorrigible old man stage.
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I've already reached that stage, apparently. :lol:
 
Sorry Ladies.....The Truth Just had to be told! :lol:





"What"?
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GottaGo said:
Most of the time, lying is not a good thing.

Why would you view it as a good thing?
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I don't see it as a good/bad dynamic.

If, for example, someone asks me an otherwise harmless pointed or personal question I just don't want to answer, I may make something up, or deflect, or give only a tiny portion of the information. If people think that's good or bad, whatever, but sometimes I want to control certain information. Them knowing may not harm me but maybe they'll try to 'help' in a way I don't want, or will make a comment to someone else out-of-context. It depends on who asks, too. I might tell a different person a full answer to the exact same question depending on my relationship with them. So is the relationship good/bad? Who knows, maybe, maybe not; it rarely matters. People just are. Except for extremes there are no good or bad people, because all people are both. The same is true of lying, it just is, neither good or bad; like the weather.

In the Army we say "there's a better way to answer questions". http://www.amazon.com/QBQ-The-Question-Behind-Accountability/dp/014305709X
When someone asks "why...", I'll generally not answer that question because "why" is a bad question nearly every-time it's asked, regardless of topic. Especially if they're prone to circular/victim thinking, answering the question directly only enables their mental self-trap. I look for ways to progress the conversation, and sometimes that means deverting or omitting, which are forms of lies.
 
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TheGirlNextDoor said:
Question.

People that lie about little things... does lead you to believe that they wouldn't hesitate to lie about big things?...Or not necessarily?

Thoughts and/or opinions?
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There's a difference between a real lie and a "little white lie".

What she did to you was a doozy. She just did it out of self-preservation.
 
TheGirlNextDoor said:
Question.

People that lie about little things... does lead you to believe that they wouldn't hesitate to lie about big things?...Or not necessarily?

Thoughts and/or opinions?
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I suppose it depends on the intent...

I've lied to not hurt peoples feelings or to avoid a conflict...
 
Jerry said:
I don't see it as a good/bad dynamic.

If, for example, someone asks me an otherwise harmless pointed or personal question I just don't want to answer, I may make something up, or deflect, or give only a tiny portion of the information. If people think that's good or bad, whatever, but sometimes I want to control certain information. Them knowing may not harm me but maybe they'll try to 'help' in a way I don't want, or will make a comment to someone else out-of-context. It depends on who asks, too. I might tell a different person a full answer to the exact same question depending on my relationship with them. So is the relationship good/bad? Who knows, maybe, maybe not; it rarely matters. People just are. Except for extremes there are no good or bad people, because all people are both. The same is true of lying, it just is, neither good or bad; like the weather.

In the Army we say "there's a better way to answer questions". QBQ! The Question Behind the Question: Practicing Personal Accountability in Work and in Life: John G. Miller: 9780143057093: Amazon.com: Books
When someone asks "why...", I'll generally not answer that question because "why" is a bad question nearly every-time it's asked, regardless of topic. Especially if they're prone to circular/victim thinking, answering the question directly only enables their mental self-trap. I look for ways to progress the conversation, and sometimes that means deverting or omitting, which are forms of lies.
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So I guess you didn't see the portion of my post that stated I will redirect if the honest answer would cause more harm then good?
 
I get annoyed when people claim to lie in order to spare other people's feelings, because that is a lie. lol The truth is, people lie to spare themselves the awkwardness of hurting someone's feelings.
 
Alyssa said:
I get annoyed when people claim to lie in order to spare other people's feelings, because that is a lie. lol The truth is, people lie to spare themselves the awkwardness of hurting someone's feelings.
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Need a paintbrush?

I'm sure that does apply to some people, but not to all. There are some of us who actually do care about other people's feelings, not just our own.
 
Alyssa said:
I get annoyed when people claim to lie in order to spare other people's feelings, because that is a lie. lol The truth is, people lie to spare themselves the awkwardness of hurting someone's feelings.
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That is quite a narcissistic outlook.
 
Alyssa said:
I get annoyed when people claim to lie in order to spare other people's feelings, because that is a lie. lol The truth is, people lie to spare themselves the awkwardness of hurting someone's feelings.
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I do both, and then some.

Sometimes I don't much care about the other person's feelings, and telling the truth wouldn't be awkward at all for me, but I I don't want to deal with the other person's bull**** if I tell the truth, or the truth might have repercussion for people other than myself (lying to my mother-in-law to prevent my wife from having to deal with her mother's bull****, for instance).

I doubt there there are many days in a year that I don't lie about something, large or small, for a hundred different reasons.

To say that people lie about any given thing for only ONE reason is a little short sighted I think.
 
GottaGo said:
Need a paintbrush?

I'm sure that does apply to some people, but not to all. There are some of us who actually do care about other people's feelings, not just our own.
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ok, i didn't put a qualifier in there. I edit my sentence to add most.. of the small minority of people out there who are genuine, I wish i could meet them. Most people simply aren't.

Mr.Nick said:
That is quite a narcissistic outlook.
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How so?
 
Thorgasm said:
It seems accurate to me.
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Well, generally I'm blunt and honest but I'm not the type of dude to just come out and tell a woman her makeup looks like someone shot her in the face with a paintball gun...

Another good example would be invited over for a meal that you hate but have to eat it anyways and claim that it's wonderful...

There are times when lying is appropriate....
 
Alyssa said:
ok, i didn't put a qualifier in there. I edit my sentence to add most.. of the small minority of people out there who are genuine, I wish i could meet them. Most people simply aren't.



How so?
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There are times to be blunt an honest and there are times when lying is the logical and appropriate solution.

When it comes to politics I will be blunt and tell the truth. But non political social situations you have to lie just so you don't appear to be a jerk....
 
Mr.Nick said:
Well, generally I'm blunt and honest but I'm not the type of dude to just come out and tell a woman her makeup looks like someone shot her in the face with a paintball gun...

Another good example would be invited over for a meal that you hate but have to eat it anyways and claim that it's wonderful...

There are times when lying is appropriate....
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hell with that. I'm not eating food i don't like to make someone feel better, nor would i lie and tell them that it's wonderful. And I wouldn't have friends that were that disingenuous.

Mr.Nick said:
There are times to be blunt an honest and there are times when lying is the logical and appropriate solution.

When it comes to politics I will be blunt and tell the truth. But non political social situations you have to lie just so you don't appear to be a jerk....
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Southern hospitality. (gag) I don't go out of my way to be rude irl, and i say please, thank you, sir and ma'am.. and all that. But there's no way in hell i will eat something i don't like, or tell people lies to make myself look better. Ask yourself: who is the narcissistic one here? You see: it has nothing to do with the other person. YOU don't want to look bad.
 
Alyssa said:
hell with that. I'm not eating food i don't like to make someone feel better, nor would i lie and tell them that it's wonderful. And I wouldn't have friends that were that disingenuous.



Southern hospitality. (gag) I don't go out of my way to be rude irl, and i say please, thank you, sir and ma'am.. and all that. But there's no way in hell i will eat something i don't like, or tell people lies to make myself look better. Ask yourself: who is the narcissistic one here? You see: it has nothing to do with the other person. YOU don't want to look bad.
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Well, I'm not going to go out of my way to tell a total stranger they look nice. But if it's someone I care for I will lie and say they do.

Besides, what I think looks good or what I find "nice" are nothing more than my opinion - someone else my see differently than I do so...
 
Gipper said:
There's a difference between a real lie and a "little white lie".

What she did to you was a doozy. She just did it out of self-preservation.
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Uh, I think you're in trouble.
 
American said:
Uh, I think you're in trouble.
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I could be wrong . . . I usually am . . . but I thought exactly thing. Things that make you go, "Hmmmn?"

Let's speculate for fun.
 
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