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Aunt Spiker's Ban List - the comprehensive guide to a thinner, slimmer nation

Aunt Spiker

Aunt Spiker

Cheese
DP Veteran
Joined
Oct 20, 2009
Messages
28,431
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Location
Sasnakra
Gender
Female
Political Leaning
Moderate
I don't think banning some sodas or a sugar control tax is really good enough. We need to go all out, here - in our fight against morebesity

1) Ban automobiles - doing so will force individuals to either kill theirselves or turn into complete hermits. As we know; hermits and the dead don't eat much.

2) Ban overproduction of foodstuffs - farmers, stores and others should pay the heavy penalty of death if they buy more than they will sell or grow more than the market will consume. Common sense, really - long over due. As well all know; excess makes a hefty hussy.

3) Ban the production of all processed foods, junk foods, liquors (except wines - those always seem to be connected with the skinnies from France so that must be ok)

4) Ban the production of most cheeses (except the type that's always associated from the skinnies and wine from France - whatever that is, obviously it's excellent for the ass)

5) Ban leftovers. They're a sign of sinful excess.

6) Ban the microwave - it encourage consumption of crap food

7) Ban the toaster oven - it, too, encourages the consumption of crap food

I think - and you'll agree no doubt - that if we just put these few bans in place we will increase our physical prowess and decrease our waistlines! (And in case you're wondering - yes, I'm bored out of my mind . . . I can't sleep past 4:00 lately for some stupid reason.)
 
This topic is so bad it made me sad,
getting sad makes me want to eat ice cream,
eating ice cream makes me fat,
this topic makes me fact,
ban this topic.
 
LOL

I extended us a ledge of compassion by not banning the internet - freedom of speech and all. :D
 
We should ban chairs! No more sitting allowed in school or the work place.
 
tessaesque said:
We should ban chairs! No more sitting allowed in school or the work place.
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Agreed! . . . not only would that burn more calories but it would also tighten up the chicken-skin on my - er um - those fatty thighs as they slim.
 
tessaesque said:
We should ban chairs! No more sitting allowed in school or the work place.
Click to expand...

actually, if you want meetings to be quick and efficient, ban chairs from meeting rooms. it works
 
justabubba said:
actually, if you want meetings to be quick and efficient, ban chairs from meeting rooms. it works
Click to expand...

I wish I had thought of that when I was managing the theater. Those meetings could last 3-4 hours sometimes!
 
Chicken. I'll let ya come in.

I could use a good soap job. Bring your loofa.
 
I believe in putting the burden on the people not eliminating products. So lets' have fats camps kind of like prisons or re-education camps. Exceed your target weight and off you go to get teased and starved into submission.
 
We need to ban all restaurants and ban all eating between 7am and 7pm. We need to have a constant state of reverse Ramadan. Eating at night contributes to weight gain because it is usually in additional meal.

No one is responsible enough to enjoy food from an establishment or eat outside of sunlight hours. Being fat or overweight is far more of a public atrocity than gravely restricting personal freedom.
 
digsbe said:
We need to ban all restaurants and ban all eating between 7am and 7pm. We need to have a constant state of reverse Ramadan. Eating at night contributes to weight gain because it is usually in additional meal.

No one is responsible enough to enjoy food from an establishment or eat outside of sunlight hours. Being fat or overweight is far more of a public atrocity than gravely restricting personal freedom.
Click to expand...

you mean 7pm to 7am?
 
Aunt Spiker said:
I don't think banning some sodas or a sugar control tax is really good enough. We need to go all out, here - in our fight against morebesity

1) Ban automobiles - doing so will force individuals to either kill theirselves or turn into complete hermits. As we know; hermits and the dead don't eat much.

2) Ban overproduction of foodstuffs - farmers, stores and others should pay the heavy penalty of death if they buy more than they will sell or grow more than the market will consume. Common sense, really - long over due. As well all know; excess makes a hefty hussy.

3) Ban the production of all processed foods, junk foods, liquors (except wines - those always seem to be connected with the skinnies from France so that must be ok)

4) Ban the production of most cheeses (except the type that's always associated from the skinnies and wine from France - whatever that is, obviously it's excellent for the ass)

5) Ban leftovers. They're a sign of sinful excess.

6) Ban the microwave - it encourage consumption of crap food

7) Ban the toaster oven - it, too, encourages the consumption of crap food

I think - and you'll agree no doubt - that if we just put these few bans in place we will increase our physical prowess and decrease our waistlines! (And in case you're wondering - yes, I'm bored out of my mind . . . I can't sleep past 4:00 lately for some stupid reason.)
Click to expand...

Obesity is a silly simple thing to deal with. First you must understand its mysterious cause; consuming more calories than your body burns, some of the excess is stored as body fat. You can look at it like hitting your thumb with a hammer; you could ban hammers, or you could LEARN to use them better. The existance of calorie sources (foods) obviously can not be banned, as they are required by all. So we must LEARN to use FOOD wisely and efficiently, just like hammers. You don't need an expensive diet plan, many are available FREE, only a few mouseclicks and keystrokes away, the important things are balanced nutrition and total calories.

STEP #1: Weigh yourself & decide if your weight needs to go up or down; WOW, halfway there already!

STEP #2A: If down is your goal, then eat less calories daily for one week and recheck your weight.
Did it go down?

STEP #2B: If up is your goal, then eat more calories daily for one week and recheck your weight.
Did it go up?

Yes, repeat steps #1 and #2 starting tomorrow.

No, repeat steps #1 and #2 starting tomorrow.
 
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digsbe said:
Yes, that :lol:
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The problem with that is, unless I change my schedule a bit, I could only eat between 1PM and 7 PM...unless I stayed up til after 0700 and ate just before sleeping, which is also a bad idea I understand.
 
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