At 25, do I have to start considering dating women with children?

[Monserrat]

DP is cheaper and the women here are generally nice

LOL, not in the abortion forum they aren't

In all honesty I was just wondering why you wanted him to find someone in the abortion forum, I couldn't tell if you were taking an underhanded swipe at women who had abortions or not

 

[ChrisL]

Oh, gotcha. I agree then, who cares? I prefer men who come with kids, I like children I'm looking for an older man and I'm not planning to have any kids myself (I've worked too hard on my body to ruin it with a pregnancy).

It's my personal preference, everyone's looking for different things in life.

Great.

 

[ChrisL]

Maybe women who have children are less self-centered and more mature too?

I should rephrase that and say SOME women. LOL! Obviously some women who have children are self-centered and not mature at all. But I would think when you have to put someone else before yourself, that tends to make you less self-centered and maybe more understanding of other people's needs.

 

[CanadaJohn]

LOL, not in the abortion forum they aren't

In all honesty I was just wondering why you wanted him to find someone in the abortion forum, I couldn't tell if you were taking an underhanded swipe at women who had abortions or not

No, no underhanded swipes, just that there are a lot of independent women there who seem pretty level headed about if and when they want to have children and while I may not agree with the extent to which they might support abortion, I do admire the level of control they exert over their own lives and they take responsibility for their own future and happiness that way, so it's less likely some of them who are young, in the 25 yr range, are going to have a lot of children from a failed marriage or even more so out of marriage.

 

[SmokeAndMirrors]

if you are still in the 'it's all about me' phase so that sick kids and Exs who can't get the kids means you can't play with the mommy on the dining room table tonight- well you are not ready for marriage and kids anyways I reckon.

How is someone selfish or immature for thinking seriously about the considerations of someone having pre-existing kids?

The problems I hear about most, with unchilded people dating childed people, is that the childed partner ignores their needs and uses them for babysitting. In some cases, there's also some very insane baby momma/daddy stuff going on.

Obviously there will be exceptions -- and the older the kids, the less this seems to be an issue. But that's a very real and legitimate reason to not want to date someone. Why bother with someone who's only half as committed as you are, and only seems to spend time with you to get something out of you?

Someone else pointed out that, perhaps, they don't necessarily do this for being selfish jerks. Being a single parent ain't easy, and perhaps that truly is what they need most.

But if you could be replaced by a 14-year-old with CPR training, that's not a relationship, and it's not immature or selfish to not want to be in it.

You don't have to, but your potential pool drops considerably if you don't want a woman with a kid. Considerably.

Really? I don't know very many under-25's with kids. Especially not in the pool he's looking at (college educated, with at least some desire for a career or travel, etc).

Under 25 women with kids usually come in a couple flavors in my experience: had the kid as a teen or had an accident while single, in which case they may not have graduated high school and rarely go to college, or women whose main desire was a domestic life as a SAHM so they got started fairly early.

Neither of those things seems to be what DA is looking for, so I wouldn't really think meeting women with kids would be something he'd see much of anyway. He seems to be asking about a specific person he knows.

 

[Aderleth]

Usually this is a deal breaker for me. It's not so much the kid; it's having to deal with the baby daddy and all of that baggage.

Dude, I'm 35 and that's still mostly a deal breaker for me. It'd take a pretty exceptional woman (and child) to get me over that particular barrier. If you stick to your age-range, and specifically to educated girls with career aspirations (ideally in urban environments, which is where most such girls live) you'll be fine.

 

[notquiteright]

How is someone selfish or immature for thinking seriously about the considerations of someone having pre-existing kids? The problems I hear about most, with unchilded people dating childed people, is that the childed partner ignores their needs and uses them for babysitting. In some cases, there's also some very insane baby momma/daddy stuff going on. Obviously there will be exceptions -- and the older the kids, the less this seems to be an issue. But that's a very real and legitimate reason to not want to date someone. Why bother with someone who's only half as committed as you are, and only seems to spend time with you to get something out of you. Someone else pointed out that, perhaps, they don't necessarily do this for being selfish jerks. Being a single parent ain't easy, and perhaps that truly is what they need most. But if you could be replaced by a 14-year-old with CPR training, that's not a relationship, and it's not immature or selfish to not want to be in it..

I do believe you mis-read or i didn't define my point very well. IF your big problem with trying a relationship with a single mom is there will be times she can't act like she is single and you two can't play slap and tickle all over the house whenever the little man down there pops up and says- "it's ME time!" - you might not be well suited for a serious relationship.

I don't know who you run with but if user single moms are that plentiful that poor innocent dudes are being used as babysitters- then someone needs a new circle of friends. On the flip side I've seen men who are not great catches sitting and whining about the relationship they are 'stuck' in when they should be damn grateful to have any woman willing to get at least part way naked in the same room with them.

I have no doubt some men are not well suited to joining a single mom in any sort of long term relationship. I don't doubt some single moms want just any ol' body.

But our single and ready to mingle OP is dismissing ALL single moms out of hand. Sure there are plenty of reasons not to 'risk' getting to know a single mom, the world is full of situations where there are plenty of reasons not to do something, but until you see the reason you are running from ghosts- things you THINK MIGHT be a problem.

My bottomline is if the OP has had a hard and fast rule against single moms, then he really isn't ready for more than lets play house for a few hours. That is NOT a slag, I have a female acquaintance (2 kids) who is fixated on under 25 'boys', she wonders why for all she does for them- and she can do AMAZING things- they don't stick around for more than a few months. I tried telling her a few times and then just gave up and sit nodding as she laments her latest loss- they just are not ready for the ready made family, one woman for the rest of their life bit - to every season and all that...

The OP is young, if he sees trouble before getting to know a person, and let's face it he isn't beta testing ALL single moms, he is looking for/at ONE person, if he just dismisses an entire group of females just because there MAY BE an issue or two unique to having kids around, he should keep walking.

After all, your circle of friends must be pretty small if you don't see couples having those same ahhh discussions and the guy used to being a lot more fancy free now being stared at with cold eyes telling him it is HIS turn to change that diaper and after being cooped up with the blessed stinky bundle of joy SHE needs some out of the house time

Until he can look past the kid and see the woman he just might be spending decades with after the rug rat moves out, he should just stay away. eace

 

[SmokeAndMirrors]

I do believe you mis-read or i didn't define my point very well. IF your big problem with trying a relationship with a single mom is there will be times she can't act like she is single and you two can't play slap and tickle all over the house whenever the little man down there pops up and says- "it's ME time!" - you might not be well suited for a serious relationship.

I don't know who you run with but if user single moms are that plentiful that poor innocent dudes are being used as babysitters- then someone needs a new circle of friends. On the flip side I've seen men who are not great catches sitting and whining about the relationship they are 'stuck' in when they should be damn grateful to have any woman willing to get at least part way naked in the same room with them.

I have no doubt some men are not well suited to joining a single mom in any sort of long term relationship. I don't doubt some single moms want just any ol' body.

But our single and ready to mingle OP is dismissing ALL single moms out of hand. Sure there are plenty of reasons not to 'risk' getting to know a single mom, the world is full of situations where there are plenty of reasons not to do something, but until you see the reason you are running from ghosts- things you THINK MIGHT be a problem.

My bottomline is if the OP has had a hard and fast rule against single moms, then he really isn't ready for more than lets play house for a few hours. That is NOT a slag, I have a female acquaintance (2 kids) who is fixated on under 25 'boys', she wonders why for all she does for them- and she can do AMAZING things- they don't stick around for more than a few months. I tried telling her a few times and then just gave up and sit nodding as she laments her latest loss- they just are not ready for the ready made family, one woman for the rest of their life bit - to every season and all that...

The OP is young, if he sees trouble before getting to know a person, and let's face it he isn't beta testing ALL single moms, he is looking for/at ONE person, if he just dismisses an entire group of females just because there MAY BE an issue or two unique to having kids around, he should keep walking.

After all, your circle of friends must be pretty small if you don't see couples having those same ahhh discussions and the guy used to being a lot more fancy free now being stared at with cold eyes telling him it is HIS turn to change that diaper and after being cooped up with the blessed stinky bundle of joy SHE needs some out of the house time

Until he can look past the kid and see the woman he just might be spending decades with after the rug rat moves out, he should just stay away. eace

Problem is, I have never seen a single parent with young kids (and they're going to be, if she's 25 or under) who WASN'T like that in a relationship with an unchilded person.

They may very well be ready for one woman for the rest of their life. Plenty of guys are at 25. But being with a single parent presents unique issues.

As speckle pointed out, sometimes they can't really help it. They can't help that being a single parent of young children leaves them no time and forces them to demote all their other relationships to a much lower status. It doesn't mean they're bad people.

But it DOES mean that an unchilded person is perfectly valid to choose to avoid a relationship with someone with young kids as a rule.

While the unchilded person is giving 100%, the parent is giving 20% in addition to sometimes being a source of a lot of extra drama. And maybe that's all they can afford to give, but it still isn't fair. Why should someone be in a relationship that's not fair?

I'm not accusing them of being malicious gold diggers. I'm simply pointing out what seems to be the reality of most relationships where one person has young children, and the other has none. And it's perfectly understandable why that seems to be the reality.

If someone would rather get to know a single parent first, more power to them. Maybe it'll even work out. Who knows.

But it's perfectly understandable that some people have a rule against it, especially when they're younger. And especially in DA's case, where he's looking for someone interested in college and career and travel before having kids.

The relationships that seem to work out best, in terms of one person being childed and the other not, is where they are older. Yes, sometimes it happens younger, but that seems to be a far less common occurrence.

 

[notquiteright]

Problem is, I have never seen a single parent with young kids (and they're going to be, if she's 25 or under) who WASN'T like that in a relationship with an unchilded person. They may very well be ready for one woman for the rest of their life. Plenty of guys are at 25. But being with a single parent presents unique issues. As speckle pointed out, sometimes they can't really help it. They can't help that being a single parent of young children leaves them no time and forces them to demote all their other relationships to a much lower status. It doesn't mean they're bad people. But it DOES mean that an unchilded person is perfectly valid to choose to avoid a relationship with someone with young kids as a rule. While the unchilded person is giving 100%, the parent is giving 20% in addition to sometimes being a source of a lot of extra drama. And maybe that's all they can afford to give, but it still isn't fair. Why should someone be in a relationship that's not fair? I'm not accusing them of being malicious gold diggers. I'm simply pointing out what seems to be the reality of most relationships where one person has young children, and the other has none. And it's perfectly understandable why that seems to be the reality. If someone would rather get to know a single parent first, more power to them. Maybe it'll even work out. Who knows. But it's perfectly understandable that some people have a rule against it, especially when they're younger. And especially in DA's case, where he's looking for someone interested in college and career and travel before having kids. The relationships that seem to work out best, in terms of one person being childed and the other not, is where they are older. Yes, sometimes it happens younger, but that seems to be a far less common occurrence.

No I would say plenty of guys are ready to marry, but given the divorce rate and number of young single moms, these young men are not ready for a life long commitment, or there wouldn't be a very big pool of single moms for the OP to dismiss.

I'd say you have waaaay too small a sampling to claim every single mom has 'used' the guy. I see single moms where their mom helps out. Single young moms who share the babysitting duties with other single moms. Single moms who make their own money and damn good money so they pay for everything to include the under 25 boy toy.

It must be a pretty crusty lot you run with if ALL the single moms are such users.

Now the flip-side to the single mom is the butterfly single girl. She KNOWS she is hot, knows she has only so many years of perky breasts, small waist and amazing flexibility so she is going to PLAY, have fun and not mess around with broke ass boys. 'Because I am WORTH it!' every hear that one before?

You can generalize about any group, well any race, ethnic back round or gender.

But you'd be wrong to be dismissive of an individual because of any of the above.

But it is his life and like i said, if he is that worried about her 'baggage' he just might have a few to check at the counter before he flies United his own self!

 

[SmokeAndMirrors]

No I would say plenty of guys are ready to marry, but given the divorce rate and number of young single moms, these young men are not ready for a life long commitment, or there wouldn't be a very big pool of single moms for the OP to dismiss.

I'd say you have waaaay too small a sampling to claim every single mom has 'used' the guy. I see single moms where their mom helps out. Single young moms who share the babysitting duties with other single moms. Single moms who make their own money and damn good money so they pay for everything to include the under 25 boy toy.

It must be a pretty crusty lot you run with if ALL the single moms are such users.

Now the flip-side to the single mom is the butterfly single girl. She KNOWS she is hot, knows she has only so many years of perky breasts, small waist and amazing flexibility so she is going to PLAY, have fun and not mess around with broke ass boys. 'Because I am WORTH it!' every hear that one before?

You can generalize about any group, well any race, ethnic back round or gender.

But you'd be wrong to be dismissive of an individual because of any of the above.

But it is his life and like i said, if he is that worried about her 'baggage' he just might have a few to check at the counter before he flies United his own self!

Older people marrying divorce a lot too. That isn't isolated to younger marriages.

I've seen those things, but not very much. And I seriously doubt you see them a lot either.

You're the one calling them users, not me. I'm simply acknowledging the economic and time availability reality of single parenthood for most people. Most of them aren't rich -- in fact, they're usually barely getting by. Most of them don't have some huge network of helpers available -- those people have their own lives to run, because they aren't rich either.

The outcome of that reality is that, in most cases, dating a single parent with young kids is a bum deal for an unchilded person.

It's no one's fault. No one has to be a "user." It's just a simple math problem of the number of hours in a day and the number of dollars in their bank account.

Are you going to try to tell me that single parenthood isn't tough for most people? Are you going to try to claim that even a significant minority of them have money or time to burn?

 

[ChrisL]

Older people marrying divorce a lot too. That isn't isolated to younger marriages.

I've seen those things, but not very much. And I seriously doubt you see them a lot either.

You're the one calling them users, not me. I'm simply acknowledging the economic and time availability reality of single parenthood for most people. Most of them aren't rich -- in fact, they're usually barely getting by. Most of them don't have some huge network of helpers available -- those people have their own lives to run, because they aren't rich either.

The outcome of that reality is that, in most cases, dating a single parent with young kids is a bum deal for an unchilded person.

It's no one's fault. No one has to be a "user." It's just a simple math problem of the number of hours in a day and the number of dollars in their bank account.

Are you going to try to tell me that single parenthood isn't tough for most people? Are you going to try to claim that even a significant minority of them have money or time to burn?

Jeez, having a kid isn't THAT hard. :lol: I did it at 16 years old. Never had a problem finding dates. You do things together and do more family-oriented activities instead of going out clubbing or whatever is all. I mean, I'm sure it's more work than for someone with no children, but it's not THAT bad. :lol:

 

[SmokeAndMirrors]

Jeez, having a kid isn't THAT hard. :lol: I did it at 16 years old. Never had a problem finding dates. You do things together and do more family-oriented activities instead of going out clubbing or whatever is all. I mean, I'm sure it's more work than for someone with no children, but it's not THAT bad. :lol:

And a woman I know took 6 years to complete her AA due to the time constraints of her children, and she wasn't even trying to date. But goddamn, she did it. :lol:

Yeah, individuals vary. But I don't see a ton of single parents with time to burn.

My dad didn't have time to burn, and I was 12 when he became a single parent. And he didn't even think about dating.

 

[ChrisL]

And a woman I know took 6 years to complete her AA due to the time constraints of her children, and she wasn't even trying to date. But goddamn, she did it. :lol:

Yeah, individuals vary. But I don't see a ton of single parents with time to burn.

My dad didn't have time to burn, and I was 12 when he became a single parent. And he didn't even think about dating.

I went to school and got my diploma and went to college with a child (granted I only have ONE child). You just get a babysitter and go out on your date on weekends. Sure, single parents are a bit busier and have more responsibilities but we aren't dead either. :mrgreen: Our lives aren't over. We still like to go out sometimes and have fun just like anyone else. Of course, the OP seems pretty young. It is probably advisable that he stick to women without children.

 

[SmokeAndMirrors]

I went to school and got my diploma and went to college with a child (granted I only have ONE child). You just get a babysitter and go out on your date on weekends. Sure, single parents are a bit busier and have more responsibilities but we aren't dead either. :mrgreen: Our lives aren't over. We still like to go out sometimes and have fun just like anyone else. Of course, the OP seems pretty young. It is probably advisable that he stick to women without children.

Yeah, problem is, a lot of single parents have to work, sometimes multiple jobs. They don't get to keep going to school at regular hours. Rent won't get paid.

No, they aren't dead, nor are their lives over, but look over what you just said there.

Go on dates on weekends. If you're wanting to be in a serious relationship with the goal that it may be life-long, at some point that's not going to be enough time for the relationship.

So at that point, what do you do?

A lot of single parents of young children will enlist their partner for help with childcare, in order to make it feasible to spend more time together.

But if they do that, and the kids are young... that means the time they're spending isn't about building the relationship. It's about babysitting.

The parent is short on time and head space once it gets past "a date on the weekend," while the unchilded person is able to spend more time seriously building the relationship, and potentially getting it to the real commitment stage. That means the unchilded person is pulling most of the weight of the relationship in addition to assuming a semi-parental role, and not getting much back in return because the childed person isn't available for their needs. That extra time is centered on the parent's and their children's needs.

Do you see the problem here?

 

[ChrisL]

Yeah, problem is, a lot of single parents have to work, sometimes multiple jobs. They don't get to keep going to school at regular hours. Rent won't get paid.

No, they aren't dead, nor are their lives over, but look over what you just said there.

Go on dates on weekends. If you're wanting to be in a serious relationship with the goal that it may be life-long, at some point that's not going to be enough time for the relationship.

So at that point, what do you do?

A lot of single parents will enlist their partner for help with childcare, in order to make it feasible to spend more time together.

But if they do that, and the kids are young... that means the time they're spending isn't about building the relationship. It's about babysitting.

The parent is short on time and head space once it gets past "a date on the weekend," while the unchilded person is able to spend more time seriously building the relationship, and potentially getting it to the real commitment stage. That means the unchilded person is pulling most of the weight of the relationship in addition to assuming a semi-parental role, and not getting much back in return because the childed person isn't available for their needs. That extra time is all about their and their children's needs.

Do you see the problem here?

I work full time, 40 hours a week and more sometimes. I still have plenty of time.

Of course, the man has to be mature enough to handle having a relationship with the child too. When you get into a relationship with a single parent, it's a package deal for sure. The way I see it though, I'm actually lucky, I will KNOW when a guy actually cares about me because he is willing to put himself out in that way for me and my child. THAT is incredibly sexy IMO. Selfless, generous, sweet. Lol!

Why do you look at single parent/childless people dating so negative? It may or may not work out just as any relationship. Are there some added stressors? Sure, but they aren't as horrible as you are making them sound.

There are PLENTY of things single people can do that can add stress to a relationship too.

 

[SmokeAndMirrors]

I work full time, 40 hours a week and more sometimes. I still have plenty of time.

Of course, the man has to be mature enough to handle having a relationship with the child too. When you get into a relationship with a single parent, it's a package deal for sure. The way I see it though, I'm actually lucky, I will KNOW when a guy actually cares about me because he is willing to put himself out in that way for me and my child. THAT is incredibly sexy IMO. Selfless, generous, sweet. Lol!

Why do you look at single parent/childless people dating so negative? It may or may not work out just as any relationship. Are there some added stressors? Sure, but they aren't as horrible as you are making them sound.

There are PLENTY of things single people can do that can add stress to a relationship too.

Yeah, but did you while you were going to school?

Yeah, you're right. But if a person requires a little more attention than that, why is that wrong? Why is it wrong to NOT want the scales to be so uneven?

I'm kinda down on it because most people I know who've tried it walked away saying they'd never do it again. And these are people who like kids and want kids, and their childed partners weren't bad people in most cases.

They just didn't like feeling ignored. There's nothing wrong with that.

Yup, single people can have all kinds of variables that might make them unsuitable to someone. And some of them are easily identifiable and not necessarily "bad," just like being a single parent. Some people have rules against dating people in certain lines of work, or people with certain incompatible life goals, or all kinds of other things. We all have a dealbreaker or two.

And there's good reasons for all of those things, for the people who have those kinds of rules.

 

[ChrisL]

Yeah, but did you while you were going to school?

Yeah, you're right. But if a person requires a little more attention than that, why is that wrong? Why is it wrong to NOT want the scales to be so uneven?

I'm kinda down on it because most people I know who've tried it walked away saying they'd never do it again. And these are people who like kids and want kids, and their childed partners weren't bad people in most cases.

They just didn't like feeling ignored. There's nothing wrong with that.

Yup, single people can have all kinds of variables that might make them unsuitable to someone. And some of them are easily identifiable and not necessarily "bad," just like being a single parent. Some people have rules against dating people in certain lines of work, or people with certain incompatible life goals, or all kinds of other things. We all have a dealbreaker or two.

And there's good reasons for all of those things, for the people who have those kinds of rules.

I don't understand what you mean by "more attention." It is possible to have simultaneous relationships with more than one person at a time.

 

[notquiteright]

Older people marrying divorce a lot too. That isn't isolated to younger marriages. I've seen those things, but not very much. And I seriously doubt you see them a lot either. You're the one calling them users, not me. I'm simply acknowledging the economic and time availability reality of single parenthood for most people. Most of them aren't rich -- in fact, they're usually barely getting by. Most of them don't have some huge network of helpers available -- those people have their own lives to run, because they aren't rich either. The outcome of that reality is that, in most cases, dating a single parent with young kids is a bum deal for an unchilded person. It's no one's fault. No one has to be a "user." It's just a simple math problem of the number of hours in a day and the number of dollars in their bank account. Are you going to try to tell me that single parenthood isn't tough for most people? Are you going to try to claim that even a significant minority of them have money or time to burn?

Your the one claiming all EVERY single mom uses the guy she meets??? You are dodging now, older folks do divorce but then the children are older and the divorce more often includes child support. Now according to the CDC 20% of married men are under age 22, 1/3 by 25. Of those 50% will divorce. So young marriage doesn't seem in the cards for many men and half who do marry young get divorced, the point of that is YOU claim 'many' young guys are ready to commit- MY point is they are but not long term.

So I never claimed divorce was just a young event don't put words in my typing. it is however a very common thing.

I never said the single mom has a huge network of helpers- again you move the position. It doesn't take an army, justa village... mom, friend, for that matter the government assists with daycare.

I never said single parenthood isn't tough- yet more making crap up, you do that a lot! Lots of life is tough, but that doesn't mean dating a single mom is harder than having a kid with a young wife. If the guy isn't ready to deal with kids he should avoid single moms and use two condoms!

I am saying if the OP dismisses an entire group of women because they have a kid or even kids then he isn't ready for serious relationships, or just relying on a condom.

 

[SmokeAndMirrors]

I don't understand what you mean by "more attention." It is possible to have simultaneous relationships with more than one person at a time.

Yeah, but the kids are always numero uno, right?

And when they're very young, they require a ton of attention, right?

For an unchilded person, assuming they're serious and decent, their PARTNER is numero uno.

So... do you understand why someone may not like being a lower priority to you than you are to them? And why that may be exacerbated if the kids are requiring a lot of your time, and you are always going to choose them over him, whereas he would choose you first?

 

[ChrisL]

Yeah, but did you while you were going to school?

Yeah, you're right. But if a person requires a little more attention than that, why is that wrong? Why is it wrong to NOT want the scales to be so uneven?

I'm kinda down on it because most people I know who've tried it walked away saying they'd never do it again. And these are people who like kids and want kids, and their childed partners weren't bad people in most cases.

They just didn't like feeling ignored. There's nothing wrong with that.

Yup, single people can have all kinds of variables that might make them unsuitable to someone. And some of them are easily identifiable and not necessarily "bad," just like being a single parent. Some people have rules against dating people in certain lines of work, or people with certain incompatible life goals, or all kinds of other things. We all have a dealbreaker or two.

And there's good reasons for all of those things, for the people who have those kinds of rules.

Do you mean because a person might not always have their partner's undivided attention?

BTW, I agree that it's a personal decision. I'm just saying that dating a single parent isn't as godawful as you made it sound in some of your posts. :lol:

 

[SmokeAndMirrors]

Your the one claiming all EVERY single mom uses the guy she meets??? You are dodging now, older folks do divorce but then the children are older and the divorce more often includes child support. Now according to the CDC 20% of married men are under age 22, 1/3 by 25. Of those 50% will divorce. So young marriage doesn't seem in the cards for many men and half who do marry young get divorced, the point of that is YOU claim 'many' young guys are ready to commit- MY point is they are but not long term.

So I never claimed divorce was just a young event don't put words in my typing. it is however a very common thing.

I never said the single mom has a huge network of helpers- again you move the position. It doesn't take an army, justa village... mom, friend, for that matter the government assists with daycare.

I never said single parenthood isn't tough- yet more making crap up, you do that a lot! Lots of life is tough, but that doesn't mean dating a single mom is harder than having a kid with a young wife. If the guy isn't ready to deal with kids he should avoid single moms and use two condoms!

I am saying if the OP dismisses an entire group of women because they have a kid or even kids then he isn't ready for serious relationships, or just relying on a condom.

I qualified every statement I made in that entire post with an explicit acknowledgment that not all single parents are the same. You are the one dodging.

And by the way, there are single dads too.

All I've said is that I understand why some people don't date single parents.

When you feel like debating me honestly, try again.

 

[ChrisL]

Yeah, but the kids are always numero uno, right?

And when they're very young, they require a ton of attention, right?

For an unchilded person, assuming they're serious and decent, their PARTNER is numero uno.

So... do you understand why someone may not like being a lower priority to you than you are to them? And why that may be exacerbated if the kids are requiring a lot of your time, and you are always going to choose them over him, whereas he would choose you first?

Like I said, you can love more than one person at a time. I would love my son in a different way but not necessarily any more than I would love my partner, who wasn't HIS father.

 

[SmokeAndMirrors]

Like I said, you can love more than one person at a time. I would love my son in a different way but not necessarily any more than I would love my partner, who wasn't HIS father.

Yes, you can. But love doesn't conquer all. Work is required too. If one person has very little time for the work, and the other has a lot, that is often a problem.

It isn't that I'm saying single parents love them less. It's just that a young child is very dependent in some very physically real ways. A parent will address that before they address the emotional needs of their partner.

That isn't as big of a problem if it's a partner you put the work into before the kids. But it is often a problem in a new relationship.

 

[ChrisL]

Another issue I have with this, is that these preconceived notions are just wrong. You should always get to know a person a bit before you make decisions like that. You could miss out on something really great because you have preconceived notions. :shrug:

 

[ChrisL]

Yes, you can. But love doesn't conquer all. Work is required too. If one person has very little time for the work, and the other has a lot, that is often a problem.

It isn't that I'm saying single parents love them less. It's just that a young child is very dependent in some very physically real ways. A parent will address that before they address the emotional needs of their partner.

That isn't as big of a problem if it's a partner you put the work into before the kids. But it is often a problem in a new relationship.

Not if the guy truly loves and cares about you. Then you AND your child are worth the extra effort.