Where are the REAL men?

[Medusa]

Of course. Any Lord should know how to treat a Lady. However, if she chooses to act like some unruly peasant girl rather than a Lady, she should be treated as such. What so many on both sides forget these days is that Chivalry and Courtly Love were/are two-way streets. They demand as much from the Lady as they do from the Lord, and neither side is expected to live up to their end of the bargain if the other side does not as well.

some men still dont want to appreciate the devotion some women show them .

some women are like that too

 

[Medusa]

I'm not saying this in regards to Josie, but for some women a "real man" is a douchebag. If he doesn't strut, isn't arrogant and is genuinely interested in them for anything but sex, he simply isn't sexy to them.

I see it as a product of low self-esteem coupled with basic hardiwiring by way of sex drive.

being real man means knowing how to treat women to me

 

[Rainman05]

I graduate in a month! I'm gonna be so glad to be done.

Same here, well, almost. We graduate in June here.

What are you finishing?

 

[ecofarm]

Of course. Any Lord should know how to treat a Lady. However, if she chooses to act like some unruly peasant girl rather than a Lady, she should be treated as such. What so many on both sides forget these days is that Chivalry and Courtly Love were/are two-way streets. They demand as much from the Lady as they do from the Lord, and neither side is expected to live up to their end of the bargain if the other side does not as well.

Ahhh, my Lady, I'm afraid that, according to the rules of Chivalry, I must now bludgeon you.

Really?

 

[Gardener]

being real man means knowing how to treat women to me

I tend to treat women like a human being, myself.

I find that it is people of both genders who have an exaggerated sense of masculinity and femininity who end up in the most abusive relationships.

 

[roughdraft274]

The last few dates I've been on have been with guys who either still live with mommy and daddy, have no job and/or can't make a decision on their own. Where are the men who know what they want, have worked their asses off to get what they want and aren't afraid to knock some heads around when necessary? I want one of those.

I gotta ask, how old are you Josie?

I'm probably the worst person in the world to take dating advice from. Every relationship I had before I met my wife was pretty much a waste of time. Couldn't have made any of them work out. My wife and I met as sophomore's in highschool, at a party, started dating a week later, just clicked, and we are still together and married with a kid on the way 10 years later. I can only really remember one fight we've had in ten years. It just kind of works for us. So I tell people, usually, to not worry about it so much and keep an open mind.

 

[Medusa]

I tend to treat women like a human being, myself.

I find that it is people of both genders who have an exaggerated sense of masculinity and femininity who end up in the most abusive relationships.

love doctor

 

[Tigger]

some men still dont want to appreciate the devotion some women show them. some women are like that too

I will not disagree with that in any way, Medusa. Obviously there will always be people of both genders who don't/won't appreciate what their significant other does for them on a daily basis. Thankfully they are still the exception rather than the rule in society, and would be even moreso if more couples would take the time to communicate their expectations to each other. How many times have we both heard..... "The flowers every Friday when he gets paid are nice, but I really wish he'd just pick up his Goddamn clothes and put them in the hamper each evening." or "She's a great cook and I love that she makes dinner for us every night but I just wish she could get the bills paid on time each month."

Ahhh, my Lady, I'm afraid that, according to the rules of Chivalry, I must now bludgeon you. Really?

Something like that. Chivalry and Courtly Love were actually well defined social systems that imposed expectations, restrictions, and limits on the Noble and Royal families of the Middle Ages. Despite our fantastical notion of the system it did not apply to or include those outside of the Noble and Royal classes. In certain times and places it did include corporal punishment, but more often it included social punishments which could often be much more unpleasant to an individual than any physical assault.

 

[Josie]

I'm 32 - never been married.

 

[Medusa]

I will not disagree with that in any way, Medusa. Obviously there will always be people of both genders who don't/won't appreciate what their significant other does for them on a daily basis. Thankfully they are still the exception rather than the rule in society, and would be even moreso if more couples would take the time to communicate their expectations to each other. How many times have we both heard..... "The flowers every Friday when he gets paid are nice, but I really wish he'd just pick up his Goddamn clothes and put them in the hamper each evening." or "She's a great cook and I love that she makes dinner for us every night but I just wish she could get the bills paid on time each month."



Something like that. Chivalry and Courtly Love were actually well defined social systems that imposed expectations, restrictions, and limits on the Noble and Royal families of the Middle Ages. Despite our fantastical notion of the system it did not apply to or include those outside of the Noble and Royal classes. In certain times and places it did include corporal punishment, but more often it included social punishments which could often be much more unpleasant to an individual than any physical assault.

l can agree .

 

[Paschendale]

Same here, well, almost. We graduate in June here.

What are you finishing?

My JD. Then I'm gonna come back here and punctuate all my snarky posts with "lawyered".

 

[Tigger]

l can agree.

Definitely. I've seen couples where there was great communication and others where there was no communication. The results of those relationships are rarely the same. Of course in our more politically correct world these days it doesn't surprise me that many people (of both genders) are not willing to voice their wants, needs, and desires to their partners. Especially if those things are not quite as politically correct or "enlightened" as today's society would prefer.

 

[Gardener]

Definitely. I've seen couples where there was great communication and others where there was no communication. The results of those relationships are rarely the same. Of course in our more politically correct world these days it doesn't surprise me that many people (of both genders) are not willing to voice their wants, needs, and desires to their partners. Especially if those things are not quite as politically correct or "enlightened" as today's society would prefer.

How ironic that you would tout open communiction while threatening to beat them up if they stepped out of line.

 

[blackjack50]

The last few dates I've been on have been with guys who either still live with mommy and daddy, have no job and/or can't make a decision on their own. Where are the men who know what they want, have worked their asses off to get what they want and aren't afraid to knock some heads around when necessary? I want one of those.

I guess you shouldn't have dumped the nice guy. Lol. And check your friend zone history.

But seriously. How old are you?

 

[Tigger]

How ironic that you would tout open communiction while threatening to beat them up if they stepped out of line.

Communication and discipline are not mutually exclusive concepts, Gardener.

I believe that I've made it clear over time that I was never looking for a woman to change into the sort of person I wanted to be with. I was always searching for someone who already had the same viewpoint that I did on discipline, gender roles, and things of that nature. By being open, upfront, and honest about what I was looking for I weeded out a lot of women who were not going to be reasonable matches very quickly. In doing so I saved us both a lot of time that might have been spent dating a person who would not be compatible with them in the long term.

By using communication from the very beginning of the interaction I ensured that these women knew who and what I was from the start. If they didn't want that sort of guy, fine. No skin off my nose. Likewise, her reactions to my views told me lots about whether they might be compatible with me or not.

 

[Tigger]

I guess you shouldn't have dumped the nice guy. Lol. And check your friend zone history.

While I agree with you to a point, there should be a large selection of men between the scumballs and the momma's boys who can't even do their own laundry. As for the Friend Zone.... yes, women do often hurt their chances of finding the decent guy (not necessarily the nice guy), by utilizing the Friend Zone but a lot of guys allow themselves to be put there without a fight.

I get the feeling that what Josie is really looking for is the Decent Guy. He's not the Bad Boy but he's also actually got his life/act together. He can take care of himself and doesn't NEED to have his mom or girlfriend do his laundry, make him dinner, and remind him to pay the bills AND he actually wants a relationship instead of a hook-up or friends with benefits arrangement. He's his own person, but he WANTS to find someone to be his better half.

 

[Lutherf]

The last few dates I've been on have been with guys who either still live with mommy and daddy, have no job and/or can't make a decision on their own. Where are the men who know what they want, have worked their asses off to get what they want and aren't afraid to knock some heads around when necessary? I want one of those.

Sounds like you're meeting them in the wrong places.

Get involved with local organizations that interest you, are tied to your profession or are tied to a cause you believe in. you will broaden your horizons dn odds are that if you meet someone they will have at least some common ground.

 

[Rainman05]

My JD. Then I'm gonna come back here and punctuate all my snarky posts with "lawyered".

Congrats!

I have a lot of friends who are lawyers . Best of luck

 

[JC Callender]

We're a pretty immature culture right now, addicted to instant gratification and often putting ourselves before others. We're cynical towards relationships, as we should be at this point in time. Patience and the willingness to put up with or accept the problems of others are good starting points to relationships. Successful dating and marriage aren't hopeless.....either is finding gold through mining, but both take much more work and risk than many of us are willing to put into it.

 

[Tigger]

My JD. Then I'm gonna come back here and punctuate all my snarky posts with "lawyered".

Just realize that won't necessarily INCREASE the value of your posts to many of us, and in fact may radically DECEEASE their.value to some of us. I do congratulate you on the time, effort, and money necessary to achieve the accomplishment..... Not everyone survives the frontal lobotomy necessary to get a law degree.

 

[SmokeAndMirrors]

I will not disagree with that in any way, Medusa. Obviously there will always be people of both genders who don't/won't appreciate what their significant other does for them on a daily basis. Thankfully they are still the exception rather than the rule in society, and would be even moreso if more couples would take the time to communicate their expectations to each other. How many times have we both heard..... "The flowers every Friday when he gets paid are nice, but I really wish he'd just pick up his Goddamn clothes and put them in the hamper each evening." or "She's a great cook and I love that she makes dinner for us every night but I just wish she could get the bills paid on time each month."

I've never heard either of those things.

Men who won't perform simple tasks at home usually aren't the type to be constantly buying presents.

Women who take on all the domestic chores typically don't work, or if they do, they don't make anywhere near as much money.

Personally, I don't really care about presents, and I prefer people to just do what they say they're gonna do, regardless of what the precise arrangement is.

 

[American]

A frog to one, is not to another. So be prepared to have your days as the frog too.

 

[grip]

The last few dates I've been on have been with guys who either still live with mommy and daddy, have no job and/or can't make a decision on their own. Where are the men who know what they want, have worked their asses off to get what they want and aren't afraid to knock some heads around when necessary? I want one of those.

They're all sweeping pretty Princesses off their feet on their white stallions with their hairy chests exposed...lol

 

[Tigger]

I've never heard either of those things.

I've heard those and a slew of other things from both sides of the Gender War over the years.

Personally, I don't really care about presents, and I prefer people to just do what they say they're gonna do, regardless of what the precise arrangement is.

I take it you've made that very clear to the gentlemen in your life, over the years? One of the things I've found throughout the course of my life is that relationships (of all types) work out a lot better when there is a clear and distinct understanding of what each party in the relationship expects to get out of the relationship and what they are expected to invest in it as well. Whether it's a job, a friendship, a romantic relationship, etc.... A place for everyone and everyone in their place makes relationships work a whole lot better. At least that's my experience.

 

[SmokeAndMirrors]

I take it you've made that very clear to the gentlemen in your life, over the years? One of the things I've found throughout the course of my life is that relationships (of all types) work out a lot better when there is a clear and distinct understanding of what each party in the relationship expects to get out of the relationship and what they are expected to invest in it as well. Whether it's a job, a friendship, a romantic relationship, etc.... A place for everyone and everyone in their place makes relationships work a whole lot better. At least that's my experience.

Oh, yes. I have found making ones expectations very clear is the best way to get them met. It also gives me a good picture of when someone just doesn't give a damn. If I've put those expectations out there and they are simply being ignored, there's only one possible reason for that.

Saves everyone frustration, and saves me time on people who don't care.