For me, almost nothing is a so-called "dealbreaker" if it really is a serious relationship, but now at age 62 I have come to realize that when things are starting to get serious, certain red flags should be taken at face value:
- 1. She "throws the engagement ring at you" (or on the floor etc) over a trifling dispute.
- 2. Cheating, or getting set up to be open to cheating.
- 3. Dishonesty. No, not little white lies...dishonesty, as in complete and utter fabrications.
- 4. Drug or alcohol addiction. No, not in sobriety/recovery...active addiction.
Re: #1: By "trifling" I mean silly stuff like where we're going to eat, or what you or her wanted to wear, or something lightweight like that.
Taking off an engagement ring and tossing it is a serious thing, it means "we are done" and that happened to me, and I took off for a couple of days and she (first wife as fiancee) begged for me to come back. In retrospect, I should have correctly interpreted it as a bad sign and stayed gone.
And it was a totally stupid argument which escalated. She was drunk, I wasn't, and she did it, she took the ring off and threw it at me, for the stupidest little thing.
Re #2: At the time I did not know my first wife had cheated on me. I learned it later, after we'd split up.
Had I found out then, it would have ended the marriage immediately. I do not cheat, because if it's a serious relationship, I just don't do that.
#3: Self explanatory.
#4: I've been there. Take my word for it, don't get serious with someone who is actively an addict. You will regret it.
Take them to bed? That's your choice, but don't get involved beyond that is my advice. As an older guy now, I'm saying even doing that might be disastrous but I understand how young men think, having been young once upon a time.
In retrospect, I probably still would have bedded my first wife - - like my current wife, she was absolutely spectacular at the time, but looking back, I wouldn't have gotten serious and I wouldn't have married her.
Almost everything else, a serious relationship can recover from, and in fact maybe even be strengthened by sometimes.
But the four horsemen of the above are most definitely signs of an apocalypse.