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parents disciplining children

mixedmedia said:
I think he's saying, that when we are with those we feel most comfortable around - our families - it is often our first reaction to act with anger. Especially when we are dealing with the often irrational behavior of children. Or child-like people, lol.
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He said "gratification". That means happiness to me. Suppose we could always wait till he comes back and tells us all what he really meant by saying corporal punishment was instant gratification.
 
Here I have been bragging about how well behaved my six year old is and that I do not spank him, but I also have a 14 month old.....he is into everything he can get his letter hands on. If he is not dragging the pots and pans out of the cabinet he is turning over the DVD case. That is normal behavior for that age group I guess, but my six year old didn't behave that way.

Maybe when my 14 month old gets older I will change my attitude on spanking, one never knows until they are in that situation.
All kids are different.
 
Beat your kids! It builds character.
 
OdgenTugbyGlub said:
Learn to take a joke! It releases bowel pressure ;) .
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I was...it's called dry humor. I was being sarcastic
 
I was...it's called dry humor. I was being sarcastic
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Hey, come on. I just wanted to make an "anal retentive" joke, and you were there.
 
OdgenTugbyGlub said:
Hey, come on. I just wanted to make an "anal retentive" joke, and you were there.
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Glad I could be there for ya
 
oh come on.


I hear serial killer is a respectable profession.
 
"often our first reaction to act with anger. Especially when we are dealing with the often irrational behavior of children."-Mixedmedia

Yes, when we see someone we love doing something that could hurt them, we go through fear and then anger. Spanking a child out of that anger or fear is "instantly gratifying" by allowing us to release that fear/anger and returning to normal. We then call that "tough love" and we feel better. The kid is stll scared and now hurt, emotionally and physically.
 
ddoyle00 said:
"often our first reaction to act with anger. Especially when we are dealing with the often irrational behavior of children."-Mixedmedia

Yes, when we see someone we love doing something that could hurt them, we go through fear and then anger. Spanking a child out of that anger or fear is "instantly gratifying" by allowing us to release that fear/anger and returning to normal. We then call that "tough love" and we feel better. The kid is stll scared and now hurt, emotionally and physically.
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Please. I was never scared or hurt emotionally in my childhood. Physically? Well that's kind of the point. Screaming at the kid does just as good a job of releasing the fear/anger. But it doesn't always reflect the gravity of the situation.
 
My posts arent targeted toward anyone in particular, its just allows someone to view life differently. In other words, if the shoe doesnt fit, then dont wear it.

I gave an example of how the parasympathetic and the sympathetic nervous system act in accordance with fear and anger and how that CAN be directed towards a child.

I am trying to point out that is we can get past the automatic physical sensations and then hitting the child then we can learn new ways of reinforcing positive behaivior and reducing unwanted behavior.
 
ddoyle00 said:
My posts arent targeted toward anyone in particular, its just allows someone to view life differently. In other words, if the shoe doesnt fit, then dont wear it.

I gave an example of how the parasympathetic and the sympathetic nervous system act in accordance with fear and anger and how that CAN be directed towards a child.

I am trying to point out that is we can get past the automatic physical sensations and then hitting the child then we can learn new ways of reinforcing positive behaivior and reducing unwanted behavior.
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You think you can raise a kid with only positive reinforcement? I am highly skeptical, to say the least.
 
Not only, but with negative reinforcement which isn't hitting a child or withholding affection. It could include timeouts, taking away of privileges, loss of allowance, extra work. etc.
 
alphieb said:
You said you had four kids and only had to beat one, are you saying the other three are perfect? Maybe they will be strapped to an electric chair.
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Actually the one who was beat grew up to be more honest and well behaved than the non beat. Go figure.

You can reason with a four year old, talking things through is better than yelling like a maniac and is not constructive.
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You're trying to tell me I could have reasoned with the boy when he was four? Are you assuming I yelled like a maniac? I don't tell you how to raise your kids. You seem just fine telling others.

But how about a beating anecdote. So I used to get a wooden spoon wet and beat the boys bare ass. Stings real nice and in the long term hurts less. No bruising and what not. Makes a nice sound and saves wear and tear on your hand. I would do this in his room with the door closed and often come out to find the girls in the hall giggling. One day the boy and me set them up. We had a mock beating in the room and while he was still fake wailing I jerked open the door to have the girls fall into the room like the three stooges.
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Children handle being punished better if there is an episode of demonstrated love afterwards. Sit them down, give them a hug, tell them you love them, and that they got punished because you love them, and explain why they got punished. It is our jobs to teach them and guide them. They'll understand.
 
teacher said:
Actually the one who was beat grew up to be more honest and well behaved than the non beat. Go figure.



You're trying to tell me I could have reasoned with the boy when he was four? Are you assuming I yelled like a maniac? I don't tell you how to raise your kids. You seem just fine telling others.

But how about a beating anecdote. So I used to get a wooden spoon wet and beat the boys bare ass. Stings real nice and in the long term hurts less. No bruising and what not. Makes a nice sound and saves wear and tear on your hand. I would do this in his room with the door closed and often come out to find the girls in the hall giggling. One day the boy and me set them up. We had a mock beating in the room and while he was still fake wailing I jerked open the door to have the girls fall into the room like the three stooges.
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I was not saying you personally yelled like a maniac, but a lot of parents do and I don't think that is effective.

I'm not telling anyone how to raise their kids, this is simply a debate site.

I just personally think there are other methods of punishment that may be effective. Of course I have a 14 month old to contend with now. Of course I never spanked him as he is too young, but when he gets a little older I may have a different perspective. All kids are different. I also think consistency is the key.

I do think a four year old is capable of being reasoned with depending on their particular maturity level. Talking to your kids promotes their reasoning skills if you do it on their level. Talk to them in ways that they can understand.
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alphieb said:
teacher said:
I was not saying you personally yelled like a maniac, but a lot of parents do and I don't think that is effective.

I'm not telling anyone how to raise their kids, this is simply a debate site.

I just personally think there are other methods of punishment that may be effective. Of course I have a 14 month old to contend with now. Of course I never spanked him as he is too young, but when he gets a little older I may have a different perspective. All kids are different. I also think consistency is the key.

I do think a four year old is capable of being reasoned with depending on their particular maturity level. Talking to your kids promotes their reasoning skills if you do it on their level. Talk to them in ways that they can understand.
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Yelling does almost no good except as an indication that further escalation is eminent. Children will tune yelling out if there is no follow up that gets their attention.
We used the 1,2,3 count, and punishment always followed the 3. Consistency is the key. BTW, when we sent them to their rooms, the only thing they were allowed to do in there was read, and nap. A lot of times when a kid is acting up, it is a nap that they need anyway.
It worked for our 2, and the 6 grandchildren, so far.
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UtahBill said:
Children handle being punished better if there is an episode of demonstrated love afterwards. Sit them down, give them a hug, tell them you love them, and that they got punished because you love them, and explain why they got punished. It is our jobs to teach them and guide them. They'll understand.
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Wow. I think that is one of the most insightful things ever. I personally don't think I would ever spank a child, but the way you put it almost makes me change my mind. (Mind you I have no children and am only 16, so I'm not speaking from experience as a parent)

Still, I don't believe in hitting a child, be it a spanking or a punch in the nose. I believe that teaching my child to both be empathic and to think logically (although I'm not sure I've figured out how I'll do that yet) will be the most rewarding for the child in the future, having the example set for them that violence is not the only way to solve disputes.
 
I was raised strict from the very start of my life and have turned out pretty good:roll: I think that if you are spoiled when you are young and not taught the means of being disciplined the kids are more likely to scream abuse on every little occasion....

I have to go so this will be editted!!!
 
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