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parents disciplining children

Aurora151989

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couldn't find a section for this so here goes

Why is it that now, social services has parents so afraid of being arrested that they can't even discipline their kids correctly? Kids aren't dumb, they know that if their parent tries to discipline them, they can always cry abuse, and this results in kids who are simply out of control. We blame the parents for the kid's behavior but we should really blame child protective services for putting such fear into parents.
 

liberal1

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Aurora151989 said:
couldn't find a section for this so here goes

Why is it that now, social services has parents so afraid of being arrested that they can't even discipline their kids correctly?

What do you mean by diciplining kids correctly? If this refers to beating a kid regularly, parents should be subjected to an investigation by child protection. Blaming child services for a kid's behavior is not logical at all, if you're a good parent you shouldn't have to beat your kid reguarly.
 

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I don't think anything was said about 'beating' your kids. There is nothing wrong with an occasional spanking when they deserve it.

I got spanked many times when I was young and it made me a better person because I deserved it. And I thank my parents for doing it instead of ignoring me like so many parents do these days.

Perhaps if parents disciplined their kids once in a while, there wouldn't be as many brats as there is now.
 

Aurora151989

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Old and wise said:
I don't think anything was said about 'beating' your kids. There is nothing wrong with an occasional spanking when they deserve it.

I got spanked many times when I was young and it made me a better person because I deserved it. And I thank my parents for doing it instead of ignoring me like so many parents do these days.

Perhaps if parents disciplined their kids once in a while, there wouldn't be as many brats as there is now.

this is what i meant by my post. Parents are afraid to spank their kids.
 

mixedmedia

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Social services has parents afraid of spanking their children? Are we going to blame the organization set up to protect children from abuse for the way kids are today? I think that's taking a line of reasoning way too far. Perhaps occasionally good parents get questioned about the spanking of their children for disciplinary purposes, but come on, should we allow abuse to go by unquestioned because we're afraid of offending parents who choose to spank? When examined, the difference between spanking and abuse is apparent. If some good parents rarely get inconvenienced as a result then so be it. Perhaps if they look at it this way they could at least be gratified that someone was paying attention to the welfare of their kids.
 

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Aurora151989 said:
couldn't find a section for this so here goes

Why is it that now, social services has parents so afraid of being arrested that they can't even discipline their kids correctly? Kids aren't dumb, they know that if their parent tries to discipline them, they can always cry abuse, and this results in kids who are simply out of control. We blame the parents for the kid's behavior but we should really blame child protective services for putting such fear into parents.

There are other ways to discipline your kids besides spanking. Try time out or taking something away from them, that can be very painful. When you get upset with someone in a social setting or work, do you hit them? Of course not....so why should we hit our kids? What kind of message does that send? Battery is a crime.
 

Old and wise

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alphieb said:
There are other ways to discipline your kids besides spanking. Try time out or taking something away from them, that can be very painful. When you get upset with someone in a social setting or work, do you hit them? Of course not....so why should we hit our kids? What kind of message does that send? Battery is a crime.

Spanking is not battery and it has been done since the beginning of time.

Lack of parental guidance and lack of discipline is the reason why there are so many wild kids in todays society.

But, there are a lot of parents that have never grown up either.
 

mixedmedia

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Old and wise said:
Lack of parental guidance and lack of discipline is the reason why there are so many wild kids in todays society.

But, there are a lot of parents that have never grown up either.

I agree with these statements. But I don't think spanking or not spanking is the issue. It may sound a little new age-y or silly, but I think many people are simply out of touch with meaningful, purposeful ideas. They don't reflect anymore. Our values are all out of whack - and I'm not talking about "family values." Superficiality and materialistic obsession have made people cynical and to a large degree disrespectful of each other. In kids today it so readily apparent. Even the very young. Not sure I worded that right....
 

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mixedmedia said:
I agree with these statements. But I don't think spanking or not spanking is the issue. It may sound a little new age-y or silly, but I think many people are simply out of touch with meaningful, purposeful ideas. They don't reflect anymore. Our values are all out of whack - and I'm not talking about "family values." Superficiality and materialistic obsession have made people cynical and to a large degree disrespectful of each other. In kids today it so readily apparent. Even the very young. Not sure I worded that right....

You worded it right and I think you hit the nail right on the head.
 

ngdawg

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Two words: accountability. consequences.
They aren't taught at a young age because it's 'easier' for the parent to take over and do it themselves instead of giving kids choices and experiencing the result of those choices; taking the time to teach and discipline is too much effort and OH MY GAWD! the kid might not LIKE me anymore for punishing for the wrong choice.....
 

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As far as a child reporting a parent for abuse when in reality, there was only a spanking involved, I say that child would do that with or without the actual punishment having been administered. It's just like any other way in which you offer help to someone without cost: some people will take advantage of your kindness. So to not spank a child out of fear of being reported is a moot point.

I can say for myself that taking a spanking was not all that painful an experience. The real pain is knowing that I let my dad down. Feeling shame is a much more powerful emotion than the fear of a belt. In raising a child, instilling a fear of failure and of doing things you shouldn't is paramount. If a child does not have the capability to feel ashamed of his actions, no amount of corporal punishment will be enough. I see kids these days, little kids, getting away with acting out in public and doing whatever they want without anyone making them stop. No discipline. No shame. It's really sad to think of what will become of that generation.

God, I sound old:(
 

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Hmm... I'd have to say the issue is a toss up. On one hand, parents should be able to punish their children in any way they see fit (as long as it does no long-term damage) to make sure that their children behave properly. Yet, on the other hand, children (or anyone for that matter) should never deny an action out of fear. For example, kids who are underage and don't drink out of fear are just as bad as those that do, because instead of seeing that it is wrong they blindly follow. Every action should be done out of principle. Maybe the best remedy for bad actions is a good long discussion that your child is engaged in. Let them talk, and make their arguements the best that they can, then refute their arguements and make sure they understand what they did wrong and why it was wrong (though this can only be applied at an older age). "because I said so" is the crappiest lamest excuse for an arguement, and it only makes your child resent what you told him or her to do more.
 

Kelzie

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Brutus said:
Hmm... I'd have to say the issue is a toss up. On one hand, parents should be able to punish their children in any way they see fit (as long as it does no long-term damage) to make sure that their children behave properly. Yet, on the other hand, children (or anyone for that matter) should never deny an action out of fear. For example, kids who are underage and don't drink out of fear are just as bad as those that do, because instead of seeing that it is wrong they blindly follow. Every action should be done out of principle. Maybe the best remedy for bad actions is a good long discussion that your child is engaged in. Let them talk, and make their arguements the best that they can, then refute their arguements and make sure they understand what they did wrong and why it was wrong (though this can only be applied at an older age). "because I said so" is the crappiest lamest excuse for an arguement, and it only makes your child resent what you told him or her to do more.

Ehhh. I can tell you one of the best reasons my mom spanked me. I ran out into the street when I was three. Some things kids shouldn't do out of fear.
 

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Aurora151989 said:
Kids aren't dumb, they know that if their parent tries to discipline them, they can always cry abuse,

If your kid rats you out that then you've been doing something wrong from the start. They don't love and trust you. I had to beat my son constantly until he was 5 or so. I never had to spank the girls. I just told them, "You want some of what your brother gets?" They straightened right up. When I was young the only thing that kept me in line was fear of my father. It's a boy thing. I've got a ton of ass beating anecdotes.

If there are any childless people posting on this one- go away. You just don't know. Unless you are referring how your parents did you. Now I'm gonna go look for someone who says don't beat the children.
 

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alphieb said:
There are other ways to discipline your kids besides spanking. Try time out or taking something away from them, that can be very painful. When you get upset with someone in a social setting or work, do you hit them? Of course not....so why should we hit our kids? What kind of message does that send? Battery is a crime.

Do you have a son over two?
 

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Brutus said:
Yet, on the other hand, children (or anyone for that matter) should never deny an action out of fear.

Do you have a son over two?


Maybe the best remedy for bad actions is a good long discussion that your child is engaged in. .

I'm guessing no. You're gonna reason with a three year old? OMG this is a hilarious thread.
 

Kelzie

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teacher said:
Do you have a son over two?

It's not just a boy thing. My little brother is an angel. My little sister is the devil incarnate. Most bull-headed kid I have ever seen in my life. Takes after her big sis. :cool:
 

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How many times have you heard "Well, my parents spanked me and Im gonna spank my kids"?
When a child does someting wrong, the adult gets upset and spanking the kid offers instant gratification for the adult.
There are different and less painful ways to instil order and discipline in children other than physical punishment. It would be nice to see a study done where parents who physically discipline their kids try a different approach for six months and record the data. But doing it just cause their daddy beat them is wrong.
 

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teacher said:
Do you have a son over two?

Yes, I have a six year old and a one and a half year old. Let me clarify something. I have spanked my six year old, but only twice and regreted it. I still think it is wrong and there are other ways to punish.
 

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Oh...Timmy.....I love you......SMACK


What does this tell a child....and how does this correspond to Violence in society?


We will NEVER hit our children....NEVER
 

mixedmedia

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My older girls were mischievous and very likely to do things like empty all the shampoo into the tub, but they weren't bad. I never spanked them.

My youngest, a six year old girl, while she isn't "bad" she is as stubborn as an old mule. But she is also very sensitive so I don't spank her because I don't think it would help either of us. I think most parents love and know their children and won't punish them in a way that will be harmful to them.
 

ngdawg

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I have spanked my son, a couple of times in anger and also have regretted it and apologized to him for it. He was incorrigible, but come to find out it was not his nor my fault...he had a behavior allergy to a food additive. Finding this out made my guilt worse.
A sister-in-law thought nothing of smacking her sons in the back of their heads, which made me cringe and my own spouse at one time smacked my son hard enough to send him reeling over and landing near the tub. After my admonishing, he never laid a hand on him again. My nephews would say they'd call 911 on their mother and I felt they'd be within their rights. They never did, of course.
When my son was three or so, he tripped over his father's foot and banged his eye into a corner of our counter, splitting open his eyelid. Concerned he injured his eye, I took him to the ER. I allowed the nurses to question him, question me about his injury (of course, at 3, he was scared and didn't say much of anything at all). They seem to have a timetable of re-asking to make sure there are no discrepancies in stories so that they can determine whether to pursue with DYFS. Fine by me.
The point is, there's a fine line that too many times gets crossed without intervention. I see nothing wrong with a swat on the rear to avert attention or stop some awful misbehavior immediately. Everyone has their own idea of what abuse is, but many times it's nowhere near true abuse. I've been accused by strangers of abuse for having my toddlers walk with wristleashes attached to me!! But is it better to have one run off or both?
It goes back to what I said earlier-accountability. Both on the parents' side and, if they are half-way decent parents, the child's.
 

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ddoyle00 said:
How many times have you heard "Well, my parents spanked me and Im gonna spank my kids"?
When a child does someting wrong, the adult gets upset and spanking the kid offers instant gratification for the adult.
There are different and less painful ways to instil order and discipline in children other than physical punishment. It would be nice to see a study done where parents who physically discipline their kids try a different approach for six months and record the data. But doing it just cause their daddy beat them is wrong.

Well, my parent spanked me and I'm gonna spank my kids. There's one. I was not "emotionally damaged" by it. I have never doubted my mom's love for me and we are closer than any other mother/daughter relationship that I have seen. It's a form of discipline that works much better than time out for 2-5 year olds. How long you gonna put your 4 year-old in time out when they put a brick through your TV?
 

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I have spanked my kids.. But I rarley ever have to spank them fo the same thing twice. I give them chances and warnings, when that fails then we proceed to the next step. If someone doesn't like the way I handle my children they should step right up to me and say so. Then WE can have a talk about it and how you need to keep your fukn nose out of my business. I have 2 kids that are happy, healthy, and for the most part respectful. They know there are consequences for there actions. Something that in this country is sorely lacking anymore. I will raise my children, I don't need a tree huggin hippy peace and love liberal doing it for me.
 

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tecoyah said:
Oh...Timmy.....I love you......SMACK


What does this tell a child....and how does this correspond to Violence in society?


We will NEVER hit our children....NEVER

Yet oddly enough you can go back 30 or 40 years and violence was nothing near what it is today. There was a strong code of ethics and responsibility drummed into children, and occasionally smack or two. Now there is little discipline and guns are being brought to school between the rapes and the muggings.
 
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