SmokeAndMirrors
DP Veteran
- Joined
- May 20, 2011
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I love reading your posts like this, Smoke. You're very talented.
Meh, I'll be 40 this time next year. Now I just see it as part of life. I don't have to feel old, I don't have to feel like I wasted my life...those are choices. My whole world collapsed when I was 19, I started another one. It collapsed again this year...I'll find another one. It seems the end of the world as we know it comes about every 20 years. To quote Michael Stipe, "I feel fine."
At 59 I see every new day as being good simply because I am still above ground.
Enjoy your pets, but value your friends more. The only thing that you must be, in order to have one, is a friend.
I have a kitty sitting beside me.
Not too long after the loss of my elder kitty, I stumbled upon a beautiful moggie cat people were spreading the word about. She had been up for adoption for months, being kept in foster. The reason she sat so long? Well, first of all, she's an adult -- about 1 1/2. And second of all, she's a bit of a trauma cat, and she was terrified in the shelter environment when people came to see her.
Her face grabbed me by the neck and I just had to go see her. So I did. Her signs were small, as she huddled, shaking, in the back of her carrier. But she was totally non-aggressive -- just scared. And when I sent her eye kisses, she returned them. When I pet her face, she turned it into my palm, as if to block out the sad yowls of the shelter.
And home with me she went.
I just realized something.
She's still got her whole life ahead of her. If we're converting cat to human, she's maybe slightly younger than the age I am now. I'm 24.
Assuming she doesn't have any kind of catastrophic disorder (which would be unusual, now that she's safely and healthfully in adulthood), I can expect her to live possibly as long as...
Until I am in my 40's.
My 40's. My 40's. My 40's. My 40's.
My 40's? I'm theoretically going to have 40's? What the hell happened to my teens!? Where did they go!? Wait, I'm halfway through my 20's? WHAT!?
When the hell did this happen? Why did no one wake me?
Oh my god, I have a skilled job, and an apartment, and a cat who will likely live until I'm middle aged, and I have to have my gin and tonic JUST SO, and no one makes it right.
:scared:
I feel like I'm supposed to be doing something about this.
Going out and madly playing beer pong, because I went to bed 18 and woke up 24. So next time I go to bed I could wake up 35, and this spry little kitty will be another granny cat.
Only problem with that is that I don't enjoy beer pong. Or really, getting wasted and partying in general. Because I'm 24, not 18, and I got bored with that quite a while ago.
I don't know when "quite a while ago" was, seeing as how I was just 18, like, YESTERDAY, but I know it was quite a while ago in the scheme of this weird wormhole that is getting older from a personal perspective.
What am I gonna be like at 40?
When I was 19, I had probably the lowest period of my life. My whole world just sort collapsed around me.
A good friend of mine -- then 30 -- didn't believe in my general ennui about my life at that point. One of those people who thinks I'll do something awesome someday. He asked me something I always remembered, because it was one of those things where the words the person said are just a simplistic outfit for the million other things they actually mean to say.
"What will you be like in 5 years?"
I know the answer to that now: completely unrecognizable from what I was at 19.
But at the time, I couldn't imagine myself any older than 22.
So much for that. 40 seems almost beyond comprehension.
I know I will probably be a curmudgeonly bar patron when it comes to my gin and tonics. I know my kitty will be very, very old. And possibly (but hopefully not) departed.
Beyond that, I haven't the faintest idea.
I just hope I don't sleep through it.
She IS one of my friends.So what if she's fluffy?
I try my best. I do better than I used to, but there's room for improvement.
I know that realistically. But right now it seems insane to think about.
I don't worry about being able to find another life. I've already had half a dozen. And for the same reason, despite my metaphor, I don't worry about sleeping through it. I didn't sleep through the past 6 years.
But the fact that I didn't sleep through it -- that in actuality, I burned the candle at both ends and saw either side of several oceans and had half a dozen different lives -- made it pass even faster.
My cat is my best friend. He's the only one that thinks I'm awesome no matter what.
I have a kitty sitting beside me.
Not too long after the loss of my elder kitty, I stumbled upon a beautiful moggie cat people were spreading the word about. She had been up for adoption for months, being kept in foster. The reason she sat so long? Well, first of all, she's an adult -- about 1 1/2. And second of all, she's a bit of a trauma cat, and she was terrified in the shelter environment when people came to see her.
Her face grabbed me by the neck and I just had to go see her. So I did. Her signs were small, as she huddled, shaking, in the back of her carrier. But she was totally non-aggressive -- just scared. And when I sent her eye kisses, she returned them. When I pet her face, she turned it into my palm, as if to block out the sad yowls of the shelter.
And home with me she went.
I just realized something.
She's still got her whole life ahead of her. If we're converting cat to human, she's maybe slightly younger than the age I am now. I'm 24.
Assuming she doesn't have any kind of catastrophic disorder (which would be unusual, now that she's safely and healthfully in adulthood), I can expect her to live possibly as long as...
Until I am in my 40's.
My 40's. My 40's. My 40's. My 40's.
My 40's? I'm theoretically going to have 40's? What the hell happened to my teens!? Where did they go!? Wait, I'm halfway through my 20's? WHAT!?
When the hell did this happen? Why did no one wake me?
Oh my god, I have a skilled job, and an apartment, and a cat who will likely live until I'm middle aged, and I have to have my gin and tonic JUST SO, and no one makes it right.
:scared:
I feel like I'm supposed to be doing something about this.
Going out and madly playing beer pong, because I went to bed 18 and woke up 24. So next time I go to bed I could wake up 35, and this spry little kitty will be another granny cat.
Only problem with that is that I don't enjoy beer pong. Or really, getting wasted and partying in general. Because I'm 24, not 18, and I got bored with that quite a while ago.
I don't know when "quite a while ago" was, seeing as how I was just 18, like, YESTERDAY, but I know it was quite a while ago in the scheme of this weird wormhole that is getting older from a personal perspective.
What am I gonna be like at 40?
When I was 19, I had probably the lowest period of my life. My whole world just sort collapsed around me.
A good friend of mine -- then 30 -- didn't believe in my general ennui about my life at that point. One of those people who thinks I'll do something awesome someday. He asked me something I always remembered, because it was one of those things where the words the person said are just a simplistic outfit for the million other things they actually mean to say.
"What will you be like in 5 years?"
I know the answer to that now: completely unrecognizable from what I was at 19.
But at the time, I couldn't imagine myself any older than 22.
So much for that. 40 seems almost beyond comprehension.
I know I will probably be a curmudgeonly bar patron when it comes to my gin and tonics. I know my kitty will be very, very old. And possibly (but hopefully not) departed.
Beyond that, I haven't the faintest idea.
I just hope I don't sleep through it.
I have a kitty sitting beside me.
Not too long after the loss of my elder kitty, I stumbled upon a beautiful moggie cat people were spreading the word about. She had been up for adoption for months, being kept in foster. The reason she sat so long? Well, first of all, she's an adult -- about 1 1/2. And second of all, she's a bit of a trauma cat, and she was terrified in the shelter environment when people came to see her.
Her face grabbed me by the neck and I just had to go see her. So I did. Her signs were small, as she huddled, shaking, in the back of her carrier. But she was totally non-aggressive -- just scared. And when I sent her eye kisses, she returned them. When I pet her face, she turned it into my palm, as if to block out the sad yowls of the shelter.
And home with me she went.
I just realized something.
She's still got her whole life ahead of her. If we're converting cat to human, she's maybe slightly younger than the age I am now. I'm 24.
Assuming she doesn't have any kind of catastrophic disorder (which would be unusual, now that she's safely and healthfully in adulthood), I can expect her to live possibly as long as...
Until I am in my 40's.
My 40's. My 40's. My 40's. My 40's.
My 40's? I'm theoretically going to have 40's? What the hell happened to my teens!? Where did they go!? Wait, I'm halfway through my 20's? WHAT!?
When the hell did this happen? Why did no one wake me?
Oh my god, I have a skilled job, and an apartment, and a cat who will likely live until I'm middle aged, and I have to have my gin and tonic JUST SO, and no one makes it right.
:scared:
I feel like I'm supposed to be doing something about this.
Going out and madly playing beer pong, because I went to bed 18 and woke up 24. So next time I go to bed I could wake up 35, and this spry little kitty will be another granny cat.
Only problem with that is that I don't enjoy beer pong. Or really, getting wasted and partying in general. Because I'm 24, not 18, and I got bored with that quite a while ago.
I don't know when "quite a while ago" was, seeing as how I was just 18, like, YESTERDAY, but I know it was quite a while ago in the scheme of this weird wormhole that is getting older from a personal perspective.
What am I gonna be like at 40?
When I was 19, I had probably the lowest period of my life. My whole world just sort collapsed around me.
A good friend of mine -- then 30 -- didn't believe in my general ennui about my life at that point. One of those people who thinks I'll do something awesome someday. He asked me something I always remembered, because it was one of those things where the words the person said are just a simplistic outfit for the million other things they actually mean to say.
"What will you be like in 5 years?"
I know the answer to that now: completely unrecognizable from what I was at 19.
But at the time, I couldn't imagine myself any older than 22.
So much for that. 40 seems almost beyond comprehension.
I know I will probably be a curmudgeonly bar patron when it comes to my gin and tonics. I know my kitty will be very, very old. And possibly (but hopefully not) departed.
Beyond that, I haven't the faintest idea.
I just hope I don't sleep through it.
I can barely remember what it was like when I was 24 and having the rest of my life in front of me... that was 36 years ago... a lifetime ago.... and yet, it seems like it was yesterday.
cats are cool, I love 'em... but dogs are better for the soul.
See this is why I like you. You say interesting things.
I'm 47. Last I remember I was 35. WTF?
But anyway, let me put it this way.... if you do it RIGHT, when you're in your 40s... you'll just be "even more YOU" than you are now, and "the better YOU" if you're lucky.
So keep smiling.
What am I gonna be like at 40?
"What will you be like in 5 years?"
I know the answer to that now: completely unrecognizable from what I was at 19.
But at the time, I couldn't imagine myself any older than 22.
So much for that. 40 seems almost beyond comprehension.
I know I will probably be a curmudgeonly bar patron when it comes to my gin and tonics. I know my kitty will be very, very old. And possibly (but hopefully not) departed.
Beyond that, I haven't the faintest idea.
I just hope I don't sleep through it.
I don't really think it's that we sleep through it, it's just that memories fade and become fuzzy around the edges as time goes on. It's one of the ways that we have for coping with painful events in our lives. If everything were subject to realistic instant recall from our entire lives, it would be too much sensory input and I believe it would have a detrimental effect on our well-being. Now, at 55, I can remember my life at 18 and 24, but the memories are through a lens of softness and muted light.
I don't really think it's that we sleep through it, it's just that memories fade and become fuzzy around the edges as time goes on. It's one of the ways that we have for coping with painful events in our lives. If everything were subject to realistic instant recall from our entire lives, it would be too much sensory input and I believe it would have a detrimental effect on our well-being. Now, at 55, I can remember my life at 18 and 24, but the memories are through a lens of softness and muted light.
I have a kitty sitting beside me.
Not too long after the loss of my elder kitty, I stumbled upon a beautiful moggie cat people were spreading the word about. She had been up for adoption for months, being kept in foster. The reason she sat so long? Well, first of all, she's an adult -- about 1 1/2. And second of all, she's a bit of a trauma cat, and she was terrified in the shelter environment when people came to see her.
Her face grabbed me by the neck and I just had to go see her. So I did. Her signs were small, as she huddled, shaking, in the back of her carrier. But she was totally non-aggressive -- just scared. And when I sent her eye kisses, she returned them. When I pet her face, she turned it into my palm, as if to block out the sad yowls of the shelter.
And home with me she went.
I just realized something.
She's still got her whole life ahead of her. If we're converting cat to human, she's maybe slightly younger than the age I am now. I'm 24.
Assuming she doesn't have any kind of catastrophic disorder (which would be unusual, now that she's safely and healthfully in adulthood), I can expect her to live possibly as long as...
Until I am in my 40's.
My 40's. My 40's. My 40's. My 40's.
My 40's? I'm theoretically going to have 40's? What the hell happened to my teens!? Where did they go!? Wait, I'm halfway through my 20's? WHAT!?
When the hell did this happen? Why did no one wake me?
Oh my god, I have a skilled job, and an apartment, and a cat who will likely live until I'm middle aged, and I have to have my gin and tonic JUST SO, and no one makes it right.
:scared:
I feel like I'm supposed to be doing something about this.
Going out and madly playing beer pong, because I went to bed 18 and woke up 24. So next time I go to bed I could wake up 35, and this spry little kitty will be another granny cat.
Only problem with that is that I don't enjoy beer pong. Or really, getting wasted and partying in general. Because I'm 24, not 18, and I got bored with that quite a while ago.
I don't know when "quite a while ago" was, seeing as how I was just 18, like, YESTERDAY, but I know it was quite a while ago in the scheme of this weird wormhole that is getting older from a personal perspective.
What am I gonna be like at 40?
When I was 19, I had probably the lowest period of my life. My whole world just sort collapsed around me.
A good friend of mine -- then 30 -- didn't believe in my general ennui about my life at that point. One of those people who thinks I'll do something awesome someday. He asked me something I always remembered, because it was one of those things where the words the person said are just a simplistic outfit for the million other things they actually mean to say.
"What will you be like in 5 years?"
I know the answer to that now: completely unrecognizable from what I was at 19.
But at the time, I couldn't imagine myself any older than 22.
So much for that. 40 seems almost beyond comprehension.
I know I will probably be a curmudgeonly bar patron when it comes to my gin and tonics. I know my kitty will be very, very old. And possibly (but hopefully not) departed.
Beyond that, I haven't the faintest idea.
I just hope I don't sleep through it.
I have a kitty sitting beside me.
Not too long after the loss of my elder kitty, I stumbled upon a beautiful moggie cat people were spreading the word about. She had been up for adoption for months, being kept in foster. The reason she sat so long? Well, first of all, she's an adult -- about 1 1/2. And second of all, she's a bit of a trauma cat, and she was terrified in the shelter environment when people came to see her.
Her face grabbed me by the neck and I just had to go see her. So I did. Her signs were small, as she huddled, shaking, in the back of her carrier. But she was totally non-aggressive -- just scared. And when I sent her eye kisses, she returned them. When I pet her face, she turned it into my palm, as if to block out the sad yowls of the shelter.
And home with me she went.
I just realized something.
She's still got her whole life ahead of her. If we're converting cat to human, she's maybe slightly younger than the age I am now. I'm 24.
Assuming she doesn't have any kind of catastrophic disorder (which would be unusual, now that she's safely and healthfully in adulthood), I can expect her to live possibly as long as...
Until I am in my 40's.
My 40's. My 40's. My 40's. My 40's.
My 40's? I'm theoretically going to have 40's? What the hell happened to my teens!? Where did they go!? Wait, I'm halfway through my 20's? WHAT!?
When the hell did this happen? Why did no one wake me?
Oh my god, I have a skilled job, and an apartment, and a cat who will likely live until I'm middle aged, and I have to have my gin and tonic JUST SO, and no one makes it right.
:scared:
I feel like I'm supposed to be doing something about this.
Going out and madly playing beer pong, because I went to bed 18 and woke up 24. So next time I go to bed I could wake up 35, and this spry little kitty will be another granny cat.
Only problem with that is that I don't enjoy beer pong. Or really, getting wasted and partying in general. Because I'm 24, not 18, and I got bored with that quite a while ago.
I don't know when "quite a while ago" was, seeing as how I was just 18, like, YESTERDAY, but I know it was quite a while ago in the scheme of this weird wormhole that is getting older from a personal perspective.
What am I gonna be like at 40?
When I was 19, I had probably the lowest period of my life. My whole world just sort collapsed around me.
A good friend of mine -- then 30 -- didn't believe in my general ennui about my life at that point. One of those people who thinks I'll do something awesome someday. He asked me something I always remembered, because it was one of those things where the words the person said are just a simplistic outfit for the million other things they actually mean to say.
"What will you be like in 5 years?"
I know the answer to that now: completely unrecognizable from what I was at 19.
But at the time, I couldn't imagine myself any older than 22.
So much for that. 40 seems almost beyond comprehension.
I know I will probably be a curmudgeonly bar patron when it comes to my gin and tonics. I know my kitty will be very, very old. And possibly (but hopefully not) departed.
Beyond that, I haven't the faintest idea.
I just hope I don't sleep through it.
If you do it right, you will never, ever wish you were younger than you are.
I look back and my 20s and say "screw that." Too much of my life that I treasure dearly has happened since then, and every decade has been better than the last.
Absolutely. I would never go back. The cliches, as it turns out, are all true. Guess that's why they became cliches.
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