Many of you have read my posts on taking mom in to live with me -- and the problems that's brought on with her 'boyfriend' of 50 years whose been living in her house for nine of them. I won't go back over details. Just some "personal therapy" here. Ha!
This past November 1st, I gave John a bill for about $300 -- phone, electric, heat, water, lawn mowing, cable, etc. Mom's been with me four months and two months ago he "decided" (after we had a huge argument and I threw him out of my house) that "I'll pay the utilities for a few months." He has no intention of moving from her home, by the way.
Our relationship is strained...always has been...as he's taken advantage of mom over the years -- not having paid his way upfront, but "gifting" her money when he won at the gambling boat...for which she was to thank him profusely, and I was expected to do the same. He is a miser. He carries around a list of every nickel he's ever given her in his wallet. Says that, if he ever has to move, my mom promised to give him all of that money back. Yeah, right.
Anyhow, when he paid me, at my home, he began to pick and pick on me -- pressing all those buttons he knows so well. Until he finally insulted me, and I asked him to leave. I'd asked him and his brother (who's in an assisted living facility and senile/diabetic) to have Thanksgiving dinner here. I cancelled those plans, and Tom, mom and I are going out for the holiday. Told him last night.
After the holidays, I'm taking my cousin with me and we're going to give him the bad news: either he buys the house at a good price -- or he moves.
If he were a different person, I would have let him continue to live there as long as he fully paid his way . . . which would include taxes and insurance so it wouldn't cost mom anything for him to live there. But he isn't. I actually think he's mentally ill. Even when it's in his own best interests, he simply cannot treat me with respect. He knows I hold all the cards to his living his life, and he still can't manage to be a decent human being.
He has no one else in his life. He's put my name as beneficiary on his over $600,000. I believe he figures that entitles him to treat me any way he pleases. There's only one thing wrong with his plan: I don't need the money. I'm his power of attorney (and his brother's...his brother has over $1 million which John has control of and won't spend a nickel more on his brother's care than he absolutely has to). I'm his and his brother's healthcare power of attorney as well. He's 85 years old; his brother is 81.
When his sister died, I spent MONTHS settling her estate -- finding her money...contacting annuity holders...probably wrote 30-40 letters...visited a dozen banks numerous times with him...cleaned out their hoarder house...general contracted with tradesmen for $30,000 worth of fixes to gut their ****hole of a basement, paint, clean, decorate, carpet, etc., etc...helped him sell it...got social services involved to get his brother into an assisted living facility...liaisoned with his attorney...he has absolutely no common sense...doesn't have a credit card...never had a checking account...brought $10,000 in cash to pay for his sister's funeral. Gambles twice a week at "the boat." (craps) And treats his brother like a piece of crap. Admitted to punching him a few months ago (because his brother occassionally gets diarrhea and it costs him $40 extra every time he does)...the facility finally called me a few months ago and said that he needed clothes. They were giving him hand-me-downs from residents who'd died. Wouldn't zip/button.
He reminds me of the scorpion and the frog.
The frog came to a river he needed to cross -- and there was a scorpion who desperately needed to cross it as well. The frog offered to give the scorpion and ride on his back if he promised not to sting him. The scorpion said, "Why would I do that??? I won't hurt you!" So the frog let the scorpion get on his back and started to swim across the swift-running river. Half-way across, the scorpion stung the frog. "Why did you do that??? Now we'll both drown!!!" The scorpion shrugged and said, "I can't help myself. It's my nature."
It's probably going to take me six or seven months, but then I'll have this sick puppy out of my life.
Thanks for listening.
