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His wife stopped sex ... grounds for separation?

ab9924

ab9924

Educator / Liar Champion
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Hey, I know this guy and now that he bought their family house, his wife decided to stop having sex with him. How does this make sense? Now he says that he can't bare that any more and is looking for a separation. Do you think he is right? I told him that any marriage without sex is absurd, and so he should start his separation as quickly as possible. Was this a good advice?
 
Perhaps he should consider talking with his wife about the lack of sex and consider counselling to work through the issue before he runs for the door.

Just IMO.
 
ab9924 said:
Hey, I know this guy and now that he bought their family house, his wife decided to stop having sex with him. How does this make sense? Now he says that he can't bare that any more and is looking for a separation. Do you think he is right? I told him that any marriage without sex is absurd, and so he should start his separation as quickly as possible. Was this a good advice?
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I'm wondering why she stopped having sex with him.
Did he shower regularly?
Was he a considerate lover?
Did he cherish her?

It sounds by your OP that she was after half a house (that may or may not have a sizable mortgage). I think there's gotta be a little bit more to this story.
 
I don't know whether to take this funny or for real. I'm guessing all men including me go through this but getting a separation its a bit extreme. Either she just doesn't care about sex that much anymore or she's cheating. Some people just get too comfortable after being with their partner after a while. Is this the only problem he's seen from her lately? Has she been acting weird lately?
I remember that my wife and I would do it every moment we had the chance when dating. After 7yrs married and three children I get lucky if I get laid 3-4 times a week.. lol
 
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missypea said:
I'm wondering why she stopped having sex with him.
Did he shower regularly?
Was he a considerate lover?
Did he cherish her?

It sounds by your OP that she was after half a house (that may or may not have a sizable mortgage). I think there's gotta be a little bit more to this story.
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I was thinking the same thing. A wife doesn't just stop having sex with her hubby for no reason.
 
Isn't there an alienation of affection rule or something to that effect? :confused:
 
ab9924 said:
Hey, I know this guy and now that he bought their family house, his wife decided to stop having sex with him. How does this make sense? Now he says that he can't bare that any more and is looking for a separation. Do you think he is right? I told him that any marriage without sex is absurd, and so he should start his separation as quickly as possible. Was this a good advice?
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Not enough information. Your advice, in my opinion, was jumping the gun. Or swatting a fly with a baseball bat.
 
305rob305 said:
I don't know whether to take this funny or for real. I'm guessing all men including me go through this but getting a separation its a bit extreme. Either she just doesn't care about sex that much anymore or she's cheating. Some people just get too comfortable after being with their partner after a while. Is this the only problem he's seen from her lately? Has she been acting weird lately?
I remember that my wife and I would do it every moment we had the chance when dating. After 7yrs married and three children I get lucky if I get laid 3-4 times a week.. lol
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Stats show you are average as most couples have it that many times a week. Actually you're getting it more often as it's 2-3x a week. It's not always the wife that says no. I've had a few female friends who had a higher sex drive than their husbands. One current gf I have would have it twice a day if her hubby was up to it...no lie!
 
Hello, ab9924! How nice to see you again. Have you been well?

Few things: To my knowledge, no US state has a "legal separation" procedure anymore. This allowed a couple to live apart, eliminated join responsibility for their debts going forward, decided custody, visitation and child support issues, etc. It was used in the era before "no-fault" divorces were the law of the land. Once every state adopted no-fault divorce, legal separations became legally archaic. (They may still exist in some states; your friend should see a domestic relations lawyer.)

Should he leave her aka divorce her? It depends. What will the financial impact be of selling a home they just bought? (Most likely, they'll incur an enormous debt and both will have to declare bankruptcy.) Are there children of the marriage? How old are they? Etc. A divorce is a financial, as well as an emotional, choice.

As other posters have written, the issue is complex, and we none of us has enough data. In a long marriage (20+ years), there will almost certainly be periods of time when one or the other partner will not or cannot have sex.

If she said to him "Nah, nah, nah, nah. Now that I have my house, I'm never going to screw you again", chances are, the relationship is beyond salvage. Living with someone in a state of matrimony who conned you financially and does not love you, IMO, is such a hellish thing, I'd leave no matter what the financial hit might be.

But if she said "I have lost interest in sex", this is medical problem and it can almost always be successfully treated. If she said "I have lost interest in screwing YOU ever again", this is more likely a relationship issue. She's extremely angry with him for some reason, would be my guess.

Whether to try couples' therapy before divorcing is a personal decision that only the people in that marriage can make, but if it were me and I was angry either because he cheated on me or because he hit me, I'd be out the door for good in a New York minute.
 
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I'm not surprised the women here are jumping to the wife's defense, as though it must be something he did. Throw the halo over the wife and blame the husband.
 
we cant know what is happening in their bedroom in reality...
 
American said:
I'm not surprised the women here are jumping to the wife's defense, as though it must be something he did. Throw the halo over the wife and blame the husband.
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None of us can speak about this from anything other than our own personal experience, American.

I have never been anyone's husband. Married women I have known who committed adultery usually had MORE sex with their husbands, not less. I can't imagine why this lady is showing her husband the bedroom door unless I rely on my own experiences as a woman.

So, sue me.

:)
 
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Not enough information but if she has decided that sex is no longer important or necessary then it is certainly grounds for divorce or separation. He probably didn't sign up for that. It is not unusual for one or the other partner to lose interest in sex after a marriage. Doesn't have to be a deal breaker but I don't blame someone if it is.
 
Medusa said:
we cant know what is happening in their bedroom in reality...
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This is true. He could have demanded some act she found completely gross, and she can't get past her repulsion over it.

Or vise versa. He denies her some sexual act she craves, so she won't gratify him.
 
jambalaya said:
Not enough information but if she has decided that sex is no longer important or necessary then it is certainly grounds for divorce or separation. He probably didn't sign up for that. It is not unusual for one or the other partner to lose interest in sex after a marriage. Doesn't have to be a deal breaker but I don't blame someone if it is.
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Nobody needs "grounds for divorce", legally speaking.

As for losing interest in sex altogether, if both are otherwise healthy, it is treatable in either gender.
 
American said:
I'm not surprised the women here are jumping to the wife's defense, as though it must be something he did. Throw the halo over the wife and blame the husband.
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Just because I wuvs you, American:

 
<<<OPINION ALERT>>>

Denial of sex is often either a 1) power game or 2) loss of interest by a selfish partner. The fact is that if you "love" someone you should NEVER deny them sex. This applies equally to both genders. Sex isn't difficult, even if you are not terribly interested. It's just body parts.

There are multiple solutions. Of course, most desirable is to work through it through therapy if that's practical and possible. Otherwise, why would you want to life-partner with a selfish bitch or prick?

If the relationship is otherwise positive, although that's not usually the case, you can always use outside sources for sexual gratification. Sex is cheap and plentiful. That's what Craig's List is for. You don't want to be graphic about it but you should be honest about it with your partner.

Personally, I'm a big fan of divorce. Marriage is a totally stupid idea (IMHO. IMHO. IMHO) unless you for some reason want to have children. I don't thing much of propagation either but that's another topic.
 
specklebang said:
<<<OPINION ALERT>>>

Denial of sex is often either a 1) power game or 2) loss of interest by a selfish partner. The fact is that if you "love" someone you should NEVER deny them sex. This applies equally to both genders. Sex isn't difficult, even if you are not terribly interested. It's just body parts.

There are multiple solutions. Of course, most desirable is to work through it through therapy if that's practical and possible. Otherwise, why would you want to life-partner with a selfish bitch or prick?

If the relationship is otherwise positive, although that's not usually the case, you can always use outside sources for sexual gratification. Sex is cheap and plentiful. That's what Craig's List is for. You don't want to be graphic about it but you should be honest about it with your partner.

Personally, I'm a big fan of divorce. Marriage is a totally stupid idea (IMHO. IMHO. IMHO) unless you for some reason want to have children. I don't thing much of propagation either but that's another topic.
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What. The. ****.

Syphilus, herpes, HIV, chlamdia, gonorehea, genital warts, pubic lice, Hepatitus B, etc.

Sexually Transmitted Diseases & Infections - STDs

Anyone who is not engaging in some form of serial monogamy has denial to the point of a death wish, IMO.
 
JMO. The quickest way to end any relationship. Stop the SEX. Anyone disagree?
 
Blue Dog said:
JMO. The quickest way to end any relationship. Stop the SEX. Anyone disagree?
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I do. I'd stick around if he stopped ****ing me, to find out why. This might could be worked out.

If he hit me or one of the kids or even the dog, I'd be gone in a nano-second.

FOREVA.
 
Pinkie said:
I do. I'd stick around if he stopped ****ing me, to find out why. This might could be worked out.

If he hit me or one of the kids or even the dog, I'd be gone in a nano-second.

FOREVA.
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Fair enough. I would ask outright. Say no, more than three times in a row, Houston we have a problem!!! :shock:
 
for me it just depends on WHY, she stopped.

Could be a totally justifiable reason, that must be figured out FIRST. But it the reason isnt justifiable, which can only be decided by him, yes its definitely ground for separation IMO.
 
too little information
no one - including the husband, apparently - knows the reason for the spouse's refusal to have sex with her spouse
premature to assume that divorce is the answer
so, to the OP, your advice was not sound
 
ab9924 said:
Hey, I know this guy and now that he bought their family house, his wife decided to stop having sex with him. How does this make sense? Now he says that he can't bare that any more and is looking for a separation. Do you think he is right? I told him that any marriage without sex is absurd, and so he should start his separation as quickly as possible. Was this a good advice?
Click to expand...

I'd ask questions to gain more insight - but I highly doubt you know much of anything if this is all you have to say about it to begin with.
 
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