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- Studies have shown that children rarely make their parents happier...the net effect of having kids is to make people LESS happy on average.
I have never had any desire to have any kids, and I am completely baffled why almost everyone I meet wants to have them, either now or when they're older. Since I'm sure that some of you folks have kids or want them, maybe you could enlighten me. As I see it, it's a simple cost/benefit analysis:
COSTS:
- The financial costs are obscene. I would estimate at least $300K (in today's dollars) to raise them to age 18, and then more if you're paying for their college.
- The time/effort commitments are huge, especially when the kids are young.
- Having kids takes away your mobility, making you less able to move to a new area, start a new career, drop your significant other if it doesn't work out, or take worthwhile risks like investments/businesses.
- Kids can be emotionally draining, especially in the teenage years.
- It would be devastating if something bad ever happened to them, and painful just to worry about that possibility.
- Studies have shown that children rarely make their parents happier...the net effect of having kids is to make people LESS happy on average.
BENEFITS:
- None that I can think of?
Like I said before, children can be an investment as well.
Maybe in the old days.
These days, parents can't expect much of a return.
Most parents can expect to be helping their kids out financially, at least periodically, until the kids are into their forties and beyond.
It's more difficult to get on one's feet these days than it was twenty or thirty years ago, when most parents of grown children were getting on their feet.
So I've heard, anyway.
No one can reasonably expect their children to care for them in old age.
For starters for most, it's likely a biologically driven desire over which they have no control. Physiologically speaking, it's why sexually reproducing creatures strongly desire to have sex, whether you want kids or not, your body does.
Long before I became a mom, I really couldn't see myself having kids. Freedom has always been the life blood of my husband and me, and frankly, I like my house to look good. Kids screw all that up. Because I've kept journals since I was 8, I can recall specifically the moment I started thinking about having kids. Hubby & I had been dating for a while, and I was starting to get the feeling that I may just want to spend the rest of my life with him. I was at the beach one day with my journal, and there was a curly blonde haired little kid playing in the sand next to my blanket. She just looked like something he & I would produce. The strong feelings of want when I saw that kid, kind of surprised me. I wrote it all down.
But logical reasons outweighed want, and we went about our lives enjoying our freedom. Then my father in law died, and over the course of a year, my husband & I went through the property deciding what to keep and what to get rid of. It was a year of studying a long life lived. There were milestones, there was tragedy and there were friends. But most of all, there was someone's life. Someone without whom, I would not have my husband. And suddenly we weren't facing death, we were facing life. All those logical reasons for not having children were usurped by the strong desire to have life continue. We had our son 2 years later.
Had I known the difficulties and expense we were to face, would I have gone ahead with it? Good Heavens, yes. If I do nothing else of importance with my life, I have created a new person. He may change the world one day. Or he may not. He may make some lucky girl very happy, and that's good enough for me. My husband & I will die some day, but a part of us will live on in our son and then his children and their children. You just cannot put a price on that.
That's true. I've read those studies.
One of the greatest indicators of whether or not people are happy is whether or not they have kids. People with kids are less happy in general than childless people.
Stress, probably. A mother is only as happy as her least happy child.
I have also read studies showing that raising children can be the most satisfying experience a person can do.
For starters for most, it's likely a biologically driven desire over which they have no control. Physiologically speaking, it's why sexually reproducing creatures strongly desire to have sex, whether you want kids or not, your body does.
Long before I became a mom, I really couldn't see myself having kids. Freedom has always been the life blood of my husband and me, and frankly, I like my house to look good. Kids screw all that up. Because I've kept journals since I was 8, I can recall specifically the moment I started thinking about having kids. Hubby & I had been dating for a while, and I was starting to get the feeling that I may just want to spend the rest of my life with him. I was at the beach one day with my journal, and there was a curly blonde haired little kid playing in the sand next to my blanket. She just looked like something he & I would produce. The strong feelings of want when I saw that kid, kind of surprised me. I wrote it all down.
But logical reasons outweighed want, and we went about our lives enjoying our freedom. Then my father in law died, and over the course of a year, my husband & I went through the property deciding what to keep and what to get rid of. It was a year of studying a long life lived. There were milestones, there was tragedy and there were friends. But most of all, there was someone's life. Someone without whom, I would not have my husband. And suddenly we weren't facing death, we were facing life. All those logical reasons for not having children were usurped by the strong desire to have life continue. We had our son 2 years later.
Had I known the difficulties and expense we were to face, would I have gone ahead with it? Good Heavens, yes. If I do nothing else of importance with my life, I have created a new person. He may change the world one day. Or he may not. He may make some lucky girl very happy, and that's good enough for me. My husband & I will die some day, but a part of us will live on in our son and then his children and their children. You just cannot put a price on that.
The best reason to have children, is to get grandchildren...
However, dying alone is a very sad thing...
Out of 7 grandchildren, only one has problems, an inoperable brain tumor that so far hasn't affected her too badly.
Well, if this isn't ample reason, I don't know what is!
Hear, hear!
I always wondered what it would be like to have a daughter: now I'm about to have something even better- a granddaughter.
All the joy, only half the worry (at least, that's how I'm hoping it will be!). :lol:
True dat.
If you're not going to have any kids, best make a lot of friends, so you'll have someone to count on when you need them.
Oh, I'm glad to hear she's still doing well.
I've wondered about her and hoped she was.
Thanks for the comments, everyone. I appreciate your trying to explain it to me...but I guess I just don't get it. None of the things mentioned so far seem like rational reasons to me.
For starters for most, it's likely a biologically driven desire over which they have no control. Physiologically speaking, it's why sexually reproducing creatures strongly desire to have sex, whether you want kids or not, your body does.
Long before I became a mom, I really couldn't see myself having kids. Freedom has always been the life blood of my husband and me, and frankly, I like my house to look good. Kids screw all that up. Because I've kept journals since I was 8, I can recall specifically the moment I started thinking about having kids. Hubby & I had been dating for a while, and I was starting to get the feeling that I may just want to spend the rest of my life with him. I was at the beach one day with my journal, and there was a curly blonde haired little kid playing in the sand next to my blanket. She just looked like something he & I would produce. The strong feelings of want when I saw that kid, kind of surprised me. I wrote it all down.
But logical reasons outweighed want, and we went about our lives enjoying our freedom. Then my father in law died, and over the course of a year, my husband & I went through the property deciding what to keep and what to get rid of. It was a year of studying a long life lived. There were milestones, there was tragedy and there were friends. But most of all, there was someone's life. Someone without whom, I would not have my husband. And suddenly we weren't facing death, we were facing life. All those logical reasons for not having children were usurped by the strong desire to have life continue. We had our son 2 years later.
Had I known the difficulties and expense we were to face, would I have gone ahead with it? Good Heavens, yes. If I do nothing else of importance with my life, I have created a new person. He may change the world one day. Or he may not. He may make some lucky girl very happy, and that's good enough for me. My husband & I will die some day, but a part of us will live on in our son and then his children and their children. You just cannot put a price on that.
I have never had any desire to have any kids, and I am completely baffled why almost everyone I meet wants to have them, either now or when they're older. Since I'm sure that some of you folks have kids or want them, maybe you could enlighten me. As I see it, it's a simple cost/benefit analysis:
COSTS:
- The financial costs are obscene. I would estimate at least $300K (in today's dollars) to raise them to age 18, and then more if you're paying for their college.
- The time/effort commitments are huge, especially when the kids are young.
- Having kids takes away your mobility, making you less able to move to a new area, start a new career, drop your significant other if it doesn't work out, or take worthwhile risks like investments/businesses.
- Kids can be emotionally draining, especially in the teenage years.
- It would be devastating if something bad ever happened to them, and painful just to worry about that possibility.
- Studies have shown that children rarely make their parents happier...the net effect of having kids is to make people LESS happy on average.
BENEFITS:
- None that I can think of?
-- COSTS:
- The financial costs are obscene. I would estimate at least $300K (in today's dollars) to raise them to age 18, and then more if you're paying for their college.
- The time/effort commitments are huge, especially when the kids are young.
- Having kids takes away your mobility, making you less able to move to a new area, start a new career, drop your significant other if it doesn't work out, or take worthwhile risks like investments/businesses.
- Kids can be emotionally draining, especially in the teenage years.
- It would be devastating if something bad ever happened to them, and painful just to worry about that possibility.
- Studies have shown that children rarely make their parents happier...the net effect of having kids is to make people LESS happy on average.
--BENEFITS:
- None that I can think of?
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