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Why Do People Choose to Have Children?

Burning Giraffe

Burning Giraffe

Active member
Joined
May 9, 2009
Messages
357
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Location
Burgaw, NC
Gender
Male
Political Leaning
Libertarian
Lots of people have children and want to start "families". I've always found this to be a curiosity. Everyone I know that has had children raves about how wonderful it is and how meaningful it is. But I haven't seen any objective evidence that having children is anymore wonderful or meaningful than not having children, other than that almost everyone seems to feel this way.

I have also noticed that the vast majority of people have no logical reason to have children. Most of the time, children are merely the inevitable result of unprotected sex and most people feel that the pregnancy, while not planned exactly, is a blessing. Sometimes the pregnancy is not welcomed, but women oppose the idea of abortion and so have the child anyway. Some people just have children for seemingly no reason, or for awful reasons like keeping a man in your life, child support, tax breaks, etc. Some people have children to please their spouse. Some people have children because they are afraid of not having anyone to take care of them when they are old. Some people have children because they want someone to love them the way only a child can. And I think some people have children because "that's what people do".

I suppose many people simply feel nostalgic about their own childhood and family life and want to create a similar environment for themselves. But when you consider how expensive children really are, how much stress and tension can come with divorce when two people have kids, and how devastating life can be when horrible things happen to your children, you'd think people would put more thought into it. You'd think people would have developed logical reasons for choosing to have children, that children would be planned out, that there would be finances and goals in mind before any pregnancy occurs. I know this happens, but it seems rare.
 
It's genetic/ instinctive.
There is no logical reason for it.
 
1069 said:
It's genetic/ instinctive.
There is no logical reason for it.
Click to expand...

If there is no logical reason for it, why don't more people simply choose not to do it? In all honesty, I just find it hard to relate to "parents" and as my wife and I get older, there are fewer and fewer hold outs and it becomes harder and harder to relate to people our own age.
 
Burning Giraffe said:
If there is no logical reason for it, why don't more people simply choose not to do it? In all honesty, I just find it hard to relate to "parents" and as my wife and I get older, there are fewer and fewer hold outs and it becomes harder and harder to relate to people our own age.
Click to expand...

I just said, it's genetic.
I was a teenager when I had my kids.
There was no logical reason to do that.
But I still wanted to. It's physiological.
 
1069 said:
I just said, it's genetic.
I was a teenager when I had my kids.
There was no logical reason to do that.
But I still wanted to. It's physiological.
Click to expand...

I don't buy that. I don't want kids. I don't feel any draw or pull or instinctive drive to have kids. I don't see what all the hoopla is about. I just see a bunch of people doing something for no particular reason (in general: plenty of people are very deliberate about their child-having choices).
 
Because when I die, someone needs to inherit my possessions, and I'll be damned if the government or a charity gets it.
 
Burning Giraffe said:
If there is no logical reason for it, why don't more people simply choose not to do it? In all honesty, I just find it hard to relate to "parents" and as my wife and I get older, there are fewer and fewer hold outs and it becomes harder and harder to relate to people our own age.
Click to expand...

Yeah, I totally understand what you're saying. My husband and I were not going to have kids because I didn't want kids. I loved hanging out with my fellow childless couples. It made me feel like I wasn't alone in NOT wanting kids. I remember when one of the couples told us (this was before I made a decision about not wanting kids) that they didn't want kids, my first thought was, "How unloving." So I hated thinking that people would pin that stereotype on me (but it wasn't going to make me have kids). I was clearly in the minority of my friends in not wanting children.

However, somehow my pill failed and lo and behold, I got pregnant. I was devastated. Anyway, after some serious emotional turmoil, I had my son (exactly 3 years ago today!!!), and I see why my friends with kids say beautiful things about being a parent. It is exciting and challenging in ways that I could not have fathomed as a nonparent. I see why people describe loving a child as being entirely different than loving your parents, your spouse, your siblings, and your friends. It's fantastic, and I wonder how I could have thought I didn't want this.

Having said that, though, I truly believe I would have had a fulfilling life with it being just my husband and me. I miss being able to go out whenever we want to, travel wherever we want to, etc.

Interestingly, when I told one of our couple friends who did not want kids (and still don't have any) that I was pregnant, the woman essentially stopped talking to me. I found that interesting. I know she felt connected to me because I was the one of her few friends who didn't want kids. I guess she felt betrayed by me. Oh well.

Burning Giraffe, there is nothing wrong with NOT wanting kids.
 
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Burning Giraffe said:
Lots of people have children and want to start "families". I've always found this to be a curiosity. Everyone I know that has had children raves about how wonderful it is and how meaningful it is. But I haven't seen any objective evidence that having children is anymore wonderful or meaningful than not having children, other than that almost everyone seems to feel this way.

I have also noticed that the vast majority of people have no logical reason to have children. Most of the time, children are merely the inevitable result of unprotected sex and most people feel that the pregnancy, while not planned exactly, is a blessing. Sometimes the pregnancy is not welcomed, but women oppose the idea of abortion and so have the child anyway. Some people just have children for seemingly no reason, or for awful reasons like keeping a man in your life, child support, tax breaks, etc. Some people have children to please their spouse. Some people have children because they are afraid of not having anyone to take care of them when they are old. Some people have children because they want someone to love them the way only a child can. And I think some people have children because "that's what people do".

I suppose many people simply feel nostalgic about their own childhood and family life and want to create a similar environment for themselves. But when you consider how expensive children really are, how much stress and tension can come with divorce when two people have kids, and how devastating life can be when horrible things happen to your children, you'd think people would put more thought into it. You'd think people would have developed logical reasons for choosing to have children, that children would be planned out, that there would be finances and goals in mind before any pregnancy occurs. I know this happens, but it seems rare.
Click to expand...
biological imperative.

fwiw, i had a longing to be pregnant with my first child, i have no idea why. my second was a surprise, although a good one, and then we stopped. i wouldn't have had it any other way. we were too young to consider financial or other implications, we just loved them and didn't worry about it.
 
aps said:
Yeah, I totally understand what you're saying. My husband and I were not going to have kids because I didn't want kids. I loved hanging out with my fellow childless couples. It made me feel like I wasn't alone in NOT wanting kids. I remember when one of the couples told us (this was before I made a decision about not wanting kids) that they didn't want kids, my first thought was, "How unloving." So I hated thinking that people would pin that stereotype on me (but it wasn't going to make me have kids). I was clearly in the minority of my friends in not wanting children.

However, somehow my pill failed and lo and behold, I got pregnant. I was devastated. Anyway, after some serious emotional turmoil, I had my son (exactly 3 years ago today!!!), and I see why my friends with kids say beautiful things about being a parent. It is exciting and challenging in ways that I could not have fathomed as a nonparent. I see why people describe loving a child as being entirely different than loving your parents, your spouse, your siblings, and your friends. It's fantastic, and I wonder how I could have thought I didn't want this.

Having said that, though, I truly believe I would have had a fulfilling life with it being just my husband and me. I miss being able to go out whenever we want to, travel wherever we want to, etc.

Interestingly, when I told one of our couple friends who did not want kids (and still don't have any) that I was pregnant, the woman essentially stopped talking to me. I found that interesting. I know she felt connected to me because I was the one of her few friends who didn't want kids. I guess she felt betrayed by me. Oh well.

Burning Giraffe, there is nothing wrong with NOT wanting kids.
Click to expand...
just as there is nothing wrong with wanting them, logical or not.
 
liblady said:
just as there is nothing wrong with wanting them, logical or not.
Click to expand...

Okay. You'd think I said there was something wrong with wanting kids. That's not what I said, but clearly that's what you got out of my post. :confused:
 
Nothing wrong with not wanting kids.

There's a part of me that wants them, I consider that my biological hormonal side who realizes the clock is ticking away faster and faster.

And then there's the side of me that recognizes just how much I value my freedom. I fear I would resent a child for taking that away from me, even if I did choose to have it. In fact, I'm pretty ****ing sure I would. I mean, I resent my pets at times because I have to factor them into my plans. Jesus... can you imagine how I'd feel about a kid that I *couldn't* leave alone for hours on end??

I think the only way I'd have kids now is if I was making buttloads of money and could afford to hire someone to travel with me to help take care of the rugrat while I boogie board down rivers and explore the depths of the oceans, or party it up in Vegas.
 
I wanted two, and I had two, but I believe the reason many people have them (myself included) boils down to basic instinctive drives. For many women, it's the nurturing instinct coming out and this seems to fulfill it, at least temporarily. For men, I'm not so sure, since I'm not a man.;) Maybe it has to do with some kind of legacy thing. Dunno. We have some friends who are a young couple. They are very nice, well-educated, and a pleasure to be around, but they are currently expecting their 7th child. I have no idea why anyone would want that many.
 
aps said:
Okay. You'd think I said there was something wrong with wanting kids. That's not what I said, but clearly that's what you got out of my post. :confused:
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no, i didn't, i just wanted to to clarify for giraffe that wanting to have kids is normal and doesn't have to be logical. he seems very against having a family.

my daughter doesn't want children, she's perfectly happy with that decision, as am i, although it's none of my business. ;-)
 
Burning Giraffe said:
Lots of people have children and want to start "families". I've always found this to be a curiosity. Everyone I know that has had children raves about how wonderful it is and how meaningful it is. But I haven't seen any objective evidence that having children is anymore wonderful or meaningful than not having children, other than that almost everyone seems to feel this way.

I have also noticed that the vast majority of people have no logical reason to have children. Most of the time, children are merely the inevitable result of unprotected sex and most people feel that the pregnancy, while not planned exactly, is a blessing. Sometimes the pregnancy is not welcomed, but women oppose the idea of abortion and so have the child anyway. Some people just have children for seemingly no reason, or for awful reasons like keeping a man in your life, child support, tax breaks, etc. Some people have children to please their spouse. Some people have children because they are afraid of not having anyone to take care of them when they are old. Some people have children because they want someone to love them the way only a child can. And I think some people have children because "that's what people do".

I suppose many people simply feel nostalgic about their own childhood and family life and want to create a similar environment for themselves. But when you consider how expensive children really are, how much stress and tension can come with divorce when two people have kids, and how devastating life can be when horrible things happen to your children, you'd think people would put more thought into it. You'd think people would have developed logical reasons for choosing to have children, that children would be planned out, that there would be finances and goals in mind before any pregnancy occurs. I know this happens, but it seems rare.
Click to expand...

Biological imperative: perpetuate the species. This is the entire reason we have sex drives and reproductive organs, bodies acclimated to divided labor, and advanced social institutions.
 
Burning Giraffe said:
If there is no logical reason for it, why don't more people simply choose not to do it? In all honesty, I just find it hard to relate to "parents" and as my wife and I get older, there are fewer and fewer hold outs and it becomes harder and harder to relate to people our own age.
Click to expand...


If you and your wife don't want kids and don't like kids, I'm glad you didn't have kids.

Don't diss the rest of us though. From my perspective, you have no idea what you missed out on, but to each his own.
 
Burning Giraffe said:
You'd think people would have developed logical reasons for choosing to have children, that children would be planned out, that there would be finances and goals in mind before any pregnancy occurs. I know this happens, but it seems rare.
Click to expand...

Great thread, BG. (may I call you BG?)

Obviously there are as many answers to your question as there are people reasing it. But your thread reminded me of something we went through when we found out my first wife was (unexpectedly) pregnant.

Long story short, I remember saying,... "Ok we didn't plan this child,... but supposing we (or anyone) were going to have one on purpose,... what would a good reason be?"

We ruled out "because we want one" because it was selfish and unfair to the child.

We ruled out "because it's time and everyone else is" for pretty much the same petty reasons.

We finally settled on the idea that since we have no guarantees that there is an afterlife,... our children and their children and their children's children.... are the closest thing that we (humans) can create ourselves,... to where our values, language, art, etc... can effectively 'live on' long after we are gone.

It's something to think about anyway and it seemed more logical than the petty reasons at the time.

Good luck in your quest! :2wave:
 
The point of children besides slave labor, an unfortunate side effect of sex, and someone to change your diapers and feed you when you are old...

How about:
1) To have a family. Blood relations tend to be much stronger and robust than non.
2) To pass on your genes.
 
How about to have your own clay to mold.
 
It is our duty to our ancestors who bore and raised us, and to our nations which have united and governed us. If we did not have children, where would the next generation of our people come from?
 
rivrrat said:
Nothing wrong with not wanting kids.

There's a part of me that wants them, I consider that my biological hormonal side who realizes the clock is ticking away faster and faster.

And then there's the side of me that recognizes just how much I value my freedom. I fear I would resent a child for taking that away from me, even if I did choose to have it. In fact, I'm pretty ****ing sure I would. I mean, I resent my pets at times because I have to factor them into my plans. Jesus... can you imagine how I'd feel about a kid that I *couldn't* leave alone for hours on end??

I think the only way I'd have kids now is if I was making buttloads of money and could afford to hire someone to travel with me to help take care of the rugrat while I boogie board down rivers and explore the depths of the oceans, or party it up in Vegas.
Click to expand...

Agreed. If I'd waited to have kids, I wouldn't have had any.
I didn't really have any kind of life yet, at the time I had my kids.
I hadn't experienced freedom or independence yet.
I'm glad things happened the way they did, I guess.
I wouldn't wish for my kids not to be in this world. I'm glad they're here.
But like I said, if I'd been older and known myself better, I wouldn't have had any.
 
scourge99 said:
Goodluck with that. I think they come hardwired with freewill. :)
Click to expand...

You still instill morals and virtue. Even a kid who violates said morals still learns to be moral by the example of their parents.
 
Korimyr the Rat said:
It is our duty to our ancestors who bore and raised us,
Click to expand...
says who? What if our ancestors don't care if we have children or not? Why do they have a say in how we personally decide to live?

Korimyr the Rat said:
and to our nations which have united and governed us.
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if anything I think most nations would prefer less people rather than more. The only reason we need more is to support the Ponzi scheme known as social security. Not exactly an admirable reason.


Korimyr the Rat said:
If we did not have children, where would the next generation of our people come from?
Click to expand...
There wouldn't be a next generation. The universe and everything in it would continue as it always has.
 
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