Who should pay on a date?

[Kali]

It's ok for a woman to work when first meeting and when first married, but as soon as you decide to have children, the woman needs to stay at home and raise the kids. No day care or nannies are needed. A full time stay-at-home mom can care for the kids and keep the home looking properly. Feed the family and do housework. That is the best contribution a woman can make to a family. When the kids are off to college, the woman can start working again if she chooses.

In a perfect world? Yes. But nowdays a lot of times the family cannot afford for the woman to stay home once the children are of school age.

Another thing that bugs me is that I know a few stay at home moms that are not valued for the work they do inside the home and with raising the kids. The men seem to hold working outside and bringing in the income over these women heads and act as if these women are sitting at home on their ass all day eating bon bons and watching soaps on tv. Their husbands forget they cook, clean, run errands, etc and keep that household running. The husbands do not Value them and forget what these women do all day everyday.
This is what can lead to the end of the marriage.

I do think what you said is the ideal situation if it is a joint choice going in and that the man does not "forget" what hard work that his wife and mother of his children is doing daily for the family unit.

 

[kerussll]

The efficient division of labor is what validates traditional gender rolls and gave rise to the nuclear family. Some families divide labor in other ways and do just fine, but the division reef described works just as well also.

It might work fine for some, but that's not the point. I don't appreciate anyone saying what all women "should" do to raise their families. It's none of his business, and extremely sexist and condescending.

 

[Kali]

so if the guy's broke, its just straight to sex?

You know that cost money:rofl

 

[Jerry]

It might work fine for some, but that's not the point. I don't appreciate anyone saying what all women "should" do to raise their families. It's none of his business, and extremely sexist and condescending.

Then don't date him.

 

[Skateguy]

You know that cost money:rofl

hey now--that's my line.

 

[Skateguy]

If a guy is broke he has no business asking anybody out on a date unless the date invloves lots of free creative things that cost no money.

Wrong--broke people need love too.

 

[Skateguy]

This makes me crazy: males that expect a woman to work, give up half her paycheck but she does it all as far as taking care of children and the home. Forget that! :shock:

A busy Women, is a happy women. Less time to like, try to think of stuff. :2razz:

 

[Jerry]

Wrong--broke people need love too.

No, broke people need money.

 

[kerussll]

Then don't date him.

Oh I have no plans to.

 

[Kali]

hey now--that's my line.

Guess who I was thinking about when I typed that? I almost even said something like just ask SkateGuy but figured 10 may come in and claim I was attacking you again:lol:

 

[reefedjib]

In a perfect world? Yes. But nowdays a lot of times the family cannot afford for the woman to stay home once the children are of school age.

They definitely need to be able to live within their means. No McMansion. Solid middle class in an appropriate neighborhood.

Another thing that bugs me is that I know a few stay at home moms that are not valued for the work they do inside the home and with raising the kids. The men seem to hold working outside and bringing in the income over these women heads and act as if these women are sitting at home on their ass all day eating bon bons and watching soaps on tv. Their husbands forget they cook, clean, run errands, etc and keep that household running. The husbands do not Value them and forget what these women do all day everyday.
This is what can lead to the end of the marriage.

Raising the family is a more important job needing done well than working for money. Both are needed, but raising kids right takes top priority. Seeing eye to eye on how to raise the kids: what values to instill and what mechanisms of punishment to use and what roles each parent plays, is vastly more important. The mother is the primary person with those responsibilities. The Father is usually judge, jury and executioner and is who children seek approval from.

This arrangement may still lead to extra-marital affairs and, though I can't see myself pursuing one, I am understanding if my wife decides to do so. As long as she doesn't fall in love with the tennis star, I am ok with her screwing her brains out with someone clean and healthy. I refuse to entertain the idea of a divorce.

I do think what you said is the ideal situation if it is a joint choice going in and that the man does not "forget" what hard work that his wife and mother of his children is doing daily for the family unit.

Absolutely.

 

[reefedjib]

It might work fine for some, but that's not the point. I don't appreciate anyone saying what all women "should" do to raise their families. It's none of his business, and extremely sexist and condescending.

Oh I have no plans to.

This is why questions regarding acceptable roles in marriage are valid for dating services, because we found out right away that we are not a good match.

I wasn't saying what all families should do, only mine. I fail to see how that is sexist and condescending.

 

[1069]

This arrangement may still lead to extra-marital affairs and, though I can't see myself pursuing one, I am understanding if my wife decides to do so.

wELL i sure had enough of them when i was a stay at home mom for 2 yrs.
i was bored ****less.

 

[kerussll]

This is why questions regarding acceptable roles in marriage are valid for dating services, because we found out right away that we are not a good match.

I wasn't saying what all families should do, only mine. I fail to see how that is sexist and condescending.

You clearly said "women should..." which, unless you're a polygamist, would apply to more than your own family. Maybe that's not what you mean to say, and if you'd like to take it back, that would be appreciated.

 

[reefedjib]

You clearly said "women should..." which, unless you're a polygamist, would apply to more than your own family. Maybe that's not what you mean to say, and if you'd like to take it back, that would be appreciated.

You are correct in a sense: I said a woman needs to raise the family when having children. I was speaking generally. Now that you bring it up again I have revisited my comments and I will stand by them. It does reflect my opinion.

Now, I am open to the concept of a role reversal, where the man puts a halt on his career and stays home with the kids and maintains the household, while the woman pursues her career. I simply feel that day-care parenting is inappropriate and damaging to the children.

Now if you would like to expand this discussion to include the negatives that feminism have brought to our society, while recognizing the positives, I can do that. Nothing is black and white.

 

[1069]

He does baby shower arraingements and remembers the birthdays anniversarys and organizes the house and plans the meals and keeps up with
the kids and their school chores and events and their friends and your parents & his. He keeps up with their anniversary and planning family events and GUY STUFF too-Like hangin out and recharging his masculinety?
My wife does a lot of that stuff now it seems her and her girl friends GET OFF on it- and it fits them better than it does me and my friends. Just curious .
She is watchin her nieces baby right now. Me I put a bed together for her. A role I much prefer as opposed to watchin a yougin? lol anyway thanks comment please.

I've always had more care of the kids, but they're not his kids. They have a dad. Their dad was very much involved in their upbringing.
They're grown up and out of the house now.
Neither one of us does "baby shower arrangements" or remembering anniversaries. We divide the housework.
I'm not sure what you're asking me.

 

[Catz Part Deux]

I guess I could wish for you to be 20 years younger and a hell of a lot funnier. Not much amusing about a sarcastic woman on the back 9 of life.

Don't pout, it makes you look juvenile.

 

[kerussll]

You are correct in a sense: I said a woman needs to raise the family when having children. I was speaking generally. Now that you bring it up again I have revisited my comments and I will stand by them. It does reflect my opinion.

Now, I am open to the concept of a role reversal, where the man puts a halt on his career and stays home with the kids and maintains the household, while the woman pursues her career. I simply feel that day-care parenting is inappropriate and damaging to the children.

Now if you would like to expand this discussion to include the negatives that feminism have brought to our society, while recognizing the positives, I can do that. Nothing is black and white.

Glad you're open to people doing different things. Maybe a more accurate statement would be that parents need to raise their own children? I don't think anyone would disagree with that.

 

[Captain America]

Guys do kinda get the short end of the stick in relationships now when you think about it. We, as "liberated" women, want our men to be gentlemen and old fashioned in a lot of ways..opening doors, payin the tab, send flowers, taking care of us. But we as "liberated" women also want them to take up the slack in "our roles" when we are out in the workforce working... clean house, take care of the kids, etc. etc. etc. Unfair to guys in a lot of respects.



awwwww..... that's sweet. Your wife sounds like a lucky woman.

If anybody's lucky it's me. Thank you for your kind words. :2wave:

 

[b.larset]

I've always had more care of the kids, but they're not his kids. They have a dad. Their dad was very much involved in their upbringing.
They're grown up and out of the house now.
Neither one of us does "baby shower arrangements" or remembering anniversaries. We divide the housework.
I'm not sure what you're asking me.

Some things are done by women for women to and for each other and the engagements that surround most family affairs are taken care of by most women for their familys. The wife communicates with other women about that stuff and other family members. I am usually informed 1069 as to when how why and where. That has been our typical roles and I know its like that in most familys and with a lot of women. If you think about it women are more adept at attending to the familys social affairs. Thats what I was curious about 1069 if you had any arrangements about sharing attentive social responsibility's for family and friends. Thanks

 

[Captain America]

Yeah, but you guys are pretty old, aren't you?

Awwww 10.

You gotta go there?

Yeah, I turned the 50 corner a few years back and it's off into the sunset I ride.

But I was still young enough when manners and chivilry were fading away and I had a choice to make. Be a man, as I was taught a man was to be, to the woman of my heart or be a liberated male and cast the old ways aside.

I went with being a man. These days, that's not always a popular position to take. But I am what I am and I will never apologize for it. I like to hunt, fish, burp, fart, cuss, eat, drink and had a few to many fights in my dumber days. I am blessed to have a woman willing to put up with an old cuss like me.

 

[Captain America]

Y'know, as old fashioned as some might think I am, I can honestly say I've heated as many bottles and changed as many diapers and rocked the babies to sleep as much as my better half ever did. I s'pose I was kinda liberated that way.

I can also cook better and keep a clean house. But there's MY kinda clean and HER kinda clean. But still, I do all right for a dude.

 

[Gipper]

I can cook better than any woman I know except my grandma, God rest her soul. I do think that women are more physiologically designed to clean though. It's just through incredible attention to detail. I know my ex-fiancee could clean like nobody's business, but I swear she had microscopic eyes that could see a speck of dust at 20 paces. How anyone can do it is beyond me.

 

[Aunt Spiker]

I can cook better than any woman I know except my grandma, God rest her soul. I do think that women are more physiologically designed to clean though. It's just through incredible attention to detail. I know my ex-fiancee could clean like nobody's business, but I swear she had microscopic eyes that could see a speck of dust at 20 paces. How anyone can do it is beyond me.

:rofl"women are more physiologically designed to clean than men." :rofl

The mundane chores of life have nothing to do with physiology, biology or anything other than who has time to do it and how much they care about doing it.

Cleaning is a necessity in life - things must be cleaned, it's just that simple. How good of a job someone does depends more on how much they give a damn or how much time they are willing/can spend on it rather than how well they can "see" dirt.

I hate to clean but I do it all the time. Thus - I frequently do a piss poor job. The house, though, is stunningly clean and organized right now because my husband cleaned everything for me over the weekend. Do I now or have I ever given a damn enough to clean the house that well? Hell no. I don't care that much, that's not to say I don't appreciate fully the time he spent or the cleanliness of the house - that's just to say that it is not the most important thing to me, there are other things I'd rather spend my time and energy on. . . like cooking.

As per cooking, it's the same thing: a lot of people just don't like to cook (men/women, doesn't matter) - and so they won't be spending a lot of time cooking, it's just that simple. And, once again, how much time someone spends cooking or how well they do depends on how much they care or how much they want to do it.

It has nothing to do with gender which, I feel, is a major fault behind dividing components of life up between the sexes. People should take on responsibility when they will be able to do them thoroughly and do them well.

 

[Captain America]

Cleaning is a necessity in life - things must be cleaned, it's just that simple. How good of a job someone does depends more on how much they give a damn or how much time they are willing/can spend on it rather than how well they can "see" dirt.

Speaking in the most general of terms, as there is always an exception to the rule, it has been my lifetime observation that women, as a whole, mrgreen clean with much more detail than the male of the species. (ex-military men notwithstanding.)

Again, speaking generally, the only woman capable of cleaning as well as an ex-military male (who applies himself,) is a woman who went through the military herself.

But this is just an observational opinion. I can't testify that it's the undisputable truth.