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When do you stop looking/trying

Gray_Fox_86

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Hi(most of you do not know me;) )

But I have a question. I have given up on love and I was just wondering if it were the best thing to do. I don't have too many friends and my siblings are all grown up. So we do not have much of a relationship. I rarely go out because what is the point? Anyways, I have been looking for work and am doing hobbies(videogames, not much of a hobby i know) and my success with women is low.

Its like this, the women I am interested in are almost always taken. And I do not mean they are just good looking because I am interested in girls that vary on the looks scale. But basically the women have to be the ones who show interests in me and real interests. Because all the women who I am talking about when I ask what their relationship status is they all tell me they are either married or in a relationship. I like to act like I am all happy and **** but I am not. I am in misery because there goes one more girl who I can never be with aside from a friendship.

This is probably the worse forum to ask for advice because the majority of you are married or old or in relationships. But any clues as to what I should do about relationships with the opposite sex? And no hookers/strippers, i want a serious relationship.
 

theangryamerican

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I don't mean to be too prying, but how old are you? That will play a roll in my answer.
 

Kali

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I have found sometimes when you stop trying and looking? That is when it will happen. It is strange how we meet people when we least expect it.

Also are you limiting yourself too much? Do you have some long ass list that a girl must meet? Too picky? I am not saying lower your standards but sometimes peeps tend to set themselves up for failure in expecting way too much.
 

Gray_Fox_86

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I have found sometimes when you stop trying and looking? That is when it will happen. It is strange how we meet people when we least expect it.

Also are you limiting yourself too much? Do you have some long ass list that a girl must meet? Too picky? I am not saying lower your standards but sometimes peeps tend to set themselves up for failure in expecting way too much.

No, honestly my list is pretty short. It consists of having a good heart and being nice and smart and not too old or young. I won't date anyone older than 5 years and anyone younger than 5 years too. But that saying is part of the problem too. I stopped trying and have almost been not expecting to meet anyone and yet it does not happen. So?

I am 24.
 

theangryamerican

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No, honestly my list is pretty short. It consists of having a good heart and being nice and smart and not too old or young. I won't date anyone older than 5 years and anyone younger than 5 years too. But that saying is part of the problem too. I stopped trying and have almost been not expecting to meet anyone and yet it does not happen. So?

I am 24.

I think sometimes the fact that you appear to be looking/trying can smell a bit like desperation. Sometimes the best way to go through life is to expect nothing. Granted, I don’t know a lot about you but I think the best advice I can give is to be happy with yourself first, and then the people who make you happy will find you.

I know it sounds trite, but similar people really do attract. Instead of feeling like you have to “find someone” just do what you enjoy. Immerse yourself in an active hobby and start networking with other people who enjoy the same things. (They don’t have to be members of the opposite sex, just make some new friends.) Become confident with who you are and proud of your own accomplishments and that will really come through in your personality.
When you are happy with yourself and doing what you enjoy, you don’t really sit around thinking about what you could be missing, and often things just end up falling into place on their own.

Self-confidence is your best friend when it comes to selling yourself. (Not to be confused with arrogance or douche-baggery) :2razz:

Just my $.02
 

24107

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No, honestly my list is pretty short. It consists of having a good heart and being nice and smart and not too old or young. I won't date anyone older than 5 years and anyone younger than 5 years too. But that saying is part of the problem too. I stopped trying and have almost been not expecting to meet anyone and yet it does not happen. So?

I am 24.

If you start working out and lifting weights in a dedicated fashion, by next summer you will be ripped and alot of young women will be fawning all over you.I'm not saying thats the solution, but it will help.Best wishes and good luck.
 

jallman

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No, honestly my list is pretty short. It consists of having a good heart and being nice and smart and not too old or young. I won't date anyone older than 5 years and anyone younger than 5 years too. But that saying is part of the problem too. I stopped trying and have almost been not expecting to meet anyone and yet it does not happen. So?

I am 24.

At 24 you shouldn't even be worried about meeting that someone. You should be having tons of fun and meeting lots of people. I wouldn't even begin to worry about settling down until 30 if I had it to do over again.
 

digsbe

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You don't need a girlfriend/boyfriend to be happy. Learn to be happy with what you do have. Invest relationally in friendships, and the right woman will come along one day. Be patient for her, and enjoy other relationships you have/can develop.
 

rivrrat

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Don't look. Just live your life. Don't be cynical about it (i.e., nobody loves me, everybody hates me, I think I'll eat some worms). Just live your life. Don't NEED someone else in it. Find happiness and contentment alone. Looking too hard just makes one come off as desperate.

However, don't cut yourself off from opportunities to meet people. Take a class - whatever you're interested in. Something athletic? Cooking? Wine? Literature? Computer stuff? History? Look around your community at churches, colleges, gyms, bookstores, restaurants, etc and see if there's anything at all that interests you. Maybe something that you know nothing about that you've always wanted to learn more about. Take your lunches at local cafes, reading a book or something. Go hiking on local trails. Just do *something* that gets you out of your normal daily routine of work/home. Or school/home. Something that gets you somewhere that you will have an opportunity to meet new people.

Another option, do a speed dating thing once in awhile. Or some social night at a local club once in awhile.
 

Kali

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No, honestly my list is pretty short. It consists of having a good heart and being nice and smart and not too old or young. I won't date anyone older than 5 years and anyone younger than 5 years too. But that saying is part of the problem too. I stopped trying and have almost been not expecting to meet anyone and yet it does not happen. So?

I am 24.

Just keep in mind that age is just a number. :) That 5 year thing? You are missing out on people that could really be cool.
 

Gray_Fox_86

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Just keep in mind that age is just a number. :) That 5 year thing? You are missing out on people that could really be cool.
I do not know about that. I am kind of hesitate. Why? Well if were to date a 30 or above year old female she might have a job and be wondering why I do not. And she might be messed up and upset with men. Or else why hasn't she? Then there are the women younger than me. I am 24 and if we minus 5 that leaves 18. Barely the legal age and if I were to go any younger I would get into serious trouble so 18 to me has that feel that it is sort of rape.
 

rivrrat

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I do not know about that. I am kind of hesitate. Why? Well if were to date a 30 or above year old female she might have a job and be wondering why I do not. And she might be messed up and upset with men. Or else why hasn't she? Then there are the women younger than me. I am 24 and if we minus 5 that leaves 18. Barely the legal age and if I were to go any younger I would get into serious trouble so 18 to me has that feel that it is sort of rape.

Why else hasn't she what?
 

liblady

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I do not know about that. I am kind of hesitate. Why? Well if were to date a 30 or above year old female she might have a job and be wondering why I do not. And she might be messed up and upset with men. Or else why hasn't she? Then there are the women younger than me. I am 24 and if we minus 5 that leaves 18. Barely the legal age and if I were to go any younger I would get into serious trouble so 18 to me has that feel that it is sort of rape.

well, why don't you have a job? are you still in school?
 

Gray_Fox_86

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Why else hasn't she what?

Gotten married or have at least a steady boyfriend at least. Good men are not hard to find if you look for them in the right places and this does mean you should be going to church.
 

Gray_Fox_86

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well, why don't you have a job? are you still in school?

I am in school getting my 2nd bachelors. My first didn't work out too well, History. So I am hoping that by studying computer science the chances of me getting a job goes up exponentionally. Especially since I am going to the 5th ranked school for CS in the nation.
 

rivrrat

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Gotten married or have at least a steady boyfriend at least. Good men are not hard to find if you look for them in the right places and this does mean you should be going to church.

LMFAO

Maybe she's like me and sees no need to get married, has had a stream of steady boyfriends, but just not found "the one". And is an atheist. (Trust me, my "good man" isn't in a ****ing church, that's for damn sure) Or is divorced. Who knows?

To assume that anyone over 30 and single is defective in some way is pretty retarded. Seems like you really focus on negatives and just LOOK for something wrong.

When I see a man or woman that I find attractive and I find out they're single, I don't immediately think "I wonder WHY they're single? WTF is wrong with them?" I think, "Hot damn! They're available!"

Seems as though you're just looking for reasons to say someone isn't good enough, which leads me to think perhaps you're not ready for a relationship yet.
 
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Gray_Fox_86

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LMFAO

Maybe she's like me and sees no need to get married, has had a stream of steady boyfriends, but just found "the one". And is an atheist. (Trust me, my "good man" isn't in a ****ing church, that's for damn sure) Or is divorced. Who knows?

To assume that anyone over 30 and single is defective in some way is pretty retarded. Seems like you really focus on negatives and just LOOK for something wrong.

When I see a man or woman that I find attractive and I find out they're single, I don't immediately think "I wonder WHY they're single? WTF is wrong with them?" I think, "Hot damn! They're available!"

Seems as though you're just looking for reasons to say someone isn't good enough, which leads me to think perhaps you're not ready for a relationship yet.
Ok first thing first. I did not list the reasons because there are so many things that could be said. And I do agree with you. Maybe I am not ready for a relationship. I always appreciate your input.
 

Kali

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Gotten married or have at least a steady boyfriend at least. Good men are not hard to find if you look for them in the right places and this does mean you should be going to church.

Ummm.. Errr.. The world is made up of various faiths. So you have a bigger list than you did admit to:2razz:
 

Marilyn Monroe

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You don't need a girlfriend/boyfriend to be happy. Learn to be happy with what you do have. Invest relationally in friendships, and the right woman will come along one day. Be patient for her, and enjoy other relationships you have/can develop.

Very wise! Very wise!
 

Marilyn Monroe

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Don't look. Just live your life. Don't be cynical about it (i.e., nobody loves me, everybody hates me, I think I'll eat some worms). Just live your life. Don't NEED someone else in it. Find happiness and contentment alone. Looking too hard just makes one come off as desperate.

However, don't cut yourself off from opportunities to meet people. Take a class - whatever you're interested in. Something athletic? Cooking? Wine? Literature? Computer stuff? History? Look around your community at churches, colleges, gyms, bookstores, restaurants, etc and see if there's anything at all that interests you. Maybe something that you know nothing about that you've always wanted to learn more about. Take your lunches at local cafes, reading a book or something. Go hiking on local trails. Just do *something* that gets you out of your normal daily routine of work/home. Or school/home. Something that gets you somewhere that you will have an opportunity to meet new people.

Another option, do a speed dating thing once in awhile. Or some social night at a local club once in awhile.

Good advice!
 
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Women are not something that you are supposed to devote your life to. Follow others' advice and learn to live life on your own and be content in yourself. Once you're content in yourself you will realize that you are the prize and that they have to be worthy enough to allow them into your life.
 

Kali

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Women are not something that you are supposed to devote your life to. Follow others' advice and learn to live life on your own and be content in yourself. Once you're content in yourself you will realize that you are the prize and that they have to be worthy enough to allow them into your life.

Got a girlfriend yet?
 

Marilyn Monroe

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Have you tried the dating sites? OKCupid? It's true you need to love yourself and all that, but I have nothing against trying these dating sites out. People do end up getting married.
 
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