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When do you stop looking/trying

At 24 you shouldn't even be worried about meeting that someone. You should be having tons of fun and meeting lots of people. I wouldn't even begin to worry about settling down until 30 if I had it to do over again.

Bullseye... and I would add... broaden your horizons in the age dept. Not younger, but go from 5 to 15-years older or more.

Travel... if you can.

And for a guy... when you get to 30-40... the opportunities broaden dramatically; you'll look back at 24 and wonder WTF was I thinking.

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Kali said:
Got a girlfriend yet?

I have no problem with women if that is what you are getting at. Anyone I meet has to qualify themselves to me before I accept them into my life. I don't see what is wrong with that; it's my life, after all. In fact that is how everyone should live their lives.

I'm not going to go jumping through hoops just to win some girl's number.

In a world of abundance there is choice.
 

Just live your life. The age you're talking about, if she's married there is a 50% chance it won't last. There's no rush. I was five years older than you when I decided I was never going to get married because I had such crap luck. Six years later my future husband's 16 year marriage ended, and one year later we were married. I believe I married who I was supposed to marry, and we were together for as long as we were meant to be.

What if your 'soul mate' (for lack of a better phrase) is currently 16. What if you throw age out the window once you meet her, because she is so perfect for you - but at 16, she's nowhere near ready for what is to come?
 
Grey, when I was 27, I had just ended a relationship that wasn't very healthy. I decided that for 2 years I was just going to have an absolute blast dating, and I wasn't going to get serious with anyone for at least those 2 years. Within a month of making that decision, I met my husband. Only I didn't even think about him that way. I knew he was special, but he was just another guy I was dating. If he called too late in the week, I was already taken for Saturday night. It didn't matter to me because I was having the time of my life. There was no pressure. During those 2 years, it became more and more obvious that this one guy was head and shoulders above everyone else. I really do believe if either one of us had been looking for something serious, the other one would have run. However, the way we both went into it was so casual that we had a chance to fall in love naturally and slowly. It was nice because by the time I really loved him, I knew exactly who he was, and I knew he wasn't a jerk.
 
Grey, when I was 27, I had just ended a relationship that wasn't very healthy. I decided that for 2 years I was just going to have an absolute blast dating, and I wasn't going to get serious with anyone for at least those 2 years. Within a month of making that decision, I met my husband. Only I didn't even think about him that way. I knew he was special, but he was just another guy I was dating. If he called too late in the week, I was already taken for Saturday night. It didn't matter to me because I was having the time of my life. There was no pressure. During those 2 years, it became more and more obvious that this one guy was head and shoulders above everyone else. I really do believe if either one of us had been looking for something serious, the other one would have run. However, the way we both went into it was so casual that we had a chance to fall in love naturally and slowly. It was nice because by the time I really loved him, I knew exactly who he was, and I knew he wasn't a jerk.

Exactly. I just think too many people are looking SOOO hard that every person they meet, they're immediately sizing them up as a lifetime partner. Looking for plusses and minuses, etc. Instead of just sizing them up as a companion for tonight. Or tomorrow. Or this weekend. Or the weekend after next. They put so much damn pressure on themselves AND every person they meet that, IMO, it just sets them up for disappointment or disaster. They scare the other person away, or disregard them because they don't meet some model of perfection they've established in their heads. Folks just need to relax, take a chill pill. Deal with TODAY, deal with right now. Have fun NOW. Tomorrow will come later.

And hell, even if you don't think that cute girl or guy is "the one", there's nothing wrong with enjoying the weekend with them and then remaining friends. Maybe his/her roomate is "the one". Their sibling. Their friend. A friend of a friend. People lose the value of networking when all they see in people is the possibility (or impossibility) of them being their lifelong partner.
 
Grey, when I was 27, I had just ended a relationship that wasn't very healthy. I decided that for 2 years I was just going to have an absolute blast dating, and I wasn't going to get serious with anyone for at least those 2 years. Within a month of making that decision, I met my husband. Only I didn't even think about him that way. I knew he was special, but he was just another guy I was dating. If he called too late in the week, I was already taken for Saturday night. It didn't matter to me because I was having the time of my life. There was no pressure. During those 2 years, it became more and more obvious that this one guy was head and shoulders above everyone else. I really do believe if either one of us had been looking for something serious, the other one would have run. However, the way we both went into it was so casual that we had a chance to fall in love naturally and slowly. It was nice because by the time I really loved him, I knew exactly who he was, and I knew he wasn't a jerk.
See that is a nice story. Me I do not have stories like that. I am a very introverted guy. Extremely shy and withdrawn I was put on medications by my parents during highschool for depression. And the pills did not work but ended up ruining my mental health so my parents and I decided to quit that. Throughout my life I have wanted to be loved and love in return. I try to live my life but it is not easy when you only have yourself in it. And I mean it is really only yourself. I do not make friends easily and I have not had a single friend since middle school.

I do not wallow or anything, I just do not get myself fully. I have not been able to find anyone who I can spend my time with. I do not really want male friends because they come and go but I do want a serious gf. Not like what I have had before. I do not know you know the only women I have been able to talk with are women who are older than me but are single mothers. And really I know that these women would have hated to talk with a guy like me when they were my age and younger. And chances are they hate me but no guy wants them because they are single mothers. idk.
 
Exactly. I just think too many people are looking SOOO hard that every person they meet, they're immediately sizing them up as a lifetime partner. Looking for plusses and minuses, etc. Instead of just sizing them up as a companion for tonight. Or tomorrow. Or this weekend. Or the weekend after next. They put so much damn pressure on themselves AND every person they meet that, IMO, it just sets them up for disappointment or disaster. They scare the other person away, or disregard them because they don't meet some model of perfection they've established in their heads. Folks just need to relax, take a chill pill. Deal with TODAY, deal with right now. Have fun NOW. Tomorrow will come later.

And hell, even if you don't think that cute girl or guy is "the one", there's nothing wrong with enjoying the weekend with them and then remaining friends. Maybe his/her roomate is "the one". Their sibling. Their friend. A friend of a friend. People lose the value of networking when all they see in people is the possibility (or impossibility) of them being their lifelong partner.
You have had much sex though. It is hard when the only time you have had sex has been with prostitutes or women just being nice. I dated this really hot chick who I knew had a serious bf before me. Ended up being that she had never broken up with that bf.
 
See that is a nice story. Me I do not have stories like that. I am a very introverted guy. Extremely shy and withdrawn I was put on medications by my parents during highschool for depression. And the pills did not work but ended up ruining my mental health so my parents and I decided to quit that. Throughout my life I have wanted to be loved and love in return. I try to live my life but it is not easy when you only have yourself in it. And I mean it is really only yourself. I do not make friends easily and I have not had a single friend since middle school.

I do not wallow or anything, I just do not get myself fully. I have not been able to find anyone who I can spend my time with. I do not really want male friends because they come and go but I do want a serious gf. Not like what I have had before. I do not know you know the only women I have been able to talk with are women who are older than me but are single mothers. And really I know that these women would have hated to talk with a guy like me when they were my age and younger. And chances are they hate me but no guy wants them because they are single mothers. idk.

I'm pretty introverted but I gave up the self wallowing and went out to find my love.
It only took one try but you have to tell yourself, if a woman rejects you, sure it hurts but that is short lived.

You have to try hard sometimes.
Find a girl you're at least visually attracted to and if you can't get to know her better without asking her out, then just do it.
Life is short and you only get 1 shot on this planet.
 
I try to live my life but it is not easy when you only have yourself in it. And I mean it is really only yourself. I do not make friends easily and I have not had a single friend since middle school.

...I do want a serious gf. Not like what I have had before.

Bear in mind that the advice that Chuck has given you is a stepping stone in the path to what you want. If you are extremely introverted and have difficulty making friends, those are obstacles that stand in the way of your desired goal. In order to build a relationship with a girl, you have to learn to meet girls, and to build friendships with them. Work on THAT, and you will be one step closer.

I understand this. It is perhaps hard to imagine this, but when I was in high school, I was incredibly shy. PAINFULLY so. I grew up in an abusive home where everything I did was criticized incessantly, and it made me very unsure of myself. When I went to college, I had to practice making friends. I watched people and imitated them, because I had no idea how to appear confident and outgoing. I forced myself to smile at people, talk to strangers, speak up in class, and make small talk. It was incredibly awkward for me, and all the time, I was sure I would make a huge ass of myself. It's possible that a couple of times, I did, but I kept working at it. Within a year, it got so much easier for me. Guys would flirt with me, and instead of being tongue-tied and redfaced, I learned to flirt back. Awkwardly at first, but I gradually got more at ease.

This is something you're going to have to work at, Grey, if you really want it. It takes time and some practice.
 
Throughout my life I have wanted to be loved and love in return. I try to live my life but it is not easy when you only have yourself in it. And I mean it is really only yourself.

Please don't think I'm being anything other than completely serious. You NEED a dog. You're right, life was not meant to be gone through alone. After my marriage ended, I was more heartbroken about never seeing my two dogs again than not seeing the dog I was married to. I went from home to my sister's, and she had a dog. When I got my own place, I could only have a cat; so I got one. Now I'm in a house with three roommates (might that not also be an option), and three cats.

I never thought I'd be here. I've always felt safer locked away, so nobody could surprise me, or yell at me (PTSD, the gift that keeps on giving). But here I am, one month into it, and I can't imagine life without my roomies. Or Sienna, Rascal and Hellkitten (Helena).

I suggested a dog because in general, they are much less aloof than cats. They always want to be near you, and they make it clear that they missed you when you were gone. Nothing like a full-body tail wag that takes out half an end table to let you know you are loved.

*cheesy internet hugs* I hope you can get a pet.
 
I got a cat after my divorce. There were a lot of nights during the "long dark teatime of the soul" that the cat kept me from going over the brink. She was warm, friendly, funny, and she wanted my attention.
 
I got a cat after my divorce. There were a lot of nights during the "long dark teatime of the soul" that the cat kept me from going over the brink. She was warm, friendly, funny, and she wanted my attention.

And sometimes they look at you like they honest-to-God know what you're going through.
 
I got a cat after my divorce. There were a lot of nights during the "long dark teatime of the soul" that the cat kept me from going over the brink. She was warm, friendly, funny, and she wanted my attention.

I had nightmares the other night and my fortunately my little dog and my cat both sleep with me because they cuddled the fear right out of me. :lol:
 
I got a cat after my divorce. There were a lot of nights during the "long dark teatime of the soul" that the cat kept me from going over the brink. She was warm, friendly, funny, and she wanted my attention.

I am in a relationship and I still rely on my dog to get me through it sometimes. He's always happy to see me, never talks back, and never presents me with a list of chores to do while he's at work.

If it came down to giving a kidney to the dog or my other half, it would go to the dog first.
 
And sometimes they look at you like they honest-to-God know what you're going through.

Mine looks at me like I'm an illiterate dunce who can't speak meowish.

"Oh, my god, how many times do I have to tell you..."
 
Mine looks at me like I'm an illiterate dunce who can't speak meowish.

"Oh, my god, how many times do I have to tell you..."

Mine head butts me until I go get him food. He's a good cat, I just had no idea he was so BIG! I had to see other cats, and compare. Sienna is a total diva, and the kitten is just a blast to watch. Also, she's gonna be mega-feisty, because she keeps attacking Rascal, no matter how many times he wins.
 
This thread has taken an interesting turn.
 
I have no problem with women if that is what you are getting at. Anyone I meet has to qualify themselves to me before I accept them into my life. I don't see what is wrong with that; it's my life, after all. In fact that is how everyone should live their lives.

I'm not going to go jumping through hoops just to win some girl's number.

In a world of abundance there is choice.

You are a player and like it like that.
 
Really, we should all have his attitude. It's a sort of knowledge of your own worth, and what you deserve.

Umm. Have you read some of his past posts? He is a playa:)

BTW, about the pet stuff? Not everybody are "pet" people and please if you are gonna go out and get a pet? Take it serious. Do some long and hard thinking on what kind of pet to get and if you are able to take care of it as it is not just as easy as lets run out and get a dog. It is a commitment to be taking serious.
 
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Hi(most of you do not know me;) )

But I have a question. I have given up on love and I was just wondering if it were the best thing to do. I don't have too many friends and my siblings are all grown up. So we do not have much of a relationship. I rarely go out because what is the point? Anyways, I have been looking for work and am doing hobbies(videogames, not much of a hobby i know) and my success with women is low.

Its like this, the women I am interested in are almost always taken. And I do not mean they are just good looking because I am interested in girls that vary on the looks scale. But basically the women have to be the ones who show interests in me and real interests. Because all the women who I am talking about when I ask what their relationship status is they all tell me they are either married or in a relationship. I like to act like I am all happy and **** but I am not. I am in misery because there goes one more girl who I can never be with aside from a friendship.

This is probably the worse forum to ask for advice because the majority of you are married or old or in relationships. But any clues as to what I should do about relationships with the opposite sex? And no hookers/strippers, i want a serious relationship.

Insanity is doing what you've always done and expecting different results.
-anonymous

I suggest you do some soul searching.
 
When it becomes more of a hassle than anything.

Am I cynical? You bet your rear I am.
 
When it becomes more of a hassle than anything.

Am I cynical? You bet your rear I am.
It is a hassle to go out and be around other people. Many people are pissy and the easiest thing will set them out and they will chew you out, etc. OR if they see you in and you are being bullied they come and participate. Basically many people do not like to be emotionally abused with but when it comes down to it. They willl be the ones who abuse you emotionally. Its ok though because they are human after all. I just wished people would stop and think what they are saying or doing. No one on this planet is great.
 
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