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What would you do, and am I wrong?

opendebate said:
Right?????! I was like, WTF!

I got exactly the same impression but he seems to genuinely have no clue as to how tragically misguided his advice was. Wow. Your partner cheats on you but it's your fault because you didn't what...stay hot enough?! F*$k U
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And he's still justifying it. :lol: Sheesh.
 
tres borrachos said:
Mr. Borrachos had dinner with a friend of ours last night who shared some confidential information with him. Our friend told my husband that he is having an affair with a young waitress. His wife is a close friend of mine; I met this couple through my husband about 25 years ago (he knew them growing up - they were high school sweethearts and married out of college).

I was talking to one of my girlfriends who does not know this couple, and told her about it, without saying any specific details. I told her the same thing I told my husband, which was that I wish I didn't know this information. My girlfriend asked me when I was going to tell my friend (the wife) about it, and I said "I'm not. It's not my business. My husband wasn't even supposed to tell me about it. And I don't want to get involved." She told me I wasn't being a good friend.

I don't want to be involved, and I also am one of those people that worries about being the messenger of bad news. IF my friend forgives her husband, she will always look at me as the one who brought the bad news. I will also be obviously outed as someone who can't keep a secret, making my husband AND our friends not trust me again.

Am I wrong? Am I obligated to tell my friend what her husband is up to? What would you do?
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Don't tell her. There's nothing but downsides to getting involved. Anyone who says otherwise is not going to be affected by the drama and might enjoy spectating.
 
tres borrachos said:
Mr. Borrachos had dinner with a friend of ours last night who shared some confidential information with him. Our friend told my husband that he is having an affair with a young waitress. His wife is a close friend of mine; I met this couple through my husband about 25 years ago (he knew them growing up - they were high school sweethearts and married out of college).

I was talking to one of my girlfriends who does not know this couple, and told her about it, without saying any specific details. I told her the same thing I told my husband, which was that I wish I didn't know this information. My girlfriend asked me when I was going to tell my friend (the wife) about it, and I said "I'm not. It's not my business. My husband wasn't even supposed to tell me about it. And I don't want to get involved." She told me I wasn't being a good friend.

I don't want to be involved, and I also am one of those people that worries about being the messenger of bad news. IF my friend forgives her husband, she will always look at me as the one who brought the bad news. I will also be obviously outed as someone who can't keep a secret, making my husband AND our friends not trust me again.

Am I wrong? Am I obligated to tell my friend what her husband is up to? What would you do?
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Just send him some flowers anonymously. That should solve the problem without you ever needing to tell her anything. ;)
 
Baralis said:
Just send him some flowers anonymously. That should solve the problem without you ever needing to tell her anything. ;)
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Good idea, and put on the card that they are from her. That way, the douche gets outted and you're clean. Nobody ever has to know.

Genius, Baralis. I was trying to think of a way that Tres could do it without anybody knowing. You've hit the nail on the head. Tres would just have to do it anonymously, pay cash, etc.
 
DVSentinel said:
Whats wrong with that?

Deduction from OP, middle aged couple with husband cheating (apparently for first time, but unsubstantiated). Primary reasons husbands cheat, 1) cheating bastard (usually would show throughout the marriage not arise later) 2) husband going through midlife crises and wants to prove he can still attract young sexually attractive women (not much that can be done, but maybe she can draw him back home) or 3) sexual difficulties between husband and wife (obviously not ED).

So since there is not much to be done about 1 and 2, then look at 3. It's a know fact that men are very strongly visually stimulated sexually. Thats something she can do something about. I only addressed those factors which could be dealt with.
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Unfaithful bastards cheat, and faulting the woman is nothing but a nice cop out.
 
DVSentinel said:
However, you can help her without telling her. Maybe join a gym with her and get her (and you) into better, sexier shape. Maybe girl talk with her about things you do that keeps your husbands eyes, and thus his hands and other parts, at home. Take her lingerie shopping. And if all else fails, buy her a very large bottle of headache medicine.
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Frankly, if it were my husband, and he was so shallow as to start screwing around on me just because I didn't still look 20 years old, I'd be better off without him.
 
Superfly said:
Agreed, Lizzie. Hope DVSentinel is taking some of this to heart. Obviously, that was a lousy thing to say.
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Well, frankly, we should be happy that he isn't our husband. :lol:
DH had his faults, but being a sexist pig, who thought women should be perpetually young and beautiful, was not one of those faults. I think it's great to try and stay in reasonably good shape for one's age, but to measure that as a requirement for fidelity, is just pretty jerky imo. If you don't love someone enough to remain faithful, or you can't accept them for what they are, then for God's sake, leave, rather than screwing around on them.
 
lizzie said:
Well, frankly, we should be happy that he isn't our husband. :lol:
DH had his faults, but being a sexist pig, who thought women should be perpetually young and beautiful, was not one of those faults. I think it's great to try and stay in reasonably good shape for one's age, but to measure that as a requirement for fidelity, is just pretty jerky imo. If you don't love someone enough to remain faithful, or you can't accept them for what they are, then for God's sake, leave, rather than screwing around on them.
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Those who expect their spouse to look young and shapely are often lacking in the six pack region.
 
lizzie said:
Frankly, if it were my husband, and he was so shallow as to start screwing around on me just because I didn't still look 20 years old, I'd be better off without him.
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Sadly there are those out there with that attitude. There are also a lot of women out there for whatever reason still "love" those shallow jerks and want them back. Same is there are a lot of women who "love" men that beat the crap out of them regularly.
 
lizzie said:
Well, frankly, we should be happy that he isn't our husband. :lol:
DH had his faults, but being a sexist pig, who thought women should be perpetually young and beautiful, was not one of those faults. I think it's great to try and stay in reasonably good shape for one's age, but to measure that as a requirement for fidelity, is just pretty jerky imo. If you don't love someone enough to remain faithful, or you can't accept them for what they are, then for God's sake, leave, rather than screwing around on them.
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Lovebug said:
Those who expect their spouse to look young and shapely are often lacking in the six pack region.
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That's exactly what I was thinking. Most of the pigs who feel this way are paunchy and balding anyway.
 
Superfly said:
Agreed, Lizzie. Hope DVSentinel is taking some of this to heart. Obviously, that was a lousy thing to say.
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What should I be taking to heart?

Making a comment based upon observed and documented behavior in no way expresses that the person making that comment espouses that behavior.
 
DVSentinel said:
What should I be taking to heart?

Making a comment based upon observed and documented behavior in no way expresses that the person making that comment espouses that behavior.
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But the wife should go to the gym more, if the husband cheats?
 
Superfly said:
Sure you did. You said that maybe her friend should take her out to the gym, or whatever. If the guy cheats, it's not the wife's fault. It's a failing in the husband.
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You assuming that is what I said does not make it what I said. Try reading what is printed, not what you want it to mean.
 
DVSentinel said:
You assuming that is what I said does not make it what I said. Try reading what is printed, not what you want it to mean.
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We did read what you wrote. Everyone who has chosen to comment about it believes that you were, to one extent or another, saying that the wife was at least partially at fault for her spouse's cheating so maybe the problem isn't us. Maybe the problem is with what and how you said it.
 
sangha said:
We did read what you wrote. Everyone who has chosen to comment about it believes that you were, to one extent or another, saying that the wife was at least partially at fault for her spouse's cheating so maybe the problem isn't us. Maybe the problem is with what and how you said it.
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Not exactly. Lizzie did not make such a comment. As to the opinions of liberals and progressives, who really gives a **** what brain damaged morons think.
 
DVSentinel said:
Not exactly. Lizzie did not make such a comment. As to the opinions of liberals and progressives, who really gives a **** what brain damaged morons think.
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So what is it then that you DID mean? Can you explain it to me please ?
 
tres borrachos said:
Mr. Borrachos had dinner with a friend of ours last night who shared some confidential information with him. Our friend told my husband that he is having an affair with a young waitress. His wife is a close friend of mine; I met this couple through my husband about 25 years ago (he knew them growing up - they were high school sweethearts and married out of college).

I was talking to one of my girlfriends who does not know this couple, and told her about it, without saying any specific details. I told her the same thing I told my husband, which was that I wish I didn't know this information. My girlfriend asked me when I was going to tell my friend (the wife) about it, and I said "I'm not. It's not my business. My husband wasn't even supposed to tell me about it. And I don't want to get involved." She told me I wasn't being a good friend.

I don't want to be involved, and I also am one of those people that worries about being the messenger of bad news. IF my friend forgives her husband, she will always look at me as the one who brought the bad news. I will also be obviously outed as someone who can't keep a secret, making my husband AND our friends not trust me again.

Am I wrong? Am I obligated to tell my friend what her husband is up to? What would you do?
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All you 'know' is rumor. You don't know what was actualy said at that dinner, you don't know if anything was taken out of context or misunderstood or not told again properly. Leave it alone.

And always remember that non of these people can keep a confidence.
 
DVSentinel said:
Not exactly. Lizzie did not make such a comment.
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Actually, she did

lizzie said:
Well, frankly, we should be happy that he isn't our husband. :lol:
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As to the opinions of liberals and progressives, who really gives a **** what brain damaged morons think.
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"I don't care" is the weakest claim on the internet. I'm sure you keep on responding because you don't care. :roll:
 
sangha said:
Actually, she did






"I don't care" is the weakest claim on the internet. I'm sure you keep on responding because you don't care. :roll:
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That was her response to someone else, not to me. Maybe about me, but oh well.

No. I keep responding because they are liberal and progressive and do care. Why waste an opportunity to piss them off when you can do so in context of the thread and without using anything that could be called baiting. One should never pass up an opportunity to cause emotional distress to ones enemies.
 
DVSentinel said:
That was her response to someone else, not to me. Maybe about me, but oh well.
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NO "maybe's" about it. They were talking about you.

No. I keep responding because they are liberal and progressive and do care. Why waste an opportunity to piss them off when you can do so in context of the thread and without using anything that could be called baiting. One should never pass up an opportunity to cause emotional distress to ones enemies.
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So you admit to trolling.
 
opendebate said:
So what is it then that you DID mean? Can you explain it to me please ?
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I presented one possible fix to the problem without placing blame or pointing fingers at anyone. Even if she is a bit out of shape, even if it is why he cheats, even then it may not be her fault. What I said is just one possible solution, in this case, the only one which I think she can influence by her own actions. With what was presented, there is not enough data to make any specific claim towards what the real problem is.
 
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