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Spanking Children

Southern Man

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I have a 7-year-old son who has cerebral palsy. He attends public school in Davidson County. I am thankful that they still use paddling as a form of discipline.

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Proverbs 22:15: "Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him." What is wrong for a "normal" child is still wrong for a disabled child. The problem with most teachers and school systems is they don't care enough about the future of that child. They are only concerned with getting them through the school year and out of their class.
Expressing support

She's got it right. I advocate spanking, if it works for that child, about from age 2 to 8. The key is to make it a dramatic and methodical, telling them how much its going to hurt, and the slapping noise causes more pain than the physical contact.
 

tacomancer

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Different things work for different children.

What works best for my kids is if I threaten to throw away their toys (sometimes I have go through with it). They straighten up very quickly. I have tried spanking, but it didn't work for them. Both tend to get angry and do something for revenge which creates this horrible downward spiral as I have to respond to their revenge action as well.

Also, I think that verse is really talking about punishment in general, not spanking specifically.
 
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Korimyr the Rat

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I have no problems with parents using corporal punishment within the bounds of moderation, but I believe it has absolutely no place in the schools. That is the parents' prerogative, and if they want hands laid on their children, it's their responsibility.

I may or may not spank my children when I have them; that's something I would have to discuss with their mother. But I'll be damned if I'll allow anyone else to touch them, especially with a paddle.
 

Aunt Spiker

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Expressing support

She's got it right. I advocate spanking, if it works for that child, about from age 2 to 8. The key is to make it a dramatic and methodical, telling them how much its going to hurt, and the slapping noise causes more pain than the physical contact.
I don't spank because it's absolutely useless, a waste of time and effort and has absolutely no positive side for any of my children. I havent' spanked in years and though not all other forms of punishment are useful - the ones I do use I use *because* they work. . . you have to try different things. Different things works for different children. If your child is content to play alone then obviously putting them by theirself is null. So, give them chores or an assignment that they don't like or take away something that they do like.
For 2 of my kids taking away books and legos for a few days is a dreadful punishment. For one of my kids taking away crayons and art supplies is horrible. For my 4th taking away TV and his racing games is painful.

See - every kid's different.

This woman's reponse is offensive, honestly.

was greatly offended by the editorial "Spanking children" (June 2).

I have a 7-year-old son who has cerebral palsy. He attends public school in Davidson County. I am thankful that they still use paddling as a form of discipline.

While some forms of modern discipline may work for some children some times, they do not work for all children all the time. My son is perfectly content to play by himself, so "time out" does not work with him.

When your "other ways of disciplining a child" fails, then what? Your editorial states, "But an important component of discipline is the understanding that we must work with those with whom we disagree. We cannot simply lose our tempers and strike them." Our society was better off when schools used paddling as a regular form of discipline. Responsible adults do not spank because we lose our tempers. We do not spank because we disagree with a child. We spank because we love the child enough to teach him or her to behave appropriately.

Proverbs 22:15: "Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him." What is wrong for a "normal" child is still wrong for a disabled child. The problem with most teachers and school systems is they don't care enough about the future of that child. They are only concerned with getting them through the school year and out of their class.
I loath when semi-religious people use the Bible to explain their actions, but ignore other things they're told to do in the Bible, as well. According to this Bible that this woman quotes she shouldn't even be writing into an editorial - she should be keeping her mouth shut and her head covered. :shrug:

If I knew this woman I'd call her in for suspected child abuse. It's never appropriate to use physical punishment on a child who has a physical malady such as cerebral palsy. She needs a lesson in patience, parenting and understanding.
 

Civil1z@tion

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The problem with spanking is that all the hard evidence is against it. Corporal punishment does do one thing, it gets immediate, short-term compliance. That's it. Basically its the lazy parent's way of getting the child to do what he/she wants immediately. However, over the long term, corporal punishment has been shown to increase misbehavior. This is true even after controlling for all other significant factors causing misbehavior. This is especially true if spanking is used repeatedly as opposed to very rarely. Corporal punishment allows no time for reflection or consideration of what was done wrong. If you think about it, all its doing is associating getting caught with pain. Meanwhile, other forms of punishment, like time-out, cause children to actually think not only about what they did wrong but why they did it. This then strikes at the root cause of the behavior rather than at best a symptom.
 

Aunt Spiker

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I'm not 100% against spanking - If my children do something horrid I might consider it. But they're not horrid children or the caliper of Malcolm's brothers so I can't imagine what it would take for me to spank, again.

I agree, though, even judging from how the kids were when I did spank - it was far more routine - and the kids didn't give a damn. I gave my oldest the choice between a spanking and losing his books and he opted for the spanking. It wasn't even meaningful enough for him to want to avoid it - so it immediately became obvious to me that it was useless as a punishment of any type.

Time out? I don't even do that - I do what i mentioned and if after doing that and the behavior continues I'll get more creative but often I don't need to. . . nor will my creativity err on the side of 'physical pain' in any sense. My 2nd son was the most challenging to punish, he was a hair-puller case, his problems lasted for years. But I found that praising and rewarding positive behavior while taking away that same reward for bad behavior gave the all around most positive effect that's been long lasting. He went from being in the principle's office every week in grades K-2 to being a stellar student and respectable young boy by the end of grade 3 and now 4. The change has been quite noticeable and his Principle has taken the time to reward him for his good behavior, as well.
I don't think it's possible to really send home how bad he really was - endless years of his crap left my marriage strained. Twice, because of his behavior and mischief, I had CPS come to the home to investigate. . .if I didn't change things my entire family would have broken down (in fact, it did - we had to pick up the pieces) - because everyone was so wrapped up in rage and anger that it was self destructive and costly (the cost of various injuries and recovery of things was unbelievable).

I feel bad for this woman's son - dealing with a disorder and his mother at the same time. She's making his life far worse, not better, and I have no guilt in accusing her of being the source of his 'outbursts' that she spanks him for.
 
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aps

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If I knew this woman I'd call her in for suspected child abuse. It's never appropriate to use physical punishment on a child who has a physical malady such as cerebral palsy. She needs a lesson in patience, parenting and understanding.
From the link--in the comments below the letters:

Posted by (ThePossum) on 06/07/2010 at 01:56 am.

And to Robin Litaker has it occurred to you that your child was born wit cerebral palsy as a divine test which you have failed?

Would everyone who reads this PLEASE ALERT THE POLICE AND DSS TO SAVE THIS CHILD FROM FUTURE ABUSE? PLEASE !!!!
Someone could report her. I love that the person used religion to say why she has a disabled child. Yes, God (I do NOT believe in God) would punish someone by giving them a disabled child. Only an idiot thinks like that.

Her statement about:
My son is perfectly content to play by himself, so "time out" does not work with him.
I don't know about other parents who use time out, but I don't allow my son to play by himself as a time out. When she commented about what happens when other forms of discipline do not work, somehow I doubt she has made the effort to find other forms.

I have already made myself clear on this subject matter. I do not believe in spanking, and my son will never be spanked.
 

aps

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Mell

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There is enough information about discipline available these days, to know better than to use fear based parenting. People including children dont learn anything from being punished, except to resent and fear.

Anybody who spanks their children these days is living in the wrong decade. There is more to discipline than forcing kids to do something by using violence.
 

Thorgasm

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I've always found the removal of privileges to be effective. Spanking is an unnecessary tool IMO.
 

Bodhisattva

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Spanking is fine as long as it is not abusive or done in or out of anger. I have never spanked my girls, but the mere threat of it gets them moving fast. What works best for my girls is positive parenting. I give them postive rewards (stars) and they can then use them to purchase a reward... muffin at the cafe' etc. They love to do what we call homework, though all that is is reading and math, or quizzing on history or the earth. I threaten to not quiz them, which in turn they earn rewards for, so they listen up quick. If all else fails, or if I am not on top of it, I threaten to take away their toy, or to throw it away of break it. Once I said that I would stomp on their CD if they didn't stop, they didn't. I took it out of the CD player and stomped it breaking it. All I have to do is threaten that again and they shape up.
 

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I never spanked my children, and I am opposed to it on principle.
 

Bodhisattva

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Anybody who spanks their children these days is living in the wrong decade. There is more to discipline than forcing kids to do something by using violence.
That is one opinion. I know that, when I almost jumped out in front of a car in the street as a kid, and my dad grabbed me back and gave me a swat on the butt and yelled at me to look before crossing, I remembered that... i learned from that, and so when my daughter did the same thing, I did the same as my father did. We also talked about it later, and I teach them about what to do prior to crossing a street, but kids still react without thinking a lot, and the use of a spank does just as well now as in the 50's.
 

Thorgasm

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If your kid is doing something that deserves spanking, how can you not be angry?
 

tacomancer

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What actions "deserve" spanking?
Anything the kid does that puts them in immediate and substantial danger will automatically get a spanking from me. However, in those cases, the kid will immediately stop what they are doing based on the tone in my voice and the spanking just reinforces that.

If its a behavioral issue, other methods work better for my kids.
 

Toothpicvic

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What actions "deserve" spanking?
Anything that could actually endager the kid's safety. Such as if my kid ran in the middle of the street - I'd spank my kid for that. Something like stealing a cookie? No. Using spanking as your only form of punishment doesn't teach kids any real values or morals - it just teaches them to behave as long as your in the same room as them.
 

Thorgasm

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Kids do all sorts of things that are 'deserving of a spanking' - doesn't mean it makes you angry when they do ti.
Parents don't get angry when their children misbehave?
 

1069

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I don't believe children "deserve" to be physically struck, on any body part, for any reason.
Adults are not physically stricken, no matter what they do. If someone strikes them, regardless of the intensity of the blow, they have legal recourse; the perpetrator will be arrested.
Children don't deserve less protection than adults. If anything, they deserve more. They're smaller and weaker.

I also have issues with adults inflicting physical punishment on children's asses, while simultaneously teaching them that those are "private parts" and that they need to report it if anyone touches them there.
It seems confusing at best.
Judging by the number of people I've encountered with weird spanking fetishes that have origins in their childhoods, I believe striking children on their buttocks (which our society claims is a 'private, off-limits' body part) caused sexual confusion/ dysfunction later in life, at least for some individuals. Quite a few, I believe.
 
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FluffyNinja

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Adults are not physically stricken, no matter what they do.
Evidently, you've never been through Basic Training.

Children don't deserve less protection than adults. If anything, they deserve more. They're smaller and weaker.
Smaller and weaker, huh? You should come teach high school for a little while. :lol:
 

1069

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Evidently, you've never been through Basic Training.

My son went through it less than a year ago, at one of the bases that has a reputation of being the toughest to do BCT at.
Evidently you haven't been through BCT, at least not lately, because drill sergeants haven't been legally allowed to hit recruits for several decades now.
 
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