Spanking Children

[lizzie]

When I was a kid my Mom was unhinged all the time, yelling at us and calling us bitches (I have 2 sisters) -

That is something that just blows my mind. Seriously. It's always sad to hear that a parent has that little self-control over their emotions. I'm sorry to hear that you (or anyone else) had to go through this as a child.

 

[Aunt Spiker]

That is something that just blows my mind. Seriously. It's always sad to hear that a parent has that little self-control over their emotions. I'm sorry to hear that you (or anyone else) had to go through this as a child.

It wasn't just reserved for us, though - everyone got an earful from her. She's just an old crone like that. If she was 90 it would have been adorable. I never let it get to me, really, neither did my sisters - we're all cordial with her but I'm not terribly close at all (they are, however).

Now that I'm writing about it and thinking about it I wonder if she's part of the reason why my Dad use to be so absent from a lot of things - he doesn't handle 'tempers flaring' well at all, it makes him shut down if I lose my cool with him so I avoid it at all costs. I wonder if that's why he parented differently - because she was so unhinged all the time.

Interesting.

I figured, for years, that they'd eventually get a divorce - 10 years ago, though, she flipped out completely when he rejoined the ministry after a year's sabbatical and they had to relocate. They didn't live together for some time. I guess she got over whatever thorn was in her side. She's never been like that with my kids, though - I won't allow it.

 

[lizzie]

Now that I'm writing about it and thinking about it I wonder if she's part of the reason why my Dad use to be so absent from a lot of things - he doesn't handle 'tempers flaring' well at all, it makes him shut down if I lose my cool with him so I avoid it at all costs. I wonder if that's why he parented differently - because she was so unhinged all the time.

Could be why he was absent and why he parented differently. It's a shame that he didn't try to deal with her head-on, but that seems to be common. It's none of my business, so ignore me if you woud like, but was your dad's mother similar to your mother? I just wonder if he couldn't deal with her because it was similar to his past experiences. I see that alot in dealing with dysfunctional families.

I figured, for years, that they'd eventually get a divorce - 10 years ago, though, she flipped out completely when he rejoined the ministry after a year's sabbatical and they had to relocate. They didn't live together for some time. I guess she got over whatever thorn was in her side. She's never been like that with my kids, though - I won't allow it.

Good for you, not letting her treat your children that way. One of my sets of grandparents had a similar relationship. Always rocky and a little on the "cool" side (not the good kind of cool) To give you an example of how screwed up it was, when my grandfather got very elderly and moved to a nursing home (Grand-ma stayed at home), my grandfather thought he had died and gone to heaven because the people at the nursing home treated him so well. Isn't that sad? It broke my heart that they had lived their entire adult lives in a state of unhappiness and basically just tolerated each other. I would think that in that amount of time, two people could compromise and find something to like about each other. It was heart-breaking. I never saw my grandmother lash out or use harsh language at anyone- she just seemed to be kind of cold and remote. Years after her death, my aunt gathered up some of the old poems that Grandma had written during her lifetime, and put them together in a booklet to give all of us. On reading her poetry, I discovered alot of myself in her thoughts and emotional trials of living, and it gave me a new appreciation for her as a human, regardless of the faults she may have had.

 

[FluffyNinja]

Yeah, it's beyond my comprehension. *rolls eyes* Hey, this is your children. You do what you want. I couldn't care less. Have a nice day.

If you could care less, why did you even reply to my post in the first place? :lol: BTW, I aways do what I want.........even without your permission :mrgreen:

 

[Bodi]

So you said in your prior post that you should never spank in anger. Did your father and you spank in anger in those circumstances? I can't imagine you spanked calmly in that circumstance. My screaming when my son did that because I was so scared was enough to scare the crap out of him. No spanking was necessary.

I just re-read your two posts. You said you never had spanked your girls, and then you said you spanked at least one of your daughters in the above circumstance. Strange.

I should clarify what I consider "spanking". A swat to the rear end and shouting/telling to look before crossing is not "spanking". "Spanking" is specifically taking a kid in a more set up manner, and open palmed, hair brushed or belted across the rear end repeatedly. That is what my parents did to me. I did not do that to my daughters... I probably didn't need to do that either, but I reacted in a much more mellow way then my dad did, and later realized that even that was not needed. Since that one incident, I have not even swatted or anything. And swatted is a light open hand not on a bare bottom that makes more noise and is scarier by action than spanking.

 

[Chuz Life]

There is enough information about discipline available these days, to know better than to use fear based parenting. People including children dont learn anything from being punished, except to resent and fear.

Anybody who spanks their children these days is living in the wrong decade. There is more to discipline than forcing kids to do something by using violence.

My daughter is 18 nearly 19 now,... I spanked her only twice in her life (so far).

When she was about 6 or 7, she did something that brought me to the brink of spanking her for the 3rd time,... I asked her "what do you think your punishment should be?" and crying,... she swatted herself on the bottom and said "you should spank me!"

I was laughing so hard inside, I was afraid it would show.

I told her,... well if you are old enough to know that,... you're too big to spank.

I wish I had it on tape.

 

[1069]

My daughter is 18 nearly 19 now,... I spanked her only twice in her life (so far).

When she was about 6 or 7, she did something that brought me to the brink of spanking her for the 3rd time,... I asked her "what do you think your punishment should be?" and crying,... she swatted herself on the bottom and said "you should spank me!"

I was laughing so hard inside, I was afraid it would show.

I told her,... well if you are old enough to know that,... you're too big to spank.

I wish I had it on tape.

Um. Gross. :wassat1:

 

[Chuz Life]

Um. Gross. :wassat1:

:roll:

Um repulsive.

 

[Orion]

If school staff ever hit my hit, they'd get the favor returned directly from me.

 

[FluffyNinja]

If school staff ever hit my hit, they'd get the favor returned directly from me.

Hit your hit? I assume you meant kid? Most schools require parental consent to administer corporal punishment.

 

[Orion]

Hit your hit? I assume you meant kid? Most schools require parental consent to administer corporal punishment.

Damn typos. Yeah that's what I meant.

And I know they need permission... which is why they'd never get it.

 

[Aunt Spiker]

Could be why he was absent and why he parented differently. It's a shame that he didn't try to deal with her head-on, but that seems to be common. It's none of my business, so ignore me if you woud like, but was your dad's mother similar to your mother? I just wonder if he couldn't deal with her because it was similar to his past experiences. I see that alot in dealing with dysfunctional families.

My Dad's mother passed away (cancer) when he was 16. Very tragic.
But his father is like my mother, actually. though, according to all accounts, my Mom wasn't like that until after they were married for a little while (they married young - so that likely might not be related at all).

Good for you, not letting her treat your children that way. One of my sets of grandparents had a similar relationship. Always rocky and a little on the "cool" side (not the good kind of cool) To give you an example of how screwed up it was, when my grandfather got very elderly and moved to a nursing home (Grand-ma stayed at home), my grandfather thought he had died and gone to heaven because the people at the nursing home treated him so well. Isn't that sad? It broke my heart that they had lived their entire adult lives in a state of unhappiness and basically just tolerated each other. I would think that in that amount of time, two people could compromise and find something to like about each other. It was heart-breaking. I never saw my grandmother lash out or use harsh language at anyone- she just seemed to be kind of cold and remote. Years after her death, my aunt gathered up some of the old poems that Grandma had written during her lifetime, and put them together in a booklet to give all of us. On reading her poetry, I discovered alot of myself in her thoughts and emotional trials of living, and it gave me a new appreciation for her as a human, regardless of the faults she may have had.

Yeah, everyone has their inner-core that's their 'realness' - I always imagined that the person you're with should bring this out. Well, apparently it does happen like this - it's just kept out of everyone else's sight. Hence why letters and poems often are our only windows in when they've gone.

When I married the first time and moved out of the house my Mom wrote me letters - a lot of them - and I was so bitter with her at that time I never read them, I threw them away. I felt horrible after doing that for a while, though, and never could bring myself to admit to her that I tossed them so carelessly. I told her I accidentally left them behind when I had to leave my ex.

 

[Cochise]

I was going to post my usual dissertation on child-rearing... but this thread is so far gone it's probably far too late to say anything useful.

I've seen what you've said before, and I don't think you would have cared what anyone else said, because the Bible commands corporal punishment, and you'll cherrypick that section while ignoring the section about stoning to death children who strike their parents no matter what evidence there is that the general consequences of spanking are bad.

 

[ecofarm]

Spanking is child abuse... mentally, physically and emotionally.

No, I am not condemning people like Chuz (and his heat-warming story above); I'm just sayin'

 

[LaughAtTheWorld]

After hearing through countless late-night fights between sons (or daughters) and their moms (or dads) which included physical violence, I'm tired of hearing how Westerners think spanking is good for their children.