Here this ought to solve all the problems.
An Easy Guide to Political Ideologies Using Two Cows.
FEUDALISM: You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk.
FASCISM: You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take care of them, and sells you the milk.
PURE COMMUNISM: You have two cows. Your neighbors help you take care of them, and you all share the milk.
APPLIED COMMUNISM: You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the government takes all the milk.
MILITARISM: You have two cows. The government takes both and drafts you.
DICTATORSHIP: You have two cows. The government takes both and shoots you. The government turns your cows into thousands of pairs of shoes.
TIN POT DICTATORSHIP: You have two cows. The government takes both, shoots you, and sends the cows to Zurich.
PURE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. Your neighbors decide who gets the milk.
REPRESENTATIVE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. Your neighbors pick someone to tell you who gets the milk.
SINGAPOREAN DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. The government fines you for keeping two unlicensed farm animals in an apartment.
AMERICAN DEMOCRACY: The government promises to give you two cows if you vote for it. After the election, the President is impeached for speculating in cow futures. The press dubs the affair "Cowgate." The cows sue you for breach of contract.
BUSH DEMOCRACY: The son of the last Republican President promises to protect you and your two cows under an impenetrable "missile shield" if you vote for him. You vote for his rival, but he still gets in. The economy grinds to a halt, your pastures are turned over to oil exploration companies, and both of your cows, formerly valued at millions on the NASDAQ, are sold by your investors to recoup their tech stock losses. The Military-Industrial Complex still receives billions in corporate welfare to develop cow-based defenses ("fetchez la vache") that don't work but antagonize your neighbors.
BRITISH DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. You feed them sheep's brains, and they go mad. The government does not do anything.
EUROPEAN DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. At first, the government regulates what you can feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk them. After that it takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and pours the milk down the drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the missing cows.
PURE CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.
APPLIED CAPITALISM: You ship both of your cows to the developing world and pay peanuts to have them milked there by children. You then ship the milk back to your own country and pay expensive PR companies millions to create a happy smiley image for your McCorporation and do very, very well.
HONG KONG CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly-listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax deduction for keeping five cows. The milk rights of six cows are transferred via a Panamanian intermediary to a Cayman Islands company secretly owned by the majority shareholder, who sells the right to all seven cows' milk back to the listed company. The annual report says that the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. Meanwhile, you kill the two cows because of bad feng shui.
TOTALITARIANISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and denies they ever existed. Milk is banned.
POLITICAL CORRECTNESS: You are associated with (the concept of "ownership" is a symbol of the phallocentric, warmongering, intolerant past) two differently-aged (but no less valuable to society) bovines of non-specified gender.
COUNTERCULTURE: Wow, dude, there's like ... these two cows, man. You have "got" to have some of this milk.
SURREALISM: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.
AMERICAN CORPORATE CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one. You force the 2 cows to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when one cow drops dead. You spin an announcement to the analysts that you have reduced your expenses. Your stock goes up.
A SWISS CORPORATION: You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you. You charge for storing them for others. If they give milk, you tell no one.
AN INDIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You worship them.
