Sounds like prison to me. So the man must continually put his wife on a pedestal, and the woman's duty, which is soooooooo difficult, is to accept that position on the pedestal... Give me a break. But hey, if it works for you great! I just don't feel I should have to give without any expectation that it will be returned.
I have been married 5 years now to a woman from the Philippines. Men and women treat each other quite a bit differently there. There are expectations a man has, and expectation a woman has in a marriage there. There not expected by law, but by society as a whole. They take a much more traditional approach which is a lot more family oriented as well.
What has made our marriage so rewarding is that we have roles that don't overlap. So we don't have any arguments about who is going to do what, it just works itself out because we both bring opposite things to the relationship.
I am the breadwinner. I work long hard hours and bring home the bacon. I also am responsible for running the finances. My wife is responsible for caring for the things that I provide for us. I buy the house, she cleans the house. I buy the car, she cleans the car. I but the food, she cooks the food. The work I do pays for the things we own, while the work she does cares for the things we own. It evens out because I spend 40 hours a week providing us with the things we need, and she works 40 hours a week taking care of the things we need.
These are things you just dont find today in America. Women today dont want to have established roles. And my example of the roles above do not have to be gender specific roles. They could be reversed as well. If my wife had a job that paid more then the job I have and could provide us both with a good life, I would be more then happy to take the role of cooking, cleaning and taking care of things on the home front. That is where the genders are having such a hard time in the west. It's because roles are becomming ambiguous so that both sexes are responsible for everything which leads to disagreement over how things are to be done. Some couples I know spend more time arguing about how to do this or that, then actually doing it simply because they both have differing ideas on how to handle things. When both people have defined and agreed upon roles, it cuts down on disagreements. Just my 2 cents.
*chuckle* My wife is also from the Philippines. We own a house in Quezon City. My oldest son graduated college there, and my youngest son graduated high school there. They had both started school here in the states, but I wanted them to learn that side of their heritage, and so they could grow closer to the family. She came here as an illegal immigrant in 1981, and became a citizen during the Reagan amnesty. She grew up knowing real poverty...and now she's doing very well indeed.
If you look around the Filipino community, yeah, the man's supposed to be the head of the household, but after a closer look you'll find that it's often the woman who's making the small businesses happen. Does this mean I'm not the head of the household? Of course not. She discusses all her decisions with me, and it's my decision. That way, I get all the credit (and all the blame). If she makes a decision when I'm not around, I take full responsibility for that, too - that's how much I trust her.
And who says that the man has to be the only breadwinner, or that the woman can't make decisions or buy property or have a business of her own? Read what it says in Proverbs 31:
10 A wife of noble character who can find?
She is worth far more than rubies.
11 Her husband has full confidence in her
and lacks nothing of value.
12 She brings him good, not harm,
all the days of her life.
13 She selects wool and flax
and works with eager hands.
14 She is like the merchant ships,
bringing her food from afar.
15 She gets up while it is still night;
she provides food for her family
and portions for her female servants.
16
She considers a field and buys it;
out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.
17 She sets about her work vigorously;
her arms are strong for her tasks.
18
She sees that her trading is profitable,
and her lamp does not go out at night.
There's nothing at all wrong with a woman having a business, having employees, or buying property of her own. Let her do so! Show her you trust her, give her the support she needs to try...and if it doesn't work, catch her when she falls and encourage her to try again...and sooner or later, you watch her fly! You'll feel so proud, and she will be so grateful to you.
eace I think the key to a long and healthy marriage is friendship. Friendship should be the start and the rest falls into place. Respect for each other and equality goes a long way too. Last but not least, don't sweat the small stuff. I see some married couples get into a ghastly fight over the stupidest things...every dawn brings a new day so start each day fresh and forget about yesterday. I have 23 years and each year is better than the last. As far as financial matters, it is a lot less stressful if one can support the other if the need arises. As the years go on, you will lose a job, or you will get sick and can't work...it is so much better if the other can pick up the slack and carry on until the situation changes again.
