If you're in a committed relationship....

[Josie]

...would you go out to a friendly dinner one-on-one with someone else of the opposite sex (not a family member)?

I heard a great discussion about this on the radio today (it evolved from the new Herman Cain story) and was wondering your thoughts. One side said they would absolutely go out to dinner with a friend of the opposite sex and the other side said that you should never do that because it would be assumed by the general bystander that you might be cheating on your significant other.

What do you think?

I think it's perfectly fine to go out to dinner with a friend of the opposite sex as long as your significant other knows about it and is comfortable with the situation. Who cares what misconceptions other people have?

 

[Aunt Spiker]

Personally: no.

My husband: he has to all the time - it's part of his work.

Overall: there's nothing wrong with 'grabbing lunch' with someone - sometimes that's breakfast, coffee or dinner. . . a 'date' is a different climate and reason altogether. Not every meal-eating time with someone is a 'date' with someone.

 

[MaggieD]

...would you go out to a friendly dinner one-on-one with someone else of the opposite sex (not a family member)?

I heard a great discussion about this on the radio today (it evolved from the new Herman Cain story) and was wondering your thoughts. One side said they would absolutely go out to dinner with a friend of the opposite sex and the other side said that you should never do that because it would be assumed by the general bystander that you might be cheating on your significant other.

What do you think?

I think it's perfectly fine to go out to dinner with a friend of the opposite sex as long as your significant other knows about it and is comfortable with the situation. Who cares what misconceptions other people have?

If it was for business, I wouldn't think a thing about it. Neither would Tom. I used to do that frequently. An old friend I hadn't seen in a long time? Yep. That, too. I starated to qualify it with the times I wouldn't do it, and couldn't come up with anything. What's an occasional lunch??

I'm with you: Who cares what misconceptions other people have?? (Oh! I always made sure I mentioned it to Tom, though.)

 

[StillBallin75]

...would you go out to a friendly dinner one-on-one with someone else of the opposite sex (not a family member)?

I heard a great discussion about this on the radio today (it evolved from the new Herman Cain story) and was wondering your thoughts. One side said they would absolutely go out to dinner with a friend of the opposite sex and the other side said that you should never do that because it would be assumed by the general bystander that you might be cheating on your significant other.

What do you think?

I think it's perfectly fine to go out to dinner with a friend of the opposite sex as long as your significant other knows about it and is comfortable with the situation. Who cares what misconceptions other people have?

I'd do it if the opportunity presented himself and it was something I wanted to do. Taking another woman to dinner is not cheating, **** what other people think. It's probably something i personally would tell my significant other about, but I don't find that to be inherently necessary either; i don't think she absolutely has to know about it. I'd treat it just like taking a friend out for a meal, and if your significant other has a problem with that, then either he or she is paranoid as ****, or there's some serious trust issues there to begin with.

 

[MaggieD]

I'd do it if the opportunity presented himself and it was something I wanted to do. Taking another woman to dinner is not cheating, **** what other people think. It's probably something i personally would tell my significant other about, but I don't find that to be inherently necessary either; i don't think she absolutely has to know about it. I'd treat it just like taking a friend out for a meal, and if your significant other has a problem with that, then either he or she is paranoid as ****, or there's some serious trust issues there to begin with.

I'd always mention it -- even after the fact. Not to do so, I think, would be disrespectful...in case some nosey-parker mentioned it to him. JMO.

 

[StillBallin75]

I'd always mention it -- even after the fact. Not to do so, I think, would be disrespectful...in case some nosey-parker mentioned it to him. JMO.

Good point - sometimes you need to cover your ass.

 

[Your Star]

Sure, no problem, and I would go out with a girlfriend too(a friend who is a girl you know). I'd tell my girlfriend about it, no biggie.

 

[cpwill]

...would you go out to a friendly dinner one-on-one with someone else of the opposite sex (not a family member)?

I heard a great discussion about this on the radio today (it evolved from the new Herman Cain story) and was wondering your thoughts. One side said they would absolutely go out to dinner with a friend of the opposite sex and the other side said that you should never do that because it would be assumed by the general bystander that you might be cheating on your significant other.

What do you think?

I think it's perfectly fine to go out to dinner with a friend of the opposite sex as long as your significant other knows about it and is comfortable with the situation. Who cares what misconceptions other people have?

generally I would say it's a bad idea - especially a dinner.

 

[Aunt Spiker]

generally I would say it's a bad idea - especially a dinner.

Why so?

I think there's potential to cross a line - like flirting and such . . . but the dinner itself is not a flirting engagement.

 

[Frolicking Dinosaurs]

I've been married quite some time and would go out to eat with any of my friends. If a friend made sexual advances toward me knowing I'm married and head-over-heels-in-love with my handsome fellow, I would end the friendship. That sort of lack of respect for me and my spouse isn't compatible with friendship.

 

[Psychoclown]

I don't see why it should be a problem. Sitting down and sharing a meal with someone doesn't mean anything. I don't think I've ever done a one on one dinner with another woman since I've been married, but I've done lunch for both business and personal reasons. My wife has had lunch with male friends/co-workers as well. I really don't see why it would be a problem for anyone in a healthy relationship. You should trust your spouse.

 

[Real Korimyr #9]

I wouldn't hesitate.

 

[cpwill]

Why so?

I think there's potential to cross a line - like flirting and such . . . but the dinner itself is not a flirting engagement.

well, the question wasn't a "business lunch" or something of that nature - it was a friendly, close, encounter with a member of the opposite gender. even if it doesn't cross the line, it is still you unneccesarily putting yourself into a situation where it would be very easy to do so. There is indeed something more intimate about having dinner together just the two of you for the purpose of enjoying each others' company. Now there is no reason why you shouldn't enjoy each others' company, I have female friends I would be indeed hard pressed to lose in my life. But if your primary goal is loyalty to your spouse, then you shouldn't seek out situations that will make it easier or more tempting to fail at that.

 

[Aunt Spiker]

well, the question wasn't a "business lunch" or something of that nature - it was a friendly, close, encounter with a member of the opposite gender. even if it doesn't cross the line, it is still you unneccesarily putting yourself into a situation where it would be very easy to do so. There is indeed something more intimate about having dinner together just the two of you for the purpose of enjoying each others' company. Now there is no reason why you shouldn't enjoy each others' company, I have female friends I would be indeed hard pressed to lose in my life. But if your primary goal is loyalty to your spouse, then you shouldn't seek out situations that will make it easier or more tempting to fail at that.

It's easy for someone to cross the line even just at work, on the subway, in line at the grocery store. I didn't think the line depended on location.

But you're talking to someone who never *ate dinner* as part of a date. I don't associate food with that at all - eating McD's in the front seat of a truck while being driven back to work doesn't count . . . the only times I've eaten meals with other non-family members have been pure business or friendship so that is my thought process.

 

[SmokeAndMirrors]

...would you go out to a friendly dinner one-on-one with someone else of the opposite sex (not a family member)?

I heard a great discussion about this on the radio today (it evolved from the new Herman Cain story) and was wondering your thoughts. One side said they would absolutely go out to dinner with a friend of the opposite sex and the other side said that you should never do that because it would be assumed by the general bystander that you might be cheating on your significant other.

What do you think?

I think it's perfectly fine to go out to dinner with a friend of the opposite sex as long as your significant other knows about it and is comfortable with the situation. Who cares what misconceptions other people have?

Yeah. I've never understood why that bothered some people. Like just because they're male means that we'll automatically jump in bed together. That strikes me as bordering on paranoia.

More of my friends are male than not. So I wind up hanging out with a guy fairly regularly. Shockingly, this never seems to result in us losing control of ourselves and having an affair.

I'm with Frolicking - it's really quite simple. If someone doesn't respect my relationship, they aren't really my friend. And furthermore, if I can't respect my own relationship maybe I'm not together enough to be in one anyway.

But neither of those things has ever been an issue for me.

 

[herenow1]

I wouldn't b/c I wouldn't feel comfortable doing so. Plus I don't have any male friends or acqaunt's I'd feel comfortable having a meal with alone...especially if we are talking a sit down order (ie olive garden) type of restaurant.

 

[liblady]

I'd do it if the opportunity presented himself and it was something I wanted to do. Taking another woman to dinner is not cheating, **** what other people think. It's probably something i personally would tell my significant other about, but I don't find that to be inherently necessary either; i don't think she absolutely has to know about it. I'd treat it just like taking a friend out for a meal, and if your significant other has a problem with that, then either he or she is paranoid as ****, or there's some serious trust issues there to begin with.

it's common courtesy to tell your SO when you have dinner or lunch with someone of the opposite sex that is not work related. otherwise, you WILL have trust issues!

 

[Risky Thicket]

It depends on your relationship. Fortunately, my wife and I trust each other. Both of us have to have lunch or dinner with the opposite sex from time to time for business. With a friend on occasion, we both have done that as well. It doesn't bother either one of us.

 

[liblady]

It depends on your relationship. Fortunately, my wife and I trust each other. Both of us have to have lunch or dinner with the opposite sex from time to time for business. With a friend on occasion, we both have done that as well. It doesn't bother either one of us.

i just can't imagine not telling my husband who i had lunch with. isn't that part of everyday conversation? i don't care who he has lunch with, but i would like to know.

 

[MaggieD]

well, the question wasn't a "business lunch" or something of that nature - it was a friendly, close, encounter with a member of the opposite gender. even if it doesn't cross the line, it is still you unneccesarily putting yourself into a situation where it would be very easy to do so. There is indeed something more intimate about having dinner together just the two of you for the purpose of enjoying each others' company. Now there is no reason why you shouldn't enjoy each others' company, I have female friends I would be indeed hard pressed to lose in my life. But if your primary goal is loyalty to your spouse, then you shouldn't seek out situations that will make it easier or more tempting to fail at that.

That is very true. Most of us realize that even the best of us can be tempted. Orrrrr, that a friendship can tilt over into a crush. I don't think most affairs begin by someone starting out to have one. It happens (or can happen) quite by accident. Women pour their hearts out to their friends. Start pouring out your heart to a male friend over lunch once a month, and one can be asking for trouble. Most affairs happen because two people are thrown into close proximity with each other over time at, perhaps, a vulnerable time in their lives. Maybe they're co-workers...maybe they volunteer for the same organization on a regular basis...next thing ya' know, two good people are having feelings for each other than they can't help. To think that every affair starts out as "I think I'm going to have an afffair" is a mistake. They don't.

But I will say that everyone in a solid relationship knows those danger signs. But the occasional lunch with an opposite-sex friend? No problem. Until it becomes one.

 

[Tigger]

In my personal opinion, it really depends on the circumstances.....

If it's somebody from work, or a friend from high school/college that I haven't seen in a long time that's one thing. However, if this is just somebody off the street, then I'd have a much bigger problem with it. I'm one of the small group of males who believes in what I call TOTAL MONOGAMY. I've been dating a woman for about the last 7 weeks. During that time I have turned off all notifications from the trio of online dating sites that I'm a menber of. They will remain off (and I don't visit the sites) until this relationship ends (if it does, which I'm hoping it doesn't). Now, if any of a number of female friends of mine from high school, college, or some of the hobbies that I've been involved in over the years were to show up and ask if I'd like to get together and have dinner with them, I would probably do so. Of course I would be telling Jen (my gf) who this person was, and making sure she is alright with it before I went to the dinner. Jen enjoys getting together on occasion with a couple of male friends of hers who sing Kareoke at a bar in her area. I have no problem with it because I trust her enough to know that nothing is going to happen. If you don't have that sort of trust, how the hell can a relationship last?

 

[herenow1]

I guess my husb and I are different from most couples participating on this thread. Neither of us have friends of the opposite sex. Acquaintances, yes, but that's about as deep as it goes.

 

[SmokeAndMirrors]

That is very true. Most of us realize that even the best of us can be tempted. Orrrrr, that a friendship can tilt over into a crush. I don't think most affairs begin by someone starting out to have one. It happens (or can happen) quite by accident. Women pour their hearts out to their friends. Start pouring out your heart to a male friend over lunch once a month, and one can be asking for trouble. Most affairs happen because two people are thrown into close proximity with each other over time at, perhaps, a vulnerable time in their lives. Maybe they're co-workers...maybe they volunteer for the same organization on a regular basis...next thing ya' know, two good people are having feelings for each other than they can't help. To think that every affair starts out as "I think I'm going to have an afffair" is a mistake. They don't.

But I will say that everyone in a solid relationship knows those danger signs. But the occasional lunch with an opposite-sex friend? No problem. Until it becomes one.

You're assuming there's only two options: don't have private meals with close friends of your preferred sex, or cheat. Those are not the only two options.

You can have said meal and develop no romantic feelings. This is what usually happens to me. I usually tell my partner, but not because I feel obligated to. I tell them because it just sort of comes up in the "how was your day?" discussion. But if it doesn't, do I feel compelled to go out of my way to mention it? No. It's not important.

You can develop feelings, but recognize that they are usually nothing but hormones. You can then decide to talk to your partner, or not. On the rare occasion this has happened to me, I usually don't, because they dissipate as soon as I recognize them for what they are, so there's really nothing to say. Occasionally I have, which has resulted in a fruitful and mutually beneficial discussion about the REALITY that we are sexual beings, and this stuff just happens. But in order for that to be a fruitful discussion, your partner has to be the reasonable type.

You can also develop feelings, recognize them, and possibly discover they are deeper and more meaningful than the feelings you have for your current partner. If that is the case, you can tell them you'd like to break up, or you can negotiate some sort of alternative relationship. I haven't done this, but I've had it done to me. And you know what? I appreciate that they told me instead of cheating, and I didn't have any bad feelings about it. **** happens.

A considerate and reflective person has an endless number of choices, none of which include lying and infidelity. People simply need to recognize that this is not a perfect world, they aren't perfect, and pretending that they are will lead them to do stupid things that could easy be avoided by being self-aware.

 

[Risky Thicket]

i just can't imagine not telling my husband who i had lunch with. isn't that part of everyday conversation? i don't care who he has lunch with, but i would like to know.

No, no, no. Sorry, I wasn't clear. We always tell each other. If I'm having lunch with anyone I tell her and she does the same in return. We always do that. We generally know each other's schedule daily. It's courtesy as I see it. I don't open or read her mail or email and she doesn't open or read mine - though both of us have the ability. We do most things together. We share the same interests, save a few things. It works. We got lucky I guess. But, no, we are open with each other and there is mutual respect.

 

[Calix Chris]

If one does not have trust for their partner, then there is no relationship.