i suspect the OP is looking to recognize what that undefinable essence might be
I know what the OP
really wants: an excuse for believing he has been victimized by life. I don't see any point in encouraging such nonsense by entertaining fairy tale renditions of life that don't actually exist.
My point is that if he
truly wants to be happy and get all that he wants in life, he's got to put forth some
effort instead of simply waiting for life to happen and bemoaning his plight in life simply because that which will
never happen actually had the gall to not happen.
Marriage isn't something that lazy people should endeavor upon. It's hard work. It's not a matter of saying, "Right, she's the one for me. Married. That's that done, happily-ever-after and all that. Let's have some pudding."
It's called a commitment for a reason. People don't need to be
committed to sticking with **** that's easy.
It's the
hard **** that requires commitment. A real marriage involves getting to that point where you think "****, everything would be so much easier if the two of us just ****ed off and did our own things and called it a day on this whole marriage thing" and
then saying "Nah, **** the easy route. Let's make this work."
If people
really want to know when they have found a person that they can marry, then they have to ask themselves "Am
I willing to put forth extreme effort in order to be with this person for the rest of my life?" and
then they have to understand the other person enough to know if he/she is willing to do the same. That's
not something you simply "come to realize". That's a process. It may be a faster process for some than others, but it's
always a process. At least if one wants to have a good marriage. Because no marriage can exist that does not hit that point where it would be easier to give up than move on. None. The
only reason people stay together is because they truly
are committed to each other. They've both agreed that even when it
is easier to just give up, they won't.
It's tough. That's why
so many marriages fail. But
no marriage will work if one partner's commitment to themselves is greater than their commitment to their spouse. Both spouses have to be more committed to each other than they are to themselves for it to work. Any other combination will not work. It will either end in divorce or it will be a
miserable marriage for one if not both partners.
The OP has made it
quite clear in the past that he is definitely
not willing to become more committed to another human being than he is to himself. He wants "the one" because "the one" in his mind would be more of a possession than a human being. Someone who is fully committed to
him while he can avoid putting forth any effort at all. He doesn't want a relationship, he wants a puppy that can walk and feed itself (but only after it has seen to
his needs first).
That way, when that which would never happen actually has the audacity to go ahead and not happen, he can pretend that he's a victim of a world that has lost it's morals rather than admitting he is the true architect of his own unhappiness.
Basically, my previous post was simply a very succinct way of pointing out that he's never going to get what he wants
because he doesn't want to have to
work for it. He believes it's
entirely the woman's responsibility to put the effort into making
him happy and that this effort
alone should be enough to provide for
her happiness.
