For Parents; Did/Do you want your kids to move out?

[X Factor]

Was just looking at an article that commented to parents of recent grads about how "you don't want them living at home forever?" It's a pretty common joke. I can say that, in my case, my parents actually did not push me out the door, in fact, my mom wanted me to stay at home after I finished school (and I did for a short time). I was the one that felt I needed to live on my own, especially after being away at school.

So I'm wondering about the parents' perspective. Is it like the TV shows and articles (or is that all just hype for humor's sake)? Do you (or did you) want your kids to move out ASAP?

Attaching poll now.

 

[Goshin]

No rush. I'd prefer Son#1 finish school, get a job, pay off a vehicle, save up money, and get himself well set-up before attempting to live on his own. If that takes several years, I don't care... as long as he helps pay the bills.



In the old days, it wasn't that unusual to have three generations living under one roof, you know. Families pooled their resources more, as it took a lot of hands working together to make a better life for the family.


A lot of recent immigrants do the same... and I think we're going to see more of this among regular old Americans, if our economic situations continues to worsen.

 

[ttwtt78640]

My father made it clear that we were expected to move out and support ourselves after HS. When I, as the oldest, moved out my family moved 1,500 miles away. When my two younger brothers moved out (the youngest had enlisted in the Army) my parents moved another 300 miles.

 

[Arbo]

Considering what seems like a lot of 'young adults' living off their parents for far too long, I think more need to be pushed out the door. The sooner they can get out and realize life is not fair and not always easy, the better. Codling young adults does a disservice to them and our nation.

As for my kids, I'd prefer that once they finish whatever school they are going to 'finish' at, they start pursuing their own life, not hanging on for support.

 

[Beaudreaux]

Was just looking at an article that commented to parents of recent grads about how "you don't want them living at home forever?" It's a pretty common joke. I can say that, in my case, my parents actually did not push me out the door, in fact, my mom wanted me to stay at home after I finished school (and I did for a short time). I was the one that felt I needed to live on my own, especially after being away at school.

So I'm wondering about the parents' perspective. Is it like the TV shows and articles (or is that all just hype for humor's sake)? Do you (or did you) want your kids to move out ASAP?

Attaching poll now.

I like having them around. My oldest is still here, and now works for me in my company. We're also lucky to have enough land, that if they wanted their own house, they could build it here on the farm. However, if they wanted to move out, then I would support their choice.

My oldest is saving his money. He pays for many of his individual bills, but we don't charge him rent, or make him pay for food, or electricity or anything else for that matter. He buys the gas for his car, and pays for the insurance and maintenance. He buys his own cloths (other than the stuff my wife still gets him). He pays for his internet activity and the things he buys on-line.

I have no problem with them living here until they're financially able to be stable on their own. We don't bother each other, and he has his own life even though he lives here.

My youngest, on the other hand, will probably move out as soon as he finishes college. However, he's starting his senior year in undergrad and is going for at least his Masters if not his PhD. I seriously doubt he's going anywhere before that's completed.

 

[shrubnose]

My father made it clear that we were expected to move out and support ourselves after HS. When I, as the oldest, moved out my family moved 1,500 miles away. When my two younger brothers moved out (the youngest had enlisted in the Army) my parents moved another 300 miles.

If many more children move out your parents will be living outside the USA.

 

[Goshin]

My father made it clear that we were expected to move out and support ourselves after HS. When I, as the oldest, moved out my family moved 1,500 miles away. When my two younger brothers moved out (the youngest had enlisted in the Army) my parents moved another 300 miles.

Hard for me to imagine. My parents encouraged us to achieve independence, but didn't push us out the door; though most of us did move out in our early 20s. Also, I have two sisters and a niece living within walking distance, and another sister and two more nieces (plus inlaws and kids) living within a 30-45min drive. We see each other regularly, and help each other out. My sister took me to the hospital for my surgery and drove me home; I use my truck for them to get large items like refrigerators or propane tanks to their house. My BIL pulled my truck out of a mudhole last year; I've helped several relatives determine what to do about medical emergencies and suchlike. We all got together and helped one niece refurbish her house, and so on.

We took turns taking care of Mom and Dad when they got old.


Having family close at hand is useful and comforting in many ways.

 

[X Factor]

No rush. I'd prefer Son#1 finish school, get a job, pay off a vehicle, save up money, and get himself well set-up before attempting to live on his own. If that takes several years, I don't care... as long as he helps pay the bills.



In the old days, it wasn't that unusual to have three generations living under one roof, you know. Families pooled their resources more, as it took a lot of hands working together to make a better life for the family.


A lot of recent immigrants do the same... and I think we're going to see more of this among regular old Americans, if our economic situations continues to worsen.

I was watching an episode of Taboo on Nat Geo and it was about some cultures that scar kids skin as a mark of adulthood or of belonging. The show was trying to make the point that, while we may find it cruel, they could find it cruel that we don't have extended family around to help care for the kids so I think you're right, the notion that kids need to get the hell out and "make it on their own" is more cultural than anything else, I think and living at home is becoming more and more accepted and maybe even expected.

In my case, while I love my parents and we usually always got along, I looooove living on my own, and, in my experience, we get along even better now.

 

[Goshin]

I was watching an episode of Taboo on Nat Geo and it was about some cultures that scar kids skin as a mark of adulthood or of belonging. The show was trying to make the point that, while we may find it cruel, they could find it cruel that we don't have extended family around to help care for the kids so I think you're right, the notion that kids need to get the hell out and "make it on their own" is more cultural than anything else, I think and living at home is becoming more and more accepted and maybe even expected.

In my case, while I love my parents and we usually always got along, I looooove living on my own, and, in my experience, we get along even better now.

Well, as I mentioned, we all moved out in our early 20s... but most of us didn't move far, and those of us who did eventually moved back close.

We live in our own homes, but half of my generation and some of the next live within reasonable walking distance.

Having family close at hand is very useful to everyone, as long as everyone tries to do their part.

 

[X Factor]

My father made it clear that we were expected to move out and support ourselves after HS. When I, as the oldest, moved out my family moved 1,500 miles away. When my two younger brothers moved out (the youngest had enlisted in the Army) my parents moved another 300 miles.

I don't know if you meant this to be funny but it made me laugh. :lol: I do think it gives you more confidence and necessarily makes you more independent to be on your own.

 

[ttwtt78640]

If many more children move out your parents will be living outside the USA.

They had only three of us (4 years between the oldest and youngest). We all live in Texas now with my middle brother living with and caring for our father (our mother died in 2002) who is now 92. Our family was quite used to moving since my father was career Army.

 

[Jetboogieman]

I was out the house at 18 as far away from my parents as possible (Halifax to Vancouver), but for my son it really depends.

If it is more financially advantageous for him to stay at home and go to Uni, then that's what I would go for.

Both me and my brother had the support of our folks at first and moved out at 18.

If he could be out at 18 to start getting his **** together, then yes.

 

[ttwtt78640]

Hard for me to imagine. My parents encouraged us to achieve independence, but didn't push us out the door; though most of us did move out in our early 20s. Also, I have two sisters and a niece living within walking distance, and another sister and two more nieces (plus inlaws and kids) living within a 30-45min drive. We see each other regularly, and help each other out. My sister took me to the hospital for my surgery and drove me home; I use my truck for them to get large items like refrigerators or propane tanks to their house. My BIL pulled my truck out of a mudhole last year; I've helped several relatives determine what to do about medical emergencies and suchlike. We all got together and helped one niece refurbish her house, and so on.

We took turns taking care of Mom and Dad when they got old.


Having family close at hand is useful and comforting in many ways.

None of us saw our 19th birthday while living in our parent's home. The final few moves were to decrease the size (and cost) of my parent's home after my father had retired. Independence was stressed and reasonable assistance toward that end given with loans to get a decent car and etc. but we were expected to get and keep jobs to pay our own bills.

 

[Goshin]

None of us saw our 19th birthday while living in our parent's home. The final few moves were to decrease the size (and cost) of my parent's home after my father had retired. Independence was stressed and reasonable assistance toward that end given with loans to get a decent car and etc. but we were expected to get and keep jobs to pay our own bills.

:shrug: To each his own. I suppose it encourages them to be "ready" by 18... but I'd think it might make it harder for them to go on to college or tech I imagine.


I like having family close at hand. I also think that we children were encouraged to help our parents in their old age, by the relative benevolence of how they handled our transition from early adulthood to independence. We knew we owed them a large debt of gratitude for making that transition less abrupt and difficult.

 

[X Factor]

Considering what seems like a lot of 'young adults' living off their parents for far too long, I think more need to be pushed out the door. The sooner they can get out and realize life is not fair and not always easy, the better. Codling young adults does a disservice to them and our nation.

As for my kids, I'd prefer that once they finish whatever school they are going to 'finish' at, they start pursuing their own life, not hanging on for support.

Growing up, our next door neighbor's had a son who really was a complete loser and lived with his parents, and then the mom (when the dad literally dropped dead from a heart attack) his whole life. He rarely worked, always claiming injury. Last I heard, he was still living on his mom's tiny social security money. It's hard to know who to be more pissed at, the guy for being such a loser or the mom for letting him take advantage of her like that.

On the other hand, not every situation is like that. I know someone from work who lived with her mom until her mom's death. After a point, it was more my friend taking care of her mom than vice versa.

 

[Perotista]

Was just looking at an article that commented to parents of recent grads about how "you don't want them living at home forever?" It's a pretty common joke. I can say that, in my case, my parents actually did not push me out the door, in fact, my mom wanted me to stay at home after I finished school (and I did for a short time). I was the one that felt I needed to live on my own, especially after being away at school.

So I'm wondering about the parents' perspective. Is it like the TV shows and articles (or is that all just hype for humor's sake)? Do you (or did you) want your kids to move out ASAP?

Attaching poll now.

My kids are long gone. My oldest daughter and son moved out real quick, as soon as they finished High School and were 18. My youngest daughter continued to live with us until around 3 years or so ago. She was 30 or 31 when she finally moved out. I really didn't mind and having her living with us turned out to be great. I worked at Ft. McPherson and it was Brac'ed. Closed and I moved with FORSCOM to Ft. Bragg for my last two years working as a DA civilian. Having my daughter living with my wife made my worries a heck of a lot less.

So all 3 kids made their decisions on their own. But I have to admit, there were times I had wished my youngest daughter long gone. But the fact she was still living with us was a god sent.

 

[Carjosse]

I plan to leave for university and hopefully not come back except at Christmas or other holidays (not summer) whether my parents want me to or not. If I go back it would mean unemployment or a minimum wage job. When I have children, I think I would expect the same.

 

[Goshin]

Growing up, our next door neighbor's had a son who really was a complete loser and lived with his parents, and then the mom (when the dad literally dropped dead from a heart attack) his whole life. He rarely worked, always claiming injury. Last I heard, he was still living on his mom's tiny social security money. It's hard to know who to be more pissed at, the guy for being such a loser or the mom for letting him take advantage of her like that.

On the other hand, not every situation is like that. I know someone from work who lived with her mom until her mom's death. After a point, it was more my friend taking care of her mom than vice versa.

I worked with a middle-aged man who lived with his mother. Some made fun of him for that, but the truth is he moved back in with her after her husband died and she needed someone to help out. He was actually being a good and dutiful son.

 

[ttwtt78640]

:shrug: To each his own. I suppose it encourages them to be "ready" by 18... but I'd think it might make it harder for them to go on to college or tech I imagine.


I like having family close at hand. I also think that we children were encouraged to help our parents in their old age, by the relative benevolence of how they handled our transition from early adulthood to independence. We knew we owed them a large debt of gratitude for making that transition less abrupt and difficult.

We all (except dad, who has a GED) have some college education now - all paid for with tuition assistance from our respective employers (Singer Corp. for myself, H,E.B. groceries for my middle brother and the GI bill for my youngest brother). We all still help our father (now 92) enjoy his later years; myself by helping to maintain his home, the middle brother (now living with him) by taking care of his daily needs and the youngest (now a disabled vet) by visiting frequently. We always were a close family, just not geographically, except for very early and fairly recently.

 

[Arbo]

Growing up, our next door neighbor's had a son who really was a complete loser and lived with his parents, and then the mom (when the dad literally dropped dead from a heart attack) his whole life. He rarely worked, always claiming injury. Last I heard, he was still living on his mom's tiny social security money. It's hard to know who to be more pissed at, the guy for being such a loser or the mom for letting him take advantage of her like that.

So just a slime ball using the system… exactly why I think we have allowed people to shirk responsibility and adulthood far too much.

There will always be exceptions to such situations of course.

 

[Goshin]

So just a slime ball using the system… exactly why I think we have allowed people to shirk responsibility and adulthood far too much.

There will always be exceptions to such situations of course.

Or the slimball could be the exception. I don't have stats on this so I don't know.


This guy isn't so much a problem because his parents didn't force him out at 18... he's a problem because they didn't raise him to do right in the first place, or failed to correct his behavior when it began to manifest.

 

[Carjosse]

Considering what seems like a lot of 'young adults' living off their parents for far too long, I think more need to be pushed out the door. The sooner they can get out and realize life is not fair and not always easy, the better. Codling young adults does a disservice to them and our nation.

As for my kids, I'd prefer that once they finish whatever school they are going to 'finish' at, they start pursuing their own life, not hanging on for support.

I never understood why the children would not want to leave their parents, you can finally have the freedom to do what you want without relying on anyone else, except maybe educational costs, student loan repayment, or your parents contributing something to a down payment on a home (though no one has enough money to do that anymore). I plan to go to university and only come back for visits.

 

[radcen]

No rush. I'd prefer Son#1 finish school, get a job, pay off a vehicle, save up money, and get himself well set-up before attempting to live on his own. If that takes several years, I don't care... as long as he helps pay the bills.

In the old days, it wasn't that unusual to have three generations living under one roof, you know. Families pooled their resources more, as it took a lot of hands working together to make a better life for the family.

A lot of recent immigrants do the same... and I think we're going to see more of this among regular old Americans, if our economic situations continues to worsen.

Agreed, and I think it's already starting to happen. Not all adult kids who live with their parents are lazy. Some do it for economic reasons, and sometimes the economics are for the benefit of the parents as well. It can easily be a two-way necessity/benefit.

To me, in an ideal world, there is a happy medium someplace. I have a friend whose mother told her on her 18th birthday that she had 30 days to move out... and never come back. They weren't estranged, nor did they have a difficult relationship, that's just what her mother thought was best. Personally, I think that's a bit harsh.

On the flip side, if you're 25 and still living at your parent's home, you're doing it wrong, IMO. Barring caring for an ill elderly parent, or something like that.

ETA: My friend didn't get any warning, btw. No lead up to prepare. Just on her 18th birthday, "You have 30 days to find your own place."

 

[Goshin]

Agreed, and I think it's already starting to happen. Not all adult kids who live with their parents are lazy. Some do it for economic reasons, and sometimes the economics are for the benefit of the parents as well. It can easily be a two-way necessity/benefit.

To me, in an ideal world, there is a happy medium someplace. I have a friend whose mother told her on her 18th birthday that she had 30 days to move out... and never come back. They weren't estranged, nor did they have a difficult relationship, that's just what her mother thought was best. Personally, I think that's a bit harsh.

On the flip side, if you're 25 and still living at your parent's home, you're doing it wrong, IMO. Barring caring for an ill elderly parent, or something like that.

I don't think there's anything fundamentally wrong with it, as long as you're helping pay the bills. As I said, it wasn't unusual in my parents and grandparents day (1910s-40s) for more than one generation to live under the same roof... even after getting married, in some cases.

If there's enough room, and everyone is benefitting from it, and everyone it getting along all right... there's no moral rule or other absolute, that every adult or even every couple has to have their very own separate roof. :mrgreen:

 

[radcen]

I never understood why the children would not want to leave their parents, you can finally have the freedom to do what you want without relying on anyone else, except maybe educational costs, student loan repayment, or your parents contributing something to a down payment on a home (though no one has enough money to do that anymore). I plan to go to university and only come back for visits.

That's the difference (for many) between teen fantasy and the real world. Many younger people get a taste of the real world and realize it's not all free and happy as they thought it was going to be.