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Fathers disappear from households

Probably won't be well received, but I'm going to say it anyway:

Part of the problem is that we make single moms out to be victims. While deadbeat dads are shameful, irresponsible asshats, the moms shouldn't get a pass just 'cause they're sticking it out with the kid. In this day and age it's pretty easy to avoid pregnancy. We all have an obligation to our future children to make sure we're selecting a parenting partner who wants to be a parent and who is willing to put in the required efforts as a parent. And you can't really know how capable somebody is until you've had those discussions, made those observations, and solidified their ability to commit.

Most of my single mother friends got pregnant less than 6 months into their relationship with the baby's father. Only one of them was still IN that relationship when the baby was born...the others had broken up shortly after the pregnancy was revealed. The girl whose partner stayed around ended up breaking up with him about 3 months after the baby was born because he was abusive. Apparently, he'd been abusive before the pregnancy, during the pregnancy, and after...but she never had a concern until he screamed at the baby for crying.

Yes, there are women who divorce much later, when the children are reaching varying stages of independence. Yes, there are women who end up as single mothers because their partner dies from illness or injury. Yes, there are women who became pregnant as single woman with the intent to raise the child alone from the beginning.

But there are also a lot of women like those I described earlier...and when we put them on a pedestal and call them heroes because they're doing it alone, we completely negate the decisions THEY made that led to them being alone with a child in the first place.

Good post.
Basically, people are given all these choices, but when responsibility comes home to roost, we gotta feel sorry for them.
 
But the government pays for people to divorce and at every level supports children be raised by only one of the bio-parents.

With a divorce, the government will recalculate income, then often providing free childcare, food stamps and housing assistance. A court will order the non-custodial parent to pay child support too. A divorce can be worth minimally $18,000 a year and often far more. Unless solidly middle class or higher, it is vitually economically unviable for the both bio-parents to remain together. The government punishes them if they do and greatly rewards them if they don't.

I know this should go without saying, but I'll say it anyway. Just because a person is a single mother, does not mean that they are on any assistance whatsoever. There are a few of us that have supported ourselves wholly and not benefitted from being a 'single parent'. Many started off in a committed relationship.

Do I think that some women take advantage of being single parents? Absolutely. Can single women prevent pregnancy? Absolutely. I don't want any person to make a single parent a hero, because for a LOT of us, we wouldn't choose this for ourselves or our children.
 
I know this should go without saying, but I'll say it anyway. Just because a person is a single mother, does not mean that they are on any assistance whatsoever. There are a few of us that have supported ourselves wholly and not benefitted from being a 'single parent'. Many started off in a committed relationship.

Do I think that some women take advantage of being single parents? Absolutely. Can single women prevent pregnancy? Absolutely. I don't want any person to make a single parent a hero, because for a LOT of us, we wouldn't choose this for ourselves or our children.

I was not criticizing those who single-parent nor claiming all single-parents go on government assistance. Rather, I was pointing out how the evolution of government assistance has evolved - and how that factors into marraige versus non-marriage. If married, they caculation both incomes together. If not, they don't. Generally, particularly if small children at home, a divorce often removes the primary income earner from that calculation. That person primary income person then pays (or is supposed to pay) a percentage of his/her income as child support. However, that is only a small percentage of what the 100% of income previously part of the marriage income would calculate to.

Moreover, single parenting more raises a necessity for childcare assistance and so forth.

My point is that it should not take a divorce to be able to obtain that assistance. It also may well be that it is economic distress that helped push it into divorce.
 
My point is that schools are required, now, to teach evil, and are restrained from teaching good. That has to be either a very bad symptom, or a very bad cause, with regard to our broader social ills.

And you think teaching intolerance is the answer?

It's not intolerance to him, though. And that's all that matters to Mr. Blaylock.

What you call “intolerance” are the values that for most of human history resulted in children being brought up in intact families, with a mother and a father. It's what makes stable societies.

In the name of “tolerance”, we are sacrificing these children's well-being, and ultimately, the stability and prosperity of society itself.

When, as a society, we embrace immorality and evil, there are wide-ranging consequences for all who are part of this society. Calling evil and immorality “tolerance” does not change what it is, nor does it change what the consequences will unavoidably be of accepting it.

The cliché about trying what has been done before, and expecting a different result, would seem to apply here. It's obvious enough, already, what the consequences have been to our society, as a result of accepting evil and immorality, and allowing the family unit to be undermined. Yet there are so many who think we need to move further in that direction, and expect that doing so will improve society. Such is truly madness.
 
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What you call “intolerance” are the values that for most of human history resulted in children being brought up in intact families, with a mother and a father. It's what makes stable societies--

Funnily enough, divorce in some western countries does not end up with lone mothers and absentee fathers. Many children in Holland and scandinavian countries like Sweden are still brought up by mother and father even if the family is not intact anymore. People are raised and go into marriage or parenthood with the expectation that if divorce comes that does not mean the end of parenthood. In Sweden in particular, you rarely see custody battles and parenthood is settled generally around 50 / 50 contact - without even resorting to a judge or court order.

It's not about American blacks being fickle or about government paying people to divorce or about church and church teaching - it's about civilised expectations and agreement between couples that if they split then they do not go into battle to get hold of the children and their responsibilities don't end when the relationship ends.
 
Do you have a source that this came "precisely as soon as we started paying them to do so"?

As a matter of fact I do.

As for the trends, I would attribute it to birth control, a rising number of women in the work force, a breakdown in the concept of marriage as a permanent institution, and various economic trends that have resulted in a large and under-educated underclass.

Birth Control would reduce the incidence of single-parenthood, a rising number of women in the workforce does not connect directly to a rise in single-parent households, and the breaking down of the concept of marriage as a permanent institution has followed the trends, not made them. And the "various economic trend" that has resulted in a large and under-educated class largely is the breakup of the family among our lower income groups. No group fails out of high school like children of single mothers.
 
You don't think that perhaps poverty INCREASES cases of absentee fathers?

No I do not. For the simple enough reason that maintaining two households is more expensive than one. Where resources are scarce, individuals have incentives to make the cost-saving measures and seek the economic security of marriage. That is part of why marriage is falling apart mostly in wealthy countries, but was significantly stronger in our (poorer) past. When America was actually poor, absentee fatherism was exceedingly rare and universally frowned upon. Only since America has become wealthy have we had the resources to support such economically destructive methods of social organization as widespread single-parenthood.

Conservatives will go to any lengths to blame the poor people for poverty.

Not at all. In fact, conservatives are generally the ones who ACTUALLY care about the poor. We just also want them not to be in poverty, and so we want them to make wise decisions. In order to help them do that, we want to have government stop punishing them for doing so, and we want educational reform that would enable people to improve their conditions.

If you A) Graduate High School B) Work Full Time C) Wait Until Marriage To Have Children and then D) Don't Get Divorced, the odds are something like 98.9% that you won't become impoverished. So, we want people to do that.
 
No I do not. For the simple enough reason that maintaining two households is more expensive than one. Where resources are scarce, individuals have incentives to make the cost-saving measures and seek the economic security of marriage. That is part of why marriage is falling apart mostly in wealthy countries, but was significantly stronger in our (poorer) past. When America was actually poor, absentee fatherism was exceedingly rare and universally frowned upon. Only since America has become wealthy have we had the resources to support such economically destructive methods of social organization as widespread single-parenthood.

1. for the father its expensive to have a family, thus giving poverty a larger incentive to be an absentee father, people are gonna have sex no matter what ... you also in the US have the prison industial complex, which exasperates the problem a lot. As for the family being significantly stronger in the past I would need to see evidence of that, I don't deny it, but I don't know how much stronger it was. But you also had plenty of other social problems.

However that still doesn't show that a family brake down actually CAUSES poverty.

Also a bit thing in the past is you didn't have women in the workplace, now I agree with women in the workplace, they should have the right to it, but when you have an economic situation where a family needs 2 people working, you'll have problems.

But the evidence is there ... more wealth inequality, more social problems

Not at all. In fact, conservatives are generally the ones who ACTUALLY care about the poor. We just also want them not to be in poverty, and so we want them to make wise decisions. In order to help them do that, we want to have government stop punishing them for doing so, and we want educational reform that would enable people to improve their conditions.

If you A) Graduate High School B) Work Full Time C) Wait Until Marriage To Have Children and then D) Don't Get Divorced, the odds are something like 98.9% that you won't become impoverished. So, we want people to do that.

Charity isn't proof of that, you can give to beggers, and still have disdain for them, also Conservatives generally give to churches, not that its a bad thing, its generally a good thing, but its religiously motivated. Also we have evidence of policies that CREATE POVERTY (neo-liberal ones) and policies that ALEVIATE poverty (social-democratic ones) we also can choose from a system of oligarchy and class tyanny (capitalism), or one where everyone can have an actual say over there economic life (economic democracy)

As far as your last sentance, I take it that statistic was just pulled out of your ass, its nonsense.

Poverty is mainly an institutional problem, its not like after 2007 the 20% that ended up in poverty suddenly all became irresponsible and lazy ... No Capitalism went through crisis, and it did so due to institutional policies.
 
What you call “intolerance” are the values that for most of human history resulted in children being brought up in intact families, with a mother and a father. It's what makes stable societies.

In the name of “tolerance”, we are sacrificing these children's well-being, and ultimately, the stability and prosperity of society itself.

When, as a society, we embrace immorality and evil, there are wide-ranging consequences for all who are part of this society. Calling evil and immorality “tolerance” does not change what it is, nor does it change what the consequences will unavoidably be of accepting it.

The cliché about trying what has been done before, and expecting a different result, would seem to apply here. It's obvious enough, already, what the consequences have been to our society, as a result of accepting evil and immorality, and allowing the family unit to be undermined. Yet there are so many who think we need to move further in that direction, and expect that doing so will improve society. Such is truly madness.

Once upon a time, Mormon's were persecuted to the point of murder in this country for violating the so called "morality" of the time. The same religiously motivated bigotry you espouse would lead to your own destruction. The result of attempting to banish irrational hatred has led to society that actually has less crime and poverty than before, despite the popularity of obnoxiously sensational articles on how doomed we are.
 
for the father its expensive to have a family, thus giving poverty a larger incentive to be an absentee father

....sort of. It's cheaper to maintain two households and remain unmarried largely because of the way that government interacts with our poor. You lose more from getting married than you stand to gain in benefits. I ran some of the numbers a while back, and they are quite interesting. Here is the marriage penalty for a low-income couple from just three programs:

67134587d1347864490-negative-income-perfectly-progressive-flat-tax-loss-getting-married.jpg


As you can see, the penalty from just those alone for the average single-parent household income of about $24K is a little over $5,500; or, a cost of about 22.9% of their income.

Meanwhile, children of the single parent households that we help create with these twisted incentives are more likely to drop out of school, get married out of wedlock, abuse drugs, be incarcerated, and subsequently find themselves in poverty in a twisted cycle.

And that's not the only way that we help to trap people in poverty. The idiotic way in which we often structure our welfare state leaves our poor vulnerable to running up against welfare cliffs, where an increase in income causes a loss of a greater amount of benefits, with the result of a lowering of their standard of living.

welfare%20cliff.jpg


The poor are thus presented by our government with a series of incentives to avoid getting married and to avoid increasing their productivity and income. We punish them if they attempt to improve their position, and then wonder why they do not.

people are gonna have sex no matter what

:shrug: perhaps, but given the prevalence of birth control, incidence of unanticipated / economically destructive pregnancy should be decreasing, not increasing.

As for the family being significantly stronger in the past I would need to see evidence of that, I don't deny it, but I don't know how much stronger it was.

Well, the OP gave you some stats. Here's a handy chart:

HomePg_2012-02-22.gif


But you also had plenty of other social problems.

certainly, no doubt.

However that still doesn't show that a family brake down actually CAUSES poverty.

Indeed it does demonstrate such a thing. The two-parent family is a more economically efficient unit due to shared costs (housing, utilities, food, etc), specialization of labor, the ability to generate two incomes, and increased economic stability inuring it to economic shock.

Also a bit thing in the past is you didn't have women in the workplace, now I agree with women in the workplace, they should have the right to it, but when you have an economic situation where a family needs 2 people working, you'll have problems.

:shrug: perhaps. "needs" is a rather subjective argument (for survival? to rise above the poverty threshold? to advance to the middle class?) 2-income families do not necessarily mean a less effective family unit (economically). The issue that I have most often run into is that the mother does not make enough to fully pay for the additional costs incurred (child care, extra gas, professional clothing, etc), and often couples do not sit down and do the math to realize that. But that is strictly anecdotal.

But the evidence is there ... more wealth inequality, more social problems

Yeah? There is greater wealth inequality in the US than, say, in Pakistan. Which do you think has more "social problems"? Tribal genocide has a tendency to happen in poor countries, not wealthy ones. Methinks that your group decided what they wanted the result to be and defined "social problems" in order to get it.

Charity isn't proof of that, you can give to beggers, and still have disdain for them, also Conservatives generally give to churches, not that its a bad thing, its generally a good thing, but its religiously motivated

Precisely. Conservatives are more likely to care for the poor because that is what they are taught in Church. For me personally, that's part of the puzzle. The other part is that when we talk about single-parents, we are largely talking about my family. With the exception of myself and my brother, every child in my generation in my family was raised by a single parent. My wife was raised by a low income single mother. Her sister is now a low income single mother. This is a problem that threatens our society and hits fairly close to home.

Also we have evidence of policies that CREATE POVERTY (neo-liberal ones) and policies that ALEVIATE poverty (social-democratic ones) we also can choose from a system of oligarchy and class tyanny (capitalism), or one where everyone can have an actual say over there economic life (economic democracy)

Well that is a rather entertaining case of begging the question. How are the social democracies working out, anywho? Poor folks in Argentina and Mexico are living it up, while poor folks in America are living hand-to-mouth in dirty shacks?

As far as your last sentance, I take it that statistic was just pulled out of your ass, its nonsense.

:-D actually those rules come from the Left-Leaning Brookings Institute:

Work and Marriage: The Way to End Poverty and Welfare

...Advocates for the poor have too long argued that welfare was the solution to poverty. Yet most evidence points in a different direction. The reform of welfare in 1996 has had far more positive effects on employment, earnings, and poverty rates than almost anyone anticipated. The data summarized in this brief suggest this is because work is a powerful antidote to poverty and that, in its absence, no politically feasible amount of welfare can fill the gap as effectively.

The short-term implication of this finding is that fiscally strapped states need help if they are to continue to fund programs that move welfare recipients into the work force and keep them there in a softer economy. The longer-term implication is that steps should be taken to move the entire system of benefits targeted to lower-income Americans more toward encouraging work and marriage and less toward providing unconditional assistance to those who do not work and who bear children outside of marriage. Because work-related benefits are more politically popular than those not tied to work, the system would not only be more effective per dollar spent, but it might well enjoy the political support that would make it more generous than the one it replaced...

Poverty is mainly an institutional problem, its not like after 2007 the 20% that ended up in poverty suddenly all became irresponsible and lazy ... No Capitalism went through crisis, and it did so due to institutional policies.

No, corporatism launched us into crisis and then kept us there. Long term poverty is overwhelmingly the result of personal, not institutional decisions.
 
With such a strong conservative opposition to single parents I'm surprised there isn't a stronger support for same sex marriage. Same sex couples all over the country are already raising children and I'm sure their relationships would be much more stable and their children much better off if they were allowed to marry. But alas, conservatives seem to have some misguided notion that same sex marriage would somehow decay the institution of marriage, although I'm not sure how.
 
Government didn't cause the social conditions that led to fatherless households and single mothers. Those were due to much bigger and fundamental social trends than any government program. But if you're complaining about this problem, and you're saying that government programs that help to ameliorate or lessen the pain that's already there, I hope you have some sort of solution, be it government-based or not.

The government can offer no solutions. It is a conglomeration of inefficient, overpaid bureaucrats. But people left to themselves usually work things out on their own. There are those who don't, but as I have come to understand, the government in attempting "to fix" societal problems merely creates even more problems which far exceed naturally occurring rifts in the economy.

Let me stop you right there for a second. You and I are of the same mind that the change has to come from society, and not the government, but to say that it had anything to do with schools not teaching about god or the bible is ludicrous. Schools never were, and never should have been churches. If you want god and the bible to change your society, you start with the church and the parents, even if that child has one parent, a message like that is far more powerful coming from them than a teacher.

Men leave their responsibilities in this country because they are cowards and lazy. THIS is the problem that we should try to fix. It has nothing to do with school curriculum.

Agreed. No need to further complicate this issue with religion. Let's keep it simple. The school teaches math, language, and science. Let the parents teach religion.
 
Government didn't cause the social conditions that led to fatherless households and single mothers. Those were due to much bigger and fundamental social trends than any government program. But if you're complaining about this problem, and you're saying that government programs that help to ameliorate or lessen the pain that's already there, I hope you have some sort of solution, be it government-based or not.

Penalize welfare recipients who "don't know" who their baby daddy is to protect the guy from child support enforcement because he'll do right by 'em--that is what he said-- would be a start.
 
With such a strong conservative opposition to single parents I'm surprised there isn't a stronger support for same sex marriage. Same sex couples all over the country are already raising children and I'm sure their relationships would be much more stable and their children much better off if they were allowed to marry. But alas, conservatives seem to have some misguided notion that same sex marriage would somehow decay the institution of marriage, although I'm not sure how.

It takes both a father and a mother to make a family. A child needs both, not one or two of one and none of the other

The idea that either parent can be considered dispensable is a major root cause of the destruction of the family; and all the ills that result therefrom.
 
....sort of. It's cheaper to maintain two households and remain unmarried largely because of the way that government interacts with our poor. You lose more from getting married than you stand to gain in benefits. I ran some of the numbers a while back, and they are quite interesting. Here is the marriage penalty for a low-income couple from just three programs:

67134587d1347864490-negative-income-perfectly-progressive-flat-tax-loss-getting-married.jpg


As you can see, the penalty from just those alone for the average single-parent household income of about $24K is a little over $5,500; or, a cost of about 22.9% of their income.

Meanwhile, children of the single parent households that we help create with these twisted incentives are more likely to drop out of school, get married out of wedlock, abuse drugs, be incarcerated, and subsequently find themselves in poverty in a twisted cycle.

And that's not the only way that we help to trap people in poverty. The idiotic way in which we often structure our welfare state leaves our poor vulnerable to running up against welfare cliffs, where an increase in income causes a loss of a greater amount of benefits, with the result of a lowering of their standard of living.

welfare%20cliff.jpg


The poor are thus presented by our government with a series of incentives to avoid getting married and to avoid increasing their productivity and income. We punish them if they attempt to improve their position, and then wonder why they do not.

Not married =/= single parent household, nowerdays many people live together without getting married, also these problems exist since these people are ALREADY poor and jobless and on welfare.

:shrug: perhaps, but given the prevalence of birth control, incidence of unanticipated / economically destructive pregnancy should be decreasing, not increasing.

Well, the OP gave you some stats. Here's a handy chart:

HomePg_2012-02-22.gif

I agree, and I think education is the key here, also the fact that marriage is out of favor doesn't mean you have a loss of a family, its just without the formality of state endorced marriage.

Also I think even though the nuclear family is declining (which I don't doubt, I just think its not ass dramatic as some people claim, since many couples live together without marriage), I would argue that economic problems are a major cause of that.

Indeed it does demonstrate such a thing. The two-parent family is a more economically efficient unit due to shared costs (housing, utilities, food, etc), specialization of labor, the ability to generate two incomes, and increased economic stability inuring it to economic shock.

That isn't causation, also you have to explain why a poor father should stay (purely economically, of coarse morally he should absolutely stay), however the family unit brakes down after economic problems, not prior, infact the #1 cause of divorce is economic problems.

:shrug: perhaps. "needs" is a rather subjective argument (for survival? to rise above the poverty threshold? to advance to the middle class?) 2-income families do not necessarily mean a less effective family unit (economically). The issue that I have most often run into is that the mother does not make enough to fully pay for the additional costs incurred (child care, extra gas, professional clothing, etc), and often couples do not sit down and do the math to realize that. But that is strictly anecdotal.

It absolutely DOES mean a less effective family unit socially, and from a family standpoint, having a parent at home to take care of the children is VERY important to make sure the children do well in school, stay out of trouble, get a good amount of love and so on. Also this trend started since wages started to stagnate in the 70s and actually drop.

Yeah? There is greater wealth inequality in the US than, say, in Pakistan. Which do you think has more "social problems"? Tribal genocide has a tendency to happen in poor countries, not wealthy ones. Methinks that your group decided what they wanted the result to be and defined "social problems" in order to get it.

Pakistan is in the middle of a war, and has many many other problems .... Thats an extremely unfair comparison, its like comparing the Netherlands to Iraq.

Precisely. Conservatives are more likely to care for the poor because that is what they are taught in Church. For me personally, that's part of the puzzle. The other part is that when we talk about single-parents, we are largely talking about my family. With the exception of myself and my brother, every child in my generation in my family was raised by a single parent. My wife was raised by a low income single mother. Her sister is now a low income single mother. This is a problem that threatens our society and hits fairly close to home.

I would also argue that conservatives tend to have more money, thus more ability to give to charities. I would say, if you want to fix families, STEP ONE, is to give economic opportunities that can make families economically secure and thus be able to focus on the more fundemental issues of family, and then other issues perhaps, like those of social morals and so on.

I am religious and christianity teaches empathy, not disdain and blame.

Well that is a rather entertaining case of begging the question. How are the social democracies working out, anywho? Poor folks in Argentina and Mexico are living it up, while poor folks in America are living hand-to-mouth in dirty shacks?

Pretty damn good, Mexico isn't a social democracy, Argentina has a somewhat social democratic government and is improving significantly, while the US is not (well it is slightly, but I would'nt give it that much), in europe the countries with strong social democracies that didn't deregulate, liberalize and financialize are doing well.

:-D actually those rules come from the Left-Leaning Brookings Institute:

Work and Marriage: The Way to End Poverty and Welfare

...Advocates for the poor have too long argued that welfare was the solution to poverty. Yet most evidence points in a different direction. The reform of welfare in 1996 has had far more positive effects on employment, earnings, and poverty rates than almost anyone anticipated. The data summarized in this brief suggest this is because work is a powerful antidote to poverty and that, in its absence, no politically feasible amount of welfare can fill the gap as effectively.

The short-term implication of this finding is that fiscally strapped states need help if they are to continue to fund programs that move welfare recipients into the work force and keep them there in a softer economy. The longer-term implication is that steps should be taken to move the entire system of benefits targeted to lower-income Americans more toward encouraging work and marriage and less toward providing unconditional assistance to those who do not work and who bear children outside of marriage. Because work-related benefits are more politically popular than those not tied to work, the system would not only be more effective per dollar spent, but it might well enjoy the political support that would make it more generous than the one it replaced...

I don't think welfare is a solution to poverty, socialists have NEVER argued that, socialists have argued that the institutions need to change, that the poor should have a say in the economic affairs.

That being said, evidence also points the otherway, some of the countrie with the STRONGEST middle class are those with the best saftey nets, teh Scandanavian countries for examples have an extremely strong middle class and here you don't need to work to have a comfortable life.

In the 90s employment went up because of giant economic growth, not welfare cuts.

Cutting welfare isn't gonna magically make people start working, there are 5 job seakers for every job opening, thats a fact, the solution is to make economic solutions, not make people more desperate than they already are, that welfare reform in 1996 is still in effect, the reason we have poverty isn't welfare, its economic crisis. Family problems arn't the reason there is poverty, its a result of poverty.

I personally would reform welfare however, but it would'nt be cutting it, it would be government funded (through grants), cooperative buisinesses or sole propriatorships, that can fill a market need or a social need, thus giving people an actualy way to earn money, have a say over their enviroment, make an income, and spend it in their communities giving incentives for investment.

Socialist parties have already proposed this, and in some parts of Italy you alreayd have that (for example in the wealthy north italy, where some areas have mostly cooprative buisinesses).

But to do that you'd have to go against banks, who want people to borrow from them and not the state, and giant corporations that want to exploit poor people for labor and make sure poor people rely on them and not themselves.

No, corporatism launched us into crisis and then kept us there. Long term poverty is overwhelmingly the result of personal, not institutional decisions.

Corporatism IS capitalism, its ALWAYS been that way, Corporatism is the natural outcome of Capitalism, just like totalitarianism is the natural outcome of Leninism.
 
Once upon a time, Mormon's were persecuted to the point of murder in this country for violating the so called "morality" of the time. The same religiously motivated bigotry you espouse would lead to your own destruction. The result of attempting to banish irrational hatred has led to society that actually has less crime and poverty than before, despite the popularity of obnoxiously sensational articles on how doomed we are.

I am solidly opposed to the evil and immorality that you defend, which attacks the family as the basic unit of society, and which attacks the very foundation of society itself.

I find it utterly offensive that in defending this evil, you would accuse me of “religious bigotry” for opposing it, and then go on to suggest that my alleged “religious bigotry” is in any way comparable to that which was directed at my ancestors, which sought to deprive them of their most basic human rights, which led to them being driven, out of what constituted the United States, and which resulted in many of their friends being murdered, all because of their religious beliefs.

I suppose you have just proven, once again, that those who most loudly proclaim their opposition to bigotry often turn out to be the very worst bigots of all.
 
I am solidly opposed to the evil and immorality that you defend, which attacks the family as the basic unit of society, and which attacks the very foundation of society itself.

I find it utterly offensive that in defending this evil, you would accuse me of “religious bigotry” for opposing it, and then go on to suggest that my alleged “religious bigotry” is in any way comparable to that which was directed at my ancestors, which sought to deprive them of their most basic human rights, which led to them being driven, out of what constituted the United States, and which resulted in many of their friends being murdered, all because of their religious beliefs.

I suppose you have just proven, once again, that those who most loudly proclaim their opposition to bigotry often turn out to be the very worst bigots of all.

Or he is just exposing what many have known for many years and maybe you should listen. The so called Christians in this country have pushed their ideas and theology on everyone. This country would be alot better off if it stopped. However, the religious nut balls will never stop, never. They seem to think that their God is the only God and if you dont believe as they do then we will pass laws that will make you! And we all know what those laws are!
 
I am solidly opposed to the evil and immorality that you defend, which attacks the family as the basic unit of society, and which attacks the very foundation of society itself.

I find it utterly offensive that in defending this evil, you would accuse me of “religious bigotry” for opposing it, and then go on to suggest that my alleged “religious bigotry” is in any way comparable to that which was directed at my ancestors, which sought to deprive them of their most basic human rights, which led to them being driven, out of what constituted the United States, and which resulted in many of their friends being murdered, all because of their religious beliefs.

I suppose you have just proven, once again, that those who most loudly proclaim their opposition to bigotry often turn out to be the very worst bigots of all.

You are missing the point of my comparison: the severity of your theocratic persecution is not the same as which the Mormons endured, but the justification is. If people in this country were allowed to oppress other solely because of religious disagreements, you would find yourself on the chopping block next to the homosexuals. Every time you attack homosexuality on religious grounds, you legitimize the same kind of attack on yourself.
 
You are missing the point of my comparison: the severity of your theocratic persecution is not the same as which the Mormons endured, but the justification is. If people in this country were allowed to oppress other solely because of religious disagreements, you would find yourself on the chopping block next to the homosexuals. Every time you attack homosexuality on religious grounds, you legitimize the same kind of attack on yourself.

They are not the same.

I am not “attack[ing] homosexuality on religious grounds”. I am condemning an acceptance of evil and immorality that attacks the very foundation of stable society, and brings harm upon all of us who are part of this society. This is not “religious bigotry” any more than it would be “religious bigotry” to condemn murder or theft or drug abuse or any other activity that is harmful to society.

And it is certainly not, in any way, comparable to the genuine religious bigotry that my ancestors endured, nor to the milder religious bigotry that you now demonstrate under the dishonest guise of “tolerance”.
 
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They are not the same.

I am not “attack[ing] homosexuality on religious grounds”. I am condemning an acceptance of evil and immorality that attacks the very foundation of stable society, and brings harm upon all of us who are part of this society. This is not “religious bigotry” any more than it would be “religious bigotry” to condemn murder or theft or drug abuse or any other activity that is harmful to society.

And it is certainly not, in any way, comparable to the genuine religious bigotry that my ancestors endured, nor to the milder religious bigotry that you now demonstrate under the dishonest guise of “tolerance”.

Except accepting homosexuality doesn not harm society. You may believe so, but there is no evidence to suggest it.
 
Teaching about God and the Bible should be done in church to voluntary believers and not to a captive audience of children in public schools. After all, isn't that what churches are for? As for California teaching "gay history"...is that to help educate for better understanding to help stop the bullying?



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My take on missing fathers in the home is the high expections to achieve that society imposes on men and if they fail or don't live up to those expections then it's probably more than some men can handle. They say that most divorces occur over finances and I think the next is parenting.

A man who grows up without a father is at a disadvantage as a father. It's a cyclical problem, and one that individuals can change. Saying that men bail on their kids due to societal expectation is a cop out. A man who bails on his kids is not a man at all. I faced divorce myself at one point but couldn't go thru with it because I couldn't do that to my son regardless of custody. Instead my wife and I found a good therapist (who is still a friend) and worked out our issues.

You know what we discovered? That most of our issues (even though we thought it was financial) were my fault, caused but an upbringing by an emotionally defunct father who himself grew up without a mother (died when he was 14) and with a bitter alcoholic father. I sucked it up, took responsibility and learned to overcome it. The solutions are not always easy. Doing the right thing sometimes comes at a personal cost, but that's life.


BTW men glorifying the lifestyle of fathering children and then not taking responsibility for them is an effort to forgive themselves for poor behavior by convincing others to do the same. Notice that pop culture icons who propagate this lifestyle are overly flamboyant in the way they dress and behave and often engage in other self destructive behavior. This is not because they are happy. It is because they are incomplete and turn to outward expression to try and fill the void. It doesn't work.
 
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A man who grows up without a father is at a disadvantage as a father. It's a cyclical problem, and one that individuals can change. Saying that men bail on their kids due to societal expectation is a cop out. A man who bails on his kids is not a man at all. I faced divorce myself at one point but couldn't go thru with it because I couldn't do that to my son regardless of custody. Instead my wife and I found a good therapist (who is still a friend) and worked out our issues.

You know what we discovered? That most of our issues (even though we thought it was financial) were my fault, caused but an upbringing by an emotionally defunct father who himself grew up without a mother (died when he was 14) and with a bitter alcoholic father. I sucked it up, took responsibility and learned to overcome it. The solutions are not always easy. Doing the right thing sometimes comes at a personal cost, but that's life.


BTW men glorifying the lifestyle of fathering children and then not taking responsibility for them is an effort to forgive themselves for poor behavior by convincing others to do the same. Notice that pop culture icons who propagate this lifestyle are overly flamboyant in the way they dress and behave and often engage in other self destructive behavior. This is not because they are happy. It is because they are incomplete and turn to outward expression to try and fill the void. It doesn't work.

I fervently agree with all you said and would add only that a girl who grows up without a father is at an terrible disadvantage too.
 
It takes both a father and a mother to make a family. A child needs both, not one or two of one and none of the other

It takes both to make them, not to raise them. The reality is there are plenty of same sex couples who raise children who turn out just as good as those raised by heterosexual couples. And that is true regardless of whether or not you allow same sex couples to marry, and will remain true regardless of whether or not you allow same sex couples to marry. As such, the ONLY people you hurt when you deny same sex couples the right to marry are the CHILDREN. Because they are denied the same opportunity of having the stability that institution provides through the rights and protections that are bestowed upon it that children who are raised by heterosexual couples enjoy. So don't even play the "I care about the children" card because clearly you are ignoring reality.

The idea that either parent can be considered dispensable is a major root cause of the destruction of the family; and all the ills that result therefrom.

Single parenthood is often bad because it means half the income and half the attention. People like yourself who try to turn it into a gender issue are simply ignoring the facts and reality. Stop pretending that gender is more important that things like income and attention when it comes to raising children. It makes it sound like you believe an abusive and neglectful heterosexual couple would be better parents than a loving same sex couple just because the former has parents of the opposite sex. Does that really make sense to you or are you man enough to admit that you are oversimplifying the issue?
 
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Count me among those who are thrilled for every child who has even one loving and competent parent. Such a blessing to have two, gay or straight. But even if you call them "Parent 1" and "Parent 2," "mother" and "father" aren't interchangeable roles. Children do need manhood and womanhood modeled for them. I strove with all my might to be all things to my children, but what I wasn't able to do was be a father for them.
 
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