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Do second chances work?

MaggieD

MaggieD

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second choice.webp

Have you given people second chances? Third? Have they worked? In love...on the job...in life with friends and family.

I learned a long time ago that you can't change anyone else. You can only change yourself. (I forget it sometimes, but I find it true.)

You?
 
i dont believe people can change especially if they are grown up.but i also believe everybody deserves a second chance in this life in order not to change himself but to understand you are tolerant and unselfish enough .and you may get rid of possible regrets which you can have if you dont give a 2nd chance to the others.
 
Medusa said:
i dont believe people can change especially if they are grown up.but i also believe everybody deserves a second chance in this life in order not to change himself but to understand you are tolerant and unselfish enough .and you may get rid of possible regrets which you can have if you dont give a 2nd chance to the others.
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Very insightful, Medusa. Double thanks.
 
anyone can make a mistake. the issue is whether they've actually learned something from the mistake, or will keep right on doing the same thing again and again. i have offered people second chances, the results have been a mixed bag. however, i will probably still keep on doing it, because if i made a huge mistake, but learned something from it, i would hope that i might be given a second chance. i guess it's kind of a "do unto others" thing for me.
 
I tend to give everyone a second chance, but only close friends and certain people here on DP a third chance. Some people are just not important enough to keep giving them chances.
 
When they work it is a beautiful thing. I can only imagine how difficult life would be if I weren't given a second chance or two. Of course depending on how invested you are in someone a failed second chance really hurts.
 
I think the biggest problem that seems to go hand-in-hand with "second changes" is "expectations". In my opinion, expectations is simply premeditated resentments. It's human nature to set goals, make plans, etc., but its also human nature to play as though they can tell the future...and they create outcomes to goals, plans etc before they are even implemented. I really think people do the same with "second chances".

Just my 2 cents...

Thanks
 
It depends what it is.

If its love then she|cheating on you is most likely not forgivable therefore if its a mistake such as someone's upset you or done something bad and trying to fix it then that's a different story and is forgivable.
 
I know without a doubt that people can and do change for the better. I think it is very difficult, and I think the person who can do it is rare, but it happens.

As for giving people second chances, it's something that each individual faced with this issue must decide for themselves. People do stupid stuff in spite of having good character, and others do stupid stuff because they are thoughtless and incapable of learning or feeling love. It all hinges on whether or not the person, needing a second chance, can indeed take that chance and do well with it.
 
MaggieD said:
View attachment 67126518

Have you given people second chances? Third? Have they worked? In love...on the job...in life with friends and family.

I learned a long time ago that you can't change anyone else. You can only change yourself. (I forget it sometimes, but I find it true.)

You?
Click to expand...

Oh, I love that quote you put up there! I'm gonna steal it!! :mrgreen:
 
MaggieD said:
View attachment 67126518

Have you given people second chances? Third? Have they worked? In love...on the job...in life with friends and family.

I learned a long time ago that you can't change anyone else. You can only change yourself. (I forget it sometimes, but I find it true.)

You?
Click to expand...


job : yes
outcome : usually good

friends : yes
outcome : very good

love : yes
outcome : disaster
 
Sometimes they do, and sometimes they don't. I've given people second chances before and it's come back to bite me in the ass. I've also given people second chances and turned out to be extremely glad I did. The crappy part is that a lot of the time it's impossible to know which result you're going to get before you do it.
 
I don't believe people are glued in place in life - I think, if someone truly wants it enough :they can change bad habits and turn around. .. to them: sometimes a 2nd chance isn't enough - but a 3rd time might be just what they need. Case by case.
 
I believe in second chances. I was given a second chance and to say I turned my life around is an understatement. I used to be an unemployed college grad, basically a bum. I paid for my own way to go BACK to school, get ANOTHER degree, and then finally get out and get a decent paying job. To go from nothing to a 2000sq ft brick home on over an acre of land, a brand new fully loaded car paid for in full with a check at the dealership the day I took it home, etc took a second chance.

I had help along the way, but I certainly did the work myself.
 
I believe everyone deserves a second chance. I don't believe anybody deserves a third.
 
I do not beleive in second chances. I believe in making amends, resolution and moving on with the relationship in whatever that direction is to be. For me to stand in the shoes of someone who grants another chance is to place myself above the other person. I do not deal in meaningful relationships that way. I am an equal to the person who has made a transgression as they are equal to me. If I cannot forgive the person, be at peace with what occurred and reach a place where I find the situation acceptable then a "second chance" is delaying the inevitable ending that will take place.
 
MaggieD said:
View attachment 67126518

Have you given people second chances? Third? Have they worked? In love...on the job...in life with friends and family.

I learned a long time ago that you can't change anyone else. You can only change yourself. (I forget it sometimes, but I find it true.)

You?
Click to expand...


It depends.


If I think they wronged me out of real deep-seated malice, then no, I'm done with them.

If I think they wronged me because their own choices put them in a bad situation, they're going to have to make some changes if they want to associate with me.

If I think it was a simple mistake, or a lapse of normally-good judgement, then sure I'll give them a second chance. Assuming the consequences of failure are not catastrophic.


Now, I'm not real big on THIRD chances and even less on fourths and fifths....
 
MaggieD said:
View attachment 67126518

Have you given people second chances? Third? Have they worked? In love...on the job...in life with friends and family.

I learned a long time ago that you can't change anyone else. You can only change yourself. (I forget it sometimes, but I find it true.)

You?
Click to expand...
As for relationships, the same dynamic that tore it apart the first time around, is still present. unless either one or both of you have changed out of all recognition from the people you once were. And neither of you have, of course.
 
MaggieD said:
View attachment 67126518

Have you given people second chances? Third? Have they worked? In love...on the job...in life with friends and family.

I learned a long time ago that you can't change anyone else. You can only change yourself. (I forget it sometimes, but I find it true.)

You?
Click to expand...

Sometimes.
I operate on the forgive, but don't forget principle.
That way I'm more prepared, if the second chancer reverts to their previous state.

I've learned the hard way before and have been granted 2nd chances, where I've cleaned up my act.
So it does work, at least for me, it did.
 
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