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Calling a black man “brother”

Skeptic Bob

Skeptic Bob

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I have a habit of calling men around my age “brother” in brief informal social interactions. Like if a guy holds a door open for me I will often say “thanks brother”. I tend only call women “sister” if I know them.

I was walking into a 7-11 today and a black man was kind enough to hold the door open for me and out of habit I said, “I appreciate it brother”. He nodded his head and said, “you’re welcome” but as the word “brother” was exiting my lips I started to second guess my word choice. I use the word because I feel it promotes good will among strangers. But could it be construed as having racial overtones when I say it to a black man, or would it be racist if black men were the only men I DIDN’T say it to?

Not a big deal, I suppose, but the thought was on my mind.
 
“Brother” is a little open to interpretation in this touchy day and age. If you thought there was a problem as you were saying it, you might want to try to train yourself away from terms that can be misunderstood? I am straight up “sir, ma’am and three bags full!”
 
Skeptic Bob said:
I have a habit of calling men around my age “brother” in brief informal social interactions. Like if a guy holds a door open for me I will often say “thanks brother”. I tend only call women “sister” if I know them.

I was walking into a 7-11 today and a black man was kind enough to hold the door open for me and out of habit I said, “I appreciate it brother”. He nodded his head and said, “you’re welcome” but as the word “brother” was exiting my lips I started to second guess my word choice. I use the word because I feel it promotes good will among strangers. But could it be construed as having racial overtones when I say it to a black man, or would it be racist if black men were the only men I DIDN’T say it to?

Not a big deal, I suppose, but the thought was on my mind.
Click to expand...

I say it all the time, regardless of race. Never once have had a lick of negative response to it.
 
I think you're overthinking it. Did the guy react in an unusual manner? Probably not.
 
That's a very old school thing to say among white men, and I like it brother! :thumbs:

But I would not use it in addressing a black man, unless I knew he was receptive of it. I've seen white men use the term "brothers" to refer to men of colour, and it hasn't always been used with good intent. So I just avoid it where it might be misunderstood.
 
Skeptic Bob said:
I have a habit of calling men around my age “brother” in brief informal social interactions. Like if a guy holds a door open for me I will often say “thanks brother”. I tend only call women “sister” if I know them.

I was walking into a 7-11 today and a black man was kind enough to hold the door open for me and out of habit I said, “I appreciate it brother”. He nodded his head and said, “you’re welcome” but as the word “brother” was exiting my lips I started to second guess my word choice. I use the word because I feel it promotes good will among strangers. But could it be construed as having racial overtones when I say it to a black man, or would it be racist if black men were the only men I DIDN’T say it to?

Not a big deal, I suppose, but the thought was on my mind.
Click to expand...

Well tell ya the truth, we are are all brothers and sisters.
Myself, I do not use brother, I use Sir or Miss. Whether they are older, or in my case, many are younger as I am an old critter, that is my own go to for thanks from door holding to store clerks
 
Brother is generally accepted. You might get some raised eyebrows at 'bro'.
 
It is sad this is even something that warrants concern. When you have to stop and think whether a normal greeting you use all the time may be offensive to a particular race it is clear we have lots of work to do in race relations. I personally think people are becoming too touchy.
 
Depends on how you say. A Hulk Hogan "Bruhther" is alright, but I usually say "Broski", "Broseph", or "Wolfgang Amadeus Brozart"
 
Did you say brother or brutha?

Desmond made it acceptable for anyone I think:
 
Skeptic Bob said:
I have a habit of calling men around my age “brother” in brief informal social interactions. Like if a guy holds a door open for me I will often say “thanks brother”. I tend only call women “sister” if I know them.

I was walking into a 7-11 today and a black man was kind enough to hold the door open for me and out of habit I said, “I appreciate it brother”. He nodded his head and said, “you’re welcome” but as the word “brother” was exiting my lips I started to second guess my word choice. I use the word because I feel it promotes good will among strangers. But could it be construed as having racial overtones when I say it to a black man, or would it be racist if black men were the only men I DIDN’T say it to?

Not a big deal, I suppose, but the thought was on my mind.
Click to expand...

I suspect in the situation you described, unless your intonation sounded affected, the man took no umbrage from your having referred to him as "brother."

Conversation, be it casual or not, carries clues the written word rarely does; moreover, even when writing does have those cues, many readers may lack (or choose not to apply) the reading comprehension and grammar skills that'd allow them to grasp them. Fortunately, however, it's hard in conversation not to glean those same indicators of a speaker's mindset and intentions.

The event pattern you've described is such a routine one that I seriously doubt your salutation was taken in any way other than neutrally (likely) to positively (equally likely, seeing as you were thanking him for a minor courtesy).

Of a conversation that consists entirely of "thank you," a nod and "you're welcome," it's hard to envision anyone finding something to object to....It'd take a whole "lotta" crazy to find something untowards out of such an interaction.
 
I agree with other posters that in 2018, it is better to err on the side of caution: Do NOT use "brother" if you are concerned that someone might be offended.


People are very strange and dangerous.


Don't take any chances.


I have even heard of a man who was beaten up because he held the door open for two gentlemen of a certain ethnicity. Apparently, they thought the polite man was patronizing them.
 
TheParser said:
I agree with other posters that in 2018, it is better to err on the side of caution: Do NOT use "brother" if you are concerned that someone might be offended.


People are very strange and dangerous.


Don't take any chances.


I have even heard of a man who was beaten up because he held the door open for two gentlemen of a certain ethnicity. Apparently, they thought the polite man was patronizing them.
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Exactly, folks are so twitchy now, having been very well trained in the victim arts.

We used to be better.
 
My husband says it all the time, and honestly, it makes me cringe.

You don't ever know when you are going to catch someone in the wrong mood, and they pull a, "Brother? I ain't your brother."
 
Superfly said:
You don't ever know when you are going to catch someone in the wrong mood, and they pull a, "Brother? I ain't your brother."
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Yeah!


One time a respectful bus driver used the word "Sir" to a twentysomething passenger, who immediately exploded: "Sir? I'm NOT old!"
 
I say it to the guys in my trade all the time. Lots of guys do.
I don’t use it with strangers. However, when I lived in the city I used to go to an Indian grocery and the
elderly, Muslim owner of the store used to address me as brother. I really enjoyed being called brother by him
and would reply in kind.
 
Skeptic Bob said:
I have a habit of calling men around my age “brother” in brief informal social interactions. Like if a guy holds a door open for me I will often say “thanks brother”. I tend only call women “sister” if I know them.

I was walking into a 7-11 today and a black man was kind enough to hold the door open for me and out of habit I said, “I appreciate it brother”. He nodded his head and said, “you’re welcome” but as the word “brother” was exiting my lips I started to second guess my word choice. I use the word because I feel it promotes good will among strangers. But could it be construed as having racial overtones when I say it to a black man, or would it be racist if black men were the only men I DIDN’T say it to?

Not a big deal, I suppose, but the thought was on my mind.
Click to expand...

Different people have different ways of addressing other people, and I don't see any reason why it would be mean spirited or rude to use the word "brother" in the way you did. I could see why a black guy could potentially view it as a little odd for a white guy to refer to him as "brother", especially in a world where the media have a 'tendency' to twist every little thing into a story of racist oppression, in order to keep black folks on edge, so that they keep voting as a block, and in as large numbers as possible. That insanely irresponsible political strategy has kept racial relations from improving, and it guarantees that some black folks can potentially take things like that as a slight.

I don't use terms like "brother" or "cat" to address others, but I don't think it's annoying, like when a total stranger refers to someone else like, "yo boss" or "hey chief", can you hand me that thing over there".
 
can2man said:
I say it to the guys in my trade all the time. Lots of guys do.
I don’t use it with strangers. However, when I lived in the city I used to go to an Indian grocery and the
elderly, Muslim owner of the store used to address me as brother. I really enjoyed being called brother by him
and would reply in kind.
Click to expand...

Yeah, as soon as I read your description, I realized how it WOULD tend to seem like a more positive way of being addressed depending upon the cultural beliefs of the person using the term. But either way, I never view the term "brother" being used by unrelated people as a negative thing.
 
Skeptic Bob said:
I have a habit of calling men around my age “brother” in brief informal social interactions. Like if a guy holds a door open for me I will often say “thanks brother”. I tend only call women “sister” if I know them.

I was walking into a 7-11 today and a black man was kind enough to hold the door open for me and out of habit I said, “I appreciate it brother”. He nodded his head and said, “you’re welcome” but as the word “brother” was exiting my lips I started to second guess my word choice. I use the word because I feel it promotes good will among strangers. But could it be construed as having racial overtones when I say it to a black man, or would it be racist if black men were the only men I DIDN’T say it to?

Not a big deal, I suppose, but the thought was on my mind.
Click to expand...

I always picture brother used more in the context of the Youngbloods Get Together song. To me the term brother equates to equalness as opposed to saying "thanks son" and doesn't try to convey some sense of common background like homie or brutha.
 
I have many black brothers and sisters, too...all over the world...
 
Winchester said:
I always picture brother used more in the context of the Youngbloods Get Together song. To me the term brother equates to equalness as opposed to saying "thanks son" and doesn't try to convey some sense of common background like homie or brutha.
Click to expand...

I have arrived at the station in life where all males are “young man!” All females, “ma’am!”
 
Skeptic Bob said:
I have a habit of calling men around my age “brother” in brief informal social interactions. Like if a guy holds a door open for me I will often say “thanks brother”. I tend only call women “sister” if I know them.

I was walking into a 7-11 today and a black man was kind enough to hold the door open for me and out of habit I said, “I appreciate it brother”. He nodded his head and said, “you’re welcome” but as the word “brother” was exiting my lips I started to second guess my word choice. I use the word because I feel it promotes good will among strangers. But could it be construed as having racial overtones when I say it to a black man, or would it be racist if black men were the only men I DIDN’T say it to?

Not a big deal, I suppose, but the thought was on my mind.
Click to expand...

I think brother is ok, as it is not limited to any specific cultural/group in the US.

Personally I hate the usage of brother, brosky, bruh, bro, etc. But then again I am anti social.
 
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