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Am I heartless?

Am I heartless?

  • Yes

    Votes: 2 15.4%

  • No

    Votes: 11 84.6%
  • Total voters
    13

DashingAmerican

Does All Things in Spite
DP Veteran
Joined
Jul 23, 2009
Messages
3,541
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Location
Alabama
Gender
Male
Political Leaning
Libertarian
So around this time of the year certain people in my family get sentimental, openly crying and such. See, it's the "anniversary" of my grandmother's death. It's been about four years. A date that would pass by every year without any difference to me. I've lost all of my grandparents, but I can't tell you the date any of them died and I don't think about it every year. It just passes by. I think all the tears and sentimentality every year, especially this far down the road, is just silly.

Am I a heartless person?
 

No. I lost my husband of 24 years -- I wasn't all weepy eyed and sentimental four years down the road. What does that prove? Nothing, except that everyone grieves differently. Don't give it a thought. Just say "the right things" and don't second-guess yourself.
 
If you are, then I am as well. I grieve for loved ones when they die and then I move on. I don’t consider what they are doing silly either, though. Everyone is different.
 

No, everyone handles these things in their own way. Some people are just a lot more emotional than other people too.
 


I dont think so, theres no official way to grieve, we all do it in are own way.

Not saying you have but you shouldnt call (as in out loud) the others silly, that would be cold.

Many deaths for me are like you describe, but my Dad has lingered around.

For my mom its even worse (her grieving my dad), everybody is different.
 
I don't think you're heartless, you may have not have been as close. On the other, I think you should try to be tolerant of others who feel the need to commemorate the death. They may just not want your grandma to be forgotten.
 
There's no choice for maybe, since there isn't enough info to judge. If you cry for no one, and nothing, you might well be heartless. If you weren't close to your grandmother, then it's fine not to cry. Even if you were, four years on would be plenty not to be expected to visibly grieve. Is anyone giving you grief (pun intended) for not crying?
 

Possibly? Everybody grieves differently though and for a different amount of time. Not remembering their death date and not crying during that time every year doesn't by itself indicate that you are heartless so no worries.
 
I see you're from Alabama. Perhaps you didn't know her as well as the others?





 

I was not close to my mom's parents, but I was close to my dad's parents and nobody is giving me hell.
 
sawyerloggingon said:
Think you are heartless? I feel more grief for dogs I've had that died than any people I have known that are dead.
Click to expand...


I was going to say the same thing. I still cry over my dog whose been dead for over a year now, she was like my little shadow. I've never mourned for another being like that before.

I've also only had one person close to me pass away before, he chose it, I was angry at first but I understood it later so I think it made it easier to move on.
 
DashingAmerican said:
Am I a heartless person?
Click to expand...

I don't think you're heartless, but probably just aren't as emotionally vulnerable as some of us are. After losing my son, it took about 16 years before I didn't awaken on the anniversary date of his death, with a sick feeling in my stomach, and spend some time crying. Quite frankly, that was a milestone for me to reach the point that his loss was fully integrated into my psyche, and I am glad that I finally reached that point. It doesn't mean I am heartless. It means that I have fully accepted his loss. For me, it takes years to fully accept and integrate painful losses. It doesn't mean I have any more heart than you. It means that my emotional state is likely more friable, and I don't let go easily.
 

No. Honestly, I think a lot of people "grieve for show," as a way of trying to demonstrate what wonderful caring people they are. I call crocodile tears, personally.

It is not heartless to live with the living and not burden yourself indefinite, extended grief. People should grieve however makes most sense to them.
 

Not at all. Everybody grieves differently. My Father died 3 years ago this August. At first, I cried all the time. Then it just seemed longer and longer in between times that I cried. I cried over my Dad yesterday, but only because I had dreamed about him the night before (must be that damn Dear Abby thread) and then my husband had his radio station on, and a Merle Haggard song came on that my Dad used to sing in his band. But I can go for months without crying over him now.

My grandmother? Haven't cried over her in probably 15 years.
 
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