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20 percent are in love with someone else

The Giant Noodle

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One in five adults is in love with someone other than their partner or spouse, a study has found. :doh

That means just under five million people who are currently married or cohabiting harbour romantic thoughts for a third party.

And the subject of their illicit love is most likely to be a work colleague or among their circle of close friends.

The statistics emerged in a poll of 3,000 people which also revealed one in four are not entirely happy in their current relationship.
And of those who are now completely content with their other half, just over 50 per cent have experienced feelings for someone else.
Worryingly, one in six of those who love another will follow it through and become involved in a long-term affair.
But better news for the long-suffering partners of those with a wandering eye is that falling for someone else usually only happens once during each relationship.
And only six per cent said they were planning to leave their long-term partner for the other man or woman.
A spokesman for Market Research, Market Research Companies, Online Market Research: OnePoll, which carried out the study, said: "The research shows just how many people believe that it's possible to hold feelings for more than one person.
"Even in a happy relationship, it's seems to be possible to have a wandering eye or even crave affection from another person.

CONTINUED: One in five adults in love with someone other than partner - Telegraph
 

Hoplite

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I have an underlying theory that monogamy is not a normal behavior for humans. I freely admit I cannot prove this with empirical evidence, however this opinion is culled from years upon years of observing and talking with my fellow man regarding this subject.
 

Orion

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I remember a while back a friend and I were eating lunch outdoors. An elderly couple walked by holding hands and they were actually being flirtatious with each other. It was soooo cute. We got talking about it after, and I think it's pretty rare for two people to have a life long love that is true and lasts. In all the relationships I've been in, I avoid the tendency to treat them like permanent fixtures. Sometimes a relationship is meant to have a cycle, where you learn from each other and do a lot of growth, and then maybe it sort of plateaus and you both feel the need to move on.

If people are falling in love with others outside of their marriage and they don't feel the same love for their husband/wife, then maybe it's time for them to move on too.
 

The Giant Noodle

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When 2 people get married.... at that time they should be at their closest. So their only choice is to grow apart after that. ;)
 

StandUpChuck

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When 2 people get married.... at that time they should be at their closest. So their only choice is to grow apart after that. ;)
Huh? That makes no sense. Life makes you closer. My husband and I have had our ups and downs, but no one in this world but him has been through what I've been through in the past 11 years. We know and understand each other better than anyone else. Feeling in love ebbs and flows, but true love sticks around. I think people often mistake "in love" for true love. :shrug:
 

The Giant Noodle

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Huh? That makes no sense. Life makes you closer. My husband and I have had our ups and downs, but no one in this world but him has been through what I've been through in the past 11 years. We know and understand each other better than anyone else. Feeling in love ebbs and flows, but true love sticks around. I think people often mistake "in love" for true love. :shrug:
*pointing finger to article in thread* :roll:
 

justabubba

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Huh? That makes no sense. Life makes you closer. My husband and I have had our ups and downs, but no one in this world but him has been through what I've been through in the past 11 years. We know and understand each other better than anyone else. Feeling in love ebbs and flows, but true love sticks around. I think people often mistake "in love" for true love. :shrug:
for 4 out of 5 couples, it would appear you are correct
however, that 5th couple described by the article is likely in a marriage of convenience
frankly, i was suprised at the 20% figure. i had expected it to be considerably higher based on personal observations as the spouse during a 27 year marriage
 

Catz Part Deux

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I think that we have a distorted view of love in our society. People think that a passing infatuation is "love." The fact of the matter is that it's easy to fantasize about someone else. You don't have to share a bathroom with that person, pick up their underwear off the floor every day, listen to them snore at night, or bitch about the honey-do list at them. You get to live this rosy-colored idea inside your head of what things would be like with them, without ever experiencing the reality of that person. It's stupid behavior, to be truthful. And a lot of Americans have no more maturity than the average 14-year-old.

Love isn't a passing infatuation, it is a choice and an action. It is something you choose daily to do, rather than something that you feel 100% of the time.

I love my children, but when one of them wakes me at 2 a.m. making a snack in the kitchen, I don't FEEL particularly loving. I feel annoyed and like I'd like to smack one of them. Americans have mistaken infatuation for love.
 

BamaBrat

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Love isn't a passing infatuation, it is a choice and an action. It is something you choose daily to do, rather than something that you feel 100% of the time.
Just figured I would state this part again, since I couldnt thank you a hundred times. This is absolutely true!!! Being "In love" with someone ebbs and flows with daily life.... Loving someone is definitely a daily choice.... a daily action. And when two people CHOOSE to love and act loving on a daily basis, they are the ones that you see at age 94 holding hands walking down the street.
 

liblady

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I think that we have a distorted view of love in our society. People think that a passing infatuation is "love." The fact of the matter is that it's easy to fantasize about someone else. You don't have to share a bathroom with that person, pick up their underwear off the floor every day, listen to them snore at night, or bitch about the honey-do list at them. You get to live this rosy-colored idea inside your head of what things would be like with them, without ever experiencing the reality of that person. It's stupid behavior, to be truthful. And a lot of Americans have no more maturity than the average 14-year-old.

Love isn't a passing infatuation, it is a choice and an action. It is something you choose daily to do, rather than something that you feel 100% of the time.

I love my children, but when one of them wakes me at 2 a.m. making a snack in the kitchen, I don't FEEL particularly loving. I feel annoyed and like I'd like to smack one of them. Americans have mistaken infatuation for love.
perfect. sometimes i feel like smacking my husband too......but in a loving way, of course. i choose to suffer his farts and snoring.
 

Hoplite

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Huh? That makes no sense. Life makes you closer. My husband and I have had our ups and downs, but no one in this world but him has been through what I've been through in the past 11 years. We know and understand each other better than anyone else. Feeling in love ebbs and flows, but true love sticks around. I think people often mistake "in love" for true love. :shrug:
I agree and at the same time I disagree.

On the one hand, I do agree that people tend to have a rather fuzzy idea of what love actually is and lust as well as infatuation are often mistaken for love.

On the other hand, I dont agree with the idea that there is "true love", as much as I'd like to support the idea, I dont see a basis for supposing it exists. Also, I feel that monogamy is a powerful social construct that does not exist anywhere else in the natural world. To clarify, there are animals that pair sexually and stay paired for a long time or even life, but no animals (that I'm currently aware of) are monogamous in the sense humans are (or are expected to be). It seems to go against our biology and against our evolutionary drives.
 

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I agree and at the same time I disagree.

On the one hand, I do agree that people tend to have a rather fuzzy idea of what love actually is and lust as well as infatuation are often mistaken for love.

On the other hand, I dont agree with the idea that there is "true love", as much as I'd like to support the idea, I dont see a basis for supposing it exists. Also, I feel that monogamy is a powerful social construct that does not exist anywhere else in the natural world. To clarify, there are animals that pair sexually and stay paired for a long time or even life, but no animals (that I'm currently aware of) are monogamous in the sense humans are (or are expected to be). It seems to go against our biology and against our evolutionary drives.
if they pair for life, why don't you consider that monogamous?
 

Hoplite

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if they pair for life, why don't you consider that monogamous?
Because it's almost never true monogamy. Wolves are a prime example, the alpha male and female will mate for life, but the alpha male WILL take other "lovers".
 

Gipper

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I'm kinda siding with Hop on this one. Monogamy is really pushed by the morality front, especially in the Bible. According to the book that supposedly the majority of Americans live by, having sex outside of marriage is a sin (fornication) and having sex with anyone else during marriage is a sin (adultery). Hell, the Bible even argues masturbation to be a sin.

I, for one, do not believe that humans are innately monogamous. That's not to say it can't be done or that it isn't, but instinctually we are beasts of pleasure, not procreation.

We live in a society where all our base urges are taught to be wrong. Subtlely and covertly we're coerced into living a pious existence in many aspects, sex among them.

Homosexuality is wrong. Being single is wrong. Having children out of wedlock is wrong. Everything is wrong except taking a partner (of the opposite gender), making the relationship "legal", procreating and enjoying tax benefits. It's ethics run amok, and with a large, powerful following.

No wonder divorce rates and infidelity is so high. People convinced to "do the right thing" often do so out of manipulation and wound tighter than a guitar string. Eventually it snaps.
 

liblady

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Because it's almost never true monogamy. Wolves are a prime example, the alpha male and female will mate for life, but the alpha male WILL take other "lovers".
true.....but their mates don't seem to care......and their couplings are mainly for procreation, whereas ours are not.
 

justabubba

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true.....but their mates don't seem to care......and their couplings are mainly for procreation, whereas ours are not.
then what is the purpose of their sexual encounters with those which are not their significant others?
 

Hoplite

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then what is the purpose of their sexual encounters with those which are not their significant others?
Biologically speaking, diversity. Genetic diversity is a key factor in the survival of a species because it encourages the spread of successful genes around the population.
 

justabubba

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Biologically speaking, diversity. Genetic diversity is a key factor in the survival of a species because it encourages the spread of successful genes around the population.
and you think that innate need to spread the seed no longer impacts the male human?
 

Hoplite

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and you think that innate need to spread the seed no longer impacts the male human?
I never said that. Infact I think that's an important point that most people forget; you can take people out of the jungle but you cant take the jungle out of people.
 

Kali

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Because it's almost never true monogamy. Wolves are a prime example, the alpha male and female will mate for life, but the alpha male WILL take other "lovers".
Which always makes me wonder if we would all be better off to have totally open marriages and realationships. But..

I envy those people who live, love and grow old with each other. I WANT That with someone. I want to one day be able to sit out on that front porch in a rocking chair all silver haired and smiles while drinking sweettea laced with a touch of a spirit holding his or her hand. We went through LIFE and all without anybody else.

So -as you can see I am torn on this issue.. I can get down with open stuff but am starting to think in my heart that right now in my time and place in life? I just want that ONE TRUE LOVE.

And yes.. It does exsist. People can and do have it and you just know. It is very real and once you have that person nothing else is needed. Unless you both just want some playtoys to mess around with once and again.
 

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i notice that this article tends to switch back and forth with "being in love" "being attracted to" and "harboring feelings for" type language; and i'm thinking they went with the title for shock purposes, when the research doesn't show that kind of strength.

as per the rest of the conversation; monogamy is more socially stable than polygamy. it has consistently proven better at funneling mankinds' urges for sex and love into something that is socially cohesing.
 

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I have an underlying theory that monogamy is not a normal behavior for humans. I freely admit I cannot prove this with empirical evidence, however this opinion is culled from years upon years of observing and talking with my fellow man regarding this subject.
Talking with my fellow man, and looking at the cross-section of people who are in their twilight years who have been in a monogamous relationship compared to those who played the field, I find the former category are happier with their lot.
 

Hoplite

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Talking with my fellow man, and looking at the cross-section of people who are in their twilight years who have been in a monogamous relationship compared to those who played the field, I find the former category are happier with their lot.
"Playing the field" is not the same as seeking a romantic relationship with multiple people.
 

Ben K.

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"Playing the field" is not the same as seeking a romantic relationship with multiple people.
And by playing the field I meant these people spent several years in relationships with various people and still grew bitter and looked on in jealousy of men who remained in monogamous relationships with their partners to the end. Mostly because they ended up alone in the end (or had partnerships based purely on their wealth) and their virility gave up on them. Whatever our biology tells us, it gives up on us, then we're left to spend what is now nearly half our lifetime with either a "soul mate" or loneliness or a variety of drug enhanced liasons if one has the finanaces for it. I'm only in my twenties but I'll seek the former.
 
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