Would you?

[tacomancer]

OK so here is the situation.

This girl and I are hitting it off. We currently are in the introduction, telling the other about ourselves stage. However there is complication.

She lives a distance away (about 150 miles). She is a full time mom and works a lot of hours. She is working on her nursing degree.

My thoughts are this: while I would enjoy this whole thing, I honestly feel that the best and most respectful thing I can do is not further complicate her life. I would be very happy to see her make her dreams come true and I feel I would be a distraction.

What would you do if you were in this situation?

 

[DDD]

OK so here is the situation.

This girl and I are hitting it off. We currently are in the introduction, telling the other about ourselves stage. However there is complication.

She lives a distance away (about 150 miles). She is a full time mom and works a lot of hours. She is working on her nursing degree.

My thoughts are this: while I would enjoy this whole thing, I honestly feel that the best and most respectful thing I can do is not further complicate her life. I would be very happy to see her make her dreams come true and I feel I would be a distraction.

What would you do if you were in this situation?

Why not go there and support her rather than distract her if she means so much to you?

 

[justabubba]

OK so here is the situation.

This girl and I are hitting it off. We currently are in the introduction, telling the other about ourselves stage. However there is complication.

She lives a distance away (about 150 miles). She is a full time mom and works a lot of hours. She is working on her nursing degree.

My thoughts are this: while I would enjoy this whole thing, I honestly feel that the best and most respectful thing I can do is not further complicate her life. I would be very happy to see her make her dreams come true and I feel I would be a distraction.

What would you do if you were in this situation?

pursue a relationship, as time permits it to evolve
just not an exclusive one

 

[OscarB63]

OK so here is the situation.

This girl and I are hitting it off. We currently are in the introduction, telling the other about ourselves stage. However there is complication.

She lives a distance away (about 150 miles). She is a full time mom and works a lot of hours. She is working on her nursing degree.

My thoughts are this: while I would enjoy this whole thing, I honestly feel that the best and most respectful thing I can do is not further complicate her life. I would be very happy to see her make her dreams come true and I feel I would be a distraction.

What would you do if you were in this situation?

hit it and quit it?

seriously though, if she is 150 miles away...how did you meet? are you in her area on a regular basis? are you able/willing to relocate? long distance relationships are hard enough and it sounds like she has a lot on her plate already. I guess it just depends on how much you are willing to do.

sad to say, this might be one of those times where you're best off leaving well enough alone.

I have a similar situation with my oldest son. he travels overseas with his job a lot. he met this girl in Malabo (equitorial guinnea) on a trip about 6 months ago. she's a bartender at some club on the embassy compound. he's been back there several times and they have hit it off. He has no plans to permanently relocate to Africa but would really like to get to know this girl better.

If you figure out how to deal with your situation...pass it along for the good of the group

 

[tacomancer]

Why not go there and support her rather than distract her if she means so much to you?

I have a life here and my kids. Also at this point its an infatuation rather than meaning so much to me.

I think on these terms because I am a nice person and care about the people I generally interact with.

At this point I am considering asking her on a date. All my friends are pushing me to (at least the ones who have seen us interact) and I am certain she would say yes. I want to do the right thing though and am trying to determine that. Just because I like someone doesn't mean I always have to pursue it.

 

[americanwoman]

OK so here is the situation.

This girl and I are hitting it off. We currently are in the introduction, telling the other about ourselves stage. However there is complication.

She lives a distance away (about 150 miles). She is a full time mom and works a lot of hours. She is working on her nursing degree.

My thoughts are this: while I would enjoy this whole thing, I honestly feel that the best and most respectful thing I can do is not further complicate her life. I would be very happy to see her make her dreams come true and I feel I would be a distraction.

What would you do if you were in this situation?

If I met a guy like that, I would just take it as it goes. You just met her, don't give up on what could be a great thing but don't rush into to anything and see what happens.

 

[Lutherf]

I'd cut it off now before it gets too complicated and before anyone makes a commitment that they will later regret. I mean....if I was looking for a way out because things were getting to that point where I start getting uncomfortable that's what I'd do.


If, on the other hand, I really liked this "girl" and suddenly remembered that I had testicles I'd allow things to continue their course because, hey, it could work out well for both of us!

 

[ThePlayDrive]

It sounds like your making the decision for her rather than letting her decide whether you complicate her life too much. If that's the case, then I think you should voice your concerns to her rather than break it off. I say that because, while your intentions are good, you may be making assumptions that aren't true. She may be busy, but she may also believe that a relationship is worth pursuing in spite of her schedule.

Like I said, before you break it off, I would suggest you talk to her about your concerns. You may want to talk about it even you decide to continue the relationship just so that you won't have this in the back of your mind while you're with her.

 

[soot]

I'd want to know what your intentions are and if you're being fully up front with her.

Like, say you just think it would be "fun" to get to know her and to get laid for a while and you know that you're a needy kind of guy who will make all kinds of inhuman demands on her time while she "entertains" you, but you're really not looking for a relationship right now and plan on bouncing once this thing stops being pure "fun" and becomes "work".

Did you tell her that?

If so, and she's still interested, then she's an adult and there's no reason for you to be making decisions for her.

If that's what you're interested in, though, and you're all like, "No baby, I really want a relationship", because telling her the truth would be you getting in the way of your game?

Yeah, it'd be a dick move getting involved with her.

Mind you, I'm not accusing you of anything here. Obviously I don't know you at all. It's just more fun and colorful to paint you as a cad in this wholey hypothetical example.

 

[tacomancer]

I'd want to know what your intentions are and if you're being fully up front with her.

Like, say you just think it would be "fun" to get to know her and to get laid for a while and you know that you're a needy kind of guy who will make all kinds of inhuman demands on her time while she "entertains" you, but you're really not looking for a relationship right now and plan on bouncing once this thing stops being pure "fun" and becomes "work".

Did you tell her that?

If so, and she's still interested, then she's an adult and there's no reason for you to be making decisions for her.

If that's what you're interested in, though, and you're all like, "No baby, I really want a relationship", because telling her the truth would be you getting in the way of your game?

Yeah, it'd be a dick move getting involved with her.

Mind you, I'm not accusing you of anything here. Obviously I don't know you at all. It's just more fun and colorful to paint you as a cad in this wholey hypothetical example.

You are bringing in details that don't exist as well as hypothetical that aren't there.

I just came out of a relationship with similar dynamics and I feel I left her worse off than I found her. I don't want to do that again.

I think I will leave it alone and see what happens, things will come to a head (if nothing else, our mutual friends will make sure of it, heh) and I will cross that bridge as it comes, if it does. I am not going to actively pursue it due to my own fears of being less than a gentleman.

As far as the emotional dynamics, too early to tell, I my instincts tell me she is not confident but brave and craves support, which I can give quite easily, but I am unsure as of yet how it would evolve.

 

[MMC]

OK so here is the situation.

This girl and I are hitting it off. We currently are in the introduction, telling the other about ourselves stage. However there is complication.

She lives a distance away (about 150 miles). She is a full time mom and works a lot of hours. She is working on her nursing degree.

My thoughts are this: while I would enjoy this whole thing, I honestly feel that the best and most respectful thing I can do is not further complicate her life. I would be very happy to see her make her dreams come true and I feel I would be a distraction.

What would you do if you were in this situation?

Heya TM.

Honesty is the best policy.....but in this case if I was you I wouldn't tell her, that you don't think things would work between you two. As you would feel like you are a distraction to her or in her life. As I am certain she will feel like she can make such a determination for herself.

You say you would enjoy the whole thing.....if that is the case. Then the difficulties would just be something that you would need to work thru. If you really wanted a life with this person.

If you really like her and can see yourself together with her for the rest of your life. Then be open with her and tell her what your concerns are. She may have some of the same. Which then it could be just an obstacle for you both to work round. As if both of you are in love with each other, then together you both will overcome any obstacles that are in your way.

 

[tacomancer]

We aren't in love.

Its the way I tend to do relationships. I tend to know the girl really well before taking the next step. My relationships tend not to have much of a dating phase as a result.

As far as more advanced steps, my instincts tell me its a distinct possibility, but I never ask a girl out unless it is. I haven't been with many girls but with one exception all of my relationships have been long term and domestic.

However it factors into my consideration. If there's no chance, I would rather cut my losses and move on. There is always someone else around the corner.

 

[Dapper Andy]

OK so here is the situation.

This girl and I are hitting it off. We currently are in the introduction, telling the other about ourselves stage. However there is complication.

She lives a distance away (about 150 miles). She is a full time mom and works a lot of hours. She is working on her nursing degree.

My thoughts are this: while I would enjoy this whole thing, I honestly feel that the best and most respectful thing I can do is not further complicate her life. I would be very happy to see her make her dreams come true and I feel I would be a distraction.

What would you do if you were in this situation?

I wouldn't necessarily lie to her but she's an adult and can make her own decisions.

 

[davidtaylorjr]

OK so here is the situation.

This girl and I are hitting it off. We currently are in the introduction, telling the other about ourselves stage. However there is complication.

She lives a distance away (about 150 miles). She is a full time mom and works a lot of hours. She is working on her nursing degree.

My thoughts are this: while I would enjoy this whole thing, I honestly feel that the best and most respectful thing I can do is not further complicate her life. I would be very happy to see her make her dreams come true and I feel I would be a distraction.

What would you do if you were in this situation?

Tell her you are afraid you are holding her back and see what her thoughts are before making a decision.

 

[Gipper]

We aren't in love.

Its the way I tend to do relationships. I tend to know the girl really well before taking the next step. My relationships tend not to have much of a dating phase as a result.

As far as more advanced steps, my instincts tell me its a distinct possibility, but I never ask a girl out unless it is. I haven't been with many girls but with one exception all of my relationships have been long term and domestic.

However it factors into my consideration. If there's no chance, I would rather cut my losses and move on. There is always someone else around the corner.

Most people here are giving you rotten advice.

Break it off - seriously, break it off. The absolute MINIMUM you should have between you is a casual friendship/phone buddy. If you try and make it work, you will end up resenting her because of the fact that you'll be unable to have even the basics with her - quick lunch, quiet face-to-face talk, even a stress-releasing jog.

Your schedules are going to be a problem for both of you - mostly for her, however. If you want to be friends, that's great. When she gets out of nursing school, then you can re-examine. As of right now, pursuing something will end in misery.

 

[TheGirlNextDoor]

OK so here is the situation.

This girl and I are hitting it off. We currently are in the introduction, telling the other about ourselves stage. However there is complication.

She lives a distance away (about 150 miles). She is a full time mom and works a lot of hours. She is working on her nursing degree.

My thoughts are this: while I would enjoy this whole thing, I honestly feel that the best and most respectful thing I can do is not further complicate her life. I would be very happy to see her make her dreams come true and I feel I would be a distraction.

What would you do if you were in this situation?

With all due respect, 150 miles isn't anything. Why not just take it as it comes and go with the flow?

Not everything in life is going to be black and white and planned out in just a certain way.

You never know what's around the corner if you just sometimes let go of the control thing. Some things that happen in life, cannot be controlled.

Sit back and enjoy the ride. :shrug:

 

[davidtaylorjr]

Most people here are giving you rotten advice.

Break it off - seriously, break it off. The absolute MINIMUM you should have between you is a casual friendship/phone buddy. If you try and make it work, you will end up resenting her because of the fact that you'll be unable to have even the basics with her - quick lunch, quiet face-to-face talk, even a stress-releasing jog.

Your schedules are going to be a problem for both of you - mostly for her, however. If you want to be friends, that's great. When she gets out of nursing school, then you can re-examine. As of right now, pursuing something will end in misery.

Not true, my wife and I lived 400 miles apart for 4 years and made it workas a dating couple, then we got married.

 

[Gipper]

Not true, my wife and I lived 400 miles apart for 4 years and made it workas a dating couple, then we got married.

You're the extreme minority.

 

[davidtaylorjr]

You're the extreme minority.

Used to it.

 

[rhinefire]

Distance can be the breeding ground for temptation. Me, I would end this now and move on.

 

[Medusa]

OK so here is the situation.

This girl and I are hitting it off. We currently are in the introduction, telling the other about ourselves stage. However there is complication.

She lives a distance away (about 150 miles). She is a full time mom and works a lot of hours. She is working on her nursing degree.

My thoughts are this: while I would enjoy this whole thing, I honestly feel that the best and most respectful thing I can do is not further complicate her life. I would be very happy to see her make her dreams come true and I feel I would be a distraction.

What would you do if you were in this situation?

l would listen to my heart ,mega.

 

[justabubba]

l would listen to my heart ,mega.

please use headphones when doing so

 

[Medusa]

please use headphones when doing so

l trust the capacity of my ears.

some may even need the hearing aid

 

[Superfly]

OK so here is the situation.

This girl and I are hitting it off. We currently are in the introduction, telling the other about ourselves stage. However there is complication.

She lives a distance away (about 150 miles). She is a full time mom and works a lot of hours. She is working on her nursing degree.

My thoughts are this: while I would enjoy this whole thing, I honestly feel that the best and most respectful thing I can do is not further complicate her life. I would be very happy to see her make her dreams come true and I feel I would be a distraction.

What would you do if you were in this situation?

What's the urgent urgency? Just go with the flow. It may not happen anyway, but if you are interested in her, and she is interested in you, let her make the decision if you are standing in her way. If she likes you enough, she'll make room for you. When a woman tells a man that she can't see him because she's too focused on her career, that's code for, "I'm not really interested in you enough to make time for you."

Have you talked to her about what you are saying to us? Questioned her about whether or not you are taking up too much of her time?

 

[tacomancer]

What's the urgent urgency? Just go with the flow. It may not happen anyway, but if you are interested in her, and she is interested in you, let her make the decision if you are standing in her way. If she likes you enough, she'll make room for you. When a woman tells a man that she can't see him because she's too focused on her career, that's code for, "I'm not really interested in you enough to make time for you."

Have you talked to her about what you are saying to us? Questioned her about whether or not you are taking up too much of her time?

We ended up going out in an unplanned spur of the moment thing and it will probably happen again. I quite enjoyed it and so did she.

I, however, am still unsure myself what I want to do. But time will tell.