Time for Assisted Living?

[MaggieD]

Have any of our more senior members given thought to what they will do when they can no longer live alone? We all like to believe we'll die with our boots on, but we don't all do that. I can say that with assurance now that I've spent so much time at the nursing home with mom as she gets her rehabilitation.

There are 40+ people in the rehab wing at any one time, and I'd take a WAG that at least 75% of them will never be living independently again. Some of them will move in with family...the greater majority will have to go into nursing homes or assisted living facilities. These people are shell-shocked.

Have you thought about it? If you haven't, do you realize that there's a high likelihood that others will be making those decisions for you? And that, sometimes, those decision-makers will be social workers rather than your family?

We're all living longer. But living longer has its drawbacks. Infirmity...balance problems...strength problems...dementia...it's waiting for all of us if we live long enough.

Do you think about it?

 

[lizzie]

Yes, I do think about it. It's probably a side effect of my profession, and it's some pretty heavy thinking at times.

 

[MaggieD]

Yes, I do think about it. It's probably a side effect of my profession, and it's some pretty heavy thinking at times.

Right you are. It's heavy. Hard to think about. I spoke with a lady who's befriended my mom today; she was crying that her children thought she was a burden and wouldn't let her live with them -- and the facility said she absolutely cannot go home alone to her condominimum. Soooooo sad.

 

[Goshin]

Have any of our more senior members given thought to what they will do when they can no longer live alone? We all like to believe we'll die with our boots on, but we don't all do that. I can say that with assurance now that I've spent so much time at the nursing home with mom as she gets her rehabilitation.

There are 40+ people in the rehab wing at any one time, and I'd take a WAG that at least 75% of them will never be living independently again. Some of them will move in with family...the greater majority will have to go into nursing homes or assisted living facilities. These people are shell-shocked.

Have you thought about it? If you haven't, do you realize that there's a high likelihood that others will be making those decisions for you? And that, sometimes, those decision-makers will be social workers rather than your family?

We're all living longer. But living longer has its drawbacks. Infirmity...balance problems...strength problems...dementia...it's waiting for all of us if we live long enough.

Do you think about it?

HAIL no.

I'll be happily drooling along thinking it is 1979 and trying to boogie in my wheelchair... so what to do will be Son Numbah One's problem. :mrgreen:

 

[MaggieD]

HAIL no.

I'll be happily drooling along thinking it is 1979 and trying to boogie in my wheelchair... so what to do will be Son Numbah One's problem. :mrgreen:

That's so funny, Goshin!!! That's exactly what I told that lady today. See earlier post. I told her it wasn't HER problem any more, it was her kids. :lol:

 

[Winchester]

Have any of our more senior members given thought to what they will do when they can no longer live alone? We all like to believe we'll die with our boots on, but we don't all do that. I can say that with assurance now that I've spent so much time at the nursing home with mom as she gets her rehabilitation.

There are 40+ people in the rehab wing at any one time, and I'd take a WAG that at least 75% of them will never be living independently again. Some of them will move in with family...the greater majority will have to go into nursing homes or assisted living facilities. These people are shell-shocked.

Have you thought about it? If you haven't, do you realize that there's a high likelihood that others will be making those decisions for you? And that, sometimes, those decision-makers will be social workers rather than your family?

We're all living longer. But living longer has its drawbacks. Infirmity...balance problems...strength problems...dementia...it's waiting for all of us if we live long enough.

Do you think about it?

I have. I'm sure I'll have more perspective and possibly change my mind, but when I get to that point, my plan, if I'm still physically able, is to lay down in my backyard when it's 30 below. Bit morbid I know, but I don't want to be here if my mind starts going. Some physical limitations I could probably live with.

 

[Jack Hays]

Have any of our more senior members given thought to what they will do when they can no longer live alone? We all like to believe we'll die with our boots on, but we don't all do that. I can say that with assurance now that I've spent so much time at the nursing home with mom as she gets her rehabilitation.

There are 40+ people in the rehab wing at any one time, and I'd take a WAG that at least 75% of them will never be living independently again. Some of them will move in with family...the greater majority will have to go into nursing homes or assisted living facilities. These people are shell-shocked.

Have you thought about it? If you haven't, do you realize that there's a high likelihood that others will be making those decisions for you? And that, sometimes, those decision-makers will be social workers rather than your family?

We're all living longer. But living longer has its drawbacks. Infirmity...balance problems...strength problems...dementia...it's waiting for all of us if we live long enough.

Do you think about it?

I just moved my mother into a care home. I've thought about it a lot.eace

 

[MaggieD]

I just moved my mother into a care home. I've thought about it a lot.eace

Hard, isn't it? I'm hoping I can still care for mom. We'll see.

 

[MaggieD]

I have. I'm sure I'll have more perspective and possibly change my mind, but when I get to that point, my plan, if I'm still physically able, is to lay down in my backyard when it's 30 below. Bit morbid I know, but I don't want to be here if my mind starts going. Some physical limitations I could probably live with.

Thing is, Winchester, when your mind starts going? It's already gone.

 

[Jack Hays]

Hard, isn't it? I'm hoping I can still care for mom. We'll see.

I live 2,000 miles away. And she doesn't want to move here.eace

 

[WI Crippler]

Since I work in a skilled nursing facility, I confront the thought almost daily. But I also rehab people that do get to go home.

What bothers me is people who would be capable of being active who refuse to do anything or just lay there, and then you see people who want to work and get better who are never going to be able to get beyond their current level of function.

 

[notquiteright]

Times have changed for many families. Many families don't live in a 'Leave it to Beaver' home where a first floor room can easily be converted from gran-gran, within a few miles of an amazing hospital. Most apartment dwellers live in units that are just big enough for them and walk-ups.

Now if grandma is in good health for her age that is one thing. If she has somewhat severe medical conditions and both adults work during the day...

My grandma, on my mother's side, was in pretty good health, quite mobile however she suffered from dementia. Visits to see her in 'the home' were brutal. First the complaints about how the staff treats her, then how mean her daughters are for 'abandoning' her in this place (one lived just under 200 miles away on a farm in very rural OK and the other in a condo down FL way) and then suddenly she would brighten up and tell us soon she would be moving to Texas to be with a man she married and forgot she had. He contacted her and was going to come up buy our Daughter a Ford Mustang, my wife a Buick Skylark, and me a Chevy truck... we just had to promise to come see her down there, not 'abandon' her like her mean daughters... which would start the litany over again....

It was soul sucking...

 

[DiAnna]

I think about it all the time. My options will be limited, since I refuse to disrupt my children's lives by moving in with them, and I won't be able to afford assisted living care. So I've pretty much decided when I am close to the time that I can't safely or properly care for myself, then myself will simply welcome infinity in a hopefully dignified way.

 

[DiAnna]

Times have changed for many families. Many families don't live in a 'Leave it to Beaver' home where a first floor room can easily be converted from gran-gran, within a few miles of an amazing hospital. Most apartment dwellers live in units that are just big enough for them and walk-ups.

Now if grandma is in good health for her age that is one thing. If she has somewhat severe medical conditions and both adults work during the day...

My grandma, on my mother's side, was in pretty good health, quite mobile however she suffered from dementia. Visits to see her in 'the home' were brutal. First the complaints about how the staff treats her, then how mean her daughters are for 'abandoning' her in this place (one lived just under 200 miles away on a farm in very rural OK and the other in a condo down FL way) and then suddenly she would brighten up and tell us soon she would be moving to Texas to be with a man she married and forgot she had. He contacted her and was going to come up buy our Daughter a Ford Mustang, my wife a Buick Skylark, and me a Chevy truck... we just had to promise to come see her down there, not 'abandon' her like her mean daughters... which would start the litany over again....

It was soul sucking...

So sad, to see a loved one disintegrate mentally in such a cruel way. I'm determined that my kids will not be put through that, no matter what I have to do to stop it.

 

[notquiteright]

So sad, to see a loved one disintegrate mentally in such a cruel way. I'm determined that my kids will not be put through that, no matter what I have to do to stop it.

Looking back at the situation I am not so sure my Grandmother 'knew' what was happening to her. She didn't believe anyone who tried to tell her what she said, or that she wasn't married to whoever she thought she was. She was very insistent she knew the truth and we were lying to her. Oh, an odd thing- when my aunt was cleaning out my Grandmother's closet there were at least a dozen dresses from a rather nice mall woman's store (can't recall the name, I am just a guy) with the tags still on them, never worn.

Anyway the part I still recall as part of my selfishness is about a week before she was stopped by the cops from climbing in some guy's house (she claimed they were married but she forgot her key) My wife, daughter and I had dinner at her house. After dinner we sat watching TV and my grandma told a story three times, with three different endings. I was only paying a little bit of attention, my wife however was paying a great deal of attention. On the ride back out to our place in the country my wife told me about it. I at first said no they were three different stories, but my wife ticked off the details and damned if she wasn't right, (imagine that!)

So up until the police had to intervene I was completely unaware my grandmother had lost her little mind. Not until she was in the home did I pay enough attention to realize she was talking about imaginary husbands and spending money she didn't have.

I was so blissfully ignorant of the elderly and mental health that for years I felt very guilty.

 

[JumpinJack]

Have any of our more senior members given thought to what they will do when they can no longer live alone? We all like to believe we'll die with our boots on, but we don't all do that. I can say that with assurance now that I've spent so much time at the nursing home with mom as she gets her rehabilitation.

There are 40+ people in the rehab wing at any one time, and I'd take a WAG that at least 75% of them will never be living independently again. Some of them will move in with family...the greater majority will have to go into nursing homes or assisted living facilities. These people are shell-shocked.

Have you thought about it? If you haven't, do you realize that there's a high likelihood that others will be making those decisions for you? And that, sometimes, those decision-makers will be social workers rather than your family?

We're all living longer. But living longer has its drawbacks. Infirmity...balance problems...strength problems...dementia...it's waiting for all of us if we live long enough.

Do you think about it?

Yes, I've given it serious thought. If I follow my grandmothers' pattern, it'll hit me in my 80s. Maybe later, since people are living longer. But I'm guessing mid 80s, late 80s. I'll go downhill quickly...maybe 2 years tops, if I'm lucky.

I do what I can now to avoid increasing my risk of stroke, loss of strength balance & flexibility (walking & yoga). I try to read and do brain games, but it doesn't seem to make me sharper, that I can tell.

As long as I'm comfortable, maybe it won't be so bad. Or maybe if I can see it coming, I can take the bull by the horns and go out my way. Still, if I'm mobile & have an internet connection & a laptop (or whatever is being used at that time), I may be fine. I think the worst thing is watching your family & friends die.

I don't have long term care insurance. I guess I should think about pricing that.