Polyamorous relationship: Would this type of open relationship work for you?

[tecoyah]

Having been placed in a situation, where the woman I loved (and was married to) wanted to "Experiment"...I will state clearly that the level of love required to pull this off is extreme, and damage WILL be done. Though one would think a man might grab at the chance to have two women (and were it not for that whole pesky love thingy I would)...the actual result was a feeling of inferiority, in that she needed something more than myself.

A poly situation is fun in single life...but damn if I understand how Mormons manage this crap, unless they do not love.

 

[SmokeAndMirrors]

dont get me wrong but generally you seem a little aggressive to me ,it is not just about this thread.

That's because I am. People hear it differently - some call it aggressive, some call it direct, some call it honest, others call it the snappy-sounding "dynamic," which I frankly think is a little too middle-management for my personality, but whatever.

But it says a lot more about you than me that you think anyone who won't define their lives in your little box is "unhappy."

 

[samsmart]

My wife and I have had a purely monogamous relationship for thirteen years. This has worked for us. We have been legally married for four years now. Many times over the years we have discussed opening the relationship to others. There is nothing wrong with the way we are. But we have expanded our horizons views and idea's of sexual monogamy. Neither of us is certain this is how the human was designed.
We know a few other couples that have a completely open relationship and it has worked for them on many levels. They have opened to their own inner spirituality and sharing of life. It is a change in focus and another aspect of the multifaceted human condition.
A question asked is, is my wife enough for me? Yes she is. Am I enough for her, she answers yes.
Part of the thought process is discussion. Normally I don't think I would bring a discussion of this nature to a forum like this but I think the topic is worthy of discussion and even debate.
Would a relationship like this work for you? If the answer is yes, Why? If it wouldn't work for you, why? Consider and respond and let's keep away from judgments if possible.

Not sure if this was covered elsewhere in the thread, but do you want a polyamorous relationship or an open relationship. Because there's a clear difference.

A polyamorous relationship means that all the partners involved are committed to and intimate with all the other partners. That is a loving relationship is shared by all to all.

An open relationship means that while a couple is committed in an intimate relationship with each other each is free to pursue other relationships as well. These relationships tend to be based on sex, but I suppose it's also possible for them to be based on intimacy instead. Also, a couple doesn't have to be involved with the open partners the other has.

So I was just wondering which you were interested in getting involved in with your wife. Because they are two very different things, with two totally different dynamics.

 

[katiegrrl0]

I suspect it would ultimately end up being:
1. the beginning of the end of the marriage
2. grass is greener, and once realized, what I had would be forever tainted by having opened up the relationship.

Three (or more) is disproportionately more complex than two. As some mention, I would also not have the mental energy, nor the ability to turn off the jealousy nagging. I'm guessing affairs are more popular, and that has a lot to do with the mental energy (stealing time here and there, no comittment) and jealousy issue (can't be jealous if its just you cheating) benefits, but at the cost of dishonesty.

I would have more doubts had we not not known this woman for a long time. She would be an addition to us and it would grow the relationship we already have with her. There would be no cheating or anything like that. This is an expansion of all that is good in our lives and our friendships.

 

[Medusa]

That's because I am. People hear it differently - some call it aggressive, some call it direct, some call it honest, others call it the snappy-sounding "dynamic," which I frankly think is a little too middle-management for my personality, but whatever.

But it says a lot more about you than me that you think abyone who won't define their lives in your little box is "unhappy."

please read all my post

what is your problem with me:mrgreen:

dont get me wrong but generally you seem a little aggressive to me ,it is not just about this thread.

i never criticize your comments but you jump into one of mine and
accuse me of speaking for the others....

again i am not saying that you are wrong .you may think everbody may love more than one person at the same time..but it is not real love..

this is not honesty! this is kind of attack

 

[samsmart]

Having been placed in a situation, where the woman I loved (and was married to) wanted to "Experiment"...I will state clearly that the level of love required to pull this off is extreme, and damage WILL be done. Though one would think a man might grab at the chance to have two women (and were it not for that whole pesky love thingy I would)...the actual result was a feeling of inferiority, in that she needed something more than myself.

A poly situation is fun in single life...but damn if I understand how Mormons manage this crap, unless they do not love.

Dude, I wouldn't want a polyamorous relationship simply because I could barely take the nagging of one woman, let alone two.

And if I'm involved with a woman whose needs I don't satisfy all of I'd rather the both of us get a divorce and maybe stay friends so we can each better find someone that are more fitting to our individual personalities than to have a polyamorous or open relationship.

 

[NoC_T]

Personally: I agree - because I know I'm only capable of loving one person: I cannot move onto another relationshpi unless I stop loving the first and start loving the 2nd.

But - consider the different types of love: I love my family (sisters, parents) and I love my children in a different sense (4 of them) . . . If I can love multiple children and multiple family members - I don't see why the more intense relationship love (for some people) cannot also be with more than one person.

It's not typical, I don't think - but I don't see why it's not possible.

I think some people who are caught up between two people REALLY do feel the same level of emotion for both.

It's my take on it, that's all. Suffice it to say that when I've been in love, I always knew the difference. I could not possibly have countenanced any casual liaison with another. When I fall, I fall big time.

As for family, I would account that as love. You wouldn't be 'in love' with them. The difference is clear.

 

[SmokeAndMirrors]

Ok, read the rest of your post. Let's take a look at what you added.

dont get me wrong but generally you seem a little aggressive to me ,it is not just about this thread.

i never criticize your comments but you jump into one of mine and
accuse me of speaking for the others....

again i am not saying that you are wrong .you may think everbody may love more than one person at the same time..but it is not real love..

Yes, you are speaking for others and making blanket statements. You are saying it is not "real" love, because apparently only your kind of love is "real" love, and in your initial post you said they were just thinking with their genitals.

No, I do not think everyone can love multiple people. I let THEM tell ME what they can and can't do, and will or won't do. Because it is not my place to tell anyone how they feel.

Yes, that is judgmental and narrow-minded, and additionally insulting to the emotions and love they actually feel. You have an awful lot of audacity to tell other people how they feel.

 

[katiegrrl0]

3 way sharing?

Certainly, that is what family does and she would be part of us and the existing relationship.

 

[katiegrrl0]

Hell no. One woman guy to the end. I couldn't bear the thought of her with someone else either. Not that I'm particularly jealous, but **** that. I won't share. She's either with me, or she's not.

I've never been quite certain how sex is a spiritual experience either, given that it exalts the material. Pleasurable, certainly. But not spiritual. Unless we're speaking of the social aspect of open relationships. That may conceivably be spiritual, dependent upon the objective.

Or, if you're simply looking for us to justify your curiosity, then go for it. :lol:

She would not only be part of our sexuality but the entire relationship. Relationship is a spiritual experience as it reaches us in every aspect of who we are.

 

[katiegrrl0]

Now I feel like I would be more comfortable swinging from time to time with my gf/wife, whatever. I think it could spice things up in the bedroom to bring someone else in, and have that experience together.

I hear you but we are not looking to spice up the sex life. We would be adding a person whom we both love and have deep feelings for to the relationship all the time.

 

[katiegrrl0]

As for being in love, it's my belief that, if you're entertaining the notion of an open relationship, you really couldn't be in love anyway.

Love, yes. But not 'in love'.

We certainly are in love. We also have trust and respect for each other. Why must humans be limited to allowing for the possiblity of love with more than one person?

 

[NoC_T]

She would not only be part of our sexuality but the entire relationship. Relationship is a spiritual experience as it reaches us in every aspect of who we are.

We prioritise things a little differently, but that's cool. We're not the same person either.

All luck in securing happiness, Katie. I hope it all works out for you. :thumbs:

 

[SmokeAndMirrors]

She would not only be part of our sexuality but the entire relationship. Relationship is a spiritual experience as it reaches us in every aspect of who we are.

Am I the only one who thinks it's really odd that everyone keeps thinking you're just trying to get some strange? As if there aren't easier ways to get laid, if that was all you were looking for. Just sort of boggles my mind that people can't even *think* about loving multiple people, and yet, a lot of people experience this at some point in their lives - love triangles, cheating, etc, which are all the "typical" ways that love for multiple people manifests in our emotionally unhealthy, repressed society.

You're actually proposing, "hey, how about we do that thing that most people do anyway and make it functional and healthy instead of destructive and secretive?" and some people can't even get their mind around it.

 

[katiegrrl0]

Yes, the most important part is that all parties must be comfortable with the arrangement.

I hope it works out for you all. I couldn't do it. I won't even move in with one man no matter how much I love him. Been there, done that. I'm just not cut out for this marriage stuff.

Thank you. If we proceed we are hoping for the best. It will stretch us and our capacity to be a family unit. From this we hope to grow and build a vibrant new life.

 

[NoC_T]

We certainly are in love. We also have trust and respect for each other. Why must humans be limited to allowing for the possiblity of love with more than one person?

It's only perspective. For myself, to be truly in love means absorption.

I'm fully aware that one's conception of being in love, may not reflect that of another. This is the sum of my own personal experience. My own ideals and standards having been shaped by it.

 

[tecoyah]

It's only perspective. For myself, to be truly in love means absorption.

I'm fully aware that one's conception of being in love, may not reflect that of another. This is the sum of my own personal experience. My own ideals and standards having been shaped by it.

I can only repeat the "Good Luck" sentiment...you will likely need it.

Love is complicated enough between one man and one woman...it is an ever changing dynamic. What I have found is the addition of more complication is detrimental to the core.

I do not wish to share in this regard, nor do I wish to be shared.

 

[Real Korimyr #9]

You're actually proposing, "hey, how about we do that thing that most people do anyway and make it functional and healthy instead of destructive and secretive?" and some people can't even get their mind around it.

Well, the problem is that trying to make it functional and healthy doesn't mean succeeding. Pursuing multiple relationships is almost always destructive-- and being open and honest about it only reduces those chances by a very small amount. Some people can make it work for them... but not nearly as many people as try to make it work for them.

 

[Ikari]

I can only repeat the "Good Luck" sentiment...you will likely need it.

Love is complicated enough between one man and one woman...it is an ever changing dynamic. What I have found is the addition of more complication is detrimental to the core.

I do not wish to share in this regard, nor do I wish to be shared.

Very complicated at that. Emotion is entirely irrational.

 

[katiegrrl0]

a heart beats for only one person although genital organs may want different partners's organs.but the first one is the most difficult part of a relationship and if you succeed in this part ,you dont need others' organs.

Are we really certain that a heart can beat for only one person? A parent can love multiple children equally. The sex has not been the major consideration. I can't deny that it's not been in the mix but like any relationship the sex is only a minor aspect of love.

 

[Ikari]

Are we really certain that a heart can beat for only one person? A parent can love multiple children equally. The sex has not been the major consideration. I can't deny that it's not been in the mix but like any relationship the sex is only a minor aspect of love.

I think that logically it can support well more than one. Emotionally, however, that may not be the case.

 

[katiegrrl0]

Quite possibly.

Whenever I've been 'in love', it was always about total and complete absorption in that one person.

But could you expand that to include another or is it the idea that is learned you can only love one that inhibits you from growing beyond your current personal experience?

 

[Medusa]

Are we really certain that a heart can beat for only one person? A parent can love multiple children equally. The sex has not been the major consideration. I can't deny that it's not been in the mix but like any relationship the sex is only a minor aspect of love.

i dont think katie

we are talking about emotional love

 

[katiegrrl0]

Get all the economic and property aspects in writing.

All of that would be in order. It's not been a monumental concern but will be in place as will all other agreements that would involve a partnership relationship.

 

[tecoyah]

...snip.... I can't deny that it's not been in the mix but like any relationship the sex is only a minor aspect of love.

I pity you......