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On the horns of a dilemma

sawyerloggingon

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I hesitate to post this because it's a bit personal but what the hell. One of the things I like about being online is the anonymity, nobody knows or cares who or what I am. I got a letter from my parents yesterday with a $1,000 check. They said it was because over the years all the other kids have needed help now and then but I never asked them for anything so now they want to give me something. They said it is to put toward the purchase of a hearing aid which I was talking to them about a while back and saying how I can't really afford one. I'm in my 60s and taking money from mom and dad just doesn't seem right to me especially because they are not exactly rich and I know this is a lot of money to them. My wife says if I refuse to cash the check I will hurt their feelings because they really want to do this for me but it just drives me nuts to take this money. I know they mean well but I actually lost sleep over this. What would you do?
 
Accept the financial help offered and get your hearing aid. It will hurt them more to refuse the financial help offered and their finances may not be as bad as you think. As you have explained, they feel that they have helped your siblings more, probably often when giving that help on an emergency basis really did mess up their other plans. Trust and respect them enough to have made a good financial decision.
 
I would tend to agree with your wife. No matter how old you get, you're still your parents' child in their minds, and they did this out of love and generosity, if what you are saying is true.
 
Accept the money in the spirit in which it was given, go get a hearing aid, and call your parents and tell them how great it is to really hear well again.
 
sawyerloggingon said:
I know they mean well but I actually lost sleep over this. What would you do?
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I would take the money. I encounter this situation somewhat often. The parents want to give me money for birthdays and holidays and such when I make almost 10 times as much as they do. If I don't spend it on me, I usually find a way to take their money and spend it on them eventually. If you need a hearing aid and cannot afford it, then buy the hearing aid, treat it as a loan, and find a way to spend the money back on them in some way.
 

That seems to be the prevailing thought in here and you guys and my wife are probably right. Just goes against my nature to take this money but I need to put my mom and dad's feelings above my own.
 

I know just what you mean. I have a very hard time accepting money, and I'll glad go hungry before I'll ask for money. But this was a gift -- something they did because they wanted to. They looked at their situation, came up with an amount of money that seemed doable, and did it out of appreciation for you. Heck, for all you know, they've been planning this for a while.

Your parents are financially independent too. They've decided this is a doable amount of money for them. Accept it with graciousness. Nothing ruins a good gift like someone trying to tell you that you can't afford give it to them. They know what they can afford to give you.

Cash the check, get your hearing aid, and let them know how great it is to hear their voices more clearly again.
 

I swallowed my pride and called last night to thank them. I could tell they were very happy to give me the money and it made them feel good that I accepted it. It will be a good memory someday when the die.
 

Your wife is 100% right.

My mom is 86 years old. She's what I'd call "comfortable" money-wise...has enough, but she's a church mouse so her "enough" is my "really??" At any rate, when we go out to lunch, I always paid. Always. I mean, why should she pay? I have much more than she does.

One day my cousin said, "Why do you deny her the pleasure of returning the favor? She enjoys being generous with you, and you shouldn't take that pleasure away from her." I've always remembered that.

So thank them and let them know how much you appreciate their generosity and make their day!!
 

I did and it did. I could feel their big smiles.
 
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