Need some help trying to court a woman

[Herkamer63]

Normally, I wouldn't do this on here, nor would I really need to get this kind of advice on this topic, but this particular case is different and it'll be revealed as to why a little later. So here we go:

For context, back around late Summer-early Fall 2020, I was dating a woman for awhile. Long story made short, it didn't work out (ask later). While we were seeing each other, there was this other woman who came into my place of employment. No, the woman I dated and I didn't call it off because of this, just to be clear. I'm not that kind of guy. Anyway, this other woman was pretty and nice. I didn't think too much of it because, one, a woman this good looking and this kind of a personality is typically married, and two, I was committed to the other woman I was dating at the time.

Now, AFTER the woman I dated and I called it off, you could say I was pressed, a little, by my co-workers to consider talking to the same woman that came in where I work back in August, since she was coming back in. I was feeling a little down because it was the first serious relationship I've been in and they (my co-workers) were trying to cheer me up. I got a chance to talk to her and learned quite a bit about her: NOT married, NO kids, my age, and we share many of the same beliefs and values, far more than the woman I dated before.

After the time she came in, I haven't seen her for the next 2-3 months. At that time, I didn't think much about her and I figured I would try online dating. Nothing came of it (surprise, surprise), and I basically said "screw it, I just want to meet people my age and I'll go out finding a few groups to join." I came across a local church and saw that they have Sunday evening services. I figured I would give it a try. At least I could meet new people and, hopefully, make new friends. I got there and that woman was there. What I found out was she worked at the school connected to it and her dad (a good man) was the head of both the school and church. So that makes this woman pastor's daughter.

Now, I'm in a bit of conundrum. We'll see each other on Sunday evenings and talk whenever we can. However, we usually don't have a lot of time because she is active with the services. But we have talked, so that's a plus. Typically, I wouldn't have much of a problem talking to women and getting them to go out with me (assuming I'm interested in them), but with this being a pastor's daughter (and an all around good person), I'm, somehow, a bit shy. Plus with her being pretty and me being, well, not what I call supermodel stature (just average, I guess, so definitely not the worst looking), it makes it harder. I'm probably going to see her again this coming Sunday or two, so any advice from you guys would be helpful. For more details about me or the woman to help to give the advice, ask. Thanks!

 

[Luce]

Ask her out for a cup of coffee. Chat for a while.

 

[swing_voter]

If she's out of your league, that's going to be difficult. Do you have a friend you can ask what they think about your chances?

Do you get the sense you're friend zoned?

 

[Underestimated]

Keep doing what you're doing. In my experience, pastors daughters tend to be more opened minded about looks (or lack thereof) and are grounded differently than secular daughters due to their parents and the pastor/Church she probably grew up in. Meaning they have a down to earth set of values. Don't wait too long to ask her on a date though, have some courage and spend some time with her outside of the church. If everything goes well, make sure you get along with her dad as well.

 

[Herkamer63]

If she's out of your league, that's going to be difficult. Do you have a friend you can ask what they think about your chances?

Do you get the sense you're friend zoned?

No to both questions, but to give a little recent background about me (and tell me if this'll help):

Over 3 years ago, I was pushing 300 lbs and I was going back up to where I was earlier than that time. In 2019, I lost over 80 lbs and I'm now down to around 205 lbs. I've been going through my wardrobe and I'm replacing my clothes with better looking, more attractive styles. I've been complemented by my friends that I do look a whole lot better than what I did before. I'm still going through a process, but, in addition to all that, my confidence has skyrocketed and I feel a whole better. So, right now, I don't think I'm being friend zoned. Been through it before and I know what that's like (and it's horrible), but this woman, I don't think, would be that type of person to do that

 

[Herkamer63]

Keep doing what you're doing. In my experience, pastors daughters tend to be more opened minded about looks (or lack thereof) and are grounded differently than secular daughters due to their parents and the pastor/Church she probably grew up in. Meaning they have a down to earth set of values. Don't wait too long to ask her on a date though, have some courage and spend some time with her outside of the church. If everything goes well, make sure you get along with her dad as well.

Thanks. Her dad and I do get along well. He's a good man and I just don't want their to be rift between us, if something happens between his daughter and I (if we hooked up). It's weird because this is the first time in a long time I met a woman I'm interested in and is a good person. Normally, I get interested in a woman and turn out to be horrible people. So that's part of the reason why I'm a little nervous and shy.

 

[Checkerboard Strangler]

Ask her out for a cup of coffee. Chat for a while.

Yeah, that's it. Exactly what Luce just said.
STOP BUILDING IT UP INTO some kind of Wayne's World "We're not worthy" episode.

If she likes you, she'll have a cup of coffee with you, if she likes you more, she'll have dinner with you, if she likes you even more, she'll go out on a date with you, if she likes you EVEN more...well, whatever happens is going to happen.
And if not...not.

 

[Checkerboard Strangler]

No to both questions, but to give a little recent background about me (and tell me if this'll help):

Over 3 years ago, I was pushing 300 lbs and I was going back up to where I was earlier than that time. In 2019, I lost over 80 lbs and I'm now down to around 205 lbs. I've been going through my wardrobe and I'm replacing my clothes with better looking, more attractive styles. I've been complemented by my friends that I do look a whole lot better than what I did before. I'm still going through a process, but, in addition to all that, my confidence has skyrocketed and I feel a whole better. So, right now, I don't think I'm being friend zoned. Been through it before and I know what that's like (and it's horrible), but this woman, I don't think, would be that type of person to do that

I don't know your height so I don't know your proportions but my son is OVER 300 pounds and only five foot nine.
Due to his heart defects it is impossible for him to achieve long duration aerobic heart rates and due to his deformed feet (he also had serious club foot problems at birth) it's not like he can walk or run more than about a couple of hundred feet either.

So, he's a big big boy, and yet Karen I notice that girls just about fall at his feet. They love him!
Of course, some of it is due the fact that he's funny as Hell, he disarms them by making them convulse with laughter.
And it's for real, because at age nineteen he almost became a "homewrecker" in that a married girl was making a huge fuss over him, sending him cards, love letters, gifts, until he finally figured out where this was going.
He just charms them and we sit there, mouths agape, wondering.



Just go for it, worst that can happen is, it doesn't go anywhere.
Oh well, get back up on that horse and ride again.

 

[Herkamer63]

I don't know your height so I don't know your proportions but my son is OVER 300 pounds and only five foot nine.
Due to his heart defects it is impossible for him to achieve long duration aerobic heart rates and due to his deformed feet (he also had serious club foot problems at birth) it's not like he can walk or run more than about a couple of hundred feet either.

So, he's a big big boy, and yet Karen I notice that girls just about fall at his feet. They love him!
Of course, some of it is due the fact that he's funny as Hell, he disarms them by making them convulse with laughter.
And it's for real, because at age nineteen he almost became a "homewrecker" in that a married girl was making a huge fuss over him, sending him cards, love letters, gifts, until he finally figured out where this was going.
He just charms them and we sit there, mouths agape, wondering.

View attachment 67320873

Just go for it, worst that can happen is, it doesn't go anywhere.
Oh well, get back up on that horse and ride again.

Good advice and point (and your son, I can't complain). Now, I am over 6 ft tall, 205 lbs. I workout, no medical nor physical problems, I enjoy physical activity, and I've been getting into suit collecting. I think you've helped boost my confidence even more, after seeing the photo of your son. I actually applaud the guy, so I think I'll go for it with this woman. Here's a photo of me, just to give an idea where I stand as far as looks. Thanks for the encouragement!

 

[Checkerboard Strangler]

Good advice and point (and your son, I can't complain). Now, I am over 6 ft tall, 205 lbs. I workout, no medical nor physical problems, I enjoy physical activity, and I've been getting into suit collecting. I think you've helped boost my confidence even more, after seeing the photo of your son. I actually applaud the guy, so I think I'll go for it with this woman. Here's a photo of me, just to give an idea where I stand as far as looks. Thanks for the encouragement!


View attachment 67320945

You look perfectly fine.
I'd actually suggest growing your hair a little bit longer but that might not be your "style".
You have an executive look about you. I don't know what you do for a living but the exec thing works for you.
One thing I've learned over the years is, couples either find themselves in love because they match each other OR because they complement one another.
It is important to figure out which guy you are, the guy who seeks a woman who complements his characteristics or the woman who matches them.
For me, it's a woman who fills in my blanks spaces, complements my traits.
I am gregarious and outgoing for the most part, sometimes bordering on the mildly obnoxious depending on who I am with, humor is a big thing for me.
Naturally there's the other side where I am pensive and reserved, but people mostly see the outgoing side.

Karen is almost the opposite, quiet, reserved, logical, deliberate, but she too has that other side which she surprises people with, a sort of "still waters run deep" vibe, which by the way was the very FIRST THING I immediately picked up on when I first met her, and I instinctively sought out that hidden side of her and reveled in being able to unlock that part of her.

"Funny" story, she lost her Mom at age one, raised by a very practical step-mom, in an emotionally crippled family where love was not outwardly demonstrative.
Then she meets my loud and obnoxious touchy-feeley Italian family (oh yeah, this is the funny part) and it was like a dried up desert flower getting rain for the first time.
It took some doing for her somewhat shy self to get used to our family, but my Mom picked up on that.
"Karen, this is an Italian family and in Italian families it's all lovey dovey touchy feeley and we talk and yell and eat and I'm afraid you're just going to have to get used to all this attention."
She bloomed. It worked.

Anyway, my reason for blabbing about all that is to illustrate the dynamics at work in all of this, those dynamics are key, and that's why you have to figure out if you're the guy who wants a matched mate who is just like you or a complementary mate who fills in your empty spots instead, because in the end, whichever angle works, it has to end up being a meshed gears arrangement on lots of levels.
I have learned that it's also a matter of you putting up with a certain amount of her low level BS and her putting up with a certain amount of yours.
For instance, I don't harangue Karen about her consumption of godawful trash TV like "Real Housewives" and she doesn't pester me about my devotion to all things "motorhead".
In fact, I even let her rope me into following some of those "90 Day Fiancee" shows and she's decided that she gets a laugh out of watching Top Gear and Roadkill.
We've allowed our gears and idiosyncracies to mesh a little closer together.

It's a lot of "When Harry Met Sally" and in the end, that's the good stuff.

 

[noonereal]

Normally, I wouldn't do this on here, nor would I really need to get this kind of advice on this topic, but this particular case is different and it'll be revealed as to why a little later. So here we go:

For context, back around late Summer-early Fall 2020, I was dating a woman for awhile. Long story made short, it didn't work out (ask later). While we were seeing each other, there was this other woman who came into my place of employment. No, the woman I dated and I didn't call it off because of this, just to be clear. I'm not that kind of guy. Anyway, this other woman was pretty and nice. I didn't think too much of it because, one, a woman this good looking and this kind of a personality is typically married, and two, I was committed to the other woman I was dating at the time.

Now, AFTER the woman I dated and I called it off, you could say I was pressed, a little, by my co-workers to consider talking to the same woman that came in where I work back in August, since she was coming back in. I was feeling a little down because it was the first serious relationship I've been in and they (my co-workers) were trying to cheer me up. I got a chance to talk to her and learned quite a bit about her: NOT married, NO kids, my age, and we share many of the same beliefs and values, far more than the woman I dated before.

After the time she came in, I haven't seen her for the next 2-3 months. At that time, I didn't think much about her and I figured I would try online dating. Nothing came of it (surprise, surprise), and I basically said "screw it, I just want to meet people my age and I'll go out finding a few groups to join." I came across a local church and saw that they have Sunday evening services. I figured I would give it a try. At least I could meet new people and, hopefully, make new friends. I got there and that woman was there. What I found out was she worked at the school connected to it and her dad (a good man) was the head of both the school and church. So that makes this woman pastor's daughter.

Now, I'm in a bit of conundrum. We'll see each other on Sunday evenings and talk whenever we can. However, we usually don't have a lot of time because she is active with the services. But we have talked, so that's a plus. Typically, I wouldn't have much of a problem talking to women and getting them to go out with me (assuming I'm interested in them), but with this being a pastor's daughter (and an all around good person), I'm, somehow, a bit shy. Plus with her being pretty and me being, well, not what I call supermodel stature (just average, I guess, so definitely not the worst looking), it makes it harder. I'm probably going to see her again this coming Sunday or two, so any advice from you guys would be helpful. For more details about me or the woman to help to give the advice, ask. Thanks!

dude, this is silly

what do you want? do you want to take her to a hockey game? If so, ask her to go with you.

the end

good grief, you'll never be president

 

[Omniscient]

Normally, I wouldn't do this on here, nor would I really need to get this kind of advice on this topic, but this particular case is different and it'll be revealed as to why a little later. So here we go:

For context, back around late Summer-early Fall 2020, I was dating a woman for awhile. Long story made short, it didn't work out (ask later). While we were seeing each other, there was this other woman who came into my place of employment. No, the woman I dated and I didn't call it off because of this, just to be clear. I'm not that kind of guy. Anyway, this other woman was pretty and nice. I didn't think too much of it because, one, a woman this good looking and this kind of a personality is typically married, and two, I was committed to the other woman I was dating at the time.

Now, AFTER the woman I dated and I called it off, you could say I was pressed, a little, by my co-workers to consider talking to the same woman that came in where I work back in August, since she was coming back in. I was feeling a little down because it was the first serious relationship I've been in and they (my co-workers) were trying to cheer me up. I got a chance to talk to her and learned quite a bit about her: NOT married, NO kids, my age, and we share many of the same beliefs and values, far more than the woman I dated before.

After the time she came in, I haven't seen her for the next 2-3 months. At that time, I didn't think much about her and I figured I would try online dating. Nothing came of it (surprise, surprise), and I basically said "screw it, I just want to meet people my age and I'll go out finding a few groups to join." I came across a local church and saw that they have Sunday evening services. I figured I would give it a try. At least I could meet new people and, hopefully, make new friends. I got there and that woman was there. What I found out was she worked at the school connected to it and her dad (a good man) was the head of both the school and church. So that makes this woman pastor's daughter.

Now, I'm in a bit of conundrum. We'll see each other on Sunday evenings and talk whenever we can. However, we usually don't have a lot of time because she is active with the services. But we have talked, so that's a plus. Typically, I wouldn't have much of a problem talking to women and getting them to go out with me (assuming I'm interested in them), but with this being a pastor's daughter (and an all around good person), I'm, somehow, a bit shy. Plus with her being pretty and me being, well, not what I call supermodel stature (just average, I guess, so definitely not the worst looking), it makes it harder. I'm probably going to see her again this coming Sunday or two, so any advice from you guys would be helpful. For more details about me or the woman to help to give the advice, ask. Thanks!

https://www.youtube.com/c/CoachCoreyWayne/videos?view=0&sort=p&flow=grid

 

[Herkamer63]

https://www.youtube.com/c/CoachCoreyWayne/videos?view=0&sort=p&flow=grid

Checking it out now. Thanks!

 

[KevinKohler]

My only advice is...don't date people you work with.

 

[Rexedgar]

My only advice is...don't date people you work with.

“Don’t get your meat where you get your bread!”




Except when the situation comes up, “that’s for other people......”

 

[EMNofSeattle]

Normally, I wouldn't do this on here, nor would I really need to get this kind of advice on this topic, but this particular case is different and it'll be revealed as to why a little later. So here we go:

For context, back around late Summer-early Fall 2020, I was dating a woman for awhile. Long story made short, it didn't work out (ask later). While we were seeing each other, there was this other woman who came into my place of employment. No, the woman I dated and I didn't call it off because of this, just to be clear. I'm not that kind of guy. Anyway, this other woman was pretty and nice. I didn't think too much of it because, one, a woman this good looking and this kind of a personality is typically married, and two, I was committed to the other woman I was dating at the time.

Now, AFTER the woman I dated and I called it off, you could say I was pressed, a little, by my co-workers to consider talking to the same woman that came in where I work back in August, since she was coming back in. I was feeling a little down because it was the first serious relationship I've been in and they (my co-workers) were trying to cheer me up. I got a chance to talk to her and learned quite a bit about her: NOT married, NO kids, my age, and we share many of the same beliefs and values, far more than the woman I dated before.

After the time she came in, I haven't seen her for the next 2-3 months. At that time, I didn't think much about her and I figured I would try online dating. Nothing came of it (surprise, surprise), and I basically said "screw it, I just want to meet people my age and I'll go out finding a few groups to join." I came across a local church and saw that they have Sunday evening services. I figured I would give it a try. At least I could meet new people and, hopefully, make new friends. I got there and that woman was there. What I found out was she worked at the school connected to it and her dad (a good man) was the head of both the school and church. So that makes this woman pastor's daughter.

Now, I'm in a bit of conundrum. We'll see each other on Sunday evenings and talk whenever we can. However, we usually don't have a lot of time because she is active with the services. But we have talked, so that's a plus. Typically, I wouldn't have much of a problem talking to women and getting them to go out with me (assuming I'm interested in them), but with this being a pastor's daughter (and an all around good person), I'm, somehow, a bit shy. Plus with her being pretty and me being, well, not what I call supermodel stature (just average, I guess, so definitely not the worst looking), it makes it harder. I'm probably going to see her again this coming Sunday or two, so any advice from you guys would be helpful. For more details about me or the woman to help to give the advice, ask. Thanks!

Ask her out to dinner, pick a decent place and a time. This is it. Chances are better then you think. Most people tend to overthink this because of the general lack of masculinity in our society. It really only has to go like this “would you like to go out for dinner on Friday night, <fill in place> At (I recommend 7) I’ll have you home by 9”. Be confident. Women decide within ten seconds of meeting a man whether they would accept a date from him, if she’s open to the idea she will say yes to this.

coffee is too open ended, lunch subconsciously communicates you want an excuse for the date to end because most people have things to do in the afternoon.

she’ll know you’re asking her on a date if you say dinner at seven. It will be totally clear.

 

[Luce]

Ask her out to dinner, pick a decent place and a time. This is it. Chances are better then you think. Most people tend to overthink this because of the general lack of masculinity in our society. It really only has to go like this “would you like to go out for dinner on Friday night, <fill in place> At (I recommend 7) I’ll have you home by 9”

HAHAHAHAHA

 

[EMNofSeattle]

Thanks. Her dad and I do get along well. He's a good man and I just don't want their to be rift between us, if something happens between his daughter and I (if we hooked up). It's weird because this is the first time in a long time I met a woman I'm interested in and is a good person. Normally, I get interested in a woman and turn out to be horrible people. So that's part of the reason why I'm a little nervous and shy.

Well don’t hook up. But if you’re a man with a good income and values he shouldn’t be offended at the idea of his daughter being having a boyfriend. Just try to be sure the final goal is marriage and don’t waste anyone’s time.

 

[Captain America]

Some of the best poonanny I ever had was a preacher's daughter. Horny little vixen. You should take this lady in to the choir's robe room and bang the shit out of her.

 

[SarahSun]

Ask her out for a cup of coffee. Chat for a while.

Best advice.

 

[bomberfox]

Dont worry about being “friend zoned”. Its nice to have reciprocation but dont do something with the demand of reciprocation.

 

[Checkerboard Strangler]

My only advice is...don't date people you work with.

Oh absolutely, no good ever comes from dipping one's pen in the company inkwell.