"Let's be friends."

[The_Penguin]

“Let's be friends” is a tender feline euphemism for...

“Keep your dick in your pants and we'll get along just fine.”

Ha!

Is there a debugger for the woman's brain that I can get somewhere :2razz: .

 

[Skateguy]

Understandable. You deserve a unicycle :shrug:

As with most people, I have gotten just what I deserve. I was gullible and romantically foolish. I tell my Sons, to trust no one completely, until they have developed a pattern of trust through time. There are many predators out there, looking for an easy mark, that have no problem stepping on people. I'm no longer the easy one. I learned the hard way. I do just fine the way things are.

 

[LaMidRighter]

Ha!

Is there a debugger for the woman's brain that I can get somewhere :2razz: .

The guy who invents that will become so wealthy he'll make Bill Gates look like a charity case.:2razz:

 

[rathi]

I find it typically used as a rather ineffective means of softening the rejection. If both people have enough in common outside a romantic context such a friendship makes sense, but not when the line is simply used as a hollow crutch. Sometimes two people simply don't care for each others company without a relationship, and there is little point in pretending otherwise. I tend to be fairly cowardly when it comes to rejecting someone myself, so I understand why girls say it, but its better to say what you actually want, even if you use a ridiculous excuse to justify it.

 

[Kali]

Ass, Grass, or cash, nobody rides for free. You can call it what you want. Perks, barter, reward or what ever. Something in exchange for services rendered. . I have no emotional tie to wimens at all. I find them to be untrustworthy, and their word has proven to mean nothin to them. But they have 100% of the Va Jay-Jay. so if I want my hat blocked, I have to tolerate them for awhile. But My Bike only rides solo.

You simply do not get it: my body nor my love is for SALE! I have tried to explain this to you a few times and you simply do not get it!

I am sorry that you no longer trust women and have became such a bitter person who thinks women are not to be trusted. I am sorry you do not know and will miss out on meeting wonderful women out here that are trust worthy and a lot of other cool things too.

I have no clue what hurt you so bad but trust me on this: your view of women is uncalled for and you cannnot walk around being bitter rest of your life. Do you wish to die a bitter man? You must deal with this and then move on.. Unless you like to wallow in pity and bitterness.

And out of respect for the Strong and Wonderful WOMEN of this forum? I ask for you to please use the term woman. I cannot make you but I can ask..

 

[ALiberalModerate]

I really hate those words. What do those words really mean? What did I say/do wrong?

I'm going to say that I probably did something wrong and that I don't understand everything, but some insight would be nice.

You sound like your kind of young. So, let me tell you how it is.

Guys basically work like this this:

If we sleep with a woman, from then on, she is one of two things to us:

1. An Object - As in I did her, it was fun, but I don't I don't care if my friend sleeps with her next week, or who does for that matter.

Or.

2. A possession - As in I did her, so she is mine.

Now that is not a very PC way of putting it, but thats how guys are wired up. Guys are wired up to be incapable of being just friends in the normal sense of the term with a chick we have or are sleeping with. Anyone that tells you any different is either lying or delusional. Its just how we evolved or something and its as reliable of a law as gravity is.

Women however are quite different in this regard. They can actually be friends with guys they have slept with (they don't always get that ultimately its a one sided friendship, but thats neither here nor there). So, when a girl says lets just be friends, all is not lost. Now granted, you are not going to be able to have a relationship with her, but you might could still sleep with her if thats what you are looking to do.

You see, most guys are practically married before they sleep with a sober woman. So where you ****ed up was when you hit on her when she had not had a couple of drinks. So if you are still wanting it, thats got to be your angle. You need to wait until she has had 2 or 3 drinks before you start flirting with her. Then what ever hangup she has about you could very well be temporarily dampened out by the alcohol, and in that case you might have a chance at it. That said, if you do that, you got to make sure a bunch of her friends are not around. You especially want to make sure that no fat purse holders are around as they are pretty much the ultimate **** blocker (that is other than them having a gay friend with them). Which brings me to another point where guys and women are just completely different. Your guy friends love to see you get drunk and sleep with a chick that they know you are going to regret sleeping with once you sober up. We think its funny. Chicks on the other hand will do everything they can to keep one of their friends from making a mistake like that.

Anyway, those are a few pointers for you that I wish I knew when I was high school age. Good luck.




A final note: None of this advice as Tongue-in-Cheek as it obviously is, should be construed as advising you to get a girl you are interested in so drunk she doesn't know what she is doing.

 

[nonpareil]

The "Lets be friends" line is the typical line that women use in hopes the guy is dumb enough to stick around so she can continue to manipulate him.

It's not. Women are just more concerned about hurting someone who likes them more than men. And women have to use it more often because even with today's equality between women and men, men are still mostly the pursuer. So guys only ask out women they like in the first place, whereas women, being asked, might go out with guys they don't feel that much attraction to but just think - one date isn't that big a deal, and a nice women might feel awkward saying no straight away when there's nothing obviously wrong with the guy. And if a guy doesn't like a girl, he can simply stop calling and she gets the message, but since it's girl who gets called, she has to use the line to get him to stop calling. Overall, the whole dating rules, where men is mostly the one who chase the women, makes it seem like the women is fickle and choosy, when in fact they are just trying to be nice towards the guy. Trust me, girls could be much meaner about it if they want to.

 

[samsmart]

I find it typically used as a rather ineffective means of softening the rejection. If both people have enough in common outside a romantic context such a friendship makes sense, but not when the line is simply used as a hollow crutch. Sometimes two people simply don't care for each others company without a relationship, and there is little point in pretending otherwise. I tend to be fairly cowardly when it comes to rejecting someone myself, so I understand why girls say it, but its better to say what you actually want, even if you use a ridiculous excuse to justify it.

I agree with you totally. Personally, I prefer someone to tell me the full on straight-up truth of what they want with me, even if it's to never see me again. Maybe I'm too naive and trusting of people or I read them too literally, but (in my younger days at least) when a woman told me "Let's be friends" I thought she really wanted to just downgrade our relationship and hang out and chill and whatever. Now that I'm older, I realize a woman says that mostly to prevent me from having any hurt feelings about her not reciprocating any feelings I may have for her. Basically, she's rejecting me but doesn't want me to think that she's a bitch because of it. Which I understand.

 

[samsmart]

Trust me, girls could be much meaner about it if they want to.

I prefer girls to be mean when they want or need to be because that way at least they're more honest.

 

[nonpareil]

I prefer girls to be mean when they want or need to be because that way at least they're more honest.

So you would rather hear: "Don't call me again."? Does that really make a guy less confused by the rejection?

 

[samsmart]

So you would rather hear: "Don't call me again."? Does that really make a guy less confused by the rejection?

Yes, I do. And yes, it really does.

 

[nonpareil]

How? When you already know that she is rejecting you when she said "Let's be friends." I think it's mean and pointless most of the time. I would be humiliated if someone were to say that to me (not that it is not humiliating to be rejected with the "Let's be friends" line, just less so). Of courses, in cases where the man still doesn't get the point after the gentle rejection, then getting more pointed is the only option.

 

[samsmart]

How? When you already know that she is rejecting you when she said "Let's be friends." I think it's mean and pointless most of the time. I would be humiliated if someone were to say that to me (not that it is not humiliating to be rejected with the "Let's be friends" line, just less so). Of courses, in cases where the man still doesn't get the point after the gentle rejection, then getting more pointed is the only option.

Because "Let's be friends" is totally different from "Never call me again." "Let's be friends" means that while she may not want a romantic relationship with me, she wants a friendly relationship with me, which involves things like calling her, planning outings, hanging out, and continuing to talk to each other. "Never call me again" means that she wants to cut off all contact with me. While both are rejections of a romantic relationship, they are different in how the person wants the relationship to progress.

And I'm going to be honest with you, I don't have the time, patience, nor wherewithal to try to cipher people's codes. Because if "Let's be friends" is code for "Never call me again," then what is the code when she really wants to be friends? I'm tired of this crap like this. It's useless. It doesn't really do anything. I prefer people to say what they think and be upfront and honest about it.

And that's the kind of relationship I want with a woman. I need to be able to trust the woman I'm with to be honest with me in what she says. If she starts talking in her code, I'm not going to have any clue what she's really saying, and then problems with communication happens and we're going to break up. As we should since we can't communicate with each other.

If someone wants to talk in code, fine, that's their right, but that doesn't mean I have to put up with it, which is my right.

Also, I don't care about being humiliated by rejection. But that's because I know that rejection isn't necessarily humiliating. Rejection just means we don't get along. It doesn't mean there's something wrong with me. It doesn't mean there's something wrong with her either. Maybe if people had a better understanding of this, we wouldn't have to talk in confusing codes all the time.

 

[Skateguy]

You simply do not get it: my body nor my love is for SALE! I have tried to explain this to you a few times and you simply do not get it!

I am sorry that you no longer trust women and have became such a bitter person who thinks women are not to be trusted. I am sorry you do not know and will miss out on meeting wonderful women out here that are trust worthy and a lot of other cool things too.

I have no clue what hurt you so bad but trust me on this: your view of women is uncalled for and you cannnot walk around being bitter rest of your life. Do you wish to die a bitter man? You must deal with this and then move on.. Unless you like to wallow in pity and bitterness.

And out of respect for the Strong and Wonderful WOMEN of this forum? I ask for you to please use the term woman. I cannot make you but I can ask..

No, Dear, you don't get it. Like most Wimen, you assume every conversation concerning wimen in general, is about you personally. You very well may be a fine person, and the exception to the rule. But most Wimen trade their favors in one way or another. either by laughing at a guys corny jokes, or tellin Him they like his car. When they couldn't care less. It's all a trade. --The most honest just set a price for a particular service, then close the deal. No deception, no fakery, and no drama. As for the "Women" in this forum, I have found them to be fun, and intelligent. Nothing I have said is directed to any one of them. but the rosy picture "Women" paint of them selves needs to be addressed. And any honest Women knows this better than most Men do.

 

[nonpareil]

Because "Let's be friends" is totally different from "Never call me again." "Let's be friends" means that while she may not want a romantic relationship with me, she wants a friendly relationship with me, which involves things like calling her, planning outings, hanging out, and continuing to talk to each other. "Never call me again" means that she wants to cut off all contact with me. While both are rejections of a romantic relationship, they are different in how the person wants the relationship to progress.

And I'm going to be honest with you, I don't have the time, patience, nor wherewithal to try to cipher people's codes. Because if "Let's be friends" is code for "Never call me again," then what is the code when she really wants to be friends? I'm tired of this crap like this. It's useless. It doesn't really do anything. I prefer people to say what they think and be upfront and honest about it.

And that's the kind of relationship I want with a woman. I need to be able to trust the woman I'm with to be honest with me in what she says. If she starts talking in her code, I'm not going to have any clue what she's really saying, and then problems with communication happens and we're going to break up. As we should since we can't communicate with each other.

If someone wants to talk in code, fine, that's their right, but that doesn't mean I have to put up with it, which is my right.

Also, I don't care about being humiliated by rejection. But that's because I know that rejection isn't necessarily humiliating. Rejection just means we don't get along. It doesn't mean there's something wrong with me. It doesn't mean there's something wrong with her either. Maybe if people had a better understanding of this, we wouldn't have to talk in confusing codes all the time.

Whether you want to take up the "be friend" part is up to you. Most people don't, you know. It's not that confusing at all. "Let's be friends" means: he's nice but she doesn't want to have a romantic relationship with him. Everyone in this thread got that.

As for rejection, unless you have a really big ego, it tends to hurt a little when it happens to you. Even if you know there's nothing wrong with you, it still hurts that someone you like doesn't like you back. That's just human nature. Girls (the nice ones) don't like to hurt people like that so they try to soften the blow, unless it can't be helped.

 

[TheGirlNextDoor]

Because "Let's be friends" is totally different from "Never call me again." "Let's be friends" means that while she may not want a romantic relationship with me, she wants a friendly relationship with me, which involves things like calling her, planning outings, hanging out, and continuing to talk to each other. "Never call me again" means that she wants to cut off all contact with me. While both are rejections of a romantic relationship, they are different in how the person wants the relationship to progress.

And I'm going to be honest with you, I don't have the time, patience, nor wherewithal to try to cipher people's codes. Because if "Let's be friends" is code for "Never call me again," then what is the code when she really wants to be friends? I'm tired of this crap like this. It's useless. It doesn't really do anything. I prefer people to say what they think and be upfront and honest about it.

And that's the kind of relationship I want with a woman. I need to be able to trust the woman I'm with to be honest with me in what she says. If she starts talking in her code, I'm not going to have any clue what she's really saying, and then problems with communication happens and we're going to break up. As we should since we can't communicate with each other.

If someone wants to talk in code, fine, that's their right, but that doesn't mean I have to put up with it, which is my right.

Also, I don't care about being humiliated by rejection. But that's because I know that rejection isn't necessarily humiliating. Rejection just means we don't get along. It doesn't mean there's something wrong with me. It doesn't mean there's something wrong with her either. Maybe if people had a better understanding of this, we wouldn't have to talk in confusing codes all the time.

I think the mistake most (not all) women make, is wanting to avoid doling out rejection. It's my belief that they project rejection onto others as they would like to be 'rejected'. Nobody likes it, but I think some believe they are doing men a favor by sugar coating it to some degree. It doesn't mean a woman wants a man to screw off totally, but it does mean that she has no romantic spark there to pursue anything further than a regular friendship.

I have tried the 'let's be friends' thing (LONG ago) and I must say, a couple of times it had backfired to the point I have to get downright mean and nasty (as if **** off, you loser) about it because the other party thought I was just playing hard to get. I wound up being nastier than I ever would have been had I just been totally straight with the person and said, "I don't feel any chemistry with you so we can either part ways or we can remain platonic friends but I really am NOT interested in you in that way"... WHICH due to my experiences using the 'let's be friends schtick, I prefer to be straightforward and if someone gets upset, too bad.

The 'let's be friends' thing isn't done with malice or manipulation, I truly believe that it's done with the intent of sparing someone's feelings... *shrug*

 

[samsmart]

Whether you want to take up the "be friend" part is up to you. Most people don't, you know. It's not that confusing at all. "Let's be friends" means: he's nice but she doesn't want to have a romantic relationship with him. Everyone in this thread got that.

I understand that it means "I don't want to have a romantic relationship with you." My point of contention is whether it means, "Even though I don't want to have a romantic relationship with you, I would still like to be friends with you" or "I want neither a romantic relationship with you nor an involved friendship with you."

Just because someone doesn't want a romantic relationship with another person doesn't mean they don't want a friendship with them. That's my point of contention and where the confusion comes in: "Well, I understand you don't want a romantic relationship with me, but you could tell me what kind, if any, of a relationship you do want with me?"

As for rejection, unless you have a really big ego, it tends to hurt a little when it happens to you. Even if you know there's nothing wrong with you, it still hurts that someone you like doesn't like you back. That's just human nature. Girls (the nice ones) don't like to hurt people like that so they try to soften the blow, unless it can't be helped.

It also hurts when you grow up and you realize that Santa Claus doesn't exist and you aren't going to get presents once a year just for being a good boy or girl. However, we all learn to get over that as well.

 

[samsmart]

The 'let's be friends' thing isn't done with malice or manipulation, I truly believe that it's done with the intent of sparing someone's feelings... *shrug*

I understand that, and I know it's meant to spare feelings. But it's just a personal thing with me. I get tired of reading between the lines with people.

 

[Skateguy]

What they mean is we can still be polite to each other and act friendly. Most don't know what being a true friend is, other than someone to go shopping with. True Friends are totally honest with one another, with no BS along the way.--the rest are acquaintances, not Friends.

 

[StandUpChuck]

The whole thing was pretty messed up from the beginning. I had to go very quickly back home and had only limited time, essentially I was looking at my watch every 10 minutes, hardly ideal. To top things off, pretty much everything was off during the entire date. I remember talking about when I visited Vermont and how pretty the mountains and the forests were and said that it would be a nice place to live for a while, her response: "What? You'd want to live in the country? Same store, same people, same everything? Sounds kinda boring."

I like cities and don't mind living in some of them, but would like to have the opportunity to live away from that all at one point in my life.

Ah, I see. The date was doomed from the get go. You really weren't that into her, either. It wasn't a rejection as much as a mutual statement of fact.

Frankly, she sounds a little b*tchy crapping on your dreams like that. I wouldn't want to date someone that negative.

 

[Skateguy]

Don't forget Ladies, guys don't have the same little code book that You do. We are use to being open, honest and frank with other guys. Being straight forward with your intentions will not be considered as harsh or cruel, just honest. and we can deal with that.--It's all those little codes y'all use on each other, that Guys often don't get. Guys not only tell each other if our asses look big, we often point and laugh in the process. It's just the way we are. What we hate, is anything that could be construed as dishonest, or deceptive. --we do after all, have little Male brains don't forget. things have to be spelled out for us.

 

[Kali]

No, Dear, you don't get it. Like most Wimen, you assume every conversation concerning wimen in general, is about you personally. You very well may be a fine person, and the exception to the rule. But most Wimen trade their favors in one way or another. either by laughing at a guys corny jokes, or tellin Him they like his car. When they couldn't care less. It's all a trade. --The most honest just set a price for a particular service, then close the deal. No deception, no fakery, and no drama. As for the "Women" in this forum, I have found them to be fun, and intelligent. Nothing I have said is directed to any one of them. but the rosy picture "Women" paint of them selves needs to be addressed. And any honest Women knows this better than most Men do.

Oh I get it totally and I am done trying to explain it to you as you are hopeless! :2razz:

 

[nonpareil]

I understand that it means "I don't want to have a romantic relationship with you." My point of contention is whether it means, "Even though I don't want to have a romantic relationship with you, I would still like to be friends with you" or "I want neither a romantic relationship with you nor an involved friendship with you."

Just because someone doesn't want a romantic relationship with another person doesn't mean they don't want a friendship with them. That's my point of contention and where the confusion comes in: "Well, I understand you don't want a romantic relationship with me, but you could tell me what kind, if any, of a relationship you do want with me?"

My point was that it's not up to her anymore. If she says "Let's be friends", it must means she doesn't want to hurt you, so she wouldn't mind being a platonic friend, then it's up to you whether you want to take up the "be friend" part. If she finds you annoying and doesn't want any contact, she would have said something like "Don't call me again." Or avoid all calls from you.

It also hurts when you grow up and you realize that Santa Claus doesn't exist and you aren't going to get presents once a year just for being a good boy or girl. However, we all learn to get over that as well.

It's hardly the same thing. Of course we learn to cope with rejection, doesn't change the fact that it hurts, and nice people don't like to hurt other people.

 

[Skateguy]

Oh I get it totally and I am done trying to explain it to you as you are hopeless! :2razz:

thank you.--and I also will not try to tell you how to live, but rather just wish you well. :mrgreen:

 

[nonpareil]

Don't forget Ladies, guys don't have the same little code book that You do. We are use to being open, honest and frank with other guys. Being straight forward with your intentions will not be considered as harsh or cruel, just honest. and we can deal with that.--It's all those little codes y'all use on each other, that Guys often don't get. Guys not only tell each other if our asses look big, we often point and laugh in the process. It's just the way we are. What we hate, is anything that could be construed as dishonest, or deceptive. --we do after all, have little Male brains don't forget. things have to be spelled out for us.

Bull****. Guys can be as manipulative as girls. They have their little codes too, and god forbid any girls step on that. The stereotype that guys are more simple than girls just isn't true.