• This is a political forum that is non-biased/non-partisan and treats every persons position on topics equally. This debate forum is not aligned to any political party. In today's politics, many ideas are split between and even within all the political parties. Often we find ourselves agreeing on one platform but some topics break our mold. We are here to discuss them in a civil political debate. If this is your first visit to our political forums, be sure to check out the RULES. Registering for debate politics is necessary before posting. Register today to participate - it's free!

How does one truly 'get over' someone

Jetboogieman

Somewhere in Babylon
Dungeon Master
Supporting Member
DP Veteran
Joined
Jan 12, 2010
Messages
30,805
Reaction score
34,019
Location
Somewhere in Babylon...
Gender
Undisclosed
Political Leaning
Undisclosed
Its been probably close to 3 months since me and the girl I'd gone out with and lived with for 2 years broke up.

But even though I've gone out with some people since, can be honest with myself that I have to face it... I just can't get her out of my head.

It still hurts like a bitch. I don't wanna ever see her or talk to her again. I did talk to her for a bit after. But because of what happened, which is a loooooooong story, she's changed into quite a bad person now. Which is sad cause she was a really good one.

I know alot of people say, time heals everything. I guess I wish it would hurry up.

Has anyone found a good way to get over someone?

And no Gipper, hookers and strippers are not an option ;) J/K!!!
 

VanceMack

MSG Benavides TAB
DP Veteran
Joined
Feb 1, 2010
Messages
73,572
Reaction score
30,973
Gender
Male
Political Leaning
Independent
Its been probably close to 3 months since me and the girl I'd gone out with and lived with for 2 years broke up.

But even though I've gone out with some people since, can be honest with myself that I have to face it... I just can't get her out of my head.

It still hurts like a bitch. I don't wanna ever see her or talk to her again. I did talk to her for a bit after. But because of what happened, which is a loooooooong story, she's changed into quite a bad person now. Which is sad cause she was a really good one.

I know alot of people say, time heals everything. I guess I wish it would hurry up.

Has anyone found a good way to get over someone?

And no Gipper, hookers and strippers are not an option ;) J/K!!!
Why would you want to? What I mean is that if you ever are in 'love' than you should ALWAYS 'love' that person (love...not necessarily IN love). Its not a switch you turn off and on. So in a way, the sadness validates the love. Thank GOODNESS it isnt so easy to get over! learn what you can about yourself from the experience and move forward. Love BETTER next time. Build a STRONGER relationship with a more healthy foundation.
 

Orion

Banned
DP Veteran
Joined
Jun 25, 2008
Messages
8,083
Reaction score
3,918
Location
Canada
Gender
Male
Political Leaning
Independent
If you fell in love with someone to an extent that it transcended the biochemical lust, and if you deeply understood that person's character, personality, and private being, then I don't think it's possible to really ever be over them; at least, that's how I feel about the people I've been in love with from my past. I might never see them again but when I think of them, I wish them nothing but the best, even if there is a bit of an ache from being apart from the good times we had together.

I don't treat people as disposable when it comes to relationships, and it's impossible for me to only see how it ended as a representation of what the entire relationship meant to me.
 

Jetboogieman

Somewhere in Babylon
Dungeon Master
Supporting Member
DP Veteran
Joined
Jan 12, 2010
Messages
30,805
Reaction score
34,019
Location
Somewhere in Babylon...
Gender
Undisclosed
Political Leaning
Undisclosed
Good point both of you. Thank you.

I guess there is a bit of bitterness on my part because of what happened. Even though the vast majority of it was my fault. Which is why I can't bring myself to talk to her again.

But I suppose you're right. I guess I never truly will be over her. I'd like to forget. But hard as I try. I just can't. So I guess I will learn to live with it.

Thanks guys, I really mean that. Very very good points.
 

Orion

Banned
DP Veteran
Joined
Jun 25, 2008
Messages
8,083
Reaction score
3,918
Location
Canada
Gender
Male
Political Leaning
Independent
Good point both of you. Thank you.

I guess there is a bit of bitterness on my part because of what happened. Even though the vast majority of it was my fault. Which is why I can't bring myself to talk to her again.

But I suppose you're right. I guess I never truly will be over her. I'd like to forget. But hard as I try. I just can't. So I guess I will learn to live with it.

Thanks guys, I really mean that. Very very good points.
It's okay to still love someone while simultaneously acknowledging that it can't work with them. The two ideas can be mutually exclusive... it's called loving with detachment.
 

VanceMack

MSG Benavides TAB
DP Veteran
Joined
Feb 1, 2010
Messages
73,572
Reaction score
30,973
Gender
Male
Political Leaning
Independent
Good point both of you. Thank you.

I guess there is a bit of bitterness on my part because of what happened. Even though the vast majority of it was my fault. Which is why I can't bring myself to talk to her again.

But I suppose you're right. I guess I never truly will be over her. I'd like to forget. But hard as I try. I just can't. So I guess I will learn to live with it.

Thanks guys, I really mean that. Very very good points.
Ah! See...NOW you are being honest. Bitter = anger=pain. You want to get over the pain? Identify the source and find forgiveness. Forgive for the heartbreak, pain is resolved, anger is gone, no bitterness.
 

VanceMack

MSG Benavides TAB
DP Veteran
Joined
Feb 1, 2010
Messages
73,572
Reaction score
30,973
Gender
Male
Political Leaning
Independent
Good point both of you. Thank you.

I guess there is a bit of bitterness on my part because of what happened. Even though the vast majority of it was my fault. Which is why I can't bring myself to talk to her again.

But I suppose you're right. I guess I never truly will be over her. I'd like to forget. But hard as I try. I just can't. So I guess I will learn to live with it.

Thanks guys, I really mean that. Very very good points.
And you are welcome. I dont know of ANYONE that hasnt been there. Hurts like hell. Good luck! Seriously!
 

rivrrat

Goddess of Bacon
DP Veteran
Joined
Feb 26, 2007
Messages
13,988
Reaction score
6,593
Location
Charlottesville, VA
Gender
Female
Political Leaning
Undisclosed
Time. Seriously. That's the only thing that really works. You'll think about it less and less, and it'll hurt less and less. You won't even know it's happening, it'll be a gradual thing.
 

Jetboogieman

Somewhere in Babylon
Dungeon Master
Supporting Member
DP Veteran
Joined
Jan 12, 2010
Messages
30,805
Reaction score
34,019
Location
Somewhere in Babylon...
Gender
Undisclosed
Political Leaning
Undisclosed
Ah! See...NOW you are being honest. Bitter = anger=pain. You want to get over the pain? Identify the source and find forgiveness. Forgive for the heartbreak, pain is resolved, anger is gone, no bitterness.
I had forgiven her.

I believe in forgiveness as Madiba said we must. But it seems everytime I forgive someone, they turn around and do something equally as Hurtful not long after I forgive them.

Which she did.
 

VanceMack

MSG Benavides TAB
DP Veteran
Joined
Feb 1, 2010
Messages
73,572
Reaction score
30,973
Gender
Male
Political Leaning
Independent
I had forgiven her.

I believe in forgiveness as Madiba said we must. But it seems everytime I forgive someone, they turn around and do something equally as Hurtful not long after I forgive them.

Which she did.
Unconditional love and unconditional forgiveness doesnt mean unconditional access to your heart. Obviously she has some issues which are contributing to HER choices. Sometimes you have to accept them unconditionally and move forward. But I dont think you can just 'say' the word...I think that requires work. Im not a big fan of the Christian concept of forgiveness nor the Budhist model taught by people like Tich Naht Han (who I love very much). I think it requires you to let go of judgement and the desire for justice (and even vengeance) to truly understand that person and why they do what they do. When you have that understanding...THEN you can forgive...and the forgiveness is not because the other person is deserving of it...it is because you are deserving of being free of the pain.

And odds are that you have already worked through this all in your way and I just painfully hunt and pecked for 3 minutes for nothing...but...thats all good too... ;)
 

MaggieD

Supporting Member
Monthly Subscriber
DP Veteran
Joined
Jul 9, 2010
Messages
43,244
Reaction score
44,659
Location
Chicago Area
Gender
Female
Political Leaning
Moderate
Time for big-boy trousers ;-)

You've been mourning the death of a relationship -- thinking of what might have been or what USED to be...instead of remembering what was really left by the time you parted company. By that I mean that the relationship had gone into the crapper for either or both of you, and it's over. Nothing good left...only what might have beens or woulda'-coulda'-shoulda's.

Best way to get over someone? Put yourself out there and be on the lookout for the "next." Keep busy. Work out. Can't hurt. Might help. Good luck, Jet.
 

StandUpChuck

Tart with a Heart
DP Veteran
Joined
Sep 19, 2008
Messages
10,188
Reaction score
3,727
Location
New England
Gender
Female
Political Leaning
Undisclosed
I had forgiven her.

I believe in forgiveness as Madiba said we must. But it seems everytime I forgive someone, they turn around and do something equally as Hurtful not long after I forgive them.

Which she did.
Then don't forgive her yet. People misunderstand how/when/why to forgive all the time. You forgive when you are ready to forgive, not because someone said it was the thing to do.

She hurt you, so hate her. Dislike her. Don't trust her. Whatever you want to call it. If you've decided you are truly moving on, then make yourself. Each time you think of how much you miss her or how much you loved her, think of how it felt to be hurt by her actions. Think about what she did. Think about why you broke up, and focus on that.

There will come a day when your heart has healed, and you can forgive. Then you can fondly remember the good times. But that time is not right now.

And go shopping. :nails
 

The Giant Noodle

DP Veteran
Joined
Mar 22, 2010
Messages
7,333
Reaction score
2,010
Location
Northern Illinois
Gender
Male
Political Leaning
Independent
Then don't forgive her yet. People misunderstand how/when/why to forgive all the time. You forgive when you are ready to forgive, not because someone said it was the thing to do.

She hurt you, so hate her. Dislike her. Don't trust her. Whatever you want to call it. If you've decided you are truly moving on, then make yourself. Each time you think of how much you miss her or how much you loved her, think of how it felt to be hurt by her actions. Think about what she did. Think about why you broke up, and focus on that.

There will come a day when your heart has healed, and you can forgive. Then you can fondly remember the good times. But that time is not right now.

And go shopping. :nails
Now hes going to slash her tires! :slapme:

I say get some beer, turn on a Country station and let it all out man. Then watch a movie you really like and forget about her. Buy a few bottles of Gatorade and drink one before going to bed. ;)
 

Wiseone

Banned
DP Veteran
Joined
Jul 26, 2009
Messages
12,177
Reaction score
7,550
Location
Ft. Campbell, KY
Gender
Male
Political Leaning
Independent
From my experience the most important thing is to NOT over think it. Focus on what matters, the future, and what you can do and cannot do to improve your own PERSONAL situation, you can't change the stuff that sucks the most so I've tried to just forget it as much as possible because there's no changing it so there's no reason to go crazy about it.

Of course I just force it down so im a mean bitter asshole... just talking about relationships makes me angry.
 

Barbbtx

DP Veteran
Joined
Jan 7, 2010
Messages
8,467
Reaction score
1,993
Location
W'Ford TX
Gender
Female
Political Leaning
Conservative
If it's something you can change, then do the next right thing, and keep doing the next right thing until there's nothing else to do. When you've done all you can, let it go by turning it over to a higher power or a doorknob or whatever if you don't have a higher power. Just say Dear_______I've done all I can. I'm turning this over to you now. Take it to do with what you will. Then go on with your life. Expect a miracle

My favorite thing to say

Doorknob,
Grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change
The Courage to change the things I can
and the Wisdom to know the difference.
 

StandUpChuck

Tart with a Heart
DP Veteran
Joined
Sep 19, 2008
Messages
10,188
Reaction score
3,727
Location
New England
Gender
Female
Political Leaning
Undisclosed
cut her heart out and bathe in her blood, that always does it for me :)
:doh I forgot about that one. I'm pretty sure Dear Ann Landers was the first one to suggest this. Let me ask you this, because times have changed a bit. Do you wear latex gloves during the bath? You know you're suppose to.
 

Kali

Stigmatized! End R Word!
DP Veteran
Joined
Mar 8, 2008
Messages
13,334
Reaction score
1,835
Gender
Undisclosed
Political Leaning
Very Liberal
Now hes going to slash her tires! :slapme:

I say get some beer, turn on a Country station and let it all out man. Then watch a movie you really like and forget about her. Buy a few bottles of Gatorade and drink one before going to bed. ;)
Nah.. Turn on some Blues. Rest of your advice is solid though.

BTW, writing a letter to let out feelings and then burning it while getting drunk always works for me.
 
Last edited:
Joined
Aug 10, 2010
Messages
124
Reaction score
4
Gender
Undisclosed
Political Leaning
Undisclosed
hey i got something for you bro' i just broke up with my gf about a month now and we were close to 3 years o_O we were highs chool sweethearts 20 now so you can see all that we went through senior year, homecoming dance, prom, senior skip days, me and her skip days ;] lol, graduation, vacations, we lived together for 6 months at one point.... we couldnt handle the stress of soo much work to pay bills and rent so we left back to each others parents house lol. college came two years we went to the same schools. different classes of course. but... long story short, it really hurt me when i broke up with her because the sense of trust had left us, arguments all the time and blah blah blah, i cant stop thinking of her from time to time...

dont go looking for a rebound either because thats just wrong but do try to find something casual not casual sex like a simple dates here and there kind of thing. keep yourself occupied and you'll be surprised how much more free time yup have in your head with her not popping up anymore because of the dates and everything else. let me know how it goes. best of luck to the both of us.
 

liblady

pirate lover
DP Veteran
Joined
Aug 7, 2009
Messages
16,165
Reaction score
5,060
Location
St Thomas, VI
Gender
Female
Political Leaning
Progressive
Its been probably close to 3 months since me and the girl I'd gone out with and lived with for 2 years broke up.

But even though I've gone out with some people since, can be honest with myself that I have to face it... I just can't get her out of my head.

It still hurts like a bitch. I don't wanna ever see her or talk to her again. I did talk to her for a bit after. But because of what happened, which is a loooooooong story, she's changed into quite a bad person now. Which is sad cause she was a really good one.









I know alot of people say, time heals everything. I guess I wish it would hurry up.

Has anyone found a good way to get over someone?

And no Gipper, hookers and strippers are not an option ;) J/K!!!
wow.....that's too bad. i've never had to get over anyone, married at 19. i suspect just living an active life and allowing yourself to be open to possibilites will help. and don't push it.....it will happen when it's supposed to happen.
 

Harry Guerrilla

DP Veteran
Joined
Dec 18, 2008
Messages
28,955
Reaction score
12,423
Location
Not affiliated with other libertarians.
Gender
Male
Political Leaning
Libertarian
Good point both of you. Thank you.

I guess there is a bit of bitterness on my part because of what happened. Even though the vast majority of it was my fault. Which is why I can't bring myself to talk to her again.

But I suppose you're right. I guess I never truly will be over her. I'd like to forget. But hard as I try. I just can't. So I guess I will learn to live with it.

Thanks guys, I really mean that. Very very good points.
You have yet to meet someone more amazing than she.
When you do, you may still love your time together but in comparison she'll be an old leather boot.

Someone better will come a long my friend.
 

rivrrat

Goddess of Bacon
DP Veteran
Joined
Feb 26, 2007
Messages
13,988
Reaction score
6,593
Location
Charlottesville, VA
Gender
Female
Political Leaning
Undisclosed
You have yet to meet someone more amazing than she.
When you do, you may still love your time together but in comparison she'll be an old leather boot.

Someone better will come a long my friend.
Bad analogy. The old leather boot always fits and feels better than the new shiny one. ;)
 
Top Bottom