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How does one truly 'get over' someone

I met a lady she was fine we had it good for a very short time lol.Then I got married- she went back home. We always hit it off good. Well I wrote what I felt about her it was like 10 years later- I never showed it to her. The other day I added her on facebook. We met in 1986 and my feelings are almost the same as they were before we went off to marry other people." Sweet flowers blossoming as my youth is swept away haunting my senses and torturing my soul." I made my choice along time ago to let her go and thats what inspired the poem "sweet flowers" . Over 20 years I have felt this way.
Sometimes you dont get to move on, you just go on thru your life accepting your choice and living with the sound of loves muted chorus of right. Like I have done.
 
I'd just like to say don't be afraid to go to a therapist if you think you need to. I'm not saying you need to - you know that about yourself better than anyone else does. I'm just saying that there's no shame in it. Therapists go to college and are trained and educated in helping people deal with all sorts of situations in order so they can live a more fulfilling life for themselves. Don't be afraid to take advantage of that if you feel the need to.

A caveat - just like there's good and bad of everything else, there's good and bad therapists out there. So you may want to ask around for one to get the kind of therapist you're looking for to get good quality.
 
I'm sure this isn't universal, or categorically true, but I've read that as a general rule of thumb, it takes half as long as you were together to entirely get over someone.
So if you were together for three years, it might take eighteen months.
That doesn't mean you can't carry on with your life or even start another relationship in the meantime. Just that it won't entirely stop being hurtful and upsetting for some time yet.
I think that rule is only true of romantic relationships; I've lost platonic friends, and gotten over it much faster than that.
 
1069 said:
I'm sure this isn't universal, or categorically true, but I've read that as a general rule of thumb, it takes half as long as you were together to entirely get over someone.
So if you were together for three years, it might take eighteen months.
That doesn't mean you can't carry on with your life or even start another relationship in the meantime. Just that it won't entirely stop being hurtful and upsetting for some time yet.
I think that rule is only true of romantic relationships; I've lost platonic friends, and gotten over it much faster than that.
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I've heard that same thing and generally found it to be true.
 
The last serious relationship I had was with an Army Ranger. He served two tours in Iraq and it damaged him - mentally and physically. To make a too long story short - he had other issues when he returned state side and was being treated at the VA in Wisconsin for PTSD among a few other things. He couldn't commit and basically told me to take a long walk off a short pier.

I was devastated. I thought that through my life that I'd finally found 'the one'. I was blasted back to reality when he 'dumped' me and while I understood he had certain demons he had to work on repairing.. I would have loved to have been there for him - with him - to help him heal. He didn't see it that way.

It's been over a year and I'm still not over it. Just thinking about it and typing it out.. brings it all forward again. I think the biggest thing that has helped me, is doing my daily 'life' things. I have my kids I have to take care of, a house to maintain a job to do. Does it still hurt? Sure it does. But it doesn't hurt as much as it did a month afterwards... and I'm sure that by this time next year, it will be a little less.

Will I ever be totally 'over' him?

Not likely.
 
Honest answer? Sometimes you don't get over someone, not entirely, ever. Just like sometimes you never entirely get over someone's death. But over time, the pain grows less. The key is to move on with your life, not dwell on sorrow, and soak up every drop of joy you find in your path.
 
Goshin said:
Honest answer? Sometimes you don't get over someone, not entirely, ever. Just like sometimes you never entirely get over someone's death. But over time, the pain grows less. The key is to move on with your life, not dwell on sorrow, and soak up every drop of joy you find in your path.
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Very true and simply put.
 
Jetboogieman said:
Its been probably close to 3 months since me and the girl I'd gone out with and lived with for 2 years broke up.

But even though I've gone out with some people since, can be honest with myself that I have to face it... I just can't get her out of my head.

It still hurts like a bitch. I don't wanna ever see her or talk to her again. I did talk to her for a bit after. But because of what happened, which is a loooooooong story, she's changed into quite a bad person now. Which is sad cause she was a really good one.

I know alot of people say, time heals everything. I guess I wish it would hurry up.

Has anyone found a good way to get over someone?

And no Gipper, hookers and strippers are not an option ;) J/K!!!
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To get over someone, you find someone who looks just like her and you screw her over, man!
 
Jetboogieman said:
Its been probably close to 3 months since me and the girl I'd gone out with and lived with for 2 years broke up.

But even though I've gone out with some people since, can be honest with myself that I have to face it... I just can't get her out of my head.

It still hurts like a bitch. I don't wanna ever see her or talk to her again. I did talk to her for a bit after. But because of what happened, which is a loooooooong story, she's changed into quite a bad person now. Which is sad cause she was a really good one.

I know alot of people say, time heals everything. I guess I wish it would hurry up.

Has anyone found a good way to get over someone?

And no Gipper, hookers and strippers are not an option ;) J/K!!!
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I think that (at least typically) this kind of depression and/or anger stems less from the loss of the actual person, and more from the fear that you will never have the opportunity to experience what you felt with this girl with anyone else, ever again.

Unfortunately, I think time is the only cure for that kind of pain. You will find someone equally as good as she was, or better. And when that time comes everything you feel will completely go away. You just have to hang on and try to stay confident until then. :)
 
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