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How does a single mother make it?

Billo_Really said:
Can we tone down the man-bashing just a tad? There are plenty of psycho-bitches out there that drive us nuts.
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When the bashing is due, let it rain down hard. Nobodys said there aren't bad women out there. You've already said we're all evil, what more do you want?
 
Billo_Really said:
Can we tone down the man-bashing just a tad? There are plenty of psycho-bitches out there that drive us nuts.
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You're worse, though.
 
Originally posted by mixedmedia:
When the bashing is due, let it rain down hard. Nobodys said there aren't bad women out there. You've already said we're all evil, what more do you want?
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A condo on the beach. A corvette convertable. A blonde that can't say no to me. Should I continue?
 
mixedmedia said:
I understand to some extent, but the fact is, some people are too selfish to be a part of a family, and if they end up in one, it is a far better thing that it breaks up. A family is still a family even without two parents.
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Of course, I would never suggest, throwing the baby out with the bath water, this is when parents need the most help, I would like to see them get it. I think we are all on the same page here, I'll leave it at that.;)
 
Billo_Really said:
Un-employment in my life is just an abberation, not the norm. In fact, I've got an interview tomorrow.
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Good Luck, I hope you get the job.
 
Originally Posted by alphieb
Good Luck, I hope you get the job.
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It's better to be good than lucky. I do pretty well in interviews.
 
alphieb said:
You will find a job, take your time and find something you enjoy doing.
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Thank you...I've been sending out resumes for the past few months, started sending them out even before I left the Air Force, but I haven't even got a letter saying "sorry, but we've found someone else" or anything like that... *sigh*. I'm actually considering just going up to work at the local Borders, or perhaps the portrait studio in the Wal Mart that's nearby, because if there's two things I love, it's reading and taking pictures....and I don't need to make much, my income is basically to cover the gap between what hubby will be bringing home and our bill total, and our "fun" money.....

Billo_Really said:
Un-employment in my life is just an abberation, not the norm. In fact, I've got an interview tomorrow.
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Well, you've already said that it's better to be good than lucky, but I wish you good luck anyhow!
 
Originally posted by Stace:
Well, you've already said that it's better to be good than lucky, but I wish you good luck anyhow!
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I just got a call from another firm that wants an interview with me. It looks like the fish are biting.

Now, if you will excuse me, I have to go to the gym and crunch some lead!
































Does that turn you on, baby?
 
Billo_Really said:
I just got a call from another firm that wants an interview with me. It looks like the fish are biting.

Now, if you will excuse me, I have to go to the gym and crunch some lead!
































Does that turn you on, baby?
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Not really, I'm allergic to gyms.....I don't like people staring at me like that.
 
Originally posted by Stace:
Not really, I'm allergic to gyms.....I don't like people staring at me like that.
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C'mon, don't kill my buzz!
 
Deegan said:
I was only speaking from my experience, I can't really comment on anything other then what I have witnessed. I am sure that there are very nice people who have no faith, and would certainly do all they could to help, I never meant to imply any such thing. I do notice that the conservative politicians seem to make this issue one of great importance, and that the family, and those values with in, they are at the base, the core of what we believe. I wish more was done in this area, and that is was discussed, and appreciated more in our society. I don't think enough is made of the importance of the family, and why so many seem to be failing in that goal, this is the key to a civilized, decent, unselfish society.
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Family is important to me, however my kids and my mental health are extremely important. Don't get me wrong he has numerous good qaulities, but I don't want my boys growing up thinking it is normal and OK to abuse a women. If I take him back, it won't be for a long time, because that just reinforces to him that I will put up with it. It is not something he does often, but enough is enough.
 
alphieb said:
Family is important to me, however my kids and my mental health are extremely important. Don't get me wrong he has numerous good qaulities, but I don't want my boys growing up thinking it is normal and OK to abuse a women. If I take him back, it won't be for a long time, because that just reinforces to him that I will put up with it. It is not something he does often, but enough is enough.
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I would never suggest putting you, or your children in that position again. I believe that once you start this cycle of abuse, it only gets worse, unless some sort of therapy is attempted. If he refuses to get some help, or if you have just had enough, I would stick to your guns, and start your life again, without him.
 
Originally posted by alphieb:
Family is important to me, however my kids and my mental health are extremely important. Don't get me wrong he has numerous good qaulities, but I don't want my boys growing up thinking it is normal and OK to abuse a women. If I take him back, it won't be for a long time, because that just reinforces to him that I will put up with it. It is not something he does often, but enough is enough.
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Taking him back will be the biggest mistake you will ever make in your life. It won't get better. I'll only get worse. I know. I'm a guy. I know how we think. You're doing the right thing. Stay focused and I guarantee your life will get better with someone else.
 
Billo_Really said:
Taking him back will be the biggest mistake you will ever make in your life. It won't get better. I'll only get worse. I know. I'm a guy. I know how we think. You're doing the right thing. Stay focused and I guarantee your life will get better with someone else.
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Thank you, I don't need anyone else though. I'm not in a position where I think I have to have a man. Next time I will be real careful.
 
Originally posted by alphieb:
Thank you, I don't need anyone else though. I'm not in a position where I think I have to have a man. Next time I will be real careful.
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Like I said, your doing the right thing.
 
alphieb said:
Family is important to me, however my kids and my mental health are extremely important. Don't get me wrong he has numerous good qaulities, but I don't want my boys growing up thinking it is normal and OK to abuse a women. If I take him back, it won't be for a long time, because that just reinforces to him that I will put up with it. It is not something he does often, but enough is enough.
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Whatever you do, don't take him back - for any amount of time. It will reinforce in his mind that he is not that bad. Even if you tell him what a prick he's been. I don't want to impose my own experience on your own, but if your experience is anything like mine, what you are dealing with is perverse narcissism. And any guilt or misgivings they have about their actions will be absorbed into an ever-increasing sense of righteousness. Don't want to get all heavy on you, but I went through ten years of experience and reflection - I think I nailed the phenomena of the abusive personality - without any therapy, lol. Does he ever try to convince you that you or the kids are the reason he acts out in the way he does?
 
Have you asked him about therapy, family, and individual therapy?

This would be good for him, and your children, whom must continue a relationship, should you decide to split or not. Maybe you could talk him in to this, for his own good, and that of your children, even if you never plan to engage the relationship ever again.
 
Originally posted by Deegan:
Have you asked him about therapy, family, and individual therapy?
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Couples therapy. Kind of like that Kate Hudson movie.
 
Billo_Really said:
Couples therapy. Kind of like that Kate Hudson movie.
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Therapy can be very helpful, life saving really, it is not explored enough in this society, you might want to try it sir.:lol:
 
Originally Posted by alphieb
Thank you, I don't need anyone else though.
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Relax, you don't need to be turning on your guy-dar with me. You have a home to call your own and I live in paradise. Neither one of us is willing to give that up.
 
mixedmedia said:
Whatever you do, don't take him back - for any amount of time. It will reinforce in his mind that he is not that bad. Even if you tell him what a prick he's been. I don't want to impose my own experience on your own, but if your experience is anything like mine, what you are dealing with is perverse narcissism. And any guilt or misgivings they have about their actions will be absorbed into an ever-increasing sense of righteousness. Don't want to get all heavy on you, but I went through ten years of experience and reflection - I think I nailed the phenomena of the abusive personality - without any therapy, lol. Does he ever try to convince you that you or the kids are the reason he acts out in the way he does?
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That would seem kind of odd that he would say his wife and kids are the reason why he is upset. If I had problems with my wife and she made me mad all the time, I would just get rid of her and file for divorce. You don't need a woman that will make you unhappy or mad all the time. Heck, their is alot of other women out their that can make a man happy. Of course, I would try to get custody of the kids and that could turn into an ugly fight, but it is a fight worth fighting nevertheless.
 
TimmyBoy said:
That would seem kind of odd that he would say his wife and kids are the reason why he is upset. If I had problems with my wife and she made me mad all the time, I would just get rid of her and file for divorce. You don't need a woman that will make you unhappy or mad all the time. Heck, their is alot of other women out their that can make a man happy. Of course, I would try to get custody of the kids and that could turn into an ugly fight, but it is a fight worth fighting nevertheless.
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I am talking about something completely different. I am talking about projection. Manifesting things that aren't really there because you don't know how else to deal with your own dissatisfaction with your own life. I've said too much, obviously. Nevertheless, I am the one doing the "riddance" in this situation. There are a million stories in the big city......:2wave:
 
mixedmedia said:
I am talking about something completely different. I am talking about projection. Manifesting things that aren't really there because you don't know how else to deal with your own dissatisfaction with your own life. I've said too much, obviously. Nevertheless, I am the one doing the "riddance" in this situation. There are a million stories in the big city......:2wave:
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Glad I don't live in the big city. I mean me personally, marriage can be a pain in the ass. People get married to the wrong people for the wrong reasons. They get married too quick believing they are in love when in fact they really don't know each other too well or don't even know what the true meaning of love is. They marry for superficial reasons rather than spiritual reasons of the heart and soul. They end up having kids and in the end, getting a divorce, which the divorce, depending on what exactly happenns in the divorce leaves bitter feelings between the man and the woman and then the kids have to grow up with less than solid foundation which will carry through for them into adulthood. That doesn't necessarily mean they will turn out bad but they won't have the advantage of growing up in a solid foundation that a genuinely loving household, where no divorce took place can provide. It takes both a man and a woman to raise kids and in this day and age, most women are left with raising the kid with the kids not having a father figuire. I personally never had to go through a divorce growing up as a child and my father and mother always respected each other. Their relationship was based on a two way street and not a one way street and I feel like I have had a big advantage over most people who grew up in single parent homes. My girlfriend, is not exactly a super model but she has a good heart and soul and I find myself genuinely happier in my relationship with her than guys who might be hooked up with top model women. So much superficiality in today's world that few understand the true meaning of love and value. True value and love do not necessarily come in beautiful packages. But if I was miserable with a woman I would get rid of her or she can get rid of me, it makes no difference because the relationship would be no good to either one of us. Me personally, when I do marry, I want to be sure it is a woman that has true beauty on the inside because those the only kinds of women that can provide true happiness and help to provide a stable family.
 
TimmyBoy said:
Glad I don't live in the big city. I mean me personally, marriage can be a pain in the ass. People get married to the wrong people for the wrong reasons. They get married too quick believing they are in love when in fact they really don't know each other too well or don't even know what the true meaning of love is. They marry for superficial reasons rather than spiritual reasons of the heart and soul. They end up having kids and in the end, getting a divorce, which the divorce, depending on what exactly happenns in the divorce leaves bitter feelings between the man and the woman and then the kids have to grow up with less than solid foundation which will carry through for them into adulthood. That doesn't necessarily mean they will turn out bad but they won't have the advantage of growing up in a solid foundation that a genuinely loving household, where no divorce took place can provide. It takes both a man and a woman to raise kids and in this day and age, most women are left with raising the kid with the kids not having a father figuire. I personally never had to go through a divorce growing up as a child and my father and mother always respected each other. Their relationship was based on a two way street and not a one way street and I feel like I have had a big advantage over most people who grew up in single parent homes. My girlfriend, is not exactly a super model but she has a good heart and soul and I find myself genuinely happier in my relationship with her than guys who might be hooked up with top model women. So much superficiality in today's world that few understand the true meaning of love and value. True value and love do not necessarily come in beautiful packages. But if I was miserable with a woman I would get rid of her or she can get rid of me, it makes no difference because the relationship would be no good to either one of us. Me personally, when I do marry, I want to be sure it is a woman that has true beauty on the inside because those the only kinds of women that can provide true happiness and help to provide a stable family.
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What you say here is true - I have no qualms about that. I have been married twice - neither of them beautiful packages, lol - that has never been a priority of mine. The first time when I was just much too young - we simply grew apart - and we are still good friends. My second marriage was completely different, though. I thought I had found my soulmate, but he turned out to be pretending - and messed up, seriously, no bitching about "how guys are" here - he is messed up. I worked to keep it going much longer than I should have for the sake of our daughter which in this case, was a mistake. Now I am providing the stable home on my own, pretty much as I always have, lol. I've come to understand there are very few absolutes in this world. Thus my reference to the "big city." (Which has affected not only my view of life in general, but in politics as well. Imagine that!) But, you seemed to show a lot of anger towards women in your posts and I think its important to realize that many things that can go wrong in a relationship cannot be chalked up to the differences between a man and a woman. I go on and on, I know, but ya know....I'm there. :mrgreen:

I wish you a lot of luck with your girlfriend. It sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders. Just keep lovin' her and try not to put her into a "woman" box. Hopefully she will do the same for you.
 
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