I think after a time, parents should not know the password to such an account. We all develop multiple avenues of sharing information as well. While my family and I are rather close with information that floats on Facebook, I do not share everything with the Facebook crowd to begin with. They are friends with me, I am friends with them, we work some of our things together through there, and I keep a somewhat public face (thus polite face) to it rather than let out most of my views, pictures, and so forth. The folks like to know what's up and up in our lives (sometimes of innocent gossip), and we sons and daughters sometimes do the same with them.
I was at dinner a couple weeks ago with a circle of very longtime friends. We hadn't made time for a get-together for a couple of years, so it was a lot of catching up.
Several times, FaceBook came up with one of the ladies. Her daughters are away in college, the younger girl just last fall. She hates not knowing what is up with them and said that she regularly checks their FB pages. Ok, that's not something I do but beyond that, one of the others kept telling her that she probably couldn't see everything, surely they would have mom blocked. To which she consistently replied, "Oh, yes I can." Finally after much skepticism and telling her she really wouldn't want to know everything, she confessed, "I have their ID and passwords."
Shock passed through the group. She explained, when they originally signed up as minors, she helped them and kept their information. They just never changed their passwords.
We were horrified, but swore not to interfere, to which I agree. This is her's to deal with.
So it's been on my mind. Is it out of line for a parent of adult children?
These are my questions: Parents, do you/would you logon to your kids' FB pages to spy? While they are minors? When they are adults? Do you creep (my daughter's word) their pages? Are you their "friends" on FB?
I have many issues with FB, but this one was new to me, so I thought would ask and include the questions about kids and parents "friending".
Poll to come.
I agree with all that fiddy. I wouldn't have my adult childrens' information, it's not my business. I see the value in having a centralized location, like FB, for family to catch up or keep track, but what I see going on with lots of people, their family and friends, is drama and TMI. I just don't want to be involved in that.
I wouldn't use FB to "spy" on my kids. Spying is done without the person's knowledge.
When they are minors, they'd know I was monitoring their online activities, but after they are adults (or even at some point before) I would stop monitoring their online activities altogether.
I don't have Facebook, but even if I did, I would never log onto my daughter's page. The thought never even crossed my mind and she's been on it since she was 12 or so. We're very close and if there's something she wants to tell me, she will eventually. There's no need for me to go "creeping". I would need a major, major reason, like life and death type of stuff to do something like that. And I can't even imagine what kind of weirdo does this to their adult children. No offense, but I think your friend has some serious issues.
On a side note... I just joined Google+ I like it much better.
I have invites if anyone wants one.
I don't have Facebook, but even if I did, I would never log onto my daughter's page. The thought never even crossed my mind and she's been on it since she was 12 or so. We're very close and if there's something she wants to tell me, she will eventually. There's no need for me to go "creeping". I would need a major, major reason, like life and death type of stuff to do something like that. And I can't even imagine what kind of weirdo does this to their adult children. No offense, but I think your friend has some serious issues.
I don't blame the mom for doing such a thing. If I were in her position, I'd also have a "I gotta do whatever I can" attitude.
But I think that the fact that she is so suspicious of them probably means there are trust issues and a trouble relationship between mother and daughter.
No, these are adult girls, away at college. Everything you said, I agree with, while they are minors and that's what I have done with mine. Privacy is respected, until there is a reason to not respect it.I don't have kids, but I would suspect that I would operate under the understanding that privacy is a privilege. That privilege would become available at a certain time (when their mother and I decide). The privilege is maintained so long as s/he doesn't give me a reason to suspect that there are things going on in their life that might result in things I'll be responsible for (assuming they're under 18). The same policy would apply to searching their room.
Once they leave home and they're on their own dime... I shouldn't have to access.
That can happen a lot. Then again, I think we try to use good humor and genuine desire to catch up with people, instead of creating drama. My posts that might be TMI are perhaps like, "took a nap, and now I feel like eating a cow the size of texas." followed by a random video of goofiness.
Well, that's the thing. I've known this family forever. Her girls are wonderful, good students, good girls. They've never been in trouble of any kind. So it flummoxes me. I can't see how trust is a problem when they, as far as I can see, have never given her trouble.
Facebook is one of the most annoying "things" on the planet.
Nuke it from space is my stance.
Hmmm....Curious. I thought they got rid of them.
That would be pretty hard to do.
i've had some issues with Facebook, namely my soon to be daughter-in-law feeling the need to bitch and moan and play the drama queen about her relationship with my son. i defriended her, and explained to her that fb was not an appropriate stage for marriage counseling. she's growing up. also, a family member has a site for keeping up with the annual family camping trip, (not so ironcially called (Camp Freedom) but now feels it's entirely appropriate to post right wing whackjob bull****. also defriended.
i would never presume to use someone else's password. i did notice that my 13 yr old niece had in her profile that she was "looking for men"......and promptly warned her about that. her parents, of course, never noticed.
I would have absolutely no problem snooping in my kids facebooks if there was a need to, just like I have no problem going through their rooms. Having said that... Theyve never given me a reason to warrant it, facebook that is. My daughter did give me cause to do room searches for a short period of time. For the most part my children dont give me cause to do those things, so I have no need. But I wouldnt have a problem doing it if there were a need. And no... Im not talking about normal childhood stuff. I would have to have a really good reason... If I were worried seriously about their health or safety. My kids know that we will be more than happy to give them their "space" and only intervene when absolutely necessary. Theres a big difference between being nosy and being a parent.
Adult children are different in my opinion.. theyre grown, no need to spy.
well, pretty much the only thing that I can say in her defense is that IT'S COLLEGE!!
No, these are adult girls, away at college. Everything you said, I agree with, while they are minors and that's what I have done with mine. Privacy is respected, until there is a reason to not respect it.
My daughter has face book, she got it when she was 14, she will be 15 in nov.
I set it up for her and she knows I have all her pass words, she knows I can go on it and she is NOT allowed to change them.
She also just got a cell phone last year even though I didnt really want her to have one yet and I also have the passwords to that to, which she is NOT allowed to change.
That being said I have rarely gone on her page to monitor her activity, she knows I can and we are close so I havent had much need. Now mind you I HAVE been on it and HAVE gone through her phone but again not often and sometimes its been with or without her knowledge. I even post pics for her etc.
Now in my case my daughter is a minor and she knows phones and facebook are to be open to me at all times. Thats just how it works she is a monir and she is mine but she is also a VERY OBNOXIOUSLY GOOD KID lol so I dont have many worries.
I would NOT do this to an adult child, even under my roof, the relationship should be good enough to share stuff that is important and for them to understand that by time they are 18.
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