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Everything you wanted to know about gays (but were afraid to ask).

shuamort

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There has been a lot of information and misinformation out there. Some accurate, some not, and some...well, it's time to just start answering questions.

Essentially, if you have questions about gays/lesbians like "who pays for dinner?" or "what does top or bottom mean?" post it here and we'll try and answer it as best and as honestly as possible. I've asked jallman and naughty nurse to join me as part of the panel of "experts". Each person has their own values, experience, and opinions and as such, some answers may differ.

To keep this thread on track, we're implementing these rules.
  1. No flaming, trolling, etc. Those comments can be taken to the basement.
  2. No religious debates. There are plenty of other threads about that.
  3. No civil rights debates (which includes marriage). There are plenty of other threads about that too.
  4. Opinions should be expressed in a non-abusive way (at least try not to be offensive and assume what you're reading isn't intended that way).
  5. This thread is to answer questions to the gays, not to be a soapbox for anything else.
  6. Any violations of the rules will have the post deleted and punishment meted.

Hopefully this will dispel some myths and create a better understanding. Now don't be shy. :2wave:
 

cherokee

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ok I be the first to ask..

When did you know, at what age?
 

shuamort

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I knew ever since puberty. It was actually an Elvis movie that clued me in. :3oops:
 

cherokee

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Which if any of the following words (slang) do you guys take to be offensive?
Gay, fag, homo, queer if not what names do offend you?
For ladies, lez, dike?

To be honest I don’t know any gay males except now here at DP.
So if the questions sound dumb they weren’t meant to be.
 

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cherokee said:
ok I be the first to ask..

When did you know, at what age?
I knew about the time other guys started thinking about girls, I suppose. I found myself noticing the physiques of other boys in gym and after soccer practice. It wasnt traumatizing at all for me to realize this like it is for some gay men because my parents had friends who were homos too. In fact, one of their babysitters was a lesbian couple. While it didnt seem completely normal to me at first, it wasnt some super shock that I had to deal with.
 

jallman

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cherokee said:
Which if any of the following words (slang) do you guys take to be offensive?
Gay, fag, homo, queer if not what names do offend you?
For ladies, lez, dike?

To be honest I don’t know any gay males except now here at DP.
So if the questions sound dumb they weren’t meant to be.
Its not the word itself that is offensive...its more the intent behind it. I am one of the first to throw out a slang or a slur, but thats because my humor is such that I think stereotypes are funny. They are funny because a lot of times they have some truth behind them.
 

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cherokee said:
ok I be the first to ask..

When did you know, at what age?
Like the others, I guess as I was becoming sexually aware - I was aware of other guys rather than girls.

But I think I always knew I was somehow "different".
 

Naughty Nurse

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jallman said:
my humor is such that I think stereotypes are funny. They are funny because a lot of times they have some truth behind them.
Likewise.

Call me what you like, really.
 

aps

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shuamort, jallman, and Naughty Nurse,

Here are my questions:

(1) Have you had sexual experiences with women? If so, were you turned on at all or completely turned off?

(2) When did you come out to your family and friends (i.e., how old were you?), and what was their reaction?

(3) How did you come out? Did you sit down with people and tell them? Did you have a coming out party?

I have more questions, but I will ask them separately so as not to overload you. :cool:
 

shuamort

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cherokee said:
Which if any of the following words (slang) do you guys take to be offensive?
Gay, fag, homo, queer if not what names do offend you?
For ladies, lez, dike?
Homosexual, gay and lesbian seem to be the only words that won't offend folks. There is a contingent which are "queer proud" or "dyke" and identify with that word.

Fag and homo are a bit like the "n-word" to african americans (not completely, but there are similarities). But, like jallman and Naughty Nurse, it's context and humor.

aps said:
(1) Have you had sexual experiences with women? If so, were you turned on at all or completely turned off?
I've never done it. I had a girlfriend for almost 4 years in high school and into college. She was a Catholic who believed in saving herself for marriage, so I lucked out. ;) We kissed and hugged and cuddled, but it always was more in a friendship way, there just was no connection.


aps said:
(2) When did you come out to your family and friends (i.e., how old were you?), and what was their reaction?
I was 20 when I came out to pretty much everybody (back in '93). I completely cheated. There was a local glbt youth center for kids 20 and under to hang out, have coffee, get info, etc and I hung out there and ended up doing volunteer work for them. When I saw my aunt a couple months later, she asked me what I was up to. I told her I was volunteering there and she replied "are you gay?" I told her and she was happy that she was the first in the family to know and asked me if she could tell the rest of the family. "Better you than me" was my thought and so she did the dirty work. My family took it well and my parents were very supportive. My friends found out one by one and they all took it well. I didn't have a bad coming out and I didn't change who I was afterwards.


aps said:
(3) How did you come out? Did you sit down with people and tell them? Did you have a coming out party?
Oops, looks like I've already answered that one.
 

aps

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shuamort said:
Homosexual, gay and lesbian seem to be the only words that won't offend folks. There is a contingent which are "queer proud" or "dyke" and identify with that word.

Fag and homo are a bit like the "n-word" to african americans (not completely, but there are similarities). But, like jallman and Naughty Nurse, it's context and humor.


I've never done it. I had a girlfriend for almost 4 years in high school and into college. She was a Catholic who believed in saving herself for marriage, so I lucked out. ;) We kissed and hugged and cuddled, but it always was more in a friendship way, there just was no connection.



I was 20 when I came out to pretty much everybody (back in '93). I completely cheated. There was a local glbt youth center for kids 20 and under to hang out, have coffee, get info, etc and I hung out there and ended up doing volunteer work for them. When I saw my aunt a couple months later, she asked me what I was up to. I told her I was volunteering there and she replied "are you gay?" I told her and she was happy that she was the first in the family to know and asked me if she could tell the rest of the family. "Better you than me" was my thought and so she did the dirty work. My family took it well and my parents were very supportive. My friends found out one by one and they all took it well. I didn't have a bad coming out and I didn't change who I was afterwards.



Oops, looks like I've already answered that one.
THANK YOU! I just love this kind of $hit! (I mean that in a positive way.) I really appreciate your openness.

Soooooo, was the girlfriend surprised when she found out you were gay? My mother dated 2 men who ended up being gay. She makes jokes that maybe she caused them to be gay. :shock: ;)

I love that your family was so supportive. It warms my heart.
 

shuamort

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aps said:
Soooooo, was the girlfriend surprised when she found out you were gay?
She was my first friend I had come out to actually. We broke up after our first year of college "because of the distance". When I came out to her a year later, she laughed and said she "had a good clue". She's married and has two kids now and I see every now and then.
 

aps

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shuamort said:
She was my first friend I had come out to actually. We broke up after our first year of college "because of the distance". When I came out to her a year later, she laughed and said she "had a good clue". She's married and has two kids now and I see every now and then.
Very cool.
 

jallman

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aps said:
shuamort, jallman, and Naughty Nurse,

Here are my questions:

(1) Have you had sexual experiences with women? If so, were you turned on at all or completely turned off?
Yes I have actually. I had girlfriends off and on through high school and college. I was actually a party fiend in college and that led to some encounters with girls at parties. I never turned down a girl who thought she could convert me. ;)

(2) When did you come out to your family and friends (i.e., how old were you?), and what was their reaction?
In high school, most of my friends knew but didnt really talk about it too much. It just wasnt an issue. My parents were faced with the situation when I was 14.

(3) How did you come out? Did you sit down with people and tell them? Did you have a coming out party?
Well, that is actually kind of a funny story, but I will give you the reader's digest version. I skipped school with a senior from my high school and came home to my parents' house that was supposed to be empty. That afternoon my mother came home while my "friend" and I were upstairs in my room. We never heard her come in until she popped in to put away some laundry and caught us in the act. That pretty much made denial not an option. IT was cool though; my mom said she already knew from parents of my friends and she was just waiting for me to tell her myself. I have a very open-minded and loving family, so it was not a big drama like it is for some guys and girls.

I'd just like to say, I am very lucky to have the family I have. When I did volunteer work with a group called Adam and Steve and another group called ASPYN, it was not unheard of for a family to disown their sons and daughters. Its just really sad when I think about it.
 
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aps

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jallman said:
aps said:
Yes I have actually. I had girlfriends off and on through high school and college. I was actually a party fiend in college and that led to some encounters with girls at parties. I never turned down a girl who thought she could convert me. ;)
How dare you use these women! ;) So some women tried to get you to play on their team.

In high school, most of my friends knew but didnt really talk about it too much. It just wasnt an issue. My parents were faced with the situation when I was 14.

Well, that is actually kind of a funny story, but I will give you the reader's digest version. I skipped school with a senior from my high school and came home to my parents' house that was supposed to be empty. That afternoon my mother came home while my "friend" and I were upstairs in my room. We never heard her come in until she popped in to put away some laundry and caught us in the act. That pretty much made denial not an option. IT was cool though; my mom said she already knew from parents of my friends and she was just waiting for me to tell her myself. I have a very open-minded and loving family, so it was not a big drama like it is for some guys and girls.

I'd just like to say, I am very lucky to have the family I have. When I did volunteer work with a group called Adam and Steve and another group called ASPYN, it was not unheard of for a family to disown their sons and daughters. Its just really sad when I think about it.
Wow. That is some story. It must have been kind of embarrassing for everyone (hey, it's embarrassing when heterosexuals are involved too!). You are lucky. I have friends at work who have had a terrible time with their parents. I love that your family has been so cool. Coming out is hard enough (I wouldn't know personally), that when it's received warmly, that must be a great feeling.

Thanks for sharing your story. I'm curious as to what you and your friend were doing when momma walked in, but that may be too personal (i.e., pm me :lol:).

:)
 

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I have a question, surprise!:lol:

What is it that you find in men, that you can not seem to find in a woman? That is, what about being with the same sex, is that different then being with the opposite sex? I only ask because I find both men and women to have their own special qualities, and both are attractive in their own ways, I just wonder what limits you to one sex?

O.k, maybe that's a few questions, but I have always been interested in why you homosexuals find it necessary to stick to just your own sex?

I now feel like I am suggesting being bi-sexual, and I think that's not really what I'm after. I think Bi-sexuals are just sex maniacs, maybe I have even answered my own question?:confused:
 

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aps said:
jallman said:
How dare you use these women! ;) So some women tried to get you to play on their team.



Wow. That is some story. It must have been kind of embarrassing for everyone (hey, it's embarrassing when heterosexuals are involved too!). You are lucky. I have friends at work who have had a terrible time with their parents. I love that your family has been so cool. Coming out is hard enough (I wouldn't know personally), that when it's received warmly, that must be a great feeling.

Thanks for sharing your story. I'm curious as to what you and your friend were doing when momma walked in, but that may be too personal (i.e., pm me :lol:).

:)

LOl, you freak, you want the steamy details huh, just like a woman!:lol: :rofl
 

aps

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Deegan said:
LOl, you freak, you want the steamy details huh, just like a woman!:lol: :rofl
LMAO Deegan, I know. It's the way I have always been. If you want to tell me about your first time (with a woman), I'm all ears...er...eyes. ;)


Deegan said:
I now feel like I am suggesting being bi-sexual, and I think that's not really what I'm after. I think Bi-sexuals are just sex maniacs, maybe I have even answered my own question?:confused:
LOL! You make me laugh. I consider myself bi-sexual, but I am certainly not a sex maniac. Just who do you think you are? *wink* (it won't let me add the winky face because Deegan put too many images in his post)

I am not an active bi-sexual anymore though, since I got engaged to the hubster. (Threesomes are out of the question--yuck!)
 

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aps said:
LMAO Deegan, I know. It's the way I have always been. If you want to tell me about your first time (with a woman), I'm all ears...er...eyes. ;)




LOL! You make me laugh. I consider myself bi-sexual, but I am certainly not a sex maniac. Just who do you think you are? *wink* (it won't let me add the winky face because Deegan put too many images in his post)

I am not an active bi-sexual anymore though, since I got engaged to the hubster. (Threesomes are out of the question--yuck!)
I hear ya, a threesome, who would want that kind of pressure to perform!:shock:
 

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Deegan said:
I have a question, surprise!:lol:

What is it that you find in men, that you can not seem to find in a woman? That is, what about being with the same sex, is that different then being with the opposite sex? I only ask because I find both men and women to have their own special qualities, and both are attractive in their own ways, I just wonder what limits you to one sex?

O.k, maybe that's a few questions, but I have always been interested in why you homosexuals find it necessary to stick to just your own sex?

I now feel like I am suggesting being bi-sexual, and I think that's not really what I'm after. I think Bi-sexuals are just sex maniacs, maybe I have even answered my own question?:confused:
I dont know really. I mean, I can definitely tell you what it is I find attractive about men and why I am happy that I am gay. Men have more symmetry and strength to me than women do. I find the angular nature of men's bodies more appealing than the curvy and soft build of women. I have often said that a perfect man looks like fluid steel when he runs. Specific things I find attractive and sexually appealing are varied, but one big turn on for me is the V shaped lines that run from the lower abdomen down the front of the pelvis. I noticed the jaw and thickness of the neck early on and I found myself noticing the strength and broadness of the chest of other boys while finding the swelling of girls chests a little odd for my liking.

As far as relationships with men...its great. Its like your best bud with benefits. Guys are low maintenance, independent, strong, and rational. No offense to the ladies, but I find you girls to be high stress and demanding in ways a guy would never dream of being. Guys also have a distinct characteristic that I find convenient: they can separate love and sex. Men are much more daring and liberated because we arent taught that being demure is attractive...we are taught to be aggressive and that spills over into the relationship and the sex.

I guess I could go on all day now that you have me really thinking about it...but I think I answered your question sufficiently.
 

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Deegan said:
I hear ya, a threesome, who would want that kind of pressure to perform!:shock:
Ummm, well, er...I mean...definitely not I!!!! (whistles innocently)
 

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jallman said:
Yes I have actually. I had girlfriends off and on through high school and college. I was actually a party fiend in college and that led to some encounters with girls at parties. I never turned down a girl who thought she could convert me.
So...what you're saying is I can get some action from you....:mrgreen:
 

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Kelzie said:
So...what you're saying is I can get some action from you....:mrgreen:
Depends...would you be doing it for your own satisfaction or as a service to me in trying to turn me? :2wave:
 

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jallman said:
Depends...would you be doing it for your own satisfaction or as a service to me in trying to turn me? :2wave:
Ah crap. To...convert you....of course....:yes:
 

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jallman said:
I dont know really. I mean, I can definitely tell you what it is I find attractive about men and why I am happy that I am gay. Men have more symmetry and strength to me than women do. I find the angular nature of men's bodies more appealing than the curvy and soft build of women. I have often said that a perfect man looks like fluid steel when he runs. Specific things I find attractive and sexually appealing are varied, but one big turn on for me is the V shaped lines that run from the lower abdomen down the front of the pelvis. I noticed the jaw and thickness of the neck early on and I found myself noticing the strength and broadness of the chest of other boys while finding the swelling of girls chests a little odd for my liking.

As far as relationships with men...its great. Its like your best bud with benefits. Guys are low maintenance, independent, strong, and rational. No offense to the ladies, but I find you girls to be high stress and demanding in ways a guy would never dream of being. Guys also have a distinct characteristic that I find convenient: they can separate love and sex. Men are much more daring and liberated because we arent taught that being demure is attractive...we are taught to be aggressive and that spills over into the relationship and the sex.

I guess I could go on all day now that you have me really thinking about it...but I think I answered your question sufficiently.
I guess I expected that answer, you just find the male body more attractive, I can understand that, and I appreciate your honest response.

I can certainly relate to the relationship part, women can be difficult, but once you experience the love a woman can bring to a relationship, you never want to lose that again. I don't know if it's the natural instinct of motherhood, but no one will love you like a woman, or want to please you in the many ways they do. That said, I love my buddies as well, and I can't imagine not having their love and relations either, I guess I feel like I have the best of both worlds!;)
 
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