Couples should share same interests

[Andyh2299]

Couples should share same interests IMO. Too many people marry for popularity and money these days today. Marry someone you can enjoy all the time.

 

[Checkerboard Strangler]

Couples should share same interests IMO. Too many people marry for popularity and money these days today. Marry someone you can enjoy all the time.

I have learned that having the same/similar interests is a fine and dandy thing however it is equally important that each partner also has their OWN interests as well.
For instance, Karen has pretty much ZERO interest in film-TV production. She looks in from time to time, she's heard me blab about it enough that she understands the difference between an MPEG-2 and MPEG-4 file, she understands what compression is, but she doesn't really give a hoot beyond not wanting to roll her eyes that much if I get involved in a convo about that stuff.

Likewise, I have little interest in either Candy Crush, knitting or gardening.
But we both LOVE the music of Leon Russell, we're both motorheads to a certain extent (SHE was a diesel mechanic in the Navy) and we both have a keen interest in history.

 

[dmpi]

I don't think it matters if you share the same exact same interest. What does matter is that both parties are dedicated to working as as a team when dealing with important family problems and issues. These can include budgeting, scheduling, raising kids, dealing with the extended family, etc. Also important is both parties have the skill and abilities to listen and support each other.

 

[Checkerboard Strangler]

I don't think it matters if you share the same exact same interest. What does matter is that both parties are dedicated to working as as a team when dealing with important family problems and issues. These can include budgeting, scheduling, raising kids, dealing with the extended family, etc. Also important is both parties have the skill and abilities to listen and support each other.

It's much more FUN if you both have a shared interest, maybe even two.
Some of the best "dates" I've had with the wife were either going to see Leon Russell and getting to go backstage and hang out with his beautiful family -- or just his wife Jan, and tinkering around with car stuff.
Of course we go on all kinds of rather standard dates, dinner, shopping, movies, whatever.

In the last five years or so wifey has suddenly also now picked up a lot of interest in of all things, politics, which was something she warned me ahead of time she had ZERO interest in early on.
Clearly recent events awakened a kind of "Alright WTAF is GOING on, you know this stuff, give me some answers" and of course I was more than happy to explain it and when I noticed she was not yawning or rolling her eyes and instead asking MORE questions, I was amazed.

The kicker was two years ago when she almost made me faint by THANKING ME for triggering her interest.
So clearly we now have THREE shared interests. She and I do not have the same views on EVERYTHING but in general, yeah sure, we are fairly close and on pretty much the same page.
And where we differ it's not a huge hairy bug-a-boo, more like a bit of teasing here and there.

Also, I'm a bit of a cradle robber because she's ten years younger.
She is an Eighties girl all the way, I'm an old hippie and she doesn't quite "get" the hippie thing, she sort of sees it as a fashion statement out of simply having no frame of reference.
How do you explain Ken Kesey and the rest of that stuff? At some point I suspect I can trick her into absorbing some of it. I love being sneaky on stuff like that.

 

[The Stars Tremble]

I only agree in part.

SOME interests should be completely in common, so they can do that together and not become bored by "I love you" "I love you too". It may also be beneficial if they compete in some way, as it's a healthy outlet for the conflict of interests which always exists to some extent.

SOME interests should not be in common at all. If she want to go off alone to walk the dog, or he wants to spend a saturday lounging instead of exercising, that's healthy too. Everyone needs some time alone.

And SOME interests can be complementary: he enjoys cooking and she enjoys eating it, or she enjoys tailoring clothes from the op shop and he enjoys being well dressed. This shouldn't just go one way though, or it's a bit like slavery.

 

[Chomsky]

It's much more FUN if you both have a shared interest, maybe even two.
Some of the best "dates" I've had with the wife were either going to see Leon Russell and getting to go backstage and hang out with his beautiful family -- or just his wife Jan, and tinkering around with car stuff.
Of course we go on all kinds of rather standard dates, dinner, shopping, movies, whatever.

In the last five years or so wifey has suddenly also now picked up a lot of interest in of all things, politics, which was something she warned me ahead of time she had ZERO interest in early on.
Clearly recent events awakened a kind of "Alright WTAF is GOING on, you know this stuff, give me some answers" and of course I was more than happy to explain it and when I noticed she was not yawning or rolling her eyes and instead asking MORE questions, I was amazed.

The kicker was two years ago when she almost made me faint by THANKING ME for triggering her interest.

No! You turned her on to the worst addiction yet? And now, she's hooked? How could you???

So clearly we now have THREE shared interests. She and I do not have the same views on EVERYTHING but in general, yeah sure, we are fairly close and on pretty much the same page.
And where we differ it's not a huge hairy bug-a-boo, more like a bit of teasing here and there.

Also, I'm a bit of a cradle robber because she's ten years younger.
She is an Eighties girl all the way, I'm an old hippie and she doesn't quite "get" the hippie thing, she sort of sees it as a fashion statement out of simply having no frame of reference.
How do you explain Ken Kesey and the rest of that stuff? At some point I suspect I can trick her into absorbing some of it. I love being sneaky on stuff like that.

See? You shoulda' been a greaser! More practical, and easier relatable. And we had jobs, and nice cars & bikes!

Have a good night, buddy!

 

[gdgyva]

Shared interests are great....they increase the bond you create as a couple
My wife is a chef....and when we met, i didnt know jack about food....other than i liked to eat it
I have become somewhat of a foodie thanks to her.....
God knows how many Top Chef, Iron Chef, Chopped, and other numerous cooking shows we have watched over the last 20+ years

But you do need away time from each other.....we own a business now. So we run it together, which means we spend a LOT of time together both at work and home.

So we have shared interests, and we each have our own interests.....and sometimes we travel together, and sometimes separately. She is with the grandkids now while i hold down the fort, and keep the place running right.

Sometime in October i will head to the Keys, for a few days of deep sea fishing, some serious hammock time, and just a nice rest.

 

[BirdinHand]

Couples should share same interests IMO. Too many people marry for popularity and money these days today. Marry someone you can enjoy all the time.

My husband and I don’t share very many common interests.

We DO share common goals, values, motivations. I think these are MUCH more important to a successful marriage than interests and hobbies.

He’d rather pluck his eyelashes out one by one than go to a farm market, tend the garden or go to a winery with me. And there’s a snowball’s chance in hell that I’m going to sit in a deer or duck blind in the freezing cold with him.

So he does his things with his guy friends and I do my things with my girlfriends.

He has his interests, I have mine…but our family, marriage and goals come WAY before our “interests” when it comes to priorities.

I have never once had to ask him to put aside a day of “fun” to help with things that need to get done and the reverse is also true. Our priorities line up well that way and there has never been a single argument or even conversation that has needed to be had over that topic.

Hobbies are for free time…and free time comes after everything that needs to be done is done.

We are madly in love with each other after over a decade together, so the formula we have works well for us.

 

[digsbe]

I thin it’s great to share some interests, but maybe not all. Don’t marry a clone of yourself. In my opinion it seems best to have a partner that complements you. Enjoy sharing the same hobbies with friends, don’t become some co-dependent mess.

 

[Slartibartfast]

Yes, having a basis for friendship with your spouse is a good idea.

 

[Infinite Chaos]

My partner and I have very few shared interests, we don't vote the same, don't read the same type of literature and can't even watch 80% of movies together.
I like to watch movies (especially horror movies) with all the lights off and volume turned up - she falls asleep as soon as the lights go off. She likes to come help with cooking if she can and I don't bother her when she's cooking but I'll help with sauces or flavour tips when necessary.

We've been together since 2005 and I can't imagine spending life with anyone else so no, I don't think couples have to share interests to make for a happy life.

 

[Checkerboard Strangler]

No! You turned her on to the worst addiction yet? And now, she's hooked? How could you???



See? You shoulda' been a greaser! More practical, and easier relatable. And we had jobs, and nice cars & bikes!

Have a good night, buddy!

To be more specific I actually fell into the sect of hippies who were the "Freaks".
It was the Freaks who sat around at Berkeley tripping their asses off and writing UNIX.
It was Phone Phreaks who hacked into the Bell system.

 

[Infinite Chaos]

My husband and I don’t share very many common interests.

We DO share common goals, values, motivations. I think these are MUCH more important to a successful marriage than interests and hobbies.

Just seeing this now. I absolutely agree on shared goals, values and motivations - one of which is our absolute focus on our child and our home making them as happy as can be.

 

[CLAX1911]

Couples should share same interests IMO. Too many people marry for popularity and money these days today. Marry someone you can enjoy all the time.

I agree you shouldn't marry for popularity and money.

It's for shared interest I don't find that incredibly important. Enjoying being with one another regardless of what you're doing is more important.

 

[Lisa]

Yes, having a basis for friendship with your spouse is a good idea.

I could not have a sexual relationship with someone who I could not be a friend with and have respect for.

 

[CLAX1911]

I could not have a sexual relationship with someone who I could not be a friend with and have respect for.

Yeah me either that's why I don't understand the casual hookup thing I personally would find that rather hard to do.

 

[reinaert]

Nah. Just respect their autonomy, understate your own virtues, listen and show whatever affection suits you but does not oppress them. Everything else is patience and timing.

 

[Hamish Howl]

Couples should share same interests IMO. Too many people marry for popularity and money these days today. Marry someone you can enjoy all the time.

I'm curious as to the source of your expertise on this matter.

 

[Hamish Howl]

I could not have a sexual relationship with someone who I could not be a friend with and have respect for.

See, I agree with you now, but I've been married for 30 years now and my wife is my best friend.

But before that, I was a DURTY LITTLE HOOER and I would **** a mud puddle if it wiggled a bit.

 

[Chomsky]

To be more specific I actually fell into the sect of hippies who were the "Freaks".
It was the Freaks who sat around at Berkeley tripping their asses off and writing UNIX.
It was Phone Phreaks who hacked into the Bell system.

The Blue Box! Man, I haven't heard the term Phone Phreaking in a long time! Wow! That was Woz's (& Jobs) baby, pre-Apple!

I guess those "free speech" vibes started by Mario Savio carried through to technology!

 

[Checkerboard Strangler]

The Blue Box! Man, I haven't heard the term Phone Phreaking in a long time! Wow! That was Woz's (& Jobs) baby, pre-Apple!

I guess those "free speech" vibes started by Mario Savio carried through to technology!

Woz and Jobs were late to the game.
Joe Engressia, and John Draper aka "Captain Crunch" (pictured below)



PS: Engressia was a childhood victim of sexual abuse and Draper was accused of longtime sexual harassment...not of Engressia, but of other fellow phone phreaks.

 

[noonereal]

Couples should share same interests IMO. Too many people marry for popularity and money these days today. Marry someone you can enjoy all the time.

I always got married the hottet women.

If you have other things in common, that is good.

 

[Chomsky]

Woz and Jobs were late to the game.
Joe Engressia, and John Draper aka "Captain Crunch" (pictured below)

View attachment 67407025

I do seem to recall a "Captain Crunch" in that scene.

Abbie Hoffman had a section on Phreaking in "Steal This Book". I actually bought my copy, as the Loop book store I used stationed a security guard to stand in front of the shelves when too many copies walked away!

True to the title, my dad actually stole it from me! He couldn't believe the stash of counter-culture/radical materials I had amassed, until he took a browse through them. Given the trial had just taken place, my old man didn't want his kid led down the radical path!

Only many years later, in the late 80's, did I grab another copy, and I paid a pretty dear price for that trip down memory lane.

Now, the 50th anniversary re-issue is available on Amazon for under 20 bucks!. Buy it, if you want some memories (and to remember just how radical "radical" could be!

 

[Checkerboard Strangler]

I do seem to recall a "Captain Crunch" in that scene.

Abbie Hoffman had a section on Phreaking in "Steal This Book". I actually bought my copy, as the Loop book store I used stationed a security guard to stand in front of the shelves when too many copies walked away!

True to the title, my dad actually stole it from me! He couldn't believe the stash of counter-culture/radical materials I had amassed, until he took a browse through them. Given the trial had just taken place, my old man didn't want his kid led down the radical path!

Only many years later, in the late 80's, did I grab another copy, and I paid a pretty dear price for that trip down memory lane.

Now, the 50th anniversary re-issue is available on Amazon for under 20 bucks!. Buy it, if you want some memories (and to remember just how radical "radical" could be!

I still have my 1972 copy. Much of the info is now so outdated as to be useless but it's fun knowing it's sitting on my shelf.

 

[TheGoverness]

Couples should share same interests IMO. Too many people marry for popularity and money these days today. Marry someone you can enjoy all the time.

It's totally fine for couples to share the same interests, but there's more to this. Me and my fiancée have plenty of the same interests, and a good part of that is why we click so well. But we have our own things, and that's okay; we support each other in those things as well. My fiancée very much likes K-Pop stuff; I'm not too into it myself, but I support her love for it, I go to concerts with her when we can, I buy her merchandise, etc. And on my end, as an example, I'm her main exposure to politics, so I'll always tell her stuff about things going on in the political sphere, and she listens, even though it's not her avenue.

Couples gotta support each other, even when you have some differences.