Which Choice is Best for the Children?

[CoffeeSaint]

If you discovered after having children that your spouse was not, in your estimation, a good parent, would you divorce him or her? (Assume that you could not have known in advance that your spouse would turn out this way.)

If there are certain circumstances that would induce you to seek a divorce and others that would not, what are they? Please explain your reasoning.


Is it better for a child to have two parents, or not have any bad parents?

 

[Navy Pride]

If you discovered after having children that your spouse was not, in your estimation, a good parent, would you divorce him or her? (Assume that you could not have known in advance that your spouse would turn out this way.)

If there are certain circumstances that would induce you to seek a divorce and others that would not, what are they? Please explain your reasoning.


Is it better for a child to have two parents, or not have any bad parents?

There are to many hypotheticals involved to make this a yes or no answer..........

 

[CoffeeSaint]

There are to many hypotheticals involved to make this a yes or no answer..........

Such as what?

 

[talloulou]

Such as what?

Hopefully you know the person you've married quite well before marriage but things happen and people change. Some things are non-negotiable in my opinion. You can't really raise kids in a home where someone has a serious alcohol or drug addiction. You can't raise kids in a home where someone beats them or molests them so it really depends on what you're talking about.

Other things like a dad not spending enough time with the kids, or not liking to play tea party with his little girl, ect obviously can be worked on.:mrgreen:

I believe many many people divorce too hastily. However there are some that should have divorced way before they did. Most give up to easily in my opinion but then there are those that don't know when to quit.

 

[Navy Pride]

Such as what?

Such as is the mother mentally stable? Can she be rehabilitated? To some of us divorce is a very last resort.........

 

[DeeJayH]

I voted yes, but sadly i live in florida

in florida a man has less than a 5% chance to win custody of his kids
so while i divorced my bad parent spouse, the piece of garbage would have custody
because unless you have a video of your spouse prostituting herself, while smoking crack, in the presence of the children, a man is not getting custody

I would opt for going mountain biking with her, and as soon as the trail was along a cliff, i would give her a little nudge
buh bye :2wave:

 

[brewmenn]

If their abusing the child yes, if their just not spending as much time with the child as I think she should or something else like that then no, not necessarily. Just where I would draw the line between the 2 is very subjective and not something I could definitively answer in a hypothetical situation.

 

[Real Korimyr #9]

If you discovered after having children that your spouse was not, in your estimation, a good parent, would you divorce him or her? (Assume that you could not have known in advance that your spouse would turn out this way.)

This is a very difficult question for me. This isn't something I look for when I'm just starting out... but it is the number one issue when I start thinking seriously about a relationship. I've broken up with more than one woman because I did not like the way she treated her children.

Her children, not mine.

If it were something minor-- something I thought that I could compensate for in the short term, and something I thought could be resolved-- I'd do everything I could to save the marriage. Beyond the need for children to have stable homes, marriage is a sacred, binding oath; it is not an oath I would break if left any other choice.

But there are some kinds of bad parenting that one good parent can't make up for. Any kind of abuse is intolerable, and will be ended by any means necessary.

Is it better for a child to have two parents, or not have any bad parents?

Wouldn't know. Had two bad parents.

 

[CoffeeSaint]

Hopefully you know the person you've married quite well before marriage but things happen and people change. Some things are non-negotiable in my opinion. You can't really raise kids in a home where someone has a serious alcohol or drug addiction. You can't raise kids in a home where someone beats them or molests them so it really depends on what you're talking about.

Other things like a dad not spending enough time with the kids, or not liking to play tea party with his little girl, ect obviously can be worked on.:mrgreen:

I believe many many people divorce too hastily. However there are some that should have divorced way before they did. Most give up to easily in my opinion but then there are those that don't know when to quit.

So are there situations, other than abuse, in which you think divorce is justified? Assume it isn't something that will improve over time; it's just something that is lacking in his character.

What is an example of divorcing too hastily?

 

[CoffeeSaint]

Such as is the mother mentally stable? Can she be rehabilitated? To some of us divorce is a very last resort.........

I think cases in which the parent is a danger to herself or others is an obvious cause for divorce; assume it is something else. But for the sake of argument, assume also that it isn't something that could be changed. Is there something that would lead you to this last resort? Or is divorce too unthinkable to consider if the parents is not abusive or mentally unstable? Speaking of mental instability, are there kinds that would not lead you to divorce her?

 

[CoffeeSaint]

If their abusing the child yes, if their just not spending as much time with the child as I think she should or something else like that then no, not necessarily. Just where I would draw the line between the 2 is very subjective and not something I could definitively answer in a hypothetical situation.

I'm not looking to pin you down; are there situations you could theorize about? Something that would make you think you might divorce, and others that you would be willing to accept? Take your example above: if your spouse doesn't spend time with the child, doesn't take an interest in the child's welfare, that can most assuredly be harmful to a child's self-esteem and chances of success. Is that reason enough to end the marriage? If not, why not?

 

[CoffeeSaint]

I voted yes, but sadly i live in florida

in florida a man has less than a 5% chance to win custody of his kids
so while i divorced my bad parent spouse, the piece of garbage would have custody
because unless you have a video of your spouse prostituting herself, while smoking crack, in the presence of the children, a man is not getting custody

I would opt for going mountain biking with her, and as soon as the trail was along a cliff, i would give her a little nudge
buh bye :2wave:

So you feel it would be better for the kids to have a dead parent and a murderer, rather than two living parents?

You feel that the vicious custody battle that apparently would ensue in your state would be less damaging than having a bad parent in the house? That the children are better off with one good parent than one good and one bad?

 

[Real Korimyr #9]

So you feel it would be better for the kids to have a dead parent and a murderer, rather than two living parents?

Depends on how bad the other parent is, really. When my parents divorced, the only issue really contended was custody, and the judge noted in his decision that he felt both of my parents were "incompetent".

He then proceeded to award custody to my father because at least he had reliable income.

Of course, he's also an alcoholic and a sexual predator.

Put me in a position where not only is my wife a bad parent-- an abusive parent-- but I am about to lose custody of my children to her, and possibly access to them as well... and yes, I would consider murder to be a viable option. If I could claim to be a pretty good parent on my own, I might not even lose sleep over it.