The reality is that we need to do a better job raising boys and young men to be competent, competitive, compassionate and capable in 2023 and beyond.
The old “boys will be boys” doesn’t cut it - from early childhood education classrooms and expectations all the way through adult life.
Personally? In raising a very active little boy - I’ve found that some schools are not equipped/designed for young and energetic boys.
The old-school style of sitting in a desk in a packed classroom and focusing on paper on a desk/typing in a laptop while a teacher stands in front of the classroom doesn’t work. And that’s not simply my observation with my own son - It has been shown, in repeated studies. Girls mature faster and have self-control at earlier ages and are able to excel in academics in settings where self-control is necessary (such as traditional classrooms) and more and more boys struggle with this.
Boys tends to need more physical movement to release energy and then that, in turn, allows them to focus. When I moved my son to an environment where there were smaller class sizes, more hand-on learning experiences, more opportunities to be outside/physically move his body - his academic performance has completely changed and so has behavior reports from school.
Where he would get notes sent home previously for being “disruptive” or “playing” - he’s now being given opportunity to be more creative, move, etc. One aspect of why we made the move was that I noticed he was beginning to dislike school. And I can’t blame him - when you’re constantly getting a negative feedback loop, anyone would become disheartened. (I do not blame the school for this - they were working within the constraints they had and structure they had)
I also keep him BUSY. Sports, martial arts, scouts, outside PLAYING, swimming, etc. He has a room full of Legos and other manipulatives for inside play. Plus his iPad and Switch. (Happy to say that he’s not often on the electronics, although I do not limit their time)
More than all that - we talk about emotions. We talk about how it is ok to be angry, sad, tired, lonely, wanting attention, etc. We talk about how to express those emotions and the needs that arise from them in healthy ways. (Example: if he’s bored or wanting attention and Dad/I are busy - rather than doing something to GET our attention, coming to us and telling us that he needs attention. Or when he’s angry, rather than acting impulsively on that anger, techniques to help alleviate the anger/work through it and then figure out WHY he is angry - example: he can’t figure out a math problem - rather than crumpling up the paper or throwing the pencil, skipping the problem and doing other problems he does know the answer to and then asking for help or taking a few moments to breathe deep and look at the problem again…or rather than throwing the baseball bat because he struck out and is pissed…sitting down and playing with the Velcro on his baseball glove and taking a minute to just let the anger pass and we will practice more later so he gets better)
It takes CONSISTENT effort. Lots of time and patience. Lots of positive reinforcement. Lots of explaining and talking. And lots of hugs.
Girls tend to be more “intuitive” and able to just pick up on social cues and learn things. And girl social circles (at least in my experience) tend to call each other out on social behaviors…from a young age.
Boys social dynamics are different. They don’t seem to “talk” - they DO. They rough house, they play, they high five, etc…but they don’t really say “you ok?” and take notice of each other’s emotions unless they’re taught to.
I think the biggest issue we have/face is that many people don’t take the TIME. We just expect kids to know and learn these things…and “be” the way we expect them to be. But how are they supposed to know if we don’t take the time to SHOW and teach them?
They’re kids. And kids don’t know how to deal with complex emotions, kids don’t know how to navigate life, kids don’t know how to express themselves fully.
When we don’t teach them and take the time to teach them - then they grow up into poorly adjusted adults who don’t have the skills to navigate 2023 and beyond.
Way too many adults didn’t learn those skills to be able to teach them - and other adults don’t have the time or desire TO teach them.
So…here we are.
