Adult neighbor
Why is assaulting a child acceptable while assaulting an adult not?
if your kid doesn’t listen to you about not running into the street, why do you keep putting them in situations where they can run into the street? You’re the adult, you control the environment and surroundings. Andthey literally make leashes, etc for kids that you can put in your child. Know your child, know their developmental stage, know the limitations of that and stop expecting them to think and reason like an adult.
That’s a parenting failure, not a kid failure.
Kids understand a lot more than we give them credit for and kids can be quickly trained with consistency and repetitive behavior.
My ADHD non-verbal toddler knew he didn’t get out of the CAR without a life jacket on at the marina.
He knew he didn’t go out to crowded places without his “leash backpack”.
Because we were CONSISTENT about those things - every single time - and those were the rules. Because I knew those boundaries needed to be firm and consistent for safety.
I never once had to spank him, because I never once strayed from firm boundaries and rules. And he didn’t give me a hard time about those things because those were rules we had before we even left the house.
Did I turn the car around or change plans often? Yup.
But that’s part of being consistent and firm.
And it doesn’t resort to violence and hitting my kid.
If you can’t spank your neighbor for bad behaviour, spanking your child shouldn’t be done
I remember my OWN Mother saying to HER peers - spanking a child is a sign that the adult has no ability to effectively discipline their child and has resorted to violence.
She was born in 1941 and grew up in the era where spanking/belting/whooping, etc was the norm.
The single most impactful discipline I ever received from her and my father was the one time they told me that they were disappointed in me and the choices I had made
No. I don’t agree with spanking. I can see swatting the hand of a toddler that’s reaching for a hot stove, etc but that’s about the extent of it.
Otherwise, I think spanking shows a lack of control and a lack of critical thinking ability on the part of a parent.
Hitting your child because they’ve done something wrong doesn’t teach them anything other than Mom/Dad will hit them.![]()
How do you figure?Edit: sorry, I saw the proposed solution... leashes. Sorry, to me that's way more ****ed up than a spanking
It is better to not give multiple warnings. The rules should be explained every single time the child might be in a position where s/he could reach the street by him/herself. Then, one strike and you're out: sent inside, not allowed out for rest of the day, and no tv or no favorite toy etc. Immediately. Then next time child goes outside, s/he has to recite the rules of conduct.Because kids don't always listen and then can't always intellectualize what you're trying to say to them.
Is it better to give your 3 year old a spanking after telling them multiple times not to run into the street with no success, or is it better that they be hit by a car?
My son is 9 and has been in wineries, bars, fancy restaurants, airplanes, trains, etc. He’s seen a LOT more of the world and experienced a lot more than I had at his age.Putting a leash on a kid is success?
You talk about all these levels of reasoning and then treat them no better than a dog. How is that higher level thinking?
Both kids AND dogs can be trained with consistency and repetitive behavior.
This isn't really understanding though. This is just that they've never been exposed to outside influences. Your world is the only world they know and honestly many helicopter parents have some success with this until their child gets out of their sphere of influence.
So you never had children that challenged your boundaries. I find that exceedingly odd.
I guess if a dog has been leashed to a tree their entire lives, at some point you don't need the leash. They just won't leave the tree. However from what you've described, I'm not certain I would call this better than spanking or call one abuse and the other enlightened.
So now here is the follow up and I'm not trying to pick on you. You've shared so you've given more info for the discussion. I appreciate you for that sharing.
The world is full of violence. The world is full of inconsistency and misrepresentations and damaged people who lie and who might easily even hit your kid.
So how will your kid respond when all such things are foreign to them?
I'll give an analogy that you might even agree with and find helpful and hopefully others will too.
We've often heard lots of talk about how American and European cultures treat drinking. Americans age is 21 years old and up. We hide it in bars or homes. We make it largely forbidden and mysterious to youth.
In Europe adults often introduce it in a number of small ways to their children. No one thinks it abusive to have heard about a seven year old sampling some wine with their dinner at the prompting of their parents. In Europe you can get a beer in McDonalds. They have areas where openly drinking in public is completely acceptable.
I say all of this as someone who is not a big drinker myself.
But we read about the large and alarming rise in binge drinking among the youth. It's like once they get off the leash, to borrow an earlier phrase, they've built no internal mechanism for handling these things and they largely have zero experience with it.
Violence is part of reality. I'm not calling for lazy parenting or even as a primary tool but to deny it exists to me just sounds as dangerous as the overuse or casual use of it.
Why do we understand that if you make sex, alcohol and other things forbidden, dangerous and mysterious the kids will do it anyway and likely will do it wrong yet won't entertain this thought process for spanking or physical violence.
There has to be a middle ground.
How do you figure?
What’s the difference between holding their hand, strapping them in a stroller, putting them in a wagon with a seatbelt, and holding their hand while also having a leash as a “back up” to prevent a child from running off?
The point is to keep the kid from getting hurt and/or wandering off and getting lost. And you’re dealing with a toddler, etc that doesn’t understand the overall safety aspect.
I just put the extra safety precaution in place so that *if* my kid didn’t listen, he didn’t run into the street, wander off in a crowd, etc.
By the time he was 4 or so? No longer needed the leash backpack
I also wasn’t the Mom pushing around a toddler in a stroller or dragging them around in a wagon with a kid having a fit. Our stroller days ended when my kid was like 2. From 2-around 4, he had his backpack with the little “leash” attached and off we went into the world with him carrying his own water bottle, spare diapers, wipes, snacks, etc instead of me being a human pack mule and having to cart around things AND stress about him running off.
Carry your stuff and walk with Mommy orwe can go home. Simple as that.
I know many parents who agreed early on never to spank their kids. The kids are adults now and and absolutely fantastic people.There's no reason for it.
Both my daughters turned out great
Restraining a child from doing something stupid is different than hitting them.Because kids don't always listen and then can't always intellectualize what you're trying to say to them.
Is it better to give your 3 year old a spanking after telling them multiple times not to run into the street with no success, or is it better that they be hit by a car?
I agree. I never raised a hand to my son, or any other child.I remember my OWN Mother saying to HER peers - spanking a child is a sign that the adult has no ability to effectively discipline their child and has resorted to violence.
She was born in 1941 and grew up in the era where spanking/belting/whooping, etc was the norm.
The single most impactful discipline I ever received from her and my father was the one time they told me that they were disappointed in me and the choices I had made
No. I don’t agree with spanking. I can see swatting the hand of a toddler that’s reaching for a hot stove, etc but that’s about the extent of it.
Otherwise, I think spanking shows a lack of control and a lack of critical thinking ability on the part of a parent.
Hitting your child because they’ve done something wrong doesn’t teach them anything other than Mom/Dad will hit them.![]()
Restraining a child from doing something stupid is different than hitting them.
Holding their hand, picking them up etc can all be used to stop them from doing stupid stuff
No hard feelings - it’s a conversation.Sorry, you saw my first edit, but not my second. I fully retract that statement, it was insensitive to your particular situation and reflected my own bias, per post #30.
Hitting kids doesn’t reinforce any lessons at all. It just shows them that might makes right and that adults can be assholes. No kid ever needs to be hit by any adult in any circumstance.
Putting a leash on a kid is success?
You talk about all these levels of reasoning and then treat them no better than a dog. How is that higher level