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Should the kids come first?

I love my husband and children more than anything - but it's a different love. I don't love my children the same way and vise versa. I wouldn't necessarily say the kids come first, however - I think the better way to put it is the betterment of the individuals comes first - sometimes that means that certain people (child, husband, wife) has to put aside what they want for the betterment of someone else . . . it's a give and take situation.
 
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This is interesting, when viewed through the lense of divorce rates.

Marital happiness in our society plummets after a couple has kids, which inevitably leads to divorce in a lot of cases. But, as this article notes, we do have a culture of de-prioritizing the marriage after children come into the picture, and maybe this is why.

Perhaps children in and of themselves aren't entirely responsible for marital strain. Perhaps, additionally, it has nothing to do with "the degradation of our moral fiber."

Perhaps it's because we make kids too important, and our partners too unimportant.

I'll never be in either of these situations - marriage or children - so I'll never know. But it's an interesting concept.
 
I think problems happen - one way or the other - when someone is given priority over another . . . leaving some one (or more) to feel lesser.

This couple in the OP: how did their marriage affect their children?
 
If you build and maintain a solid marriage, then the kids will reap the bounty of your successful partnership: Emotional stability, solid role models for both sexes and likely more financial stability. I always felt that since I had brought these precious babies into the world that I had a responsibility to keep their home intact to give them the best possible chance at mental, physical and spiritual health.

I know single parents can (and do) provide these things to children, it is just far more difficult to do as a single parent. I'm not sure with ten kids I could have done it alone.
 
Interesting question. Here is my take: You choose who you want to marry. You choose to love them and cherish them. But when you have kids, your priorities must change. Your 1 year old child has more needs and is more dependant on you than your spouse. While the child is youthful, the attention is drawn to them. That is the problem. As the child ages and becomes more independant, one must again adjust focus to their spouse. Too often parents focus all of their attention on the child and neglect their spouse. As the child ages they forget how to ineract like two married adults that were once in love. The key to keeping the marraige successful is to love the child but take time, once or twice a month, to go out and enjoy each others company. You aren't taking time away from your kid, you are just enjoying the company of your spouse.
 
Locke2012 said:
Interesting question. Here is my take: You choose who you want to marry. You choose to love them and cherish them. But when you have kids, your priorities must change. Your 1 year old child has more needs and is more dependant on you than your spouse. While the child is youthful, the attention is drawn to them. That is the problem. As the child ages and becomes more independant, one must again adjust focus to their spouse. Too often parents focus all of their attention on the child and neglect their spouse. As the child ages they forget how to ineract like two married adults that were once in love. The key to keeping the marraige successful is to love the child but take time, once or twice a month, to go out and enjoy each others company. You aren't taking time away from your kid, you are just enjoying the company of your spouse.
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That is the problem? More like: that is the situation and how things are - until they change. It is not 'a problem' - dealing with it inappropriately or with jealousy and even contempt is the problem if there ever is one.

We have four children: I don't feel it negatively effected our marriage - in fact - just the opposite. Kids bring variety, interest and happiness in other ways than what a childless relationship brings. My parents went to visit my grandparents over Thanksgiving - we use to do that every year when I was a child . . . I asked my mom if it was more enjoyable without us kids running around: she said it was beyond boring and my Grandmother can't stop talking to save her soul - when we were kids we kept it interesting and exciting and we'd talk more than she did. LOL

Sometimes my husband and I are here when the kids are at school - you know what that is? extremely boring. While it's nice to be together when the kids are gone and spend time alone we realize how must they keep things going for the family.
 
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