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"Sandpaper Sally" and "MUNG" - anyone know these jokes?

RightinNYC

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they're some vile ****.

the imparting of the knowledge of mung was a cherished tradition at my high school, but i just heard sandpaper sallly tonight and it was enough to make me vomit.

anybody else know em or wanna hear?
 

vergiss

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Yes! Do tell.

Then I'll reveal the horrors of the Dolmio Grin...
 

aps

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RightatNYU said:
they're some vile ****.

the imparting of the knowledge of mung was a cherished tradition at my high school, but i just heard sandpaper sallly tonight and it was enough to make me vomit.

anybody else know em or wanna hear?
Never heard of them. Give us the dirt..............
 

RightinNYC

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Alright. Sandpaper sally first cause its fresh in my head.

So this kid Nick just broke up with his girlfriend and is out at a party getting drunk. He sees this girl from one of his classes, ends up talking to her for a bit. Her name is sally, and shes kinda cute, they end up talking for a while and making out at the end of the night. He ends up staggering home alone, but had a good time. Next weekend he's out again, sees her again, this time they get even more obliterated and go back to her place. They start hooking up, then start to have sex.

As he's starting to **** her, he gets a pain in his dick. It's feeling rough as hes going in, and actually hurts a little bit. It's not that its too tight, its just too...rough. So after toughing it out for a few minutes, he finally asks her "Hey, its really kind of rough, why is that?"

She says "Oh, im sorry, give me a second" and runs to the bathroom. Shes in there for just a minute or two, then comes back out and climbs back on top of him again. He's drunk as hell, so he doesn't say anything at first. They start having sex again, and this time it's much better. It's smooth, soft, and really lubed up. He asks her "Hey, this feels so much better. What did you do in the bathroom to make it so good?"

She looks at him and says "Oh, nothing really, I just picked all the scabs."
 

Stace

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Oh gosh.....now I need to dig back in the depths of that corner of my brain that holds dirty jokes to find one to top y'all.

Alright, edit for joke. Certainly not the worst one I know, but it'll do for now.

Two deaf people get married. During the first week of marriage, they find they are unable to communicate in the bedroom when they turn the lights off because they can't see each other using sign language.

After several nights of fumbling around and misunderstandings, the wife decides to find a solution. "Honey," she signs, "Why don't we agree on some simple signals? For instance, at night, if you want to have sex with me, reach over and squeeze my right breast one time. If you don't want to have sex, reach over and squeeze my left breast one time."

The husband thinks this is a great idea and signs back to his wife, "Great idea, now if you want to have sex with me, reach over and pull on penis one time."

"If you don't want to have sex, reach over and pull on my penis....fifty times."
 
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cnredd

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Couple retreads for the newer folks...

A girl says to her dad, "Can I have the car tonight?"
The dad says, Yeah, but first you gotta blow me."
The girl says, "Come on, Dad!"
The dad says,"Hey! You know the rules...You want the car...you gotta suck my dic*k.
So the girl gives in...she gets on her knees and whips out her dad's dic*k.
Then she says, "Dad...you got sh!t all over your coc*k!"
Her dad says, "Oh yeah...your brother's got the car."



A couple just got married and they're on their honeymoon...The wife sees that the husband is uncomfortable about getting into bed with her. She says, "What's wrong?"...He says, "My parents told me girls have teeth between their legs and they bite you!"...She starts cracking up..."Your parents just said that to keep you away from sex before marriage"...She lifts up the blanket and says, "Now...do you see any teeth down there?"...He says, "No...but your gums look terrible!"
 

aps

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RightatNYU said:
Alright. Sandpaper sally first cause its fresh in my head.

So this kid Nick just broke up with his girlfriend and is out at a party getting drunk. He sees this girl from one of his classes, ends up talking to her for a bit. Her name is sally, and shes kinda cute, they end up talking for a while and making out at the end of the night. He ends up staggering home alone, but had a good time. Next weekend he's out again, sees her again, this time they get even more obliterated and go back to her place. They start hooking up, then start to have sex.

As he's starting to **** her, he gets a pain in his dick. It's feeling rough as hes going in, and actually hurts a little bit. It's not that its too tight, its just too...rough. So after toughing it out for a few minutes, he finally asks her "Hey, its really kind of rough, why is that?"

She says "Oh, im sorry, give me a second" and runs to the bathroom. Shes in there for just a minute or two, then comes back out and climbs back on top of him again. He's drunk as hell, so he doesn't say anything at first. They start having sex again, and this time it's much better. It's smooth, soft, and really lubed up. He asks her "Hey, this feels so much better. What did you do in the bathroom to make it so good?"

She looks at him and says "Oh, nothing really, I just picked all the scabs."
OMG, that is freaking HILARIOUS! :2funny:
 

aps

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galenrox said:
Oh gross! Yeah, I heard that one before!

Alright, so a single guy moves into a new town. One night he's hanging out with some guys from work, so he says "I'm new here, I need to finnd a hooker, you guys know any good ones?"
So one of his buddies whips out his cell phone and calls this lady, and tells her to come to the bar, and then turns to the guy and says "This hooker is amazing, she'll suck your dick and sing "The Sound of Music" at the same time!"
"Holy crap, how does she do that?"
"No one knows, she makes you turn off the light."

So anyways, this hooker comes over, and they go back to the guy's house, and she makes him turn off the light, and starts sucking his dick and singing "The Sound of Music" at the same time (and she was quite fantastic at both the singing and the sucking). After she was done, he asked her how she does it, and she says "I'll never tell".

But the next day it's just bothering the hell out of him, how the hell she was able to sing "The Sound of Music" while sucking his dick. So he calls her up to come back that night. So anywho, they get back to it, and she's sucking his dick and singing the sound of music, and then the guy switches on the light, and the woman screams and runs out of the room, leaving all of her stuff, which was a dress, a bra, shoes, and a glass eye.
Am I the only idiot who doesn't get this joke? Help! :(

Stace and cnredd, great jokes!
 
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aps

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Let me just say that the joke has been kindly explained to me. Since I am so conservative and innocent (sexually), I was unable to comprehend such a vulgar joke.

;)
 

Axismaster

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aps said:
Let me just say that the joke has been kindly explained to me. Since I am so conservative and innocent (sexually), I was unable to comprehend such a vulgar joke.

;)
You are a sexually innocent? You must have been influenced by the conservatives indoctrinating you with abstinence only education, the sham of our time.
 
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