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Quirky, Men and Women are – Take 1… (1 Viewer)

This entry is an aside to 'Cheeky Nostalgia'


I ‘preach’ it, but honesty isn’t always the best policy. You can find yourself in a situation with a 110 lb woman with a fabulous ass, who’s driven herself crazy over a pair of jeans unbeknownst to you, now wants your opinion…

‘Do these jeans make my ass look fat? Be honest.’
‘They don’t do it justice.’
‘So it looks fat?’
‘I didn’t say that...’
‘Yeah, but it does…’
‘No, it just…’
‘Don’t try to back-track now.’
‘Ok.’
‘Are you just agreeing with me to appease me?’
Honestly?

Have you had the discussion about how the jeans can’t be taken back because they’ve already been hemmed, now doomed to sit in the back of the closet until she’s made up her mind in a few years about whether to donate them or hold on to them for when they’re back in style? Like I want to contribute to that kind of misery in the world. But sometimes… well, as long as nobody gets hurt…

‘Do these jeans make my ass look fat? Be honest.’
‘Aren’t those the same jeans that almost ended our marriage 8 years ago?’
‘Shut-up, how could you remember that?’
‘Because the pockets are just as screwy on them this…’
‘They are screwy, aren’t they? That’s what Friend and I said after I hemmed them too.’
‘…’
‘…’
‘You really had to squeeze into them this time, too.’

:peace

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Funny, I read this blog this morning, and I got this joke email soon afterwards:

THE MIRACLE OF TOILET PAPER
Fresh from my shower, I stand in front of the mirror complaining to my husband that my breasts are too small. Instead of characteristically telling me its not so, he uncharacteristically comes up with a suggestion.

If you want your breasts to grow, every day take a piece of toilet paper and rub it between them for a few seconds.
Willing to try anything, I fetch a piece of toilet paper and stand in front of the mirror, rubbing it between my breasts. How long will this take? I ask.
They will grow larger, but it may take a few years, my husband replies.

I stopped. Do you really think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my breasts every day will make my breasts larger over the years?
Without missing a beat he says, Worked for your butt didn't it?

He's still alive, and with a great deal of therapy he may even walk again, although he will probably continue to take his meals through a straw.
Stupid, stupid man.
 

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